Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  Lily sat on the ground kicking the green pebbles with her feet as she contemplated her next move. There was nothing calling out to her. She felt so hopeless, trapped inside the cage, as she stared from afar at the giant crystal fountain in front of the castle. Zavier held Crysanthe tightly, although she seemed less alive than he was. Their tails were twirled into each other, with no room for space in between.

  An image of Silvia flashed into Lily’s mind and she wondered whether she could contact her through the same technique of the mermaids. She imagined an electrical wire from her head into the pixie fairy. But the stress of the situation and the people around her confused her greatly and she saw the wire continue to be chopped off. It wasn’t working! Distressed, she looked to the bowl and thought about Crysanthe.

  “I am so sorry,” she whispered into the wind. “Please forgive me.”

  Lily looked to the ocean, where the mermaids lived. She thought to contact Indigo. Maybe they could bring more force, or maybe he would just get trapped too. She begged once more for forgiveness. “I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”

  “It’s okay, Lily.” She felt a deep noise vibrate through. “It is not your fault. We have chosen this fate.” Lily heard the male voice strum in her ears. She wondered whether it was the tide crushing the pebbles at shore, or whether she actually heard Zavier.

  “What can I do?” Lily thought again, remembering the beautiful world of Neosa underneath the water.

  “We do need your help,” Zavier spoke again, more distant, more faintly. “This is a slow death. Please find some poison and make this pain disappear.”

  Lily shook her head with despair.

  “No, I don’t want to. There is still hope!” Lily pleaded.

  “Lily, think of the ouroboros. It is our time. Help move us along quickly,” she heard again, but this time distorted, making Lily question whether she had imagined the whole conversation to help herself feel better. She imagined Silvia once more, and looked back to the ocean, praying for help from above.

  “Miss Lily,” came a whisper through the trees. “I came as quickly as I could.” The little pixie fairy shuffled her feet as close as possible without intruding in visible sight, and she threw the crochet bag from a distance to reach Lily.

  “Silvia, I was wondering where you were!” Lily exclaimed, relieved as she saw her friend.

  “I did not forget your kindness Miss Lily. I just needed to make sure all was not lost,” she said and smiled. “It will be okay. Use the power from the crystals!”

  And with that, she was gone. Lily opened up her pouch. All was intact, even her necklace had no scratch on it. She fastened the ouroboros around her neck, and pulled out the first crystal she could feel. It was a purple amethyst.

  Lily didn’t allow herself to think much longer and she closed her eyes. Gripping the stone tightly, she imagined the color purple and thought of the land Neveah. She had very little time left to tedimeta to Violetta, but she would try. She focused hard, closing her eyes and clearing her mind. The wind around her body twirled in a tornado, faster and faster. She felt herself completely immerse into nothing.

  CHAPTER TEN

  VIOLETTA & THE LAND OF NEVEAH

  When Lily opened her eyes to the land of Neveah, she felt an intense wave of energy calm her quickly. Swirls of sparkling stars moved all around her, as though she was floating in a stream of white light and purple streaked space. It was unlike anything she had ever seen or felt before and she automatically had ultimate faith in the universe. She trusted that all was happening as it was meant to, for the right reasons. It was the exact same feeling that she felt that day when she awoke from the dream. The fear inside of what was to come had disappeared. She almost forgot what it was that she was meant to be doing there. What was my purpose to travel to this land? she thought.

  The ocean ahead rippled like a million snakes slithering, and they swirled out from the horizon, directly toward her. The currents traveled so quickly, running back and forth, but when she looked away, they didn’t seem to be moving at all. On either edge of the water to the left and the right were giant snow mountains, well; it looked like snow. Lily turned her back to the ocean and stared at the wondrous landscape all around— white floors, walls, cliffs and mountainside. The trees were blanketed in white snow, white leaves, white flowers, white everything. Innocent and pure. The absence of color was strangely calming.

  In one blink, a beautiful lady appeared. She was dressed in a tight covering of black wool, which reached over her toes, right to her fingers and up to her neck. The skin of the fabric was decorated with pale clear crystals, very thin and very subtle. She glided along the path moving closer to Lily. Her legs bicycled mechanically in a soft pitter-patter, looking almost detached from her body as her upper waist floated along in a smooth sailing line. Her hair was stark white with metallic purple streaks and her skin was a dark charcoal. She wore no crown upon her head, no jewelry on her body at all, except for tiny little crystals above her eyebrows and cheekbones, framing her violet eyes delicately. The color of her eyes reminded Lily of Crysanthe’s, cold yet warm at the same time. They were inviting but studious, and she slowly looked Lily up and down. She did not smile. There was no emotion. She looked inquisitively at the child. It was at this moment that Lily realized that she had not been invited to enter this land. Is this a problem? No, she heard a voice say inside. And then the words, I am Violetta, spoke through to Lily’s mind.

  “Dear Empress Violetta, please forgive my intrusion,” Lily curtseyed, hoping the gesture would forgive her impolite nature. But such actions did not faze the queen, and Violetta stared with the same exact expression, a calculating expression, one from which Lily felt her mind flutter with insecurity as she continued to explain.

  “I seek your help, your advice and your expertise,” Lily pleaded, looking down to the snow on the ground as she asked.

  “It is not my place to get involved,” Violetta responded with a therapeutic tone, and she smiled gently, beautiful white teeth contrasting her smooth calming skin. Her smile was not patronizing, but was offered in a loving way, in a way that Lily knew that she would not be swayed to change her mind but still she had to try.

  “The ruler of Tehar, Jade, has…”

  “I know.”

  “But…”

  “I know.” She opened her hand, showing her surrender as she continued. “It is not my place. Let the water level itself out naturally. Let the rivers run until they are dry, let the raindrops fall from the clouds until they can fall no more. Let it be.” Violetta shrugged her shoulders ever so gently, and as she breathed, her eyelids fluttered lightly in the wind, slowly coming to a close as she inhaled deeply. Completely lost in the moment, Lily felt as though she were merely a witness to the scene. And she felt unworthy. The unworthiness forced fear to interfere with her thoughts and she rejected such advice displeasingly.

  “No!” She spoke assertively, disrupting the harmony between the two. “We must do something,” she pleaded again. “How is it that Jade can do such evil in this land?”

  Violetta did not react to the outcry, and she stared back at Lily peacefully, as though the words had not registered with her.

  “It all happened because of me though?” Lily tried again. “It did not happen by chance, it happened because of me. I came into this world. I walked through these shores.” Lily stressed the words and pointed to the ground where her footprints lay. “There must be something that I can do?” She continued, holding her palms out open to show her remorse. She wanted to be heard, and she wanted to be saved.

  Violetta held patience, and took Lily’s hands within her own. “Take some crystals from the beach and hold them tightly,” Violetta instructed, as two crystals appeared within Lily’s hands, cradled between hers and Violetta’s. “Whisper the worries that you wish to be taken away from you. All of your fearful thoughts, speak them aloud until you can talk no more.” Violetta lifted Lily’s hands to her mouth. “And then, release them t
o the water.” She threw the stones to the shore, shooting them like firing arrows into the horizon, exploding with fireworks as they landed. “Let the oceans carry your burdens for you, so that you may fly lighter than before. Let your wings soar fluidly in the sky, and watch them bang brightly. Watch them crash into the stars, so that the bustling lights of stardust that explodes may fall through the onyx night sky. And onto the tips of your eyelashes they will rest, so that you may see the world differently, so that you may see the world as it truly is, spectacular and perfect in all its glory.”

  The empress waved her hand above, allowing speckles of amethyst sand to fall down from the sky, as white birds flew overhead. The power Violetta possessed was like no other she had ever felt, nor did Lily know were even imaginable. Her beauty was exquisite, and the color of her skin was captivating, glowing against the white backdrop of the snowy mountains. She assumed the position of an almighty creator, knowing all to be known yet willing to release the information carefully, when the time was ripe. As Lily looked into the violet eyes of the empress, there was a lightning explosion as she connected as one, and the rest of the world around her just melted. The compass of beauty and of love together bound, felt so familiar, so profound, that it felt like a reflection of herself. She felt such warmth and calmness and familiarity, all in one look. All in one movement, one moment, one touch, without touching. How is it so?

  The space around twisted suddenly, and Lily felt exhausted, light-headed, and ready to faint. She couldn’t recall the last time that anything made sense to her, and she just wanted out. Wanted to run away and never look back. Wanted to forget about Jade and Crysanthe and Zavier and Violetta. Why did she have to care so much about someone who may or may not be caring about her? She knew thinking that way wasn’t true to her intentions and she looked down disheartened. The serpent’s eyes on her mermaid necklace shone brightly, reflecting a new color, a light violet. It appeared to be different than she remembered. Nothing felt familiar. The symbol of life that she held close looked completely different now; it was different again and different still. The serpent was eating itself, hurting itself, consuming itself and loving itself. All in one.

  She looked to Violetta and saw the circles of her violet pupil eyes turn into flowers, and then into diamonds and then to stars. She was traveling very quickly and for a single moment she felt peace. She had fainted.

  When Lily came to she was lying on a large circle bed that felt like soft billowing clouds of cotton wool, but looked transparent liked a clear-threaded nest. A thin praying mantis-looking lady was standing above, holding a cool washcloth on Lily’s forehead. She handed Lily a glass of water and smiled lovingly, speaking no words.

  After awhile of drifting in and out of consciousness, the praying mantis lady helped Lily stand, holding her hands in between each of hers. She lifted Lily’s arms open and moved forward to hug Lily tightly, the same way that Jacques had taught Lily earlier. A tight closure of one heart crossing against the other heart. And she breathed deeply, encouraging Lily to do the same. Lily heard no words, but a voice spoke inside of Lily’s heart, and it said… I love you, I love you, I love you. After three deep breaths and three loving chants, the lady disappeared. Lily stood, in absolute white light, completely alone. The emptiness of nothingness suffocated her mind with no room for thoughts and she felt completely weightless, a re-energized kind of floating. And then, Violetta appeared, standing tall with graceful white hair, and piercing white eyes.

  “I’m sorry for…” But Lily’s mind drifted off to the right, and she couldn’t find the words she was searching for. Silence demanded the space, and Lily surrendered willingly, as the two just stared at each other.

  “Never apologize for something beyond your control,” Violetta ushered the words through therapeutically.

  Their conversation from before had come back to Lily. Her memory did not fail. The desires to control and help began to creep inside her thoughts once more, and she felt herself speak with distress, re-energized from her fall.

  “Violetta… I don’t understand. If I have the power to change what I like, why can’t I control this?”

  Violetta pursed her lips faintly, and in slow motion she opened her right palm and pointed to it with her left finger. A sphere of clear glass appeared.

  “Try and stop this ball from breaking,” she said as she threw the sphere of glass up high. The ball fell down quickly, smashing onto a freshly formulated floor into thousands of tiny pieces, showering the room with a waterfall of glass droplets. It moved in slow motion, and Violetta continued to repeat the process.

  “Try and stop this ball from breaking,” she said again. Each time, the ball was fresh in her hand, and the splinters of glass were not on the floor. Each time, it happened slower than before. The floor would form into a flat surface of white concrete cement. And the ball itself looked as though it grew heavy with weight, pushing itself to fall over the edge due to Violetta unable to hold to it. The splinters of glass danced around, glistening brighter than a dark sky full of stars.

  “Try and stop this ball from breaking.”

  The lessons Lily had learned with Karisma and Jacques sifted through in a directory sequence of flash cards. She knew she had to use her mind to think about it not breaking, and that she already had the power to do such a thing. She stared at the glass ball carefully. Violetta threw it up high up into the air as expected. Lily forced every thought into her mind to stop the ball breaking. She screamed for it to stop, commanding the object that it had to stay afloat. But alas, it continued to fall down and break, adding glitter to the empty space all around.

  Lily looked at the sphere again, seeing the weight of the crystal, the perfectly outlined edge, and reflective nature of transparent glass. It glided through the air, gracefully making its way down to the ground and finally colliding with the concrete floor. The pieces of glass shattered quickly, and floated back up around the girls. The ball appeared in Violetta’s hand, Lily stared at it until her eyes blurred. The edges of the ball blended into the backdrop of white, and she concentrated hard, clearing her mind so that she could not see the ball anymore.

  Lily waited to hear the noise of the ball smashing below, but it did not. And the ball was no longer visibly moving; it hovered up above, a blurred empty space. Somehow there but not there at all. Lily moved her eyes to Violetta, ignoring the ball, yet she remembered that it was waiting to fall. She knew it would fall eventually, but for now, she had managed to stop it.

  “It’s not breaking,” Lily whispered, hoping Violetta would acknowledge her achievement.

  “Very good.” Violetta returned Lily’s smile with little enthusiasm. She brushed her purple streaked white hair with her fingertips, revealing an open hole where her ear would be. The sight tormented Lily, and she looked away, back to the sphere of crystal that was floating in the air.

  Alas, when she turned back to look at the floating ball, it started to fall, once again, toward the ground. And the motion repeated itself as before, smashing into tiny thousands of pieces.

  “I don’t understand.”

  Violetta smiled. “You do.”

  Lily looked down at the smashed pieces of small broken glass disheartened, consumed in her own misery. She doubted herself. Am I not powerful enough? Smart enough? Strong enough?

  “No Lily, that’s not it.”

  “What is it then?”

  “You are telling yourself that the glass will break, and so that glass is destined to break, regardless of anything that you do to it. You can pause it in time for awhile, but ultimately, what is meant to happen will happen, and there is nothing you can do about it.”

  Lily looked to the empty space of nothingness, staring at the miniature pieces of smashed crystal bouncing up and down, floating through the air.

  “And before? When I did make it stop?”

  The pieces of glass disappeared, and only Lily and Violetta were standing there in the empty space.

  “Before, it did not
exist.” The crystal ball flashed as though it were real and then disappeared again. “You focused your attention elsewhere. It was no longer a part of your world.”

  Lily couldn’t quite comprehend Violetta’s advice, although somehow it seemed to make sense, she didn’t want to believe it. Sadness chained her eyes to the ground, and she couldn’t bear to look back up. She envisioned the failure of not being able to help her friend, and the responsibility for such a turn of events forced a pain in her chest, making it uncomfortable to breathe.

  “What do I do now?” Lily asked, her eyes sewn to the ground, seeing the smashed particles reflect like sparkling seas of confetti, and she pushed her hand to her chest to ease her breath.

  “Nothing,” Violetta replied soothingly.

  But the words could not be heard by Lily; and instead she felt herself immersed in warm water, a complete and comfortable sense of knowing. She shook it off quickly, remembering her friends in distress inside the water fountain.

  “Violetta it is because of me that this happened,” she pleaded once more, finally looking back up to meet her eyes.

  “Think of the crystal ball,” Violetta said as she pointed to the glowing stars that surrounded the two and continued. “The destiny of the sphere is to break; this is meant to happen.”

  The stars grew in depth as Lily stared at them. They danced with beauty, flickering lights amongst the empty space.

  “There is nothing I can do?” Lily reached her hand up to touch one, it seemed so close. But her hand moved through it, as though it never existed.

  “There is no outside force that you can unravel that will help you. You must deal with it from within.” Violetta held her hand up upon her chest to show her truth, and a small beating fire ignited inside, growing with each breath.

  Lily was still too overwhelmed with her emotions to comprehend and she pleaded, begging to bargain with the empress to change the world.