Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  MIA VEOL

  “Lily, wake up.” It was Father. He was combing the hair back from her face, lightly stroking her cheek. She opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to her surroundings.

  “Oh Papa,” she shrieked, hugging her father ever so tightly, as though for the first time in a very long time.

  “My goodness that is a tight hug,” he replied, smothering her equally in an embrace. He was just as she remembered, with the small wrinkles by his green eyes that curved as he smiled, and the short stubby beard around his face.

  “Papa this house is absolutely incredible!” she said and smiled, sitting up quickly, excited to think about going back down and exploring once more. “I must show you under the house.”

  “We did it last night, remember?” he replied, handing her a glass of water to drink.

  “We did?”

  “Yes, you showed me last night. You screamed when you fell down and I found you.”

  “I did?” Lily looked to her father puzzled, and she rubbed the back of her head and felt a small bump.

  “Yes darling. Now, come and get dressed. The owner of the house is here; she wanted to have a look at it one last time. Did you have any questions for her?”

  Father stood up and opened the window next to the bed, allowing a soft draft to breeze through. He picked a small flower from the bushes outside the windowsill and placed it on the nightstand next to Lily. She smiled with admiration of such a beautifully perfect gift.

  “Look Papa, a lady beetle,” Lily said as a tiny red beetle with black colored spots crawled out from underneath the petals.

  “Yes darling. Remember your grandmother used to say that lady beetles are good luck.” He smiled, letting the beetle crawl onto his hand so that Lily could get a better look.

  “But Papa, are they really lucky?” she asked, putting her hand alongside her father’s so that the beetle crawled onto it. “Or perhaps just thinking that way changes your day because your attitude is now different and you start looking for the good in things?”

  She jumped up and carried the beetle over to the open window, letting it crawl back onto the hedges, releasing it into its natural habitat. And she searched sight of the gardener, smiled and waved happily, yelling out good morning.

  Her father smirked with his hands in his pockets. “Who is this girl and what have you done with my Lily?” he asked, his eyebrows slightly raised.

  Lily spun around excitedly. “Papa, last night something wonderful happened to me.”

  She skipped back to her bed, and smelled the sweet gardenia flower. The small white petals exuded such a strong scent of exotic perfume. She placed it back on the draw and began to make her bed.

  “After you fell?” Father asked, taking hold of the duvet and pulling it into the corner.

  “Yes, after I fell.”

  She nodded, fluffing the pillows one by one.

  “What was it darling?” he asked surprised, sitting on the edge of her perfectly made bed.

  She walked back over to the window and looked to the garden, holding the ouroboros necklace around her neck. She felt the edges of the tail and the crackles of the skin, and looked down to the eyes; the colors were exactly as they were meant to be.

  “I was shown the universe,” Lily said, as she kissed the snake’s head and turned to face her father. “I was shown how we are meant to listen to ourselves, to our bodies, and our mind.” She stopped, and rubbed the serpent’s eyes over her lips, feeling the energy from the crystals ignite on her skin.

  “Go on,” Father said eagerly.

  “I want to touch heaven every day,” she said proudly, moving closer to her father. “I am in control of my own thoughts. It’s up to me to think clearly. And I will seek happiness every day. I will, Papa. I want to breathe in only love forever.”

  Father looked to his little girl, not as his child, but as his equal. And with tears in his eyes he smiled.

  “It sounds like you have had an epiphany,” he replied, seeing the presence of untouched innocence that she held once as a newborn baby.

  “I did. Papa, I don’t want to go back to the doctors. Let me try and figure this out on my own?”

  Father did not say anything. He wanted to believe her, he felt like he was going to believe her, but he was cautious.

  “How can we do it, do you think?” he asked, slanting his chin down to the floor and lifting his ear toward her.

  “By not thinking,” she replied blankly.

  Father didn’t move and he kept his eyes fixated on his daughter’s face.

  “Explain it some more to me,” he encouraged, combing her curl behind her ear.

  “Well, my thoughts are not pure,” she confessed, turning to look at herself in the mirrored doors on her wardrobe. “I listen as I tell myself that I am unworthy. It is not true. I know it is not true.” She turned back to face her father. “And now, I can remove this hatred. When I close my eyes, I clear my mind, and I imagine vibrant white light pouring down into my body from the heavens above, and I can feel love inside of me. And it gushes out, so strongly, so magnificently powerful that it overflows rapidly. The light moves within me so fiercely that nothing else has room to exist. Except me and myself. It is my choice, Papa. Let me try Papa, oh please let me try.” She leapt directly into his arms, and cuddled him tightly. “I hear Mama telling me it is right,” she continued. “I feel it in my bones that it is right. Listen to your heart. What does it say?”

  He patted her head as she nuzzled in, smelling her hair. “Okay Lily, I trust you. Let’s try it out,” he replied as he kissed her forehead. “Get dressed and come and meet me and Rosalyn in the lounge area, okay?”

  Lily nodded as he walked out the door. She promptly dressed herself in a white loose summer dress with embroidered lavender flowers and joined the two in the living area. The old lady was sitting on the maroon velvet chairs. Father was already seated, and he stood up upon Lily’s attendance.

  “Lily, I’d like you to meet Rosalyn, she grew up in this house. In the exact room that you are in now.”

  Lily looked to the old lady who appeared to be in her late eighties. She was frail and wrinkly, and her skin was soft and cold. Her eyes were slightly closed, and were colored a very faint blue, the kind of color that a wispy white cloud amongst the clear blue sky would make.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rosalyn.” Lily smiled and curtseyed while bowing her head, in the same manner that she did when she had first met the queen. She remembered that an immediate respectful nature when meeting someone for the first time was the best approach.

  “What a delightful young lady you are,” Rosalyn spoke softly, reaching her hand out to Lily so that she could join her on the sofa. “Tell me, do you like that room? It was mine when I was your age. I used to love looking out the window to the garden, staring at the beautiful flowers and the butterflies!” she exclaimed, her voice shaking as she did so.

  “Me too. I saw the most beautiful butterfly there just the other day actually.” Lily smiled. She wanted to say it was many days ago, but she knew that her father would think her strange. So she kept her real thoughts to herself, knowing the truth.

  “You know Lily, I still remember the most beautiful butterfly I had ever seen that used to visit me in that room. It was a yellow butterfly with long green legs, pale pink wings with speckles of green. It used to tap against my window, almost as though it wanted to come in and swap places with me or something, yet it was right where it was meant to be,”

  Rosalyn explained, her eyes wandering over to the window as she related her memory. The story reminded Lily of Mia Veol, and she hoped the butterfly would finally have realized, she was holding onto a false reality in her head.

  Lily smiled, feeling a strange connection with the older lady. “Rosalyn, I have a question perhaps you could help me with?”

  Father stared with confusion as this polite-mannered girl who spoke so confidently to the old lady. Lily’s whole persona had changed. Her eyes gleamed
with excitement, and her body language was open, eager to interact with another.

  “Of course my dear, anything,” Rosalyn replied, taking a sip of tea from the blue and white painted teacup in her hand.

  “Where did you get this from?” Lily took the ouroboros off from around her neck and handed it to the old lady. “I found it in your room. Up on top of the bed frame.”

  Rosalyn placed the teacup on the coffee table and lifted her glasses up that were hanging around her neck. The wrinkles around her eyes opened wide as she looked with astonishment.

  “Oh my, I haven’t seen that in over sixty years! I always wondered what happened to it. I remember hiding it away but I forgot where I put it.” She fiddled the snake in both her hands, and rubbed the eyes gently. “Oh it’s so beautiful to see it again, it brings me right back to that age. I would like you to keep it, darling, you have it.” She folded the necklace back into Lily’s hands and winked at her, smiling as she did so.

  “Thank you so much! I’ve grown quite fond of it,” Lily replied, ecstatic at being able to keep it. “Can I ask where you got it from?”

  Lily fastened the necklace back around her neck, and rubbed the snake on her cheek, feeling the crystals once more. And she smiled, thinking about how powerful the stones could be. She really had no idea.

  “Well dear I made it in school one day. We had a silversmith class, and the teacher helped me quite a bit. You see, these edges around here I couldn’t get quite right.”

  Rosalyn pointed to the edges of the snake, the imperfections that Lily had liked most. And the two smiled together, as though in on a secret.

  “So you made it yourself? No one gave it to you?” Lily asked surprised, although when she thought about it, it made more sense to her than she realized.

  “No one gave it to me. I gave it to myself,” Rosalyn replied, shaking her head proudly. “I saw it in a dream one night, and when I awoke, I decided to create it.”

  Rosalyn’s eyes wandered back to her teacup, and she picked it up. Staring at the leaves as though remembering the dream vividly. She was lost in thought for awhile.

  “It’s beautiful Rosalyn. It’s definitely made my little girl happy,” Father said, and grinned as he looked to Lily, seeing a change in her stance yet unsure as to where it had come from.

  “Yes, it’s so beautiful, I really love it. Thank you again,” Lily replied to the lady as she moved to the edge of the seat, trying to see through the veranda doors. She turned to Father and asked, “Papa, I think it’s raining outside, do you mind if I go and watch?”

  She could hear the pitter-patter sound of water dripping on the roof. It was creating beautiful music for all to hear and she was itching to go and watch the sky replenish the garden.

  “Not at all. We will have some tea here, come back when you are ready.” He nodded, picking up an almond cookie from the middle of the table.

  “Please excuse me,” Lily replied as she stood, bowing lightly to say goodbye. “It was lovely to meet you,” she said as she briskly walked through the kaleidoscope stain glass windows onto the veranda.

  Lily stood on the far edge, overlooking the garden, and she watched the rainfall of water float down gracefully from the clouds in the sky. Drifting down ever so slowly, a gallivant parade of bubbles floating. They kissed the ground in a therapeutic chiming noise, like precious musical notes clinging together harmoniously in high-pitched yet soft metal-like clinks. And as Lily looked at the waterfall it reminded her of the feeling she had when she was a small child, staring with anticipation of what such a shape and illuminated rainbow light could mean. And her imagination ran through hurriedly like wind whispering through leaves in the trees, ongoing with the direction but no idea where it would settle, if it would settle. And the feeling she received from staring at such peaceful surroundings filled her with warmth and love and joy, in an indescribable way, like maybe there is something bigger than herself in this world, bigger than her mind and her life. This world had existed before she arrived and would continue to do so well after she was gone. Does her being here make a difference? Did she stumble upon it accidentally? And for the first time since she had arrived she realized that she was meant to be here, right here, looking at these drops of rainfall with wondrous lust, realizing that there is something bigger than just her, and that she is connected with it. For without her staring at these shapes of light, who would they be dancing for, if not for her? And without her gaze upon such dreamlike figures, would they exist if there was no one alive to watch them? For without her stare, they would not be there. Which means that she would not be here, and this world around her as she knew it would cease to exist.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Phoebe Garnsworthy is an Australian female author who loves to discover magic in everyday lives. She has travelled the world extensively, exploring eastern and western philosophies alike, while studying the influences that these beliefs have on humanity.

  The intention of her writing is to encourage conscious living and unconditional love.

  www.LostNowhere.com