All Geek to Me

by Allie York

  “You’re a liar.” I snap back to reality in time to see Janet cross her arms. “No one knows you as well as I do. We’ve faced death together and will continue to do so until you make sergeant. So, stop lying and agree that getting laid wouldn’t be so bad.”

  I throw my hands up. “Getting laid would be great!” I admit. “But so is being home to tuck Cruze in at night.” It took me two years of his life to get on a shift that allowed me to be home in the evenings and I don’t want to miss a single one, not even to get laid.

  “Daddy?” Cruze walks in the kitchen after his nap, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “You yell loud.” His blond curls are a mess, flat on one side from the pillow and sticking up at odd angles on the other.

  “Sorry, little man.” I motion him to me, but his eyes land on Janet and he forgets all about me.

  “Janet!” He jumps at her with no warning and she dives to catch him before he face-plants. My partner hugs him tight. “I missed you!”

  “I missed you too, kiddo!” She drops him to the ground and starts marveling over his Batman pajamas complete with cape.

  “Let me keep him tonight. Go check it out. If you get there and you’re not impressed, you can leave.” Pops slides the five at me again.

  “She owns the place; she’s not going to be speed dating. You’ve watched him enough.” I’m assuming she’s organized it and will be busy working. It seems like it would work like that.

  Someone has to be in charge and run it, right?

  “You have yet to say you don’t want to see her. So maybe Janet here is on to something? And I can never watch my grandson enough.” Pops pushes the bill closer.

  “No. She’s not on to anything. I’m just saying that pushing me to go speed date her doesn’t make sense if she’s not participating,” I argue.

  “Okay, so she doesn’t participate, and you meet some other women but still get to see her and talk to her. I see no flaw in this idea. You’re going.” Janet gives me a wicked smile then turns to my kid. “Hey, kiddo, want to go see a movie tonight?” Cruze’s eyes get huge and I realize I’ve lost. Once she invites him to a movie, there’s no way he’s going to let me tell him he can’t go.

  He takes her face in his fat, little hands. “Can we get popcorn?”

  “Oh, heck yeah!” She grins and he squishes her cheeks together. “Have you seen The Lego Movie 2?” Yup, I lost. Done. I’m going somewhere and they are going to a movie.

  “When can we leave?” His dark blue eyes are the size of saucers.

  Janet checks her phone. “Two hours, that’s eight episodes of SpongeBob. We’re going to go get popcorn and candy at the movie, okay?” He nods vigorously. “Okay, go play in your room until it’s time to go.” Without a word, my son hops out of her arms and lands in a superhero pose on the ground before dashing off to the living room. Once he’s out of sight, she turns to me with a smug look. “Guess who’s going speed dating?”

  “Not this guy.” I cross my arms over my chest

  “If she takes you home, I’ll put Cruze to bed. Take your time.” My father shoves the five-dollar bill against my arm resting on the table. “Have fun tonight, son.” He pats the table and stands. Janet laughs as my dad leaves the room. I never thought I’d want to choke Pops, but things change when he’s pushing me to go on a date I don’t want to go on. We both watch my dad stride from the room like the boss he is. He may be sixty-five, but he’s every bit as fit as he was when I was a kid. This doesn’t make me hate him any less right now. I shove the money away from me and stand.

  “Calm down, Collins. We just want you to go have some fun. You’re so uptight. Go have a one-nighter and enjoy it.” Janet takes Pops’ seat and points for me to sit. I do.

  “I don’t want a one-nighter, Morton. I…” I shake my head. “I don’t know what I want.”

  “Look, you are guaranteed that promotion, Cruze is doing great. You can take time for you.” Janet reaches across the table and places her hand on my forearm. Janet Morton has been with me since I switched shifts two years ago to be home with Cruze at night. She has about six years on me when it comes to the department but has acted like I’m her best friend since day one. I know she only wants what’s best for me but going to a speed dating event is a little too far.

  “I take time for me.” I can’t look her in the face when I say it. She leans back and crosses her arms. “Okay, I try to. It’s not easy to find spare time. I go to the gym twice a week.” It’s a weak argument and I know it.

  “Tell me you aren’t into the comic book girl and I’ll drop it.” The problem with spending so much time with your partner is that you become pretty transparent where they’re concerned. Then they can call you out on your bullshit. Janet gives me a look that says she was over my crap a long time ago.

  “She’s cute,” I admit, knowing I’m a damn liar. Janet doesn’t move. “I’m not interested in dating right now.” At this point I know she believes nothing coming out of my mouth.

  “How long were you in there last night when she offered you coffee? I know you better than that. You know nothing nerdy at all, so you were doing something other than reading comics with her.” She stares me down until I look away.

  “She offered me coffee and said a bunch of shit I didn’t understand,” I admit, and Janet arches an eyebrow. “There were a lot of puns involved in the coffee and the food at that place. Star Wars, Harry Potter, Doctor something.” I shrug.

  “Strange?” she asks.

  “It was a little strange.” I nod and Janet laughs.

  “No, Doctor Strange. Were they Doctor Strange puns?” Janet is a little higher up on the nerdy spectrum than me apparently. I shake my head slowly. “Who?”

  “I don’t know who, just some Doctor show that made her talk like a robot.” I roll my eyes and laugh when I think of her weird robotic voice.

  “No. Oh my god. How are you into this girl and you have no idea how to speak her language?” Janet throws her head back in exhaustion with me.

  “Doctor Who. It’s a BBC TV show with a cult-like following. It’s sci-fi about an alien time traveler. Do you live under a fucking rock?” I swear Janet is speaking another language.

  “If it’s not on Nick Junior, I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. How am I supposed to know all this? Google ‘nerd’ and read whatever article pops up?” I roll my eyes, but her expression doesn’t change. “Is that a yes?”

  “Yes,” she deadpans. “Now you’re going. I’m not taking no for an answer and neither is Pops. I have the kid. If you’re late, we can handle bedtime. Go speed date. If a whole bunch of nerds is too much for you to handle, we can make fun of them later when you get home. I’ll buy the beer.” Janet winks at me.

  “The place is made just for nerds, it’s safe to say we’ll have plenty to talk about once this is over. If I decide to go.” It’s a comic shop, there are nerds aplenty.

  “You have to go. You’re so into that girl you are dying to go question her for three minutes or whatever.” And here we go. “I saw you catch her when she was literally falling all over you. You did not look sad to grab her. Stop lying and admit it.” My partner leans forward, waiting on my answer.

  “I was not sad to catch her, no. I hate to see anyone get hurt. Serve and protect is what we do.” I smirk and Janet punches my arm.

  “Fine, don’t admit it, but at least tell me you have something to wear that isn’t gray sweatpants or your uniform,” Janet says.

  “I thought women liked gray sweatpants.” I pretend to think about it.

  “Straight women. I don’t want to see your dick, Collins.” She scrunches her face like seeing my dick would be the worst thing ever. I like to think I have a nice dick, but whatever she says goes, I guess.

  “Okay, fine. If you won’t let me go in gray sweatpants and a nice white t-shirt, then you better go through my closet.” I point toward the upstairs.

  “It’s too cold for a t-shirt; you’ll get shrinkage.” Janet rolls her eyes a
nd pushes up out of her chair. I follow her up the hardwood stairs to my room and kick off my shoes before stepping on the carpet. I grew up in this house with my older brother. When Cruze was born and Mom died, it seemed like a good idea to come home. My brother had other plans. He stays as far away as possible.

  “Here!” Janet is throwing clothes on the bed before I get all the way into my room. A button-down shirt lands on the oak trunk at the end of my bed. “You have jeans?” She spins and puts her hands on her hips. I point to the dresser and she steps over to start on the bottom half of my wardrobe. She pulls out dark jeans and tosses them down next to the shirt, then heads back to the closet. On her knees she starts rummaging through my shoes.

  “Looking for something?” I take a step closer.

  “Do you have shoes that aren’t work boots or running shoes?” She looks up and brushes a hair from her face.

  “No, why would I need anything else? I can shine my work shoes. That makes them dress shoes, right?” I assume by her look that this answer is not acceptable. “I might have my old Converse somewhere.” I shrug as she pulls them out. They’re the classic style, but gray instead of black. I expected them to be dirtier, but they’re in pretty good shape.

  “Perfect!” Janet adds them to the end of my trunk. “You have a coat without the department logo on it?” I point to the coats hanging on the closet door and she picks up a black one. It’s a little dressy to be worn with sneakers, but I trust her. “There! You’ll score a date whether it’s with your girl or not. You’ll look like you give a shit, but not too many shits. The Converse break up the business casual look and make it more fun.” I glare at her and she strides up to me, patting me on the chest on her way out of my room. “I’ll have the kid, you have a good time. Enjoy speed dating.” And she’s gone.

  Oh, fuck me.

  6

  Noralee

  At six on the dot, we usher the comic buying crowd out including the kids playing Magic: The Gathering on the back table and start setting up. We have thirty minutes before people show up for dating. At least I hope they show up. There are four of us and we have no idea how many people are actually coming, so we start by setting up the back. We have ten tables, so we set up one near the front with forms to fill out in order to participate. It has questions about favorite fandoms, how important video games are to them, as well as less geeky questions. Age, career, goals, and whether or not they have children is on the list. We ask about sports and attitude toward work, too. I set it up so that each person gets five minutes with the person across from them. The first minute is for reading their form, the last four are for chatting. I have a stack of pocket-sized notebooks and Words for Nerds pens on the table for each participant to take notes or numbers if they want. We are providing a snack of Greer and Tuesday’s famous Cuke Skywalker cucumber sandwiches, and I set up a drink station with lemonade, coffee, and water. After the night is over, each person will get a voucher for a free drink if they bring a friend next time. The four of us use the entire thirty minutes setting up. We are planning on at least a two-hour event and staying open thirty minutes after in case anyone wants to do any shopping. I make sure that our best sellers are on display and set up a special section for Valentine’s Day themed reads. I even cut out cute hearts to hang nearby.

  “Hey, Nora!” Rae is in full RaeGun filming attire complete with headphones around her neck, hair in buns on top of her head, and gum in her mouth. I asked that everyone look a little nicer for the first run of speed dating, but Rae has her own definition of dressing up. She’s a true nineties kid in a black pleated skirt, black combat boots, and a charcoal sweater that hangs off her shoulder. Her makeup is a whole other level of awesome with winged liner and dark red lips. The agreement for her to MC came with the understanding that she would video the event to put in her extra content on YouTube. Her regular gaming streams do well by themselves, but the extra content gets the most shares. Her watchers like to get a little glimpse of her personal life.

  “Hey, Rae!” I call back.

  “We have a line!” she yells from the front. She’s running our vacuum directly in front of the door over the Autobot rug. I stop stacking cups to check out her definition of a line. Greer and Tuesday do the same. Rae is not exaggerating. We have a legitimate line outside three minutes before we reopen. I quickly grab the top sheet off of our waiver stack and run over to the copier. I printed twenty sheets and there are at least thirty people outside. All of them are huddled together to keep warm.

  “It’s cold. Should we open?” Tuesday asks.

  “Go ahead.” I wave her toward the door while catching the last of the papers and she jumps up with a squeal. She decided to dress up for the event in something other than skinny jeans and an oversized sweater. Instead she went with a skirt, boots, and a sweater. She looks great in the red sweater with the gold T knitted into the fabric. Her sister matches in a yellow sweater with a black G in the center. The Harry Potter love runs deep around here. I decided on a slightly different obsession for my dress tonight. I love all Disney, but Peter Pan is my favorite. I put on my green dress with the Peter Pan collar and brown leggings with booties. In my hair is a red feather barrette. The dress even has pockets—which I feel is a must for all dresses. I’m dressed up enough to host an event, but also sticking to my theme of a different fandom every day.

  As soon as Tuesday opens the door, Greer and I steer the crowd toward the table to sign in and fill out a waiver. I’m excited to see women in the group. A lot of women. Well, maybe not a lot, but way more than I expected. I count thirty-three people right at six-thirty and can tell that Greer is as happy with the turnout as I am. A few regulars are part of the crowd, which is great, but I’m more excited to see the new faces. Once the bulk of people have filled out forms, we move them toward the tables we set up and I really hope we don’t have to pull out more chairs. The line at the front table dwindles and I give Rae the signal to get started. She steps on her chair and lets out an ear-piercing whistle. Tuesday clicks on the camera and does a quick sweep of the room before focusing on Rae. More people start to trickle in, but they can hear Rae go over it again once they are done with their waivers. Once the first group settles down, Rae blows one last bubble and starts talking.

  “Okay daters! My name is Rae and I’m your MC tonight! Make sure everyone has signed a video permission waiver before being seated. If you don’t want your identity on YouTube, pull me aside and I’ll be sure to blur you out, no questions asked. Now to kick the night off, I’m going to ask that everyone move over to the tables. Ladies sit on the left.” Rae waves toward the left side of the room. “Gents take the right. Men will be the ones venturing around the room. Ladies don’t have to move. You have five minutes per date, use one to look over your date’s form, then the next four to chat. Please make sure you fill the form out completely, and don’t lie. Lying is pointless and a waste of time. And no one wants to have their time wasted. We provided a pen and notebook for notes and numbers if you connect. Everyone got it?” The crowd murmurs and most everyone nods.

  I step up next to Rae and wave my arms to keep everyone’s attention. “Before we get started, we have a couple of rules.” I hold up a finger. “One: There will be no harassment of any kind. If you are interested, but the other party is not, you need to put on your grown-up undies and be an adult about it. No means no and we are strictly enforcing that rule. Two: This is a no shame zone. No one will be made to feel inferior for appearance, fandoms, hobbies, or their career. Three: Everyone is welcome to a snack and a drink. If you are still hungry, Tuesday will be over at Second Breakfast with a limited menu. So, everyone take a seat... and may the odds be ever in your favor and the Force be with you.” I gesture toward the tables and the crowd starts moving. A few stragglers are still at the sign-in table, so we give them a few more minutes while Rae gets organized where the couples are starting to sit down. I’m busy taking a quick head count when Tuesday comes over, eyes wide and a huge smile on her face
. She looks like the Cheshire Cat.

  “What are you so excited about? Planning on signing up?” I'm excited by the number of people showing up as well, but not as excited as she is. Tuesday’s giving me Joker vibes.

  “Look!” She bounces and grabs my arm, pulling on it a little too hard. I glance at the door where she’s pointing and back to the daters only to do a double take. Coming in the door is a man. Not just any man, but a man I recognize. It takes me a second to place him because he’s dressed like a normal person in dark-wash jeans, a button down, and Chuck Taylors. Officer Wyatt Collins just strolled his sexy ass into my speed dating. Tall, buff, hot cop himself is wearing real clothes, in my store, during speed dating. As if he can feel me staring, his blue eyes meet mine when he gets to the table to fill out his form. He gives me a quick smile, then leans over to fill it out.

  Greer materializes at my side, hand out. “Pay. Up.” She punctuates each word.

  “What am I paying up for?” I force myself to look away from Officer Collins and at my friend.

  “Your spot at that table over there.” Greer motions at me for the money.

  Rae joins us. “Hey once this guy sits down, we are short a human of the female variety.” She blows a bubble and sucks it back in before it pops. “Whoa, is that your cop friend in real clothes?” Rae looks him up and down before nudging me. “Looks like you need to fill out a form.” Rae leaves my side and Officer Collins heads our direction, paper in hand. I watch him stride toward me with a huge smile on his face. His black coat is buttoned at his stomach, showing off his trim waist and broad chest all at once. The bruise on his face has faded to a lighter color, which makes me feel slightly better about the whole incident.

  “Miss Reynolds.” Officer Wyatt stops in front of me. “Ladies.” He glances at my friends before they all disperse to leave us alone.

  “Call me Noralee,” I remind him. “What are you doing here, Officer?”