Rage to Adore

by Cara Lake

  Jaro tried but failed to resist cracking his eyelids open, not wanting to let the vision of her reality intrude. If only she were a dream. But no. She was real and Chaos be damned! She was a vision in emerald silk, the dark red of her hair a vibrant beacon, lighting up the darkest corner of the dungeon into which he’d been thrown. He hated that she was here. She didn’t belong.

  “What are you doing here?” Tani flinched at the venom in his voice but even though she had steeled herself against it, expecting nothing less, it still cut her deeply. “I had to see you. I need to explain.” Her hand touched his cheek and his dry lips felt droplets of cool water trickle down his throat from the water flask she held to his mouth. “You could have bought wine,” he said. “At least then I could have got drunk while I’m hanging around.” His wrists pulled at the restraints in a half-hearted attempt at a joke.

  Tani checked out the locks in the hopes her powers might help but soon realized the mechanism was beyond her wiccani magick. Her heart ached. He was battered and bruised again. His face swollen, though not as bad as when she had first met him. Even though he was disfigured, the scars and mottled skin could not disguise the savage beauty radiating from his unyielding warrior’s body. The mercury light of his eyes illuminated the darkness, lighting her from the inside, fanning flames that flickered burning sensations through her entire being. She was wet for him. Ached for his touch but even more she wanted to touch him. Caress his battered flesh and give comfort to his beaten soul. She looked around, hoping to find something that would help her to free him.

  Jaro tried to hold on to his anger at her betrayal but she had bewitched him with her compassion and courage. He felt her frustration as she attempted to find a way to unlock his shackles. Instead of spitting fury in her direction he found himself trying to soothe her agitation.

  “Don’t, Red,” he whispered quietly. “Don’t fight this.” His hands flexed against cold metal, her amethyst eyes holding him more captive than steel or iron ever could. “Go,” he said. “Get out of here while you can. You can’t save me now. You know that, don’t you? Now he knows I’m barghesti; he’s never letting me go.”

  A wet tear ran down her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Jaro. I had to tell him. He was going to kill you.” Her voice broke with sorrow he knew was all for him. He wasn’t worthy of her tears. Jaro shuddered and breathed in a deep lungful of air.

  He had realized after the first rage of fury had overtaken him and he’d been thrown into the cage still intact that if Tani hadn’t given away his secret Phenex would have certainly killed him. He owed her. But he couldn’t let her know that. He had to make her see it was futile. He was a lost cause but she could still fly and he would give her the wings to do it.

  “So what? What do I care if you’re sorry?” he challenged, forcing venom back into his words and hoping they would prick her skin with poison. He still didn’t understand her or why she was so intent on saving him. She was meant for Lorcan. No matter how much he wished it were otherwise, Lorcan was the true Esseni, wasn’t he? She should be trying to get back to the Eunomi and away from Discordants who would suck her dry. She needed to go. “It was great while it lasted, Red, but as I said before, you’re not my type. Get the fuck gone!”

  He could feel her resistance to the acid he poured over her. She shook her head at him. “I know you don’t mean that,” she said. “And there are too many people who love you for me to just leave you here to rot.”

  What the hell was she talking about? “Love!” he snorted. “What the fuck is love? I know nothing of it.”

  She was right in front of him now, her eyes locked on to his, insisting that he was worthy. “Oh, but you do,” she whispered. “You more than anyone.” Her hand touched his cheek, her eyes sad as he flinched and drew back. “You love unconditionally, Jaro. All those people you help, Liana, Sami, the brothel girls. Even your mother and brother.”

  He snorted bitterly. “That wasn’t love. That was stupidity.”

  “Love is never stupid, Jaro. Maybe misguided but never stupid.” Her thumb caressed his cheek, and he turned his head away in an effort to make her stop. He was standing upright, chained to metal rings on the wall, his hands unable to move. Even so, other parts of his anatomy disagreed with his brain, inching toward her and because she was standing so close in front of him he knew that she couldn’t possibly miss his hardness pressing into her belly.

  “Jaro!” She felt it. A moan escaped into his throat and then both of her hands claimed his neck, pulling his head down to catch his breath and tease his lips. Tani was kissing him fiercely, her eyes open to his startled gaze, daring him not to resist. He could only accept her challenge, any thoughts of resistance futile under fire from the sweet taste of her mouth. He had known she was an addiction, a craving embedded in his very DNA, that to deny it would be like ripping apart his soul. Even restrained as he was, unable to touch her way he wanted to, his tongue sought hers, giving everything he had. Every drop of anger washed away by the honesty of her kiss.

  The kiss deepened. Energy thrummed between them, the connecting fibers weaving an all-encompassing tapestry, its interlocking threads melding unalterable layers that were fused so deep between them, they could never be torn apart. “What are you really doing here, Red?” he groaned against her lips, unable to pull back from the taste of her in his mouth, the chocolate-strawberry flavor drugging his senses until he could barely think straight.

  “I’m going to get you out,” she said, planting kisses along his jawline, silky red hair rubbing sensuously across his chest and then down. He thought he was going to die then and there when he realized the direction she was headed. “Red,” he growled at her, his chest vibrating under the touch of her hands. “Tani, don’t, you don’t need to…” She looked up at him then with eyes that glowed with an emotion he’d never seen up close before and certainly one he’d never expected to see directed at him. Any words he had been about to speak died on his lips. Maybe he was reading her wrongly but he wanted it to be true. He wanted to believe.

  “I don’t need to,” she said quietly. “I want to. Let me. Please. Let me give you this, Jaro.” She paused a moment, waiting for his assent.

  He was powerless to resist, so badly did he need to feel her touch. It would most likely be the last pleasure he’d ever have. Phenex would keep him caged now, forever locked in a kennel like a dog. He was a bastard. If he had any sense of decency left he would continue to thrash her with his anger and send her on her way, but he couldn’t. What she was offering him right now he would take, treasure it and suffer the consequences. At least he would have this memory to torture him for the rest of his existence. He had been right when he met her that she would be his downfall. He pulled against the restraints a wry smile curling his lips. “I can’t stop you, Red, but are you sure?”

  Her eyes promised everything. Everything he could never have. So be it. He would take this because she was offering. “Give it to me, Red, but then go. It’s not safe for you here. Promise me.”

  Jaro groaned as she bent to her knees and gave him heaven. She took him into her mouth, gently kissing the tip of his shaft. Her hands slid down to cup his balls and he almost came straight away when she lifted her long lashes, gazing upward, her lips around his cock, amethyst eyes twin pools of liquid beauty.

  He let himself fall in, the blood in his veins heating as he struggled for control but he had none when it came to her. She inflamed him and he was lost. Her lips were warm and soft, her tongue a stroking caress and he knew with this most intimate of acts that she was showing him how much he meant to her. She took her time licking his full length, her eyes locking on to his, flaring each time he groaned his appreciation.

  He wasn’t going to last long. Jaro could feel his soul unraveling and every time her tongue swirled and sucked he fought to hold on to the moment, to make it a memory he could latch on to forever. Finally his hips bucked as she took all of him to the back of her throat and that was when he exploded.

>   His redheaded witch drank it all, sucking him dry. But as she took she also gave, the pleasure he received through her kiss binding her to him, the threads of their connection tying knots around his heart. She never stopped kissing him, even after he was spent, her lips moved over his skin as if trying to memorize every inch of him by touch.

  Featherlight kisses to his pecs, fingers running up his arms, breasts pressed tight to his chest. He ached to touch her back. The restraints chafed and all he could do was watch and breathe in the sight and scent of her. It was such sweet agony. Such blessed torture. However long he survived he would never forget. She was pressing her lips to his eyes, his cheeks, his nose and then finally, finally those precious lips slanted across his mouth again and her tongue found his. Her touch was electric. Energy vibrated between them and she deepened the kiss so that it almost felt as if they were inside one another.

  Jaro gave himself up to her kiss, raging at fate for bringing her to him with the promise of what could have been. He knew he was lost but she could still be saved. He felt her moan in the back of her throat as he pulled back from her. “You have to go. Get out of the palace. Get to Bellor and Cassi. Just…just be careful with Lorcan.”

  Opening her eyes, she gave him one last look. “I’ll do what I have to do.” It was only after she’d gone and the heat that sizzled in his veins had cooled and his heart had steadied to a regular beat that he realized she hadn’t made him that promise. She hadn’t agreed to leave.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Envy

  The darkness was all encompassing. Tani had gone and with her all color, all light had fled. The dampness of the cell wall chilled Jaro’s bones, ice settling in his flesh spreading frost that would serve to numb his senses and leave him anesthetized. He couldn’t fall into that trap. He needed heat to survive. Flame in his soul.

  Jaro began to stoke the fires of his hate, pouring fuel on his rage. Why would fate let him have a taste of such beauty only to rip it away forever out of reach? He’d always felt anger, fury at circumstance and held on to vengeance, but had he ever had hope? Perhaps that’s why fate had sent her to him. Maybe fate wasn’t such a bitch after all. All his previous plans to get revenge on Phenex ended with his own death because killing Phenex meant that he would die two minutes later. He hadn’t cared before. But now. Now he did care. Maybe he should try to survive, forget about revenge. He knew he didn’t deserve her but maybe, just maybe he could…

  He felt his mind drifting…back to Red. His redheaded witch was gone but she was still in his head. His eyes closed. She was kissing his mouth, her hand caressing his chest. She pressed closer and he could feel the warmth of her skin, the hard pearls of her nipples…

  Suddenly he was drenched from head to toe. The shock of freezing ice water dragging him out of the dream he’d been having. Jaro opened his eyes to be confronted with his second visitor of the night. It was a shock to stare into gray eyes similar to his own set in a face that echoed the one he saw on those rare occasions he chanced to look in a mirror.

  “Hello, little brother.” The hostility in Lorcan’s tone cut deep, although why it continued to slice into him Jaro couldn’t fathom. He should have learned by now that when it came to his family they held nothing but contempt for him. And hate. Lorcan’s expression could not be clearer. He hated Jaro and Jaro still didn’t know why. He’d never understood why his older brother hated him so much.

  “What do you want?”

  “To see how the mighty have fallen,” replied Lorcan. “Although in your case I’m not sure mighty applies. Oh, everyone thinks you’re this mighty warrior, gladiator, but I know better. You’re nothing, Jaro. You never were and you never will be.”

  “What did I ever do to you for you to hate me so much?” Jaro had to ask, had to know.

  “You ask me that?” Lorcan’s tone now was incredulous. “You really have no idea?”

  Jaro shook his head, narrowing his eyes at the manic expression on Lorcan’s face.

  “You keep taking things from me!” Lorcan shouted, fists clenching. One fist suddenly made contact with Jaro’s gut. He was winded but otherwise okay. He’d had worse. Lorcan on the other hand was shaking his hand in pain. Jaro’s abs were solid rock and his brother had just learned that lesson.

  Lorcan drew himself up in spite of the pain. “It’s a bad habit you should have grown out of by now, brother.” He spat out the word with distaste. “First, you took my father—he always loved you more than me, I could see it in his eyes. But I had Mother. She loved me best but you, you were jealous; you had to get her attention. You began to spend more time with her, bringing her flowers from the garden, gifts from those trips you took with Father. You tried to take her from me!” He was shouting again, his voice so full of bitterness and envy that Jaro found it hard to breathe. What planet did his brother live on if he thought that? Half-remembered images of happier times with his mother flashed into his head. Of course he had spent time with her. She was his mother! But Lorcan had been there too. His brother’s accusations sounded almost deranged. They made no sense.

  Lorcan continued his rant. “She loved me more at first, then because you were cold to her, she began to cry that you didn’t love her as much as you loved Father. She kept on and on and on about it until I was sick of hearing your name. Then you started to suck up to her and she couldn’t get enough of you. And Father, he was always so strict with me he never let me have the things I wanted. It began to annoy me, so do you know what I did?” His eyes flashed with unconcealed enjoyment. “I can see that you don’t. Mother was cross at first because of the debts but then when she realized we could get rid of you as well, you and your annoying morality she was very grateful to me.”

  “What are you saying, Lorcan?” Jaro could hardly bear to believe what he thought Lorcan meant.

  “Really, little brother. Do I need to spell it out for you?” Lorcan smiled silkily, charm to the fore.

  “But you cried,” whispered Jaro. “You cried for a week.”

  “Hmm. I did. I must admit to feeling some regret. After all, he was my father. But he made it so easy. I’d always take him a drink just before supper, especially after he’d been working in the garden all afternoon.”

  Jaro could hardly believe the words that fell from his lips, even as he spoke them. He had thought his mother capable but not his brother. “You poisoned him.”

  “I did.” Lorcan’s response was unapologetic. “And you should have died by now, Jaro— Why won’t you die? I would have killed you myself but apparently I can’t if I want your essence to revert to me. Why are you the true Esseni and I just a shadow? I don’t understand why Chaos would do this.”

  His brother was raving! For some reason, Lorcan thought that he was the shadow, not Jaro. He had probably convinced himself that was true just so he could add another thing to his list to be jealous of Jaro for. How he wished it was true.

  “Perhaps it was Gaia.”

  “She must be a crazy bitch then. Look at you. You are worthless. A barghesti! I don’t believe it. Why would you be both those things and I nothing?” He spat as if the words tasted as bitter as he felt. “And even the girl seems to like you. Not just her but others too. You never had to work hard with them. And even my so-called son likes you!”

  “The son you refuse to acknowledge.”

  “He’s no son of mine and never will be.”

  Jaro blew out a breath. “Why are you here, brother? What do you want from me?”

  “I want you dead, Jaro. I want the redhead and I want your essence. I will have the power that you are too worthless to wield. That’s what I want.” Lorcan was standing right in front of him, gray eyes locked onto silver but Jaro refused to be the first to look away.

  “You can’t always get what you want.”

  “Would you like to bet on it?” Lorcan smirked. “I’m not the one in chains, forced to fight like an animal. Oh, hang on though, you are an animal. A dog! Well, let’s see if you can survive
in the pits as a barghesti. I think Phenex has big plans for you.”

  “That’s no surprise.”

  Lorcan smirked at him. “And the redhead will be there watching. She’s a feisty bitch. I like it when they fight back and I can’t wait to see what she tastes like.” His smug grin couldn’t fail to push Jaro’s buttons.

  “Keep away from her!” Jaro growled, his barghesti bucking under the surface, seething for release.

  Lorcan’s laugh was harsh. “You don’t tell me what to do. With what Phenex has planned for you I doubt you’ll last more than a week. Phenex might think to use the girl, but Mother and I have other plans that don’t involve him. Ultimately your essence will be mine and so will the girl. To do with as I please.”

  Jaro bared his teeth and struggled against the restraints. Lorcan turned away, his last words as he disappeared into the darkness of the night full of vile promise. “And I can think of lots of ways she will please me before I give her to Choronzon.”

  Jaro’s blood ran cold. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised that Lorcan would sell her to the Discordant leader, knowing that would be her death warrant, but he had hoped that his brother retained a small shred of decency. That hope faded like so many of his hopes had in the past. His brother was psychotic. He had to get free. He hadn’t thought it was in him to hurt his brother even after everything that had gone before, but now, he wasn’t so sure. To protect Tani, there was nothing he would not do.

  * * * * *

  Sitri was ever watchful. Tani could feel her sharp eyes laser into her wherever she went. She had avoided a repeat visit to Jaro’s cell, resigned to the fact that it would do neither of them any good. For the last three days she had contented herself by observing his training sessions in Phenex’s arena. These small glimpses gave her reassurance, soothed her fears and increased her resolve in working toward his liberation. It hurt her to see how he was treated like an animal and forced to train at the whim of his master. Twice a day Jaro was brought into the training arena for sparring bouts where he was pitted against some of Phenex’s most brutal fighters. They fought with the promise of freedom if they won. Jaro fought for survival. Despite their efforts Jaro always proved the strongest and in those moments of respite after the bout, Tani did her best to reach out to him with her compassion. She didn’t know if he felt it but it was all she could do.