Soufflés at Sunrise

by M. J. O'Shea

  “I know that’s a problem with me—that I like being the best. I had to be the best to get where I am now. Second-best was never good enough for me, and that attitude has helped me achieve stuff. Do you get that?”

  “I suppose that makes sense,” Chase mumbled.

  “But I don’t have that advantage with you. You’re as good as me, we’re equals. And when we….” He looked around the rooftop, making sure they really were alone. “When we’re in the bedroom, I let you do those things to me, I let you dominate me. No one has ever done that before, Chase. No one has ever seen that side of me—fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that side of me before. I guess it just scared me. I acted like an ass because of it.”

  “I get that. I don’t think you’re better than me either, by the way,” Chase said. He laughed a little, which Kai hoped was a good sign.

  “I miss you.”

  Chase looked like he was about to reach out and touch Kai, but then he pulled his hand back. “I.” He stopped. “I miss you too, okay? I’m just not sure, I don’t know. Something weird happened inside of me that day when you were so mean. I don’t want it to happen again. That probably sounds nuts. But it’s true.”

  “I’m sorry, Chase. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take that back.” More than anything. It was just one stupid moment, but he’d played it over and over again in his head.

  “Yeah, me too.” Chase muttered. “I just don’t know that you can.”

  “Is that really it?” Kai asked. It was ridiculous, he knew. They’d only been messing around for a few weeks, but there was something special about Chase. Just like he’d said. They had some connection. He didn’t know how to fix it. He knew that he wanted to though.

  It turned out there was something worse than having someone else be better than you. It was laying your heart on the line and begging for forgiveness and being turned down anyway. Which Chase had every right to do. Some actions spoke louder than the words that came after, and Kai had never been that good with words.

  “I don’t know,” Chase said. “For right now, yeah. I think so.”

  “Do you want me to go back downstairs?”

  Chase coughed and looked up. Then he nodded slowly. “I think I do.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  THREE’S COMPANY—

  TRIO DESSERTS

  WELCOME TO Burned, where we find fresh new cooking talent… and a few culinary disasters! It was a close call for both Chase and Kai last week, but in the end, Breon went home in a surprise upset over his and Al’s conventional cheese pastry tart. He’d been a favorite to win, but it shows that in our kitchens, everyone can get burned. Clarissa and her assistant Polly, on the other hand, showed the judges exactly what they wanted. Their unusual take on traditional snack cakes were as innovative and delicious as they were nostalgic. The judges especially loved their beet-and-sweet-potato twinkie. Congratulations, Clarissa!

  After this it only gets harder. This week our contestants each have to produce a mini collection of themed desserts. The sky’s the limit; our chefs can choose any theme they want, but it has to be something special. Safe is not the way to go in this challenge. Good luck!

  Our grand prize winner gets a year of pastry training in Paris, a whole kitchen’s worth of top-of-the-line commercial tools and appliances, and a hundred thousand dollars for his or her own business.

  With stakes this big, we ask the one question on everyone’s mind: Do these chefs have what it takes to rise to the top? Or will they get Burned?

  “HERE, I brought you toast and scrambled eggs,” Kai said. He sat them down on Chase’s nightstand. Chase wasn’t asleep. Kai knew what asleep Chase looked like, and he knew what pretending looked like. Chase was pretending.

  Of course he doesn’t want to fucking talk to me. Kai felt like an asshole. And the thing was, he got why Chase was so hurt. It wasn’t an ego thing anymore, even though Kai’s ego was definitely bruised. And it wasn’t about what had happened, not really. He’d apologized, as sincerely as he knew how, and Chase hadn’t turned him down. As long as there was hope, Kai was going to keep trying to fix things. He guessed if Chase wanted him to totally fuck off, he would have said so by now.

  “Hey, Chase? Breakfast?”

  Chase “woke up” and rolled over. “I’m not very hungry,” he said.

  Kai had noticed Chase’s appetite being really bad since the incident. He’d barely touched his meals in the house, and that was when he was even there to eat them. He spent a lot of time up on the roof alone. After that last conversation, Kai didn’t know if he could face going up there again. Even if it was to shove food in Chase’s face and make him eat it.

  “I think you should have some breakfast. It’s challenge day. You need your fuel.”

  Chase sat up and the blanket fell away from his bare golden chest. Kai wanted to reach out and touch so desperately. He always wanted to touch, obviously. Who wouldn’t? Chase was like honey in skin form, sweet and tempting and warm. Kai drooled.

  Chase reached for the plate and Kai handed it to him. He sat his tea on the bedside table. He’d only put two pieces of toast and some eggs on the plate.

  “Can I stay?” Kai asked.

  Chase paused for a moment, then nodded and started listlessly spooning some into his mouth. He didn’t even look like he liked it all that much. Kai knew the damn eggs were good. Things needed to be fixed between them before it was too late. Kai sat down.

  “What do you think the main challenge is going to be?” he asked. He was going to try, damn it, he’d promised himself he would keep making an effort.

  Chase simply shrugged and took a small bite of his toast.

  “Chase, we’re both miserable. Can you please talk to me?” Kai asked. “Please?”

  Chase shrugged again. It was just about the most frustrating thing ever. “I know we’re both miserable,” he finally said. “I just don’t know how to get past this. It’s like… I don’t know. I don’t know if I can show you that side of me again and I don’t know if we can be, like, a thing without it. It’s part of what we were.”

  The word “were” made Kai’s belly clench. “I hope someday it can be part of what we are again. If there’s anything I can do, I don’t want to be a ‘were’ to you.”

  Kai couldn’t believe himself. He’d never outright asked to be taken back before. He’d never really been with anyone seriously enough to care, and as short a time as he’d been with Chase, something about them was very, very serious. He didn’t even recognize the words that were coming out of his mouth, but he meant them.

  “Thanks for breakfast,” Chase said. He put his plate down. At least he’d eaten most of it. Kai figured he’d sit next to him at lunch, make him a plate from craft services and shove it down his throat if he had to. Kai liked taking care of Chase. He liked when Chase took care of him too.

  “No problem. You sure you don’t want any more?”

  Chase looked up and smiled at him. The first smile of any kind he’d gotten since that day when he’d screwed everything up. “No, thanks. But it was good. I’m fine, okay?”

  Kai looked at the ground. “Just so you know, I’m not.”

  Chase nodded and reached out to brush his hand against Kai’s arm. Then he stood and went to the dresser where he kept his clothes. Kai figured it was time to get ready to go. Yay. Another challenge.

  TRIO DESSERTS. That wasn’t bad. Kai could do it in his sleep, which was good because he would practically have to. He hadn’t slept well since Chase started his deep freeze. The makeup lady had to put an extra layer of under-eye concealer on him, which had sucked. Getting makeup put on wasn’t one of Kai’s favorite activities. Part of him wanted to toss this one out, get cut from the show, pack his bags, and go home to Hawaii where he could figure out what the hell he was feeling with his family all around him. Another part of him, probably the bigger one—no, for sure the bigger one—wasn’t ready to give up.

  “Chefs,” Diego started.

  Fantastic.
Another one of his longwinded speeches. Kai’d heard enough of Diego’s dramatizing to last the rest of his life. He’d long since mastered the skill of tuning him out. No time like the present to practice, though.

  “Welcome back to the Burned kitchens.”

  Like we weren’t here yesterday.

  Kai had seen enough of the damn kitchens now. At first, the big, open spaces had seemed welcoming, now they were oppressive, stifling his creativity. It would be worth it if he won. Everything would be worth it if he got to tell his family he’d won the money, could open up his own place, feel like something other than a kid from Kaneohe who had to prove he was worth it. Whatever that meant. Kai didn’t look at Chase, because he wasn’t exactly sure how Chase fit into that fantasy. Even though it had been the dream since the start, these days it felt farther away from what he really wanted than he’d ever expected.

  “This week you’re doing everything in threes. You’re going to produce a trio of desserts for the judges that complement each other and work together. I don’t have to say that we’re looking for creativity and that extra special something. But I’ll repeat it anyway. See you when the challenge is over.”

  Trios, trios…. Kai had done a few back at Donovan’s. He could do this one. He just had to not look at Chase and not think about the way he’d barely returned his glance that morning when Kai brought him breakfast. Maybe it was time to give up that dream. Kai needed to stay on the damn show. It was his time to shine, not some guy who’d flipped him inside out and then walked away. Right?

  He didn’t know what he was talking himself into anymore. Didn’t matter, anyway.

  Trio desserts were fairly classic and could be done in several different ways. At Donovan’s he’d always gone with a chocolate, a cream, and a fruit option, each only several mouthfuls, so tiny and delicate and bursting with flavor. Kai wondered for a moment if that was too predictable for a show like Burned, then decided to hell with it. Sometimes there was a reason why things were done in a certain way.

  He’d do miniature versions of desserts he loved. Passion fruit meringue… thing, he’d figure out a name for it later; a rich, dark chocolate fondant; and because he hadn’t had chance to make it yet, his grandmother’s favorite coconut crème. The flavors of all three would work together well on the plate, and he was confident he could make all three delicious and beautiful in the time he had allocated.

  The buzzer rang, and he, Polly, and Clarissa ran for the tables. Al and Chase had lost time, so they had to wait. Kai didn’t feel the least bit vindicated by that.

  “CONGRATULATIONS, POLLY. You’ve won this week’s challenge,” Diego said. “The judges really were wowed by your trio of tea-flavored profiteroles. It was creative, delicious, and all of the elements went together perfectly with an elegant presentation. Good work.”

  Polly beamed, and the others applauded her. Kai was happy for Polly. She was an awesome chef who’d just happened to be overlooked at times when he thought she shouldn’t have been. He was glad she was getting recognition.

  “Chase and Kai. Congratulations to you two as well. You had very high scores with the judges. Good work.”

  Chase had gone with three berry-and-chocolate combinations: a cherry and dark chocolate tart, white chocolate and blueberry panna cotta, and milk chocolate cups filled with strawberry and cranberry mousse. They had looked fantastic on the plate, and Kai was a little jealous that he hadn’t had chance to try them himself.

  Chase and Kai didn’t hold back. Kai grinned at Chase and reached over to sling an arm around his shoulders. He figured if they didn’t like it, they’d cut it from the final film, but he wanted to show Chase he was proud of his work and happy to be in the good score range with him.

  “There was some amazing work today and really no disasters, but we’re getting close to the end of the competition, which means sometimes it’s only the least good that gets burned, not the worst. This is one of those weeks. Can I have Clarissa and Al step forward?” Diego said.

  Kai had high hopes. It was Clarissa’s second time in the bottom, although she’d won the week before. Unfortunately, it was Al’s second time in the bottom as well. Kai didn’t want to compete for the final with Clarissa. He knew she’d try to pull something. Please kick her out….

  “Clarissa, your cupcake trio was delicious and beautifully decorated, but the judges have warned you about too many cupcakes before when you failed to wow them in the sweet and salty challenge. Al, your trio of mousses was again delicious and the flavors married well with each other, but the judges also feel that you were too safe. If you stick to something like mousse, change up the flavors more, give them something that they don’t expect. That said, you’d never shown them a mousse before.”

  Diego paused. Kai started to hope maybe Clarissa was really going to go. It didn’t sound like they were going to burn Al.

  “Only one of you can stay and the other will be burned, and this week, Clarissa, luck isn’t with you. I’m sorry, you’re burned.” Diego bowed his head in the typical way he always did, like he gave a crap whose dreams he was crashing to the ground. Usually that meant a teary good-bye and a few hugs. Kai didn’t know what to expect from Clarissa. She seemed sweet on camera, but she hadn’t made any friends in the other contestants, for sure. And that was an understatement.

  While he didn’t expect sentimental good-byes, what he didn’t expect was her to bark out, “I’d like to talk to Tommy. Alone.”

  Kai figured he was screwed. He knew she’d seen him pass Chase that ingredient and had just been holding on to it until it was her best time to use it. He knew she’d have no problem telling Tommy exactly what she’d seen. What he didn’t know was if that was enough to get him kicked off, or if Tommy wanted him to stay enough that he was safe. The others didn’t know what to do. They milled around for a moment before the cameras were turned off and they were directed to clean up and head for the shuttle.

  Chase came over to Kai. “Hey,” he said quietly.

  Kai didn’t know exactly what that “hey” meant, but he’d take it if for no other reason than they were talking. Chase looked at him for another few moments, eyes shy and downcast, before he turned and walked toward the shuttle.

  Whatever that just was….

  Kai didn’t even know what to think anymore. It was the first semipleasant words Chase had said to him in weeks. He didn’t exactly expect any more of them.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  THERE’S ALWAYS ROOM FOR…

  THE JELL-O CHALLENGE

  WELCOME TO Burned, where we find fresh new cooking talent… and a few culinary disasters! This is the last elimination before our final challenge to see who is Burned’s pastry champion. Polly’s trio of delicious tea-flavored profiteroles brought her into the semifinal on top. Last week saw the end of Clarissa, always a favorite with the judges for her sweet, beautiful cupcakes and cakes. She lost originality points, though, when she turned out more cupcakes that were a lot like things the judges had seen before. And so, like all the chefs must be until we find our champion, she was Burned.

  This week, in our last elimination round before the finale, we see the chefs work with an old-time favorite. Jell-O. But they won’t be doing just anything with it. Their creations have to be unique, sophisticated, and show that Jell-O isn’t just for kids and old-fashioned vegetable dishes. We can’t wait to see what they come up with!

  Our grand prize winner gets a year of pastry training in Paris, a whole kitchen’s worth of top-of-the-line commercial tools and appliances, and a hundred thousand dollars for his or her own business.

  With stakes this big, we ask the one question on everyone’s mind: Do these chefs have what it takes to rise to the top? Or will they get Burned?

  CHASE LOOKED over at Polly next to him and grinned.

  “You ready for this?” he asked.

  “Let’s rock it,” she said and held her hand up for a high five. Chase couldn’t help but laugh as he slapped her palm.

&nbs
p; For once Chase didn’t feel too bad about the midweek challenge. They weren’t playing to win or lose time in the final challenge; instead the prize was the order they’d get to pick their ingredients in. Of course, Chase still wanted to win, to get first shot at picking his flavors, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he went last.

  Being paired with Polly gave him renewed confidence. They hadn’t worked together yet in the competition, and he was excited for the chance. Polly was an amazing chef, and he respected her talent. He figured, if nothing else, it was going to be fun.

  “Are you ready to make some….” Diego paused dramatically. “Macarons?”

  Polly laughed. “Awesome,” she said under her breath.

  Diego went on to explain they would be tested not on their creativity, style, or flair—the judges wanted to see bakery-ready identical macarons, a dozen of them each in two flavors.

  “We’ve got this,” Polly said when they were dismissed to start planning. “I love macarons.”

  “I like eating them,” Chase said, and poked her in the ribs.

  “I think we should go super traditional,” she said, flipping her long braid back over her shoulder. “Let’s do the basics really well. Diego just said they don’t want anything flashy. It’s substance over style.”

  “That’s fine by me. How about vanilla and… chocolate?”

  “Espresso?”

  “Even better. Vanilla and espresso.”

  Chase was used to the cameras following his every move in the kitchen, so when he almost walked into a cameraman who had been filming their conversation, Polly cracked up laughing.

  “Sorry!” Chase exclaimed, holding his hands up as he jogged over to the pantry to start collecting ingredients.