Scarlett's Will (Magic in the Smoke)

by Nicole Smith

  His phone rang. “Hello? Yeah, OK, good actually. I’ve got company so stop by tomorrow. Sure man, bye,” he hung up, watching me as I stood up off the floor and walked to the bathroom. I washed my face and used his toothbrush to brush my teeth quickly. I took a deep breath before walking back towards the couch. I heard Depeche Mode playing, he put on Somebody, my favorite. How sweet as I know this music isn’t really his thing. He smiled as he stood in front of me. I was pleasantly surprised when he wrapped me in his arms and started to dance with me. I relaxed as I snuggled into him, enjoying the comfort and the warm tingles his touch sent through me. I felt his hips move with mine, his hands resting on the small of my back.

  “You need something to sleep in,” he whispered. I didn’t want him to release me, but he did. He came back with a Social Distortion concert tee for me. I changed quickly in the bathroom. I was a little uncertain as to what Buddy wanted from me. He offered me the couch, not his bed. He has been close to me but he hasn’t kissed me yet.

  I folded my clothes and walked back out. Setting them down on the floor I glanced up at him. He was watching me, grinning again. I was beginning to love that grin.

  “You look adorable,” he said before lighting another smoke. I sat beside him on the couch as we shared this one.

  I must have dozed off because I awoke late the next morning, covered in blankets alone on the couch. I felt confused at first, not knowing where I was. Once I collected myself, I stood up and looked around. He wasn't there. I pulled on my skirt and kept his tee shirt on. I walked into the bathroom and washed my face with ice cold water. I brushed my hair and applied a light coating of red to my lips. Thankfully I put my makeup and hairspray in my bag. I wasn’t planning on a sleepover after the show last night. I applied my eyeliner and curled my lashes. Feeling somewhat presentable I walked back out. There wasn’t much to look at in his apartment. He owned a fairly extensive record collection, which I decide to flip through. As I began to wonder when he would return, I heard a knock at the door. I raced to it, hoping it was Buddy. I opened it immediately feeling disappointed.

  “Hi,” I said, standing in the doorway. “Buddy’s not here,” I told this stranger. He appeared shocked to see me.

  “Hi, you must be the girl Buddy met at the show last night. Do you mind if I come in and wait?” he asked. I didn't say anything as I continued to block the doorway.

  “He told me he would be here soon,” he said, sensing my apprehension. I looked him over. He wasn't as wild looking as Buddy, he seemed kind of average really. Jeans with no rips, a plain tee shirt, black hair, converse. I assumed he must be okay if Buddy told him he’d be here soon. I opened the door wider for him to pass. He ran down the stairs, placing a bag on the coffee table he turned on the stereo. Sweet Child O' Mine came on. I felt a little uncomfortable with this strange guy in Buddy’s apartment. I sighed as I sat on the floor across from him. He lit up a smoke and handed it to me. This one seemed different. I felt excited instead of mellow as I inhaled it a few times before handing it back to him.

  “Buddy told me he met someone, but I had no idea you’d be so cute,” he said, surprising me with the compliment.

  “My name is Dave. I’ve known Buddy for years, I can tell you he doesn’t fall easy so I was surprised when he told me this morning that he was serious, but I mean didn’t he just meet you last night?” he asked, taking another drag before handing it back to me. I laughed, accepting it.

  “It hasn’t even been twenty four hours,” I giggled. ”I highly doubt he is serious Dave,” I sighed, wishing he was here. He smiled as he began to tell me about the neighborhood. He has grown up here, but it's not safe. He doesn’t recommend I go out alone, night or day. Gang violence, drug dealers and the homeless have taken over. There are prostitutes on every corner, he informed me.

  Dave was in the middle of telling me a story about him and Buddy getting so stoned after a concert that they couldn’t find their car in the empty parking lot. I was laughing so hard at his animated rendition of the story that neither of us heard Buddy enter.

  He glanced from me to Dave then to the ashtray in front of him. He seemed angry. “Dave, I need to talk to you outside, now,” he said in a deep voice. I actually felt a little frightened by his tone. Dave looked at me and pouted before walking out with Buddy. I could hear Buddy’s muffled voice through the small window.

  “I told you to wait outside for me. What did you give her? What was in your smoke asshole?” he demanded. I felt so bad for Dave, I didn’t mean to get him in trouble. I couldn't hear what his reply was. I only heard Buddy swearing some more. I tried to calm my nerves as I sat back on the couch, covering my head with the blanket. The room began to spin a little as I heard them come back in.

  “Scarlett, I brought you some breakfast. You should eat,” he ordered as he removed the blanket from my head. A sudden excitement overcame me when I saw him. My head immediately stopped spinning and my mind felt completely out of my body. I sat up quickly and wrapped my arms around Buddy’s neck unable to stop myself from kissing it, as my lips touched his skin I felt his arms around me tighten.

  “Scarlett, please eat, then we’ll play,” he whispered, kissing my forehead as he removed me from his lap. I obliged and ate the breakfast sandwich quickly, drinking down the juice after.

  “Thank you, I was starving,” I told him, still feeling excited.

  Buddy glanced at Dave, grinning now. “I don’t know whether to punch you or thank you,” he told him as I slithered back on top of him. I heard Dave laugh and then cough. He lit another one. I turned to look at him but Buddy grabbed my arms. “No more for you, my little one,” he said. I wanted to kiss him so much, but I remembered we had company. This shouldn’t be our first kiss. I controlled my breathing as I rested against his shoulder.

  “Let’s go to the art show,” Buddy suggested, scooping me up in his arms as he stood. I laughed as he swung me around. Dave was up and racing for the door. I slipped on my docs when Buddy set me down.

  We hopped onto the bus and sat at the back. Buddy’s Mohawk was still spiked. I stared at him as he talked to another mo-hawked guy. They appeared to be friends, but I couldn't focus on his words. All I could do was watch Buddy’s lips move. I couldn’t believe how much I wanted to touch him. I forced myself to look away from him. As I did I felt his hand reach for mine. He was holding it tight but I couldn't look at him, I didn't trust myself. I looked out the window as this strange city unraveled before me. I felt Buddy lean over to me. “We’re here, this is our stop. Are you okay?” he whispered in my ear. I shuddered as I felt his breath on my skin. I smiled at him and nodded, feeling unable to speak. This seemed all too much and my desire for him was beginning to make my stomach hurt.

  He held my hand as he led me off the bus and into a crowd of people. It was as though I landed in another world. There were so many people here, all young and punk or goth. Spikes and Mohawks, shaved heads, tattoos, crazy purple and green hair colors, but the artwork everywhere amazed me. From sketches to paintings to sculptures. I stopped and looked at all of them as Buddy patiently nudged me along. At one point I felt his hand rest on my lower back and tighten as he moved me closer to him. I could hardly breath, all I wanted to do was turn and kiss him.

  I continued to focus on the art and the strange people as he came to a stop in front of a group. A man dressed in black leather and chains sat in the middle of them. His hair had been spiked in so many directions I couldn’t help but wonder how he slept. Buddy walked away from me to talk to a guy in ripped jeans and long hair. He looked more like he stepped out of a Skid Row video than a punk show. I smiled when I caught his eye. I saw him grin as Buddy followed his gaze. I giggled when Buddy shook his head at him. “Mine,” I heard him say as the guy patted him on the back then walked away.

  Buddy pulled me closer to him as he talked to a number of other people. Cash and small packages were exchanged numerous times throughout the day. When my mind began to feel like it finally rejoined my
body again I caught on that Buddy was a dealer. It explained his nickname too I guess. I should have known. A guy dressed as he was, with psycho, anti society hair must be bad, but he hasn’t been bad to me. He had his chance last night and today, with me being so fucked up on whatever Dave gave me, but he didn’t. He hasn’t even kissed me yet. I sighed as I watched him work. He wore a different pair of ripped jeans today. The first rip on his upper thigh caught my eye. His jeans weren’t tight but snug enough that I could tell he has leg muscles and a nice ass. I grinned as I looked at his biceps. Gazing up further at his tense jaw, his full lips, his chiseled cheek bones and deep blue eyes. I rested my chin on my knees and watched him until I was interrupted by a girl with pink hair, who sat down beside me.

  “So you are with Buddy this week?” she said slyly. I looked at her, hurt by the tone in her voice. “My name is Casey. I can tell you’re lusting after that boy, but I just thought I should warn you that he is a bit of a womanizer. Love em and leave em kind of guy. He’s super nice as a friend though. Sorry, what was your name?” she asked looking at me.

  “Scar,” I said curtly, holding in my anger. I didn’t want to believe her, but what kind of guy asks a girl to go home with him after just meeting her. What have I done?

  “Look, Scar, I’m sorry but you just look so young. I don’t want you to get too hung up on Mr. Romeo. Hey, you’re pretty cute too, I’m sure you’ll find a great guy one day,” she said as she stood, then walked away. I didn’t look up at her as I heard her say good bye. I didn't look at Buddy again either.

  He eventually joined me on the sidewalk and leaned back against the brick wall behind us. “Hey, what do you say we go grab some pizza and head home before it gets dark,” he suggested, reaching for my hand. I pulled away from him. Standing, I began to walk back towards the bus stop. “Hey, Scar, what’s up? What have I done?” he asked as he ran up behind me.

  “I think maybe you should take me home tonight,” I told him as I tried to hold back my tears. He sat close to me on the bus but didn't try to reach for me again. I felt lost and alone, wanting to reach for him so badly but I restrained myself. I must hold onto some dignity. He didn’t say another word until he unlocked his apartment door and I entered. Closing it behind him, he walked past me. I heard him pick up the phone and order pizza. When he put the receiver down he pulled his tray out and lit another handmade smoke that I enjoyed so much last night.

  He offered it to me but I refused. I heard him sigh as he crawled toward me. I’m sitting on the couch watching him as he places his chin on my knees looking up into my eyes, like a puppy wanting to be pet. I grinned, as much as I didn’t want to. He took this opportunity to run his hands up my legs to my waist and began to tickle me till I squirmed and laughed. “Stop it Buddy, now,” I demanded of him, tears running down my face and not just from the laughing.

  “Scarlett, angel, what is it? What have I done?” he asked so sweetly, looking into my eyes again. He wiped my tears and held my hands in his, kissing my knuckles. “Is it my job?” he asked. I shook my head, I don’t like it because it’s dangerous but I could live with that. “I saw you talking with Casey, did she say something? Just so you know, she has been trying to get into my jeans since the third grade. You can ask Dave, he’ll tell you the same thing. She’s just not my type. I’ve told her that a million times,” he told me, smiling.

  “So what is your type? Fucked up younger girls you meet at concerts that will go home with you?” I blurt out, biting my lip, feeling nervous now. He looked hurt and all I wanted to do was say sorry and touch his lips.

  “You Scarlett, are the first girl I have brought home after a concert. There is something compelling about you. I just want to hold you, to touch you. I just feel like I need you here, with me, in my room. Please Scarlett, you don’t know how hard it has been for me not to touch you, but I don’t want to scare you away. I don’t want you to go,” he pleaded. He knelt in front of me, his hands gripping the sides of my legs, staring into my eyes, searching again. I sat in silence as I considered what he said. The pizza man arrived and Buddy went to pay. When he returned he grabbed a jacket and draped it over me. He put on a black sweater and picked up the pizza and a couple of beers.

  “Come with me,” he said as he led me upstairs, through another apartment to a rooftop balcony. I walked out, looking up at the night sky, wishing I could see the stars, but all I saw was the glow of lights from the city as I sat down beside him. Sirens took the place of silence. He handed me a beer and a slice of pizza. I ate it quickly, surprised by my hunger. I haven’t said anything since his plea. I can’t help but wonder if it’s true. Maybe I should ask Dave about Casey. I set the can down and glance at Buddy. He’s looking up at the night sky.

  “There are no stars here,” I whispered. He looked at me and sighed.

  “Are there stars where you live?” he asked, before looking up again.

  “Yes, at night, unless it’s cloudy, I can see a million stars,” I answer him. He inches closer to me so our legs are touching. I can feel his warmth again and I begin to tremble.

  “I’ll bring you home Scarlett, if that is what you want,” he said to me as he looked into my eyes, searching again for an answer. I stare at him, feeling the pain of leaving him too soon. He leans toward me as he places his hand on the nape of my neck, his other hand resting gently on my hip as his lips land on mine. It was the sweetest, most tenderest kiss I’ve ever felt. The sensation ran through my body, exciting me all over. His lips pressed into me, his tongue slowly finding mine. I moved closer to him wanting to be near him as he kisses me so deeply. When he releases me, I'm left gasping for air. I gazed at him as he brushed my hair back from my face.

  “Oh, Scarlett, why did you bump into me?” he whispered before kissing me again, harder this time. I placed my hands on either side of his face, lost in this moment, this moment I’ve wanted since I first looked into those piercing blue eyes.

  “Lets go inside,” he said as he reached for my hand. I placed it in his. On our way downstairs I glanced around the apartment we were quietly walking through. There were pictures of soldiers on the walls. I few of them looked like Buddy. I held his hand tighter as he led me back down to the basement.

  “You are going to kill me Scarlett Rayne,” he said grinning, as we sat side by side on the couch. He placed his arm around me and I leaned against his shoulder as I rested my hand on his thigh, without thinking I moved it up until I reached the rip in his jeans that had tempted me all day. I slowly began to rub little circles on his skin beneath the tare with my fingers. He tilts my chin up to him as he blows smoke into my mouth, his lips landing on mine briefly. I inhaled deeply before letting it out. He freed his hands and placed his arm under my knees as he picked me up and carried me to his bed. Kissing my neck before finding my lips again. I wrapped my arms around him. I can’t leave him, not yet.

  We spent the next day together, alone. I’ve never enjoyed the company of someone so much in my life. I had been so entranced, unable to keep my hands from him. I loved how he seemed so eager to take care of me. He made sure I ate and felt warm enough in the apartment. As we sat on the floor and nibbled on chips, listening to Bad Religion I decided I needed to know more about him.

  “Buddy, who lives upstairs?” I asked. “My mother,” he answered, as though it was obvious.

  “Oh, I haven’t seen her.”

  “She’s been away for a few weeks,” he said as he lit a smoke.

  “Does your father live up there too?” I asked, as he isn't offering much information. He sighed as he passed it to me. I take it eagerly.

  “No, my father is not here,” he informed me. I assumed they must be divorced. Before I have the chance to ask him another question, he distracts me by crawling behind me, kissing my neck as he holds my hair up. I lean back as his lips move from my neck to my chin to my lips. I melt into him.

  In the evening he took me to his friend's gig at a local club, sneaking me in the back door, because I am so
far from twenty one. He told me was nineteen so I am not sure how he is getting served. I lose Buddy to the mosh pit at times, but he always returns to me with a drink in hand. As I stand at the edge of the pit, searching for his body amongst all the others, I am slightly frightened by the violent clashes. It seems almost savagery, the way they throw themselves into each other. As I continue to watch, unable to look away, drawn in by their angry and troubled release I see him. His body is sweating, his muscles are flexed and his face holds an expression of pain mixed with pleasure. In that moment I realize their is so much I don't know about the man I am falling in love with and my fear of him excites me.

  My head spins as we walk home. I hear sirens and people shouting. I envision people fighting all around us. Buddy encourages me to walk quickly. He places his leather jacket around my shoulders and grips my hand tightly. I noticed his knife in his front pocket, surprised he brought it with him. He breathes a sigh of relief as he locks the door behind us. I race down the stairs and into the bathroom. I overdid it on the booze. I rinsed my mouth and drank water from the tap. When I walked out Buddy stood in front of me, grinning.

  “What?” I asked. He pulled my shirt up and I realized it was drenched in water.

  “I was thirsty and there wasn’t a cup,” I explained laughing as I took it off. I removed my boots and lit a smoke as I caught Buddy watching me.

  “Do you know how absolutely beautiful you are right now,” he asked me, looking into my eyes. I wished I could just keep those eyes on me forever.

  My body trembled as he kissed my neck, sucking my cold flesh, I closed my eyes as he ran his rough hands over my stomach and up to my chest. I heard him moan as his lips found mine. His deep stare made me shudder as I realized I was completely his.