Noah sighed as he snipped another chunk from the front of his hair. He had been in a state of rebellion against the community for so long that suddenly he questioned the rules he had adhered to his entire life.
It was only hair.
Was it really that important?
The humble style established conformity, and that was important within the community. But that didn’t mean Noah liked the look. Such thoughts would be considered prideful, but he’d seen the admiration in Rose’s eyes when she looked at his hair. He’d felt her fingers glide through it when he’d kissed her. Shivers ran through him at the thought of having Rose’s fingers tangled up in his hair.
It didn’t matter that he wanted to keep his hair.
Cut it, he must.
It was the only way to remain in the community.
Snipping the last section in the front, Noah had set the precedent for rest of the hair to go. But as he did, he realized it was no longer Emma that he clung to; it was Rose and her fingers playing delightfully in his long hair.
Another few snips to the sides, and he was almost there. He could feel the rebellion leaving him with each snip. And as the hair fell to the floor, so did his ties with Emma. Through his prayers, Noah had resolved that Emma was not meant to stay with him; she was destined to be with Gott.
This would be a new start, and his hair was still long enough that Rose could run her fingers through it freely. Did he want her to? The answer was a resounding yes.
Unable to see the back, Noah wasn’t certain if he’d managed to cut a straight line, but it was now short enough that the imperfections would be hidden beneath his hat.
Next, he would tackle the scruff of whiskers that he’d kept trimmed in more of an Englisch style. After rinsing the bone-handled shaving brush, he swished the horse-hair bristles against the cake of peppermint soap at the bottom of the old kaffi cup he kept it in. Thick, soapy lather formed on the end of the brush, and he lifted it to the chiseled angle of his jaw. The cooling soap spread smoothly across his face, creating a white beard.
He paused for a minute, thinking it funny that he could one day have a white beard, but not until after he and Rose had had a full life together. No matter what, he couldn’t keep his mind off her. It seemed that every plan that came to his mind lately involved her somehow. One question weighed on his mind though; was she thinking the same things?
Lifting the straight razor that he’d sharpened on the leather strap, he scraped it across his chin carefully. He was careful to take small strokes and rinse the blade after each stroke to avoid cutting himself. The whiskers were tough, and would require a second pass with the blade, but slow progress was changing his look in ways he was no longer used to.
Would Rose like his new look? Most women, it seemed, preferred the clean-shaven look. But he had also noticed admiration in Rose’s eyes every time he rubbed his chin in her presence. Her eyes had followed his hand as he’d swiped it across his whiskers; it had not gone unnoticed.
With the majority of his whiskers now gone, Noah rinsed his face and began the process all over again, this time pulling the blade a little tighter against his skin. His skin felt bare and vulnerable the way it always did after a clean shave. A final rinse of his face and shaving supplies, and Noah was finally done.
He stood there for a moment, examining his new look, and feeling unsure about it. He hoped Rose would approve of his new look since she’d not met him looking this way.
Certainly now he would be presentable to the Bishop and the community, and that was what he wanted.
Chapter 16
Rose dragged the hose over to the celery patch so she could set the sprinkler on it. The soil was getting dry, and she didn’t want the plants she’d been entrusted with to wilt in the hot sun. She’d made sure that the gas-powered generator in the shed was running so it would power the sump-pump to bring water up from the well. Everything at her parent’s haus was a little easier since it was all solar-powered, but Aenti Nettie’s small farm was still surviving on more primitive means.
She stood watching the track of the sprinkler to make sure it was reaching all the way to the end of the celery patch. When she was satisfied every last stalk was getting its fill of water, she turned to leave. She’d purposely kept her back to the pond; the temptation to look for Noah was too great. It had been three long days since their kiss, and she’d sat at the end of the dock each night waiting for him, only to return home each night disappointed. Not only had he not shown up to meet her, there was no indication he’d even been there since the night they’d kissed. He’d also made no attempt to see her in any way, and that had instilled deep feelings of discouragement in her.
A faint splash from behind her forced her gaze toward the pond, where Noah stood on the other side skipping a rock across half the expanse. Was he trying to get her attention?
He certainly had it now.
She couldn’t resist watching as he tossed another. Her gaze followed the stone as it skipped across the surface five times before sinking. Looking up from the pond, Noah made eye contact with her even from that distance. He stood there for a few moments, staring across the water at her, and then removed his hat and held it in his hands. Rose nearly gasped as her hand instinctively clamped across her mouth.
He’s gone and cut his hair. And he shaved too!
Rose remembered the feel of his long, silky hair entwined in her fingers the night the two of them kissed. The tickle of his whiskers had given her goose-flesh when his lips had swept over hers. What would a kiss be like with him now? Would she ever get the chance to see?
From across the pond, Noah lifted his hat in a salutatory wave before placing it back on his head. Then he turned and walked toward his haus without looking back.
Rose’s heart thumped against her ribcage. He’d waved—sort of. It wasn’t much, but it was something. She wished she knew what was going on with him, but he had cut his hair and shaved his face clean. Though he now looked Amish, Rose would not soon forget the sultry look in Noah that had attracted her to him in the first place. At least now, with the changes he’d made, she felt confident that she had a chance to have a life with him in the community. Unless it was too late, and he’d already been shunned.
Please, Gott, allow Noah to remain in the community. I think I’ve fallen in lieb with him. Please, Gott, make it so.
Rose couldn’t wait to get to work so she could discuss Noah’s changes with Bess. Katie would never understand such a dilemma, and if she confided in her, she ran the risk that Caleb would discover his cousin was living there. Noah had warned her that he wanted his presence kept secret, but she hoped his change in appearance meant he had changed his mind. Was it too much to hope that he was getting himself ready to rejoin the community? She certainly hoped it was so.
****
Noah hitched up his buggy as he rehearsed what he planned on saying to the Bishop. He disliked showing up unannounced, but he hadn’t been to church services in so long, there wasn’t a chance to prearrange a meeting with him. He was nervous, that was for certain, but he knew if he let it show, it would put him at a disadvantage with the Bishop. Bishop Troyer encouraged confidence among the menner in the community. At the moment, Noah could only feel numbness mixed with a bit of apprehension. His prayers had left him confident that he was doing the right thing—that he was finally ready to move forward out of his mourning period and get on with his life. He hoped it wasn’t too late to be welcomed back into the community where he knew he belonged.
As he pulled his buggy in front of the Bishop’s haus, Noah was confident that he would have the right words to make things right for his return to the community.
Bishop Troyer stepped out of his barn at the sound of an approaching buggy. He tipped his hat forward to shield his eyes from the sun so he could see who had come to visit. His heart leapt for joy when he saw that it was Noah Beiler. He quickened his steps to greet the young mann, who had fallen away from his flock too long ago.
“Noah, it’s so gut to see you. I’ve prayed that Gott would bring you back to us, and here you are. Kume, we will go inside and see if there is any lemonade left. I could use a refreshing drink on such a warm day as this.”
Noah followed Bishop Troyer into the haus, thinking that a sip of Fraa Troyer’s tart lemonade was just what he needed.
Chapter 17
Rose fidgeted on the backless bench during church service. It was too warm to sit there for so long, and her legs and back ached from working so much in the celery patch and the B&B over the last week. She was not looking forward to wash-day tomorrow, as she would be doing her own wash as well as all the linens for the B&B. The best thing about her job was having Bess to confide her worries to over Noah.
Since the menner sat on one side of the room, she was stuck sitting next to Katie, who wasn’t paying any more attention to the service than she was. The big difference between she and Katie, was that her schweschder was confident of her relationship with the mann who sat across the row from where they were. Caleb was making sheep-eyes at his betrothed when he thought Rose was not looking. Noah, who was at the front of the large room, sat wedged between two of the Elders, as though they guarded him.
With the windows open, the aroma of honeysuckle blooms floated in on the warm breeze. Rose took a deep breath of the sweet flowery air as it wafted by her. It reminded her of the night she and Noah had shared their one and only kiss. She had smelled the flowers that warm evening from the bushes that grew to each side of the dock at the B&B. The aroma had contributed to the romantic feel of the night, and Rose couldn’t let go of that feeling—even now.
Katie nudged her in the arm. “Get up, Rose, the service is over.”
Rose blinked.
The room was emptying of the community, and she was the only one still sitting. Feeling her cheeks heat up, she had to wonder how long she’d been sitting there staring unresponsively. Had Noah seen her when he’d walked past her?
“What’s wrong with you, Rose?” Katie asked impatiently.
“I…I was reflecting on some things,” Rose stammered. It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the sort of thing she should have been thinking about during church.
Pushing down embarrassment, Rose stood and followed Katie into the kitchen where most of the women had gathered. Most of the menner had already gathered in the yard with the kinner, except for the few that had already begun to take the benches outside for the meal. Rose glanced out the kitchen window and spotted Noah helping Caleb and a few others set up tables in a long line under the shade of the many trees.
She paused to admire the smile that played along his lips every time one of the menner spoke to him. He seemed genuinely happy to be back in the community, and the menner had obviously welcomed him back—except for one, who seemed to keep his distance. She watched the strain crease Noah’s brow as the older mann approached him.
****
Noah felt his chest tighten as Emma’s vadder approached him in the yard after church. He’d both dreaded this moment and eagerly anticipated it ever since his meeting with Bishop Troyer. Greeting him with apprehension, Noah took a deep breath and tried to remember the words of wisdom the Bishop had shared with him.
“Abraham, it’s gut to see you. You and Mary look well. I’ve missed you both very much.” Noah stammered over his words hoping they would be well-received, but he couldn’t be sure from the older mann’s expression.
Abraham paused. “Mary and I have been concerned for you, Noah. How long have you been back in the community?”
Noah felt his heart thump against his ribcage.
“I’ve been here all along. I never left. I’m sorry for not coming to see you sooner, but I just couldn’t bring myself to face the two of you.”
Abraham placed a hand on Noah’s shoulder.
“You were like a son to us. That hasn’t changed. We know you did everything you could to save our Emma, including diving into the icy pond to pull her out. She is with Gott, and remaining closed off from your familye would not have brought her back to us.”
“I know that now that I’ve spent the past year and a half rejecting the community. It means a lot to me that you and Mary are so willing to accept me now that I’m back.”
Abraham swallowed the sorrow that formed in his throat. “We love you like one of our own. We want you to be happy and to feel free to move on with your life. You’re too young to be alone. You deserve to find a fraa and have kinner.”
Noah was happy to hear Abraham’s words, but he wondered if he would still feel the same if he knew he’d already developed strong feelings for Rose. The very thought of her sent delightful shivers through him. He only hoped that his delay in seeing her hadn’t ruined his chances with her. But he was still not done putting his life back in order.
His own vadder still hadn’t received him, and he worried that if he took too long to mend fences with him it could hinder the relationship he desired with Rose. Even though his daed and Rose each stood only a few feet from him, he could not go to either of them. His daed needed time, and Rose was just out of his reach because of his unsettled life. He would not hurt her more than he may already have.
Rose set a casserole dish on the table in front of Noah. He didn’t smell the food; he only smelled honeysuckle, even if just from memory of the night they’d shared such a beautiful kiss. How would he be able to bear it if he had to continue to put a life with her on hold until he set things right with his daed?
Was it possible for him to do both?
Chapter 18
Rose lingered at the table near Noah, hoping he would speak to her, but so far he hadn’t. There was only so much rearranging of the stacks of plates left on the table that she could do near him without making herself look desperate for his attention. When she’d finished laying out all the place settings available, she slammed the last plate against the table hard enough to break it. Still, he did not acknowledge her. Was it possible he regretted kissing her? Perhaps it was a moment of weakness on his part, and he wished to take it back.
Choking down tears, Rose turned her back to him and walked out toward the edge of the property. She didn’t want to be anywhere near him if he didn’t like her. She’d prayed that the kiss had meant as much to him as it had to her, but now she wasn’t so sure it had ever happened. At the time, she’d been stressed and emotional from nearly drowning. Was it possible she’d imagined the whole thing? His appearance now made her wonder if he had rejoined the community with another woman on his mind—a woman who was not her.
Rose collapsed at the base of a large oak tree. Who was she kidding? Noah was very handsome and could have his choice of any woman in the community. Why would he choose her? She was far too plain and had nothing to offer him.
****
Noah couldn’t help but follow Rose, who was obviously upset from his lack of acknowledgment of her. He wasn’t trying to ignore her, but it was obvious she saw it that way. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. But no matter how hard he’d tried to spare her feelings, he’d managed to do the exact opposite. Now he would have to explain things to her, when he’d hoped he would be able to avoid this conversation with her.
He slowly approached the tree and leaned against it. “There’s a nice breeze under this tree. I can see why you picked this spot. It’s kind of crowded over there with the entire community trying to eat all at once.”
Startled by his presence, Rose bit back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes, and looked off into the distance. She allowed the rustling of the leaves to soothe her as she calmed herself enough to speak.
“Why are you following me? Don’t you have other interests to pursue?”
Noah was baffled by her question. “Mei daed
won’t speak to me for not telling him where I was all this time.”
Rose looked up into his blue eyes. “I’m sorry that your daed has shunned you. But what does that have to do with me?”
Noah kicked at acorns in the grass trying to quell his nervousness. “It doesn’t, but I was hoping I could bend your ear a little. I thought we were friends.”
Rose cringed at the word.
Friends.
So that was all she was to him? He’d made it clear by saying the word. She didn’t want to be his friend. She wanted more from him than that. If all he wanted was friendship, she didn’t think she could handle that—especially if he should decide to begin dating someone else. But he’d said it, and there was no ignoring it.
If he wants to be friends, I will be the best friend he’s ever had. Gott, please let him see me as more than a friend.
“Jah, I suppose we are…friends.”
The word didn’t come out as gracefully as she was trying for, and Noah noticed her strange tone.
Noah cleared his throat, feeling suddenly awkward with the silence between them. “Would you like to come back to the meal with me? I’m sure everyone is seated and eating by now.”
Noah wished he could sit with her, but the rules stated they were to sit at opposite sides of the table. There were some rules he didn’t agree with even though he’d followed them all his life. He’d wanted to sit with her during church service as well, but that was also not allowed.
“I’m not real hungry. I’d rather go home. I woke up with a headache, and it doesn’t want to go away.”
Noah kicked at the acorns nervously. “I rode with Caleb this morning, or I’d offer you a ride.”
Chasing Fireflies: Book Five (Jacob's Daughter, an Amish, Christian Romance) Page 5
