Keeping Me (Spy Chronicles Book 2)

by Scarlett Haven

  “I’m not a leader,” I say. “I just do everything that everybody tells me to do.”

  “Then you don’t see what I see,” he says. “Before you came, Sebastian Soto didn’t talk to anybody. Now, he’s made friends. And not just with you. I never thought I’d get that boy to team up with anybody, but he wants to team up with you and whoever you’re with. And when I met you in Florida, you had those six boys wrapped around your finger. You told them to move and they moved.”

  “They just felt sorry for me,” I say, knowing that was all there was to it. I was the abused girl and they were trying to make me feel better.

  “It’s more than that,” Dad says. “You’re strong. I don’t know what all you have faced in your life, but I know it wasn’t good. I know you haven’t come even close to telling me everything that those people did to you.”

  “I don’t want you to feel guilty. It wasn’t your fault,” I say.

  “But it was my fault. I should’ve come after you sooner. And for that, I am sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” I say. “Look, you have been an amazing dad. And I am so glad that you finally found me. But those things they did, and the things I went through, that is what made me the person I am today. So, don’t have any regrets, because I don’t.”

  “No regrets,” he says, but I can hear the regret in his voice. “I wish you could’ve had a normal Spy School experience, though. It’s actually fun being there. I made a lot of friends when I lived in the dorms. And we worked hard and trained harder, but we also had a blast.”

  “I’m having fun here. In New Zealand,” I say.

  “I know you are. But you should know, Gage and Brett have to leave soon,” Dad says. “They’re really important assets to Spy School and I need them somewhere else.”

  “What about Sebastian?” I ask.

  “Sebastian stays with you. Always,” he says.

  “I’m not keeping him from anything important?”

  “Serenity, there is nothing in the world more important than you. Besides, I don’t think that boy would leave your side for anything.”

  His words relieve me, because I don’t want Bass to go anywhere.

  “You seem to be feeling better since you’ve been training,” Dad says. “You have more energy. And you look healthier.”

  “I do have a lot more energy,” I say. “I’ve gained almost fifteen pounds since I was released from the hospital, though I don’t feel like I’m any bigger.”

  “You’re gaining muscles.”

  “I can run almost three miles now. I feel like I’m slow when it comes to the physical side of things. But I’m trying.”

  “You’re not slow,” Dad says. “Most of the kids at Spy School have spent their entire lives training. You haven’t. You’re starting fresh. Don’t ever feel like you’re not good enough, Serenity. Trust me, you are. One day soon, you’re going to be better than anybody else.”

  “I’ll never be better than Sebastian,” I say.

  “We’ll see.”

  I love that my dad believes in me.

  Having a real family is far better than I ever imagined or dreamed.

  Tuesday, October 3

  Frustrating.

  I love the rain. I’m not sure what it is about it that I like so much. Maybe it’s the smell. There is nothing like it. Or maybe it’s the color of the sky.

  Where I’m from, it rains every day at 4 p.m. on the dot. At least in the summer. I’m talking downpour with thunder and lightning. And while I don’t have good memories from Florida, the one thing I loved there was the weather. Sunny every day. But also rainy every day. Rarely ever too cold. And I miss that.

  It’s cold in New Zealand. I was always under the impression that it was hot here, kind of like Florida, but that’s not the case. It’s a cool spring day here. Yet, I still go outside because I like the feel of the rain.

  Everybody is asleep in the house. It’s five o’clock in the morning. The sound of the rain woke me up and I wanted to come outside.

  I look up, watching the rain come down. The sight almost makes me dizzy, but I’m mesmerized by the pattern the rain makes as it falls.

  “What are you doing?”

  I spin around when I hear the voice behind me.

  “You scared me,” I say, when I see Sebastian standing in the doorway. He doesn’t step out because he’s not crazy. It’s raining. And cold.

  “Come inside. You’ll get sick,” he says.

  “The cold won’t make you sick,” I say. Because it won't. It could cause hypothermia or frostbite, but it's not nearly cold enough for either of those, and I don't plan on being out here that long anyway. I just need this.

  “Don’t make me come get you.”

  I laugh. “I’d like to see you try.”

  “You think you can stop me?”

  I shake my head, because I know that I can’t take him, in a fight. He proves that every single day when we are training. If he really wanted to, he could drag me back inside and I would be powerless to stop him.

  He takes a step down, out into the rain. “Why are you really out here?”

  “Because I like the rain,” I tell him.

  “You’re barefoot, and you’re standing in a puddle,” Sebastian says.

  “Come on. Haven’t you ever wanted to play in the rain?”

  “Maybe when I was two.”

  I stick my tongue out at him. “Well, you’re lame then.”

  “Real mature,” Sebastian says, taking a step closer to me. He’s soaked now, too. “Come inside.”

  I just shake my head, my wet hair sticks to the side of my face and arms. “I don’t want to come inside, yet.”

  “You are the most frustrating woman I have ever met.”

  I’m only seventeen. And I don’t think I’m old enough to be classified as a woman. But I kind of like it when Bass calls me one.

  “Did you know that in the summer in Florida, it rains every day at four p.m.? Like clockwork,” I say.

  “I thought Florida was supposed to be the sunshine state.”

  “Well, the sun shines every day, too,” I say. “But really, it rains quite frequently. And I miss it. I miss Florida.”

  “I’ve only been to Florida once. Disney World, when I was seven.”

  “I never got to go to Disney World. I wish I could’ve. My parents... kidnappers... took my fake stepbrother when I was eleven. They made me stay with our neighbor when they went. She had, like, five cats and her house smelled awful.”

  “That’s just cruel,” Sebastian says.

  He’s now standing in front of me.

  “Maybe we can go,” I say. “After I’m trained. I want to go and spend a week there.”

  “You want to go with me to Disney World?”

  “Why not?” I ask. “It sounds fun.”

  He doesn’t say anything for a full minute. Long enough that I think he’s not going to. I start to look back up at the rain when I hear his voice.

  “In another life, maybe we would’ve gone together when we were kids,” Sebastian says. “If you hadn’t been kidnapped, and if my dad hadn’t decided that he liked money more than loyalty. It would’ve been fun. I have a feeling you were an awesome ten–year-old. But I guess we will never know for sure.”

  “We shouldn’t let what happened then define what happens now,” I say. “I wanna go to Disney World with you. It doesn’t matter that we’re almost eighteen. I think it’ll be fun.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re my friend.”

  “Serenity, why did you choose me to jump out of the plane with you?”

  “I already told you. Because I trust you over everybody else,” I say.

  “You could’ve jumped with your dad.”

  I shrug. “Maybe. But I wanted to jump with you.”

  “I don’t understand why though.”

  “Because you make me feel brave,” I say.

  “You didn’t even hesitate before jumping,” he says. />
  “I tried to talk you out of it. I pretty much begged you not to make me jump.”

  “That’s normal,” Sebastian says. “If you tell anybody this, I will deny it. But I might have cried trying to get out of jumping the first time.”

  “You cried?”

  “Give me a break, I was fourteen,” he says. “But the point is that you’re not brave because of me. You are brave because of yourself. Maybe I give you a little extra courage, but that was all you.”

  Maybe he’s right.

  “I just didn’t want to chicken out. You were there. And my dad was waiting for us. And I feel like I suck at everything else, and I just wanted to do one thing right,” I say. “I want to be good at something.”

  “You’re good at everything,” Sebastian says. “I push you because I know what it takes to motivate you. I know what to say to get you to run an extra mile when you’re absolutely exhausted. I know what to say to get you to fight a little harder and study longer.”

  “But I’m not good enough,” I say.

  “You will be, though. And when you can’t see that in yourself, I will be here to see it for you.”

  His words make my heart stammer.

  And I know that I shouldn’t have these feelings for him, but I can’t help it.

  I guess I get why they call it a crush—because it literally hurts. Like the thought of not being around him crushes my heart and makes it hard to breathe.

  “What are you thinking?” Sebastian asks me.

  I look at him and resist the urge to hide. He’s looking at me with an intensity that I’ve seen so many times. But this time, it feels different. It feels like he’s looking through me instead of at me. It's like he knows exactly what I'm thinking. But he can't.

  “I’m thinking that sometimes you make me nervous,” I say.

  “Nervous? Why nervous?”

  “I don’t know. Well, I sort of do,” I say. “It’s just... every day, I don’t know which Sebastian I’m going to get. The sweet guy who helps me train and jumps from an airplane, or the mean Sebastian who pushes me away and tries to make me think he hates me even when he says he doesn’t.”

  “I do that,” he says, not trying to deny it. “It’s not just with you, but it’s worse with you because you’re the only person I’ve allowed myself to get close to since I came to Spy School. I just assumed that everybody was bad, like my father.”

  “You don’t think I am, right?”

  “No,” Sebastian answers. “You’re the most genuine person I’ve ever met.”

  “Then why do you push me away?”

  “Because maybe I’m scared that I’ll be like my father.”

  “Sebastian, you could never do something as terrible as he did.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because you’re good,” I say. “Genuinely good. And I know that.”

  “Well, you thought Nolan was good to.”

  “Nolan was one of the first people I conversed with after being forced to not talk to anybody my entire life,” I say. “I didn’t see the signs. Sebastian, I let him drug me and I didn’t even think twice. I was young and naive.”

  “That was three months ago.”

  “In three months I have survived an explosion, I went to Spy School where I met an extremely stubborn boy who saved my life... more than once, I might add. I jumped from a two story window, went on a crazy road trip, and then somehow ended up on the other side of the world jumping out of an airplane,” I say. “Three months might as well be three years.”

  “You forgot to mention strikingly handsome.”

  “What?”

  “You called me stubborn, but you failed to mention my good looks.”

  I laugh. “Sebastian, I don’t think you need me to tell you that you’re hot. You already know that.”

  “You think I’m hot?” he asks.

  “I think that you are the most attractive guy I’ve ever met in my life,” I say. “Like, so handsome that sometimes it hurts to look at you.”

  And I can’t believe I just admitted that out loud.

  “I’ve pushed you away for a long time,” Sebastian says. “Why do you still like me? I feel like you should hate me.”

  “Well, I don't hate you. And I never will,” I say. “Opposite, in fact.”

  “Opposite?”

  “You're my best friend,” I say. “I love you.”

  And I do love him.

  I love him as a friend.

  And maybe I love him as more, I don't know.

  But the truth is I do love Sebastian Soto. Always.

  “Opposite,” he says again, this time smiling. “Okay, Princess, now I know you've been outside in the rain too long.”

  “I thought you weren't going to call me princess anymore,” I say.

  “I will call you whatever I want,” Sebastian says, taking another step closer. “Now come inside.”

  “Nah, I think I'll stay here,” I say.

  Even though it is kinda cold.

  But Sebastian doesn't let me. He just picks me up like I weigh nothing and throws me over his shoulder. I am screaming and kicking the whole way in, but he doesn't budge. Just carries me inside and puts me down once we're inside the door.

  “Not cool,” I say. “You can't just pick me up like that. And you definitely can't tell me what to do.”

  Bass just smiles.

  “You're so frustrating,” I say.

  “Back at ya,” he says.

  I turn to walk towards my room but I stop and turn back to him.

  “You know that being a jerk doesn't change how I feel about you. And if you're trying to make me change my mind, it's not possible.”

  “I'm not doing anything,” he says.

  But I don't believe him.

  Sebastian likes to push people away. I know him. He doesn't think he's worthy of love. But he doesn’t realize how wrong he is. It's a good thing that I am patient.

  As I walk towards my room, I leave puddles behind me and for the first time in my life, I'm not worried about getting in trouble for making a mess.

  Life is good.

  Wednesday, October 4

  A promise.

  I look a lot like my mother.

  She had brown eyes, where I have my dad’s green eyes, but if it weren’t for that, we’d be identical.

  She was small, like me. Except, she wasn’t sickly skinny. She had curves. And muscles. And she was beautiful.

  She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. It’s then that I realize I am dreaming. And I don’t want to wake up, because this is my mom. And even in my dream, I can feel just how much she loved me.

  I watch as her eyes widen in terror and she looks down. I follow her gaze and see a huge red stain on her chest growing bigger at an alarming rate. I begin to scream, but no sound comes out. This dream is completely mute. And I just want to wake up.

  “Serenity!” I hear somebody yell. But the voice doesn't fit my dream.

  I just keep screaming.

  Finally, I have control over my own body. I sit up and scream, “Mom!”

  “Serenity.”

  I look up and see Sebastian hovering over me.

  “Are you okay?” he asks.

  I nod.

  Even though I'm far from okay.

  “Bad dream?”

  “Yeah,” I answer, biting my lip. I feel like it will keep me from crying, but so far it isn't working.

  “I used to get bad dreams after my mom and I left,” Sebastian says. “I was only four at the time, but I remember being scared of my father finding us.”

  “You don't seem like you'd be scared of anything,” I say.

  “I am scared of more than I'm willing to admit,” he says, taking a seat on the edge of my bed beside me. “I'm so sorry, Serenity.”

  “What are you sorry for?” I ask, wiping the tears from under my eyes.

  “That you're here because of my dad. That you have to hide because he literally wants to
kill you.”

  “You are not your dad,” I say. “So never apologize for him.”

  “I have to,” he says.

  I want to protest or argue, but I don't. Maybe he needs to apologize to feel better. He already knows that I don't blame him, or even remotely think it's his fault. He's nothing like his dad, even if he thinks he could be. But I know Sebastian. He's too good to be anything like that monster.

  “Where is my dad?” I ask.

  Because, if he were here, he would've busted into my room long before now.

  “He took Gage and Brett to the airport. He won't be back until later in the morning,” Bass says.

  “He trusted you to babysit me alone?” I ask, in mock surprise.

  “Surprised me, too.”

  “I guess it doesn't surprise me,” I say. “My dad says you're the only person who could make me stop screaming when I was a baby. Apparently they'd put us in a crib together and I'd stop crying.”

  “Huh. That's... kind of crazy,” Sebastian says. “I feel like you do that for me now.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean... when I'm not around you, everything is loud. Sometimes, I feel like I'm going to drown in my own thoughts and feelings. But then when I'm with you, everything is quiet. It's like I can actually breathe,” he says. “And the more I'm around you, the harder it is to be without you.”

  His words make me lose my own breath.

  “My life was so much simpler before you showed up at Spy School,” he says. “My whole life was about training to become the best. And then you walked in and changed absolutely everything.”

  “I'm sorry that I ruined it for you,” I say.

  “You didn't ruin it. I mean, maybe a little.”

  I lower my head.

  It's always the same with Sebastian. I give him a little piece of my heart and he shatters it. Every single time.

  “My dad is after you,” Sebastian says. “It is my duty to look after you.”

  “Don't worry about it,” I say. “I have my dad. And in case you didn't notice, he's a powerful man. I think he can handle this without you.”

  “I'm not going anywhere,” Sebastian says, looking at me. “I know I've said something to hurt your feelings, but I didn't mean to.”