Sammy in Italy (Single Wide Female Travels #2)

by Lillianna Blake

  He opened the door to the car for me. “Okay, but do you mind if it’s refreshing alone? I really don’t have any interest in getting up that early tomorrow.”

  “Sure, that’s fine. It won’t interfere with your plans, will it?” I settled in the car.

  “Not at all.” He closed the door behind me.

  Once Max climbed in the other side, the driver headed toward the hotel.

  Max interlaced his fingers with mine. “I’m really looking forward to having some time alone with you, Sammy.”

  “I am too.” I leaned close, then looked out the window.

  I looked forward to my time with Max, but I looked forward to my time with me too. I wanted to get back on track with my spiritual and emotional journey. I couldn’t exactly advise other women to take time for themselves if I wasn’t able to allow myself to do the same thing.

  Chapter 20

  Max and I arrived at the hotel restaurant just in time to land a perfect table.

  “You know what I want?” I grinned.

  “Chicken Alfredo?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “Always—but something else.”

  “What?”

  “Pizza!”

  “Oh, great idea.” He gestured to the waiter. “Do you serve pizza?”

  The waiter stuck his nose in the air. “This may be hard to believe, sir, but every restaurant in Italy does not serve pizza. This would be one that does not.”

  “Oh.” Max frowned. “I guess we could go somewhere else.” He looked over at me.

  “No, it’s fine, I’m sure we can get pizza another time. I’ll order something else.”

  The waiter left menus on the table for us to look at.

  I ordered a salad and pasta combination. Max ordered spaghetti and meatballs. I didn’t think Italy was going to be doing any favors for my waistline.

  I picked at my food and shared a little conversation with Max, but my mind was focused on the day I’d had. Maybe it had ended in success, but I’d still experienced an extreme sense of unease. More than anything, I wanted to get back to that confident woman that I thought I’d become.

  “Sammy, you’re a million miles away. You okay?”

  “I think so. There’s something off. I just can’t put my finger on it.”

  “Maybe some down time in the room will help.”

  “Maybe.” I nodded.

  After we finished our meals Max offered dessert. “Maybe something covered in chocolate sauce?”

  “I’d better not. I’ve eaten enough pasta today to grow a pasta tree.”

  “A pasta tree?” He grinned. “I don’t think pasta grows on trees.”

  “Maybe not, but if I eat any more, I guarantee you, there could be a pasta tree.”

  “I’d like to see a pasta tree. Do you think you could climb it?”

  I sighed. “Of course not. It would be too floppy.”

  “But pasta is hard before you cook it.” He wagged his finger at me.

  “But it’s brittle.”

  “Good point. I give, you win.”

  “You just want to get me back to the hotel room.” I winked at him.

  “It’s true, I do.” He paid the bill and we headed for the elevator.

  The moment I set foot inside the suite my nerves settled a little. It was good to be alone with Max. It was good not to feel under pressure to perform at a book signing or a fashion show. But still, something prickled at my mind.

  Max and I snuggled up and watched a movie together. It was much-needed quiet time—time for just the two of us to hang out together, but just as he was about to slide closer to me on the couch I glanced at my watch.

  “Sorry, hon, I really want to be up in time for that meditation. Do you mind if I turn in early?” I met his eyes in time to see a hint of disappointment.

  “Of course. It’s fine. I’m sure you’re tired from today. Go on to bed. I’ll be in soon.” We shared a quick kiss.

  I set my alarm on my phone to be sure that I’d be up in time the next morning. As I sprawled out in bed to really relax for the first time since I’d arrived in Venice, my heartbeat slowed. It was surprising to me that I was completely unaware of the amount of anxiety I’d been living with. If it was that easy for me to ignore my body’s signals, then I had a lot of self-work yet to do. A good night’s sleep might help with that.

  I willed myself to fall asleep. I counted sheep. I tried some color visualization. I recited sleep-inducing affirmations. But when Max walked into the room, my eyes flew right open.

  “Are you still up?” He crawled into bed beside me.

  “Yes, I’m not sure why.”

  “Maybe you missed me?” He snuggled close and kissed my cheek.

  “I definitely missed you. I’m having a hard time falling asleep. I can’t figure out why.”

  “You’ve had a busy day. Want a massage?” He rubbed my shoulder.

  “Oh yes, that would be perfect.”

  I rolled over onto my stomach. Max’s hands kneaded deep into my muscles. With every roll of pressure I relaxed a little more. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to envelop me. Instead, I experienced even more wakefulness.

  Max stretched out beside me and yawned. “I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

  “Me too.” I curled close to him.

  Maybe that was it? My longing for the excitement of the next day was preventing me from falling asleep?

  As I mulled the possibilities over in my mind, I realized that my entire pattern was out of balance. I’d been sleeping a lot less and eating erratically. There hadn’t been much of a routine to my life since I’d been on the tour. Maybe my body was crying out for a little more attention.

  At some point, long after Max had begun to snore, I fell asleep.

  Chapter 21

  When my alarm went off, it was a bit of a shock. I didn’t want to wake up. I considered turning it off, but the draw of the sunrise meditation was enough to get me up out of bed. Hopefully being at a gathering of like-minded people would allow me to reconnect with my inner self.

  I dressed as quietly as I could in an attempt not to wake Max.

  When I slipped out the door my body ached with exhaustion. Without getting much sleep the night before, my stamina just wasn’t there. Still, I rode the elevator down to the lobby, then hailed a taxi to take me to the address of the meditation.

  The sun was just peeking over the horizon as I arrived. A small grassy park welcomed me. Toward the south end, a group of people sat in a wide circle. I noticed Isabella in the group, but she already had her eyes closed. I didn’t want to disturb her. I found an open spot and sat down in it.

  In the center of the circle a woman was playing singing bowls. The sound soothed me in such a way that my entire mood lightened. I took a breath—a real breath, a deep fulfilling breath—then I released it. I expanded as my breath expelled from my body. The limitations of bone and skin blurred as if I were becoming a cloud that drifted just above the ground.

  I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the singing bowls. The vibration of the melody carried across my nerves, first plucking, then soothing each one. I savored the experience.

  There it was—that peace that evaded me, that sense of place within the wide wonderful universe. I invited it to wash through every cell in my body. Lighter and lighter—even feeling slightly dizzy—I detached from all of the burdens I’d been collecting—the burden of anxiety, the burden of ego, the burden of expectations. Warmth spread throughout my body and for the first time in quite some time, a sense of wholeness flooded through me. I'd fought so hard to find the place I belonged, when the only place I truly belonged was within my own center. When I was there, the world molded itself around me.

  A shiver coursed up along my spine. It was so powerful that my eyes sprang open in reaction to it. The sun broke through the clouds in that exact moment. It nearly blinded me with its golden hue. It was perfect.

  As the meditation ended, a few people began to mingle. I tried t
o make my way over to Isabella, but other people seemed to be occupying her attention. While I waited, I pulled my shoes off and walked through the thick grass. Still a bit damp from the morning dew, it clung to my feet.

  I thought back to how anxious and rushed I’d been lately. I’d lost all focus on myself because my mind had been occupied by my need to please others. In the process, I’d become such an anxious mess that I’d sabotaged my own success.

  It made me sick to my stomach to think that I’d almost given up on everything. How could I lose clearness of sight so easily?

  I took another belly-filing deep breath. Just as I released it, the stinging started. My eyes flew open. I looked down at my feet to see ants all over them.

  “No!” I yelped and danced around in an attempt to avoid the ants.

  Isabella noticed my distress and rushed over to check on me. “Are you dancing or are you hurt?” She grabbed my arm.

  “Ants—ants everywhere!”

  “Oh no—it should be out of season for those little bugs. Here, there’s a bathroom over here.” She pulled me toward a stone building.

  Once inside, I thrust one of my feet into the sink. The cold water rushed over my foot and washed away the ants. I switched to the other foot and rinsed it off. The little ants swirled and went down the sink. I might have felt guilty for their fate if it weren’t for the burning and itching of my feet.

  “Some way to start the day.” Isabella handed me some towels. “I’m sorry that this happened.”

  “It’s okay. I had a great meditation. I guess I’ll just have to be gentle to my feet.” I smiled.

  “I’ll go grab your shoes.”

  As soon as Isabella left the bathroom I bent down and clawed at my feet. They itched worse than poison ivy. The more I scratched, the more they itched.

  “Get a hold of yourself, Sammy, before you scratch your skin off.” I sighed and stood up. My reflection in the mirror told me all I needed to know.

  I might have been centered for a moment, but that moment had now disappeared.

  Chapter 22

  I met Isabella outside the bathroom. As I tugged on my shoes she assessed the state of the bites.

  “If you get some cream you’ll be fine. The itch doesn’t last too long.” She looked up at me and frowned. “You’re not getting the best impression of Venice, I’m afraid.”

  “I have an adventurous day ahead of me. I’m looking forward to it.” I leaned against the outside wall of the restroom and fastened the straps on my sandals. “I think I’ll keep my shoes on, though.”

  “Yes, that might be best.” Isabella walked with me to the parking lot. “Can I give you a ride back to the hotel?”

  “Thanks, that would be great.”

  “It’ll give us a chance to chat.” She unlocked the doors to her car.

  Something about her voice made me look over at her with some concern.

  “Sure.” I sat down in the passenger seat and buckled my seat belt.

  As Isabella drove she described some of the locations that we passed. “Growing up here was magical, I can’t deny it. It’s not like any other place in the world.” She pointed through the windshield at a crumbling structure. “That was once a little ice cream shop. They’re putting in yet another restaurant. Like we need another.” She laughed. “Ah well, the important thing is that people enjoy their visit.”

  “How could they not?” I smiled as I looked out the window.

  “Are you?” Isabella looked over at me.

  “I am.”

  “When I met you in France you seemed to be having the time of your life, but I’ve noticed that things are different since you’ve been here. I just hope it’s nothing I’ve done. Maybe pushing you into the fashion show wasn’t fair to you.” She sighed and turned toward the hotel.

  “No. Oh no, please don’t think that. The fashion show is something I never would have done without a little push, and I think it was good for me. I just think that I’m a little caught up in the whirlwind of the tour. It’s hard for me to figure out what’s happening next when I’m constantly on the move. I didn’t expect that to affect me this much.”

  “I suppose that would be difficult. I just hope that you’re able to enjoy yourself a little before it’s time for you to move on.”

  “I’m sure I will. I’m sorry if I’ve given you the impression that I’m not happy. You’ve done so much to make our stay here special. I really couldn’t be happier with everything you’ve done.”

  “Well, maybe without the ant bites.” Isabella laughed as she parked the car outside the hotel. “Have a great day, Samantha. If you need anything just let me know.”

  “Thanks, Isabella.” I leaned across to give her a quick hug. “Please don’t ever think that I don’t appreciate everything that you’ve done for me. This has been one of the best experiences of my life. Just when I thought I couldn’t be pushed any further, you showed me a new way to grow. I think I’m just having a few growing pains along the way.”

  “Perfect for the next book, right?” Isabella smiled.

  “I hope so.” I laughed and stepped out of the car.

  I reached the lobby in time to meet Max as he stepped off the elevator.

  “How did you know I was here?” I hugged him.

  “I hoped. I thought that if you weren’t, I might go out hunting for you.” He looked into my eyes. “I missed you this morning.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you. I thought one of us should get some sleep.”

  “You didn’t sleep well last night?” He narrowed his eyes. “I noticed a bit of tossing and turning.”

  “I just couldn’t fall asleep. I tried, I really did.” I stifled a yawn.

  “Then maybe we should stay in today so you can get some sleep.” He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t want you to be exhausted for the book signing tomorrow.”

  “No way, I’ve been looking forward to this. I just need to pick up some cream for my feet.”

  He looked down at the numerous bug bites on my feet. “I see meditation in the park may not have gone so well?”

  “It wasn’t my best moment, but I’m sure the rest of the day will be great. I can’t wait to find out what you have in store for me. Are you going to give me a clue?” I grinned as I looked into his eyes.

  “It’s going to be a very sweet experience.” He winked.

  “Hm. Sweet. Any time we spend the day together is sweet.” I pecked his lips. “I guess we should hurry, we don’t want to waste any time.”

  “Wait.” He pulled me close. “That’s what I don’t want you to do.”

  “What do you mean?” I gazed into his eyes.

  “I don’t want you to hurry. I don’t want you to think about the time. I just want you to be with me.”

  “I will be.” I leaned into his arms. “Always.”

  “I know, but what I mean is, I want you to be present with me. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind, but I’d like you to try your best to let all that go. I just want one day where it’s just you and me—no books, no tour, no worries—just us.” He brushed his hand back through my hair and stroked the back of my neck. “What do you say?”

  “I say that sounds like paradise.” I kissed him again, then pulled away.

  He pulled me back and kissed me again. Within moments I disappeared in the heady pleasure of his kiss. The sensation was one that I loved, but it also reminded me of how long I’d gone without it. Sure we’d been kissing, but not that deep soul-intertwining, outside-world-vanishing type of kissing. I lingered in the afterglow of it with his arms still wrapped around me.

  “Max, I love you.”

  “I love you too, Sammy.” He kissed the top of my head. “I love being here with you. I love that we’re going to spend the day together.”

  “Doing what, exactly?” I looked up at him with a sneaky smile. “Are you going to tell me, or do I have to keep guessing?”

  Chapter 23

  “You can’t stand it, can you?�
�� Max raised an eyebrow.

  “You know I’m not a fan of surprises.” I stuck out my bottom lip.

  “You mean you’re not a fan of not being in control?” He smirked.

  “Stop!” I laughed. “Please, just tell me.”

  “Alright, fine.” He offered a dramatic sigh.

  “We’re going on a gelato tour.”

  “A what?” I narrowed my eyes.

  “A gelato tour. See?” He held up a piece of paper. “Each of these shops offers an assortment of flavors and this little guide will take us through the most unique ones. So we get a chance to try as many flavors as we like.”

  I looked at the glossy paper. Each building had a picture of a scrumptious-looking gelato. My mouth watered at the sight of them, but my chest also tightened. They were full of sugar. How was that going to fit into my diet?

  “Max.” I frowned and looked up from the paper. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

  “Obviously I do, otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested it. What’s wrong with it?” The tension around his eyes indicated that he was disappointed in my reaction.

  “I’m trying to lose weight, Max, not gain it.” My entire body grew tense.

  “And it doesn’t always have to be about that, Sammy. Does it?” He shook his head. “We’re in Italy, I want us to have a little fun. Is that so bad?”

  “A little fun can mean a serious backslide.” I glanced away from him for a moment and drew a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I know that you planned this as a special outing for us. I don’t mean to be negative, but I just think that I need to get back in control of my diet—and everything else.”

  “There’s that ‘c’ word again.” He rolled his eyes. “What is the point of being in Italy together if we don’t get to enjoy it?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying things, Max, but there’s no need to give up all control to enjoy myself. I can have fun doing things that don’t involve a day filled with dessert. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be in control, especially when things have been so chaotic.” I rested a hand on his chest and looked into his eyes. “Why is it so bad that I want to hold on to that?”

  “It’s not bad, it’s just exhausting. I think sometimes it’s okay to lose a little control.” He stepped closer to me and swept his arm around my back. “We are in Italy. Do I need to repeat that? We’re in a part of the world that we might never have the chance to be in again. I don’t want to leave here without you having the chance to relax and truly enjoy yourself.” He curled his hands around mine and gave a firm squeeze. “I’m going to break you out of this apprehension you’ve been dealing with, if it takes me the entire tour.”