The Janus Legacy

by Lisa von Biela

  He glanced up. The door to the suite was only a few feet away. Seemed like a mile. He smirked at the irony. Usually a surgical patient would be initially prepped in a special room, drugged up to the point of not giving a damn, then wheeled down the hall to surgery. He had to walk himself in there directly to ensure no other SomaGene staff member got wind of the procedure they were undertaking. The comparison to a death row inmate walking to the chair on his own steam was not lost on him.

  He thought of Amanda for a moment. Was it possible they would get back together? He tried to hold on to that thought as he forced himself to take the last few steps to the door.

  He stepped inside to the small atrium that led to the actual surgery. He peered through the porthole in the door and saw both Glen and Tim in there—and the Subject, draped and hooked to all the necessary tubes and wires. He turned, picked up the surgical gown that had been left for him and changed into it. Then he took a deep breath and entered the surgery.

  Glen motioned him in. “Hi Jeremy, we’ve been waiting for you. Come have a seat.” He pointed to the empty gurney. “Right here.”

  Jeremy wasn’t so sure he appreciated the false cheer, like he was being welcomed into the dental chair for a mere cleaning. But he supposed in light of the seriousness of the situation, there was no need to add to the tension of the moment.

  “OK.” He straightened his shoulders, stepped over to the awaiting gurney and positioned himself on it. He couldn’t help but turn his head to steal a glance at the Subject who lay parallel to him on his own gurney. He felt a little ill when he noticed that the Subject was actually bound to the table. He tried not to think of what sort of panic and confusion he must have experienced on his way in here.

  He looked away.

  Both Tim and Glen were in full surgical garb, and had apparently scrubbed. He could still recognize them behind their masks. Tim approached him, while Glen appeared to be rechecking the various instruments spread out before him.

  “How’re you doing, Jeremy?”

  “OK, I suppose. Nervous.”

  “Sure. Can’t say as I blame you, though we’ve prepared and tried to think through all the possible scenarios ahead of time. The Subject is already under, so the clock has started. You ready?”

  “Yeah, let’s do it.”

  Tim fitted the mask over Jeremy’s nose and mouth and urged him to breathe slowly and deeply. It only took a few breaths before Jeremy was out.

  He was gazing into a mirror. It was foggy, as if someone had taken a hot shower in the room and not let the steam out. The room itself was not familiar, but for some reason he cared only about the mirror.

  He reached out, wiped a clear spot in the center. Something was strange. He looked more closely. No reflection.

  He wiped harder.

  He looked again. Now he could see it was as if his reflection were approaching the other side of the mirror from a distance. He grew larger and clearer as the moments passed.

  Jeremy stood mesmerized, his hand still suspended near the mirror where it had been wiping.

  The image came closer. It seemed so strange for the mirror to do that. Why wasn’t it just there, like always?

  The image finally came up to the mirror and assumed the appropriate size.

  But something was still very wrong.

  Jeremy got his face right up to it and peered closer still.

  It looked like him, but not totally. He rubbed his eyes and looked again.

  It was the Subject!

  Jeremy quickly stumbled back and nearly fell.

  The Subject reached a hand right through the mirror. The mirror rippled and parted to let it through as if the hand were coming up through water.

  Jeremy screamed.

  The Subject then used both his hands to part the mirror and force his entire head through. He stared at Jeremy.

  Then he opened his mouth.

  Help me.

  Jeremy pressed himself against the wall behind him in a complete panic. His legs buckled and he slid to the floor. Then he noticed something that had somehow escaped his attention.

  He looked down in his lap.

  Forgetting about the Subject coming through the mirror, he screamed again.

  In his lap was a complete large and small intestine, just like the glossy color pictures in his med school books. It throbbed and pulsed in peristaltic rhythm.

  He tried to shimmy away from it, tighter against the wall. He didn’t dare touch it, but it was somehow connected to him, and stayed on him as he tried to squirm away.

  In his terror, he had not noticed that the Subject had somehow come all the way through the mirror and now stood before him.

  Jeremy could feel his heart pounding all through his body as he watched the Subject slowly bend, then kneel before him. The Subject gazed upon the glistening intestines, seemingly ignoring everything else around him. He bent lower, lower, then reached out and carefully touched them.

  Jeremy could feel his touch, could feel it on those intestines sitting out there, impossibly exposed. Were they his? Whose were they? What was the Subject going to do?

  At first he’d thought the intestines were just resting on him, now he feared they were somehow part of him. He didn’t know what to think.

  Then the Subject looked up at him. His demeanor somehow began to change. He was caressing the intestines as he looked back up into Jeremy’s face, only inches away.

  Jeremy was terrified, his breath coming in brief hitches. He didn’t know what to expect. The Subject’s caresses felt strangely…good. He looked down again, briefly wondering how the intestines were connected. They couldn’t be functional exposed like that, but they pulsed and seemed to respond to the Subject’s touch.

  The Subject suddenly grasped one of the loops of intestine, as a snarl played across his face.

  Mine!

  And then he pulled. Hard.

  Unimaginable pain tore through Jeremy’s abdomen, a thousand times worse than the worst Crohn’s attack he had ever experienced.

  He was lying on his side on a cold, white floor. Alone. He gingerly touched his abdomen with his hand.

  It was empty.

  Open.

  And empty.

  His hand was covered in blood.

  He curled into a fetal position, his hands over his midsection.

  And shut his eyes.

  CHAPTER 30

  “Hey, hey, calm down. Let me get the doctors.”

  Jeremy snapped his eyes open, and was shocked to see Amanda’s face filling his vision instead of the Subject’s.

  “What happened?” he muttered.

  “You were agitated, trying to talk in your sleep. They told me to call them when you came to.” Amanda reached for the buzzer at the side of Jeremy’s bed and pressed it.

  He quickly glanced around to try to orient himself. Gradually, he realized where he was and why. He lay his head back down on the pillow, grateful to have made it to the recovery room. He felt groggy, yet was in minimal pain. Must be some good drugs.

  Threads of his nightmare hung with him, though, weaving an undercurrent of dread beneath his relief at having come through the surgery. He closed his eyes.

  “How’re you feeling?”

  Jeremy opened his eyes again to see Tim standing next to the bed, checking the blinking and beeping monitors. “Not too bad. How did it go?”

  “Quite well, actually. You tolerated the procedure better than we expected, all things considered. You now have about six inches of new small intestine—the portion right before the colon. Yours was in bad shape—strictures, the beginnings of several fistulas—I doubt you could have gone much longer without even more serious symptoms than you were having. Good thing we got in there now.”

  “How is…the Subject?”

  Tim adjusted the IV flow for what seemed an extended time, then turned away as he answered. “He’s doing as well as can be expected. We removed the needed section, then rejoined his remaining small intestine right to the
colon. His ability to absorb nutrition will be somewhat compromised now that he’s short a bit of intestine. We think we can adjust his diet to ease that problem. Otherwise, he appears to be recovering.”

  Glen stepped over to the other side of Jeremy’s bed and cast a sharp glance at Tim as he spoke. “Don’t spend your energy worrying about that. The important thing is that your procedure went well. Now we want to be sure your resection heals properly. How’s your pain level?”

  “OK, thanks.”

  “Well, your buzzer is right over here. Don’t hesitate to use it if you need more pain meds or anything. One of us will be present on site at all times over the next 48 hours to make sure everything is proceeding as expected.” Glen leaned over, adjusted Jeremy’s bed sheet, then smiled. “You’re doing very well so far. Now you should just get some rest and let your body heal.” He glanced at both Amanda and Tim, who stood on the other side of the bed.

  Tim gently put his hand on Amanda’s shoulder. “Yes, Jeremy needs his rest right now. We should let him sleep.”

  Amanda bent down, lightly kissed Jeremy on his cheek. “Rest well. I’ll be back.”

  All three quietly left the room, and someone dimmed the lights. Jeremy lay alone with his thoughts. But his thoughts soon became tangled in the cottony confusion of the pain meds.

  He edged closer to sleep. And he hoped that nightmare would not return.

  CHAPTER 31

  “All done now.” Tim pulled the giggling baby out of the water and dried him off. He opened the tub drain, put on Johnnie’s diaper and pajamas, then carried him out to his high chair at the dining room table.

  He sat down in the chair next to him with a small groan of exhaustion, then offered his finger to the little guy to play with while they waited for their dinner. Johnnie gripped it firmly with the saliva-laden hand he’d just removed from his own mouth.

  Katie stepped out of the kitchen with a bowl of salad, took one look at Tim, and declared, “My God, you look like a wreck. What happened today? Tough surgery?”

  “Uh-huh,” he grunted, hoping she would leave it at that. Katie always showed a keen interest in his work and liked to talk about it over the dinner table, which he usually appreciated. It helped him unwind from the day and reflect on what cutting-edge work they did at SomaGene.

  “What this time? Heart, liver? Maybe a trachea? Those seem to be a little trickier, eh?” Katie set down the salad bowl and folded her arms as she waited for his answer.

  “Yeah, a trachea.” Tim decided to go with it and steer clear of the truth this time. “This one was a lifelong smoker, and the lungs were in tough shape. Made the whole procedure a lot more delicate than usual. Looks like the patient will make a good recovery, though.” He was surprised by his ability to spin a fast lie, and hoped that little story would satisfy her tonight.

  Katie shook her head. “Wow. It’s amazing what you do every day. You must really feel good about how much you improve the quality of your patients’ lives—and some of them are in pretty tough shape when they come to you.” She glanced over at Johnnie as she spoke. “Sounds a lot more exciting than swapping out dirty diapers all day.”

  Tim chose to ignore her last remark. The last thing he needed today was to get into it with her about her stay-at-home status and how bored she was. “We do. I don’t think any other clinic comes close to our success rate—and many can’t even offer some of the procedures we do.” He tried desperately to get the image of the Subject out of his mind. He’d chosen his specialty as a way to help people, not tear them down by harvesting their organs for the benefit of others.

  “Well, you really should be proud of yourself. You do important work.” Katie turned and headed back into the kitchen to get the rest of dinner.

  Tim wondered if Katie would think quite so highly of him if she knew the truth of what he had participated in today.

  He glanced at Johnnie as they waited for their dinner. The boy stared back at him with wide, innocent blue eyes. The same sort of look the Subject gave him when he came in to feed him each day.

  A chill ran up Tim’s back as he fully grasped that he had helped steal—yes, steal—part of a human being’s intestinal tract for the sake of another. Without consent.

  Today they’d been complicit in more than just pushing the biotech envelope to discover new surgical and treatment modalities. They’d played God.

  Katie returned from the kitchen bearing their dinner plates.

  He waved her off. “Sorry. I’m not hungry. I’ve got a horrible headache.” Ignoring the quizzical look on her face, he got up from the table without another word and headed for the bedroom. He couldn’t bear to sit through dinner right now. He just wanted to be alone, in the dark and quiet.

  CHAPTER 32

  Amanda stared down at the eggs frying in the pan. The edges of the whites were bubbling in the layer of oil, starting to crisp just as Jeremy liked them. He liked crisp edges, but he didn’t like the eggs overly hard. She watched closely until just the right moment to slip them from the pan and onto his plate.

  She figured eggs would be relatively easy for him to digest, and would offer some good protein to help him heal. She had decided against toast for the time being—too rough. Glen and Tim had initially only allowed him a liquid diet, but now, a week later, they were letting him graduate to soft proteins and starches.

  But bland. Amanda had to fight off her natural reflex of adding seasonings. She wondered how Jeremy could stand his food totally unseasoned; she didn’t think she could have, at least not without complaining bitterly. But he’d not complained at all, not a word.

  He hadn’t brought it up overtly, but she was sure he was feeling some level of guilt in doing so well because of a live—and forced—partial organ donation. Tim had assured them both that the Subject was doing reasonably well after the procedure, but neither had actually seen him yet. Tim could be covering something up to try to give Jeremy the peace of mind he needed to heal.

  But she could tell Jeremy was not at peace. She knew he wanted to get to SomaGene and see the Subject’s condition for himself. Of course he wasn’t ready for that right now. He was healing well, but it had been a major procedure and the resectioned intestinal segment needed to be allowed to properly heal before he undertook much of anything.

  Amanda placed the breakfast plates on a tray, picked it up, and went to deliver it to Jeremy’s bedroom.

  As she reached the top of the stairs, she paused briefly and glanced toward Ivan’s room—or suite, really. She wondered if Jeremy would ever make peace with his memory. She set the thought aside and headed for Jeremy’s room with the tray.

  She knocked at his door. “Jeremy—you awake? I have your breakfast.”

  “Yeah, I’m awake, come in.”

  She pushed open the door with one foot and stepped inside. She set the tray down to avoid tipping it, then turned on a small lamp on the dresser.

  Jeremy had propped himself up to a sitting position with several pillows. His color was quite good, considering how badly he had been doing before the surgery and how extensive the surgery itself had been. She picked the tray up again and set it on the bedside table next to him.

  He smiled, but his eyes were serious. “Amanda, thank you.”

  She waved her hand at him. “Oh, you don’t have to—”

  “Yes, I do. You didn’t have to do this, didn’t have to take off from work and make all those arrangements, just to be with me.” He looked down for a moment. “I really just want to thank you.” He looked back up at her. “You’ve done a great job helping me out, and…I’m really happy you’re here. It’s almost like we were never apart.”

  A guilty twinge passed through Amanda’s stomach as she thought of Rick and the cover story she’d fed him. In spite of herself, she could feel the remnants of her resolve crumbling.

  She’d broken up with Jeremy after she saw what Crohn’s did to his mother. She hated to admit it to herself—let alone him—at the time, but she just couldn’t
bear knowing any future with him would likely take a similar course. She knew she couldn’t handle that, so she broke it off and convinced herself that the reason for their breakup was his apparent lack of ambition. She’d started seeing Rick, someone she felt was the complete opposite of Jeremy in terms of personality and drive, and she’d been happy with that choice.

  And now this. She looked closely at Jeremy. He really did look miraculously better. She dared to picture him living a relatively normal life.

  She dared to picture them together, living that normal life, with the secret kept between them, and of course, Tim and Glen. She tried to push the Subject from her mind. What was done was done.

  She reached out and caressed his face. “You’re right. It is almost like we were never apart. Almost.” She kissed him gently. “I’m glad I came.”

  CHAPTER 33

  “I’ve always thought this was the most amazing time of year here. Look at all those fresh green leaves on the trees. There are even some daffodils coming up already.” Amanda strolled with Jeremy along the dirt path at Purgatory Park. “It’s great to be able to leave the down jackets and heavy boots in the closet, too.”

  A young couple with a small child in tow passed them going the opposite direction. The child looked up at them, waved one of his pudgy hands, and shouted, “Hi!”

  Jeremy glanced at the trees lining the walking path. Any Minnesotan whose mood could not be lifted by the glorious display of spring regeneration after a long, cold monochromatic winter must be in tough shape indeed. He drew in a deep breath. It felt so good to be able to breathe like that without pain, and without frosty air clawing at his lungs.

  He felt as rejuvenated as the landscape around him.

  “It certainly does feel good, Amanda.” He slipped his arm into hers. “I really can’t remember a time when I’ve felt quite this good.”

  She glanced up at him and smiled. “You’ve really done well. Looking at you now, it’s hard to believe what condition you were in only a few months ago.” She furrowed her brow. “I wasn’t entirely sure you were going to make it through the procedure.”