by BA Tortuga
The thought stopped him. And why would it be the worst? It wasn’t like this man would be interested in him in a sexual way. He’d been ass-fucked hundreds of times, by dozens of men and objects. He was more than used; he was ruined. What? He was going to have an affair? He wasn’t even qualified to have a motherfucking friendship with someone who wasn’t another convict. He had no skills, no money, no future, and just enough sense to understand that shit.
Fuck.
Maybe he should just beg off, stay home. Sleep all day.
No. He wasn’t gonna disappoint Sage. The man had been good to him. Dakota would suck it up.
Besides that, he wanted to go to the river. He wanted to be outside. Dakota loved the whole idea of just floating all day, no matter how crowded it was.
For a day, he could just be a guy.
The beep-beep of a horn told him his ride was there, so Dakota grabbed his shit and headed outside.
He had a pair of Azel’s shorts that were too big in his bag, just in case Jayden forgot.
He frowned, because the big blue truck wasn’t Sage’s. Jayden peered out the window, waving at him.
“Hey! Sage asked if I could grab you on the way by.”
“Oh. Is he okay?”
“Yeah. His buddies had showed up already, is all. Trey? Troy? Come on.”
“Yessir.” He hopped up, slipped into the leather seat, and fastened his seat belt.
“You don’t have to call me sir.” Jayden winked, then pulled out into traffic. “I’m not a cop or anything.”
“Sorry. Habit.”
“Well, it’s not gonna piss me off, but we’re just hanging out. A couple of dudes.”
“Right. Are we heading to Sage’s or San Marcos?”
“San Marcos. We’re supposed to pick up ice and whatever we want to drink.” Jayden tapped the steering wheel along with the music on the radio.
Dakota watched the traffic, the looming upper deck making him smile. That had been one of his favorite sights—UT’s main tower, the stadium, the Jester Center, then the Capitol.
“You liked it at UT, huh?” Jayden asked, sliding up over the upper deck.
“I did. I liked being on my own. What I thought was on my own, anyway.”
“Yeah? I was freaked out when I left out from home. Now, by the time I went to law school, I was all secure and shit, though.”
“I bet.” He couldn’t imagine lawyer-man as anything but secure and classy.
“Oh God, I was a dork when I was in high school.”
“Did you play football?” His father had been so disappointed when he hadn’t shown the slightest interest or talent in sports.
“I played baseball. I wasn’t big enough for the boys around Dallas in football.” Jayden chuckled. “I wanted to go to school where there was a rodeo team.”
“You grew up in Highland Park. It’s not cowboy country.” He knew that.
“Well, why else would I want to be a cowboy?” Jayden winked at him.
“Ah. I get it.” He’d been raised with an oil executive. Dad was a big deal in snakeskin boots and a huge Stetson and fancy suit, but his dad wouldn’t know the difference from a horse or a cow.
“Yeah. My cousins out in Caddo were all in 4-H. I was so jealous.”
“Do you go and ride Sage’s horses?”
“He’s just invited me.” Jayden chuckled. “I knew Win a good while before I met Sage. He was doing some security for me.”
“That’s cool.” Wow. That was something else. His dad had needed security a couple of times for when he was making big deals. Dakota thought it was mostly for show, a big guy in a suit standing around to make his dad look important for ten bucks an hour.
“Yeah. A throwback from my prosecutor days. One of those jailhouse lawyers you were talking about. Got out on an appeal due to a trial error. Random weird technicality. He’s a real nutjob who’s back in custody.”
“There are a lot of those inside.” A lot of normal guys too. He’d been in medium security, thank goodness. He didn’t think he’d have survived maximum. Solitary confinement would have been his only shot there, he guessed. Still, he wasn’t white-collar, and it wasn’t easy. Just easier.
“There’s all kinds of guys inside. I get that.” Jayden shrugged. “This one just really hates me.”
“I’m sorry. That sucks.” He’d say he couldn’t imagine, but that would be a lie.
“It is what it is, right?” Jayden got over so he could turn into the lot at an HEB. “Come on. Let’s get drinks and snacks.”
“Okay.” He just needed a huge bottle of water, really. That would get him through the day. He’d had two big bowls of cereal that morning, and he was going to go back with Sage afterward.
Jayden seemed to be in the more is more camp, though. He picked up chips, cheese crackers, dry roasted nuts, and Slim Jims. Then he got Diet Cokes and light beer, which kinda cracked Dakota right up.
He wandered with Jayden, looking at all the neat stuff, all the new things, but he knew what he wanted was up at the front, so all he had to do was gawk and keep up.
They got out of the HEB without anything sweet, which he figured meant Jayden was maybe not too into anything but ice cream. He was wrong. Their next stop was a bakery.
“I’ll just wait here. I got what all I need.” Man, he used to eat doughnuts by the dozens when he was a kid.
“You sure? You could just pick out one. Tubing will actually give you more exercise than you think.”
Somehow he got the idea that Jayden had looked into him, knew way more about him than vice versa.
“I’ll go look.” That should work. He could just say he didn’t see one that suited him and that would be that.
“Cool.” That was clearly the correct response, because Jayden beamed at him, that friendly smile so unexpected and pretty.
Jesus, he was a giant dork. Still, he was free and outside, the sun was shining, and they were heading for the river.
The bakery smelled amazing, the scent of apple fritters making his mouth water. They had to be the last thing out of the fryer.
Lord, that was unfair as hell. Maybe he’d have one. How much could that cost?
“What do you want, man?” Jayden asked. “I need half a dozen apple fritters, two Boston cream, one big cruller, two blueberry, and….” Jayden raised a brow at him.
“You should get a cinnamon roll for Sage.”
“Did I already get something you’d eat? I want you to have something too.”
“The apple fritters smell like heaven.” God, this was awkward as hell, but Jayden was being incredibly decent.
“Oh, well, cool. I like them too. Make sure we get fresh ones?” Jayden turned the full force of that smile on the clerk.
“Sure, man. You want one more to make a dozen?”
“Another fritter, yeah. Then a cinnamon roll. I know they’re more.”
“Rock on.”
“What do I owe you? I can get Sage’s too, if it’s more.”
“I got it.” Jayden waved a hand. “You can get me a kolache somewhere down the line. I love them, but they’re sold out.”
“Okay. If you’re sure, yeah.” He inhaled deeply, sucking in all the good scents.
“I am.” Jayden handed him one bag and took another, paying with a debit card.
Damn, those cinnamon rolls were heavy. Sage loved the stupid things, though, and would probably have it eaten before they hit the river.
They loaded back up in the truck and headed down 35 through the south side of town. The traffic eased up as soon as they shot past Slaughter Lane, and Dakota relaxed in his seat. Things got hairy sometimes in downtown.
Jayden sang with Maroon 5, howling like a big dork. It was actually weirdly adorable, this classy lawyer acting like a real person. Dakota relaxed even more, enough to hum along by the third chorus as he learned the tune.
“You like music, man?”
“Sure. I’m no musician or anything, but yeah.” He didn’t think playing trumpet in high sch
ool counted.
“I always wanted to be in a band.” Jayden laughed. “I suck, but I love it.”
“You should try. Stephen King did it, I think.” Jayden could totally buy a guitar and get friends to goof off with.
“I think so.” Jayden shook his head. “I’m not that brave.”
That surprised him, because how hard would it be to go out there and learn something? He was doing it today. Being something new. Someone new.
“So, what are you looking forward to the most? Today, I mean?”
“Being outside in the water.” Dakota loved to swim, to be in the ocean, the river, the lake, anywhere.
“I like that too. I think Sage is even bringing his dog.”
“Yeah? You like dogs?”
“I do. My dad had a bunch of hounds when I was a kid. I live in a condo, so I don’t really have the setup, you know?”
“Yeah. I get that.” They hadn’t had dogs because Dad was allergic. He’d had a hamster once, but once it died, that was it.
“Have you met Troy and Eric?” Jayden asked.
“No. Have you?”
“Nope. Sage was telling me Troy is in a wheelchair part of the time. I guess he lost his legs in an accident? He didn’t want either of us to be surprised.”
“I live with someone in a wheelchair. I don’t mind.” That was the easiest thing on earth.
“Right! I forgot about that. I think Sage thinks I’m kind of an entitlement whore who’s never met someone handicapped.” Jayden gave him an exaggerated wink. “Or he’s just a nice guy who doesn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable.”
“It’s probably that someone was surprised and he got in trouble.” That was the secret to life—staying out of trouble.
“Yeah. I can see that.” Time flew, and Jayden pulled off the interstate onto Aquarena, coasting down the ramp. “Sage said to meet him at the city park. We’ll take a shuttle from there.”
“Okay.” Sage was the expert, he figured. It all looked cool, though, green and alive and wet and wonderful. They got parked, got all their snacks in the cooler and bag Jayden had brought.
“Hey, y’all!” Sage’s beat-up straw hat appeared from behind one of the pickups. “I got Eric and Troy. Y’all have any problems finding the place?”
“Shit, no.” Jayden grinned and plopped down his load. “Hey.”
Both men accompanying Sage were stacked to the ceiling, one dark, one golden. If one didn’t have a cane and the other had real legs, they’d be perfect. Models.
Dakota felt like a sparrow among peacocks.
They all shook hands, and he had to admit he liked Troy’s friendly smile, liked Eric’s direct gaze.
Really, all he had to do was to float, keep his mouth shut and his head down. Easy as pie.
“Y’all ready?” Sage asked.
Everyone loaded up in the shuttle, even Troy with the tiny little fake legs. Dakota had to wonder if he’d been a midget before he got the legs or something. Otherwise wouldn’t he want to be normal-sized?
Weird.
Troy caught his eye and smiled. Okay, maybe he wasn’t doing so good at keeping his head down. Was he staring?
No staring. That was mean.
He settled in his seat, hat brim down, eyes on the window.
“You okay?” Jayden asked, plopping down across the aisle from him. The guy was just determined to make him social.
“Yes, sir. Just fine, thank you.”
“Cool.” Jayden bounced his leg, looking like he might explode with pure joy.
“You must like the river.” See him. See him make small talk like a boss.
“I do. I mean, I like not being stuck in my office for a bit.”
“I bet.” He got that. He’d lived for time in the yard. Once the mandatory beating downs had happened—beatings down? whatever—he’d been allowed his space in the sunshine. Now he never wanted to be confined in an office, not ever again.
Give him the sun any day.
Jayden chuckled. “You okay?”
“Just fine.” Just thinking. He was never going to get used to people talking to him and expecting him to answer. Barring the police, no one had ever wanted him to speak.
Sage glanced over, smiling, and he thought maybe the guy knew what he was thinking. Yeah, Sage knew, out of everyone.
There was a part of him—tiny and mean—that wondered if Sage would have even given him the time of day if both of them hadn’t been inside. He squashed that voice. What did it matter? Both of them had been, and that would never change. So they could just both know.
Jayden, now, he’d never been in prison, so what was his deal?
Maybe he just got off on hard cases. Hell, maybe the man was just nice. It could happen. Some people were just golden, just honestly good and successful and smart.
Just like some people were pure shit and nothing could change that.
He wasn’t either one.
Dakota was a guy. Just a guy who’d caught a raw deal. Maybe he’d deserved it for some karmic reason.
Or maybe he was just the least lucky motherfucker on earth. He hadn’t even managed to die in prison like a martyr, for fuck’s sake.
He cracked his own shit up.
“What’s funny?” Jayden asked, and he was caught flat-footed, searching for a lie.
“I was just thinking about a joke someone told me at work. It was in Spanish and I didn’t get it, but he sure thought it was funny.”
“Uh-huh.” Jayden gave him a patently suspicious look. “Sure.”
He just smiled. What was he supposed to say? That he thought surviving incarceration was funny as fuck? That wasn’t cool, even on good days.
“Woo. Here we are, gents.” Troy, the one with the fake legs, whooped when they reached the launch. “Man, I haven’t done this in an age.”
Eric snorted and hefted a long bag on his shoulder. At Dakota’s look, Eric shrugged. “Waterproof bag for my cane and his legs.”
“Oh.” Was that rude? To wonder?
Troy answered him as if he’d spoken out loud. “Always better to just ask, man. Nothing is awkward if it’s genuine curiosity.”
“Yeah. Sorry.” He was always apologizing to someone for something.
“Why?” Troy gave him a broad wink. “I’m good. Great, in fact.”
“Good deal.” One day, he promised himself, he would get the hang of being a real person. Maybe everyone felt this way, in or out. Maybe no one knew what to say.
Who the fuck knew?
Really he just needed to stop worrying about it. Look at that sun. The water. He could smell it. He needed to live in the moment, right? He’d had a cellmate who told him that over and over, right up to when he died of cancer. Just look at the water and get in the river.
Sage whooped, the sound totally cowboy, and they all piled out of the bus. “Y’all ready?”
How could anyone be weird in the face of that enthusiasm, especially with the sound of the water and the wind in the trees? That would take a stronger grump than he was, for sure.
Jayden fist-bumped Troy. “Hell, yes. Let’s go.”
It was a process—tubes and coolers, changing and lockers, rules and launching and paying deposits. Still, half an hour later, they were all on the water, laughing and splashing and damn…. Damn. Dakota could almost believe life could be good.
They found a wide spot and floated, just bumping together—butts in the water and bellies in the sun. Sage looked like he was in heaven, the little brown body just getting darker by the second.
Of course, it was Jayden Dakota kept sneaking peeks at. That chest and belly were surprisingly tanned and fuzzy, not at all the waxed perfection he’d expected.
Stop it, he told himself. Just stop it. You aren’t in his league. You don’t even have a league. You are the most leagueless ever, so quit being a fuckmonkey.
Then, right on the heels of that thought, Jayden smiled at him, a perfect, happy grin that almost sank him.
He smiled back and then let
his head fall back, let his butt sink deeper and just float. Hold on to the real stuff. Believe in the stuff you can see. How many of those mantra things did a man need?
Dakota figured he knew how many he’d use.
“You’re a quiet one, huh? Is that a jail thing? Sage can be damn stoic.” The legless guy, Troy, was just bobbing along, stumps sticking up like it was nothing.
“I guess, yeah.” Seemed to him it went one way or the other. Either you lost your voice altogether or you learned to scream. Dakota had been damned if anyone was gonna make him a crying mess, so he’d clammed right up.
“I’m not. I’m a talker. I have to work with clients—did we tell you I’m a personal trainer? I do a lot of rehab because, duh, experience and….”
The pretty blond kept jabbering, and Dakota let himself drift away.
“Baby, you’re babbling,” the other one, the one with the scarred-up leg said. “Babble at me and let the man float.”
“Am I?” Blondie looked at his lover and floated over, reaching out to touch one of the guy’s arms.
“Yep. Hi.” The way they looked at each other made Dakota ache a little, so he fastened his eyes on the trees, the way the birds bobbed and flew.
His tube bumped another, and something cold hit his arm. Wet and cold.
His eyes flew open, and he blinked over, surprised to see the bottle of Sprite in Jayden’s hand.
“You looked thirsty.”
“I did?” He chuckled. “You mean sweaty.”
“Usually the same thing.” Jayden winked.
“Thank you.” He got the bottle top cracked so it didn’t spray all over him. The hiss of air escaping made him chuckle, because really, what guy didn’t think that was funny?
“That’s a good sound,” Jayden said, and Dakota nodded. He was just thinking about that, right?
“Kinda farty,” the blond said, and the other guy poked him.
“Gross, Troy.”
Troy. Okay. Dakota said it to himself a few times to get it right, but Jayden distracted him by splashing water on his legs.
“I meant the laugh, you know.”
“Oh.” His cheeks heated. “I’m such a dork.”
“Now, come on. I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.” Jayden shook his head. “No one’s going to hurt you, huh? This is just a bunch of guys on the river.”
