Ring of Fire
Page 34
‘That was the toughest day,’ he prefers to say. ‘I felt so sorry for Stevie and for Liverpool. [They] were so close and really deserved to win the league. If they had won, I think Liverpool would have created history. What a moment for the city. It was so hard seeing the people in the stands. I still feel the same way for them. No matter what has happened, I still love them. I know some of them are still angry but it will not change how I feel for them. Atlético is my club but I still support Liverpool and I want them to win every game, every trophy.’
He explains that he has wished for the platform to speak freely about Liverpool for some time. Being a Chelsea player made that impossible.
‘Liverpool is unique. It is different to Atlético, for example,’ he continues. ‘I’m from here and I love Atlético because my heart is here. But as a club, at Liverpool I felt at home even though I was not from there. The relationship between the workers, the people in the offices, the people around the team and the fans – it is special.
‘I never felt at Chelsea or even at Atlético the same way I did at Liverpool. At Liverpool, they made me feel like a king. I really felt like I could do anything. I remember playing my first game at Anfield. Pepe [Reina] came and said, “Look at the atmosphere – this is where you need to be. You do not get this at Atlético . . .” After the game, I told Pepe that I thought I could score in every single game at Anfield. As soon as I stepped on to the pitch: goals. I was flying. Not only because I was the best age to play football but also because of the atmosphere around the club. It was magic.’
Torres admits he reacts better when the energy towards him is positive. At Liverpool, he felt adoration. At Chelsea, he felt the need to justify a huge price tag while not being fully fit. Remorse about the manner of his departure from Liverpool lingered. From being arguably the deadliest striker on the planet for Liverpool, he was never able to reach the same level. Behind the eyes he instead appeared dead.
‘Right now I do not think that winning trophies is more important than being happy. I have realized that winning the Champions League [as he did with Chelsea in 2012], it does not change how you feel every day. I have realized the target should not be the main thing in your life; taking life day by day is key.
‘When I was at Chelsea, I did not start well for a few reasons. We won almost everything I wanted to win. But maybe that was not enough for me. I was missing playing with Stevie and I missed playing for Liverpool. I thought a lot about the games with the team we had, fighting together. It really means something to me. It is something I found again at Atlético: a team together. Maybe we don’t have huge names but we are a team that competes and enjoys every victory. It does not matter who scores the goal, it does not matter if at the end we cannot win, because at least we are doing something with our hearts.’
I suggest to Torres that it suits him to play for a club where there is a common cause, one that is not viewed as a representative of an establishment, like Real Madrid or, perhaps, Chelsea because they are from London.
‘It is the most difficult thing in life: to choose the right moment at the right time to be in the right place,’ he says. ‘If you can find a club that suits you in everything, then it’s going to be great, but getting there is a big challenge. You don’t really know a club until you are there. And then it’s too late to go back.’
This prompts me to come out and ask him: ‘Fernando, do you regret moving to Chelsea?’
‘No, because I won,’ he insists. ‘That is what I wanted at that time. I had not won anything before, only promotion with Atlético and nothing with Liverpool despite a promising situation. The reason to move was to win trophies. And I did. It is silly to regret something you wanted. But maybe you realize it does not bring you contentment.’
Then he offers a different strand of thought.
‘There are some questions journalists don’t ask me in interviews,’ he continues. ‘I see Stevie leaving to go to the MLS – it was his decision. I thought, How great would it have been for Stevie to finish his career at Liverpool, like Totti at Roma? Maybe I should have done that here at Atlético. From the outside, you become a player to admire for ever. Everyone will always remember you as the one that stayed. Sometimes I think I should never have moved from Atlético – never. Maybe the team would have got better with me there, maybe they would still have won the trophies they won when I was not around. Now I would be nearly thirty-two – all my career at one club, winning trophies and having the respect of everyone. What could be better?
‘But then I think I would never change my time in Liverpool. I needed to move. I found something great, special and different. It was my happiest time as a player. To feel the love of a community where you haven’t grown up – it is hard for me to describe what this meant to me.
‘I was hungry, though. I wanted trophies. When you are younger, many people are motivated by success. This was me at that moment: the next step was winning. I wanted it to be at Liverpool. But the circumstances changed.
‘Chelsea was not good from the beginning, though. I did not find a team that suited me on the pitch. [There was a] good organization [off it] but the different personality [of the team] was not for me, even though I got what I wanted [by winning trophies].
‘I tried in Italy with AC Milan but that was not for me either. Then I had the chance to come back to Atlético – to really enjoy every day even if I was not playing on a regular basis like I used to. I am enjoying what I’m doing. And that is more important.’
Having returned to Anfield for a charity game in honour of Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher in 2015, the crowd cheered when Torres’s name was read out across the public address system, suggesting time has healed some old wounds. The song broke out: ‘His armband proved he was a Red, Torres, Torres / You’ll Never Walk Alone it read, Torres, Torres / We bought the lad from sunny Spain / He gets the ball and scores again, Fernando Torres, Liverpool’s Number 9!’
‘Maybe this was the happiest moment of the last five years for me,’ he considers, a smile stretching across his face. ‘In my last game there with Chelsea, I was booed. It was depressing. To go and hear my song again, to see the reaction of the fans – it makes me feel I am at peace now. I know I broke their hearts and in some way my heart was also broken. To have my last memory of Anfield as this one . . . I am so, so lucky.’
Torres is intelligent, introspective, sensitive and somewhat repentant. He queries the choices he has made. He does it here frequently without the need for questions. When listening to his words, there might appear to be an ambiguity to some of his conclusions. At the very end of our discussion, he makes a point of revisiting one particular subject without request.
‘In my last full season with Liverpool, I had a problem in my knee,’ he reveals. ‘It stopped me playing and training at my best. I wanted to play in the World Cup and I was on crutches two months before the tournament started. I was so desperate, and I made it into the squad. But I was not playing well, because I could not bend my knee. Then I got injured again in the final and if you look at the pictures, you can see the pain.
‘For a long time after that, I did not feel the same. Sometimes you want something so much you do not make the right decisions. I became a world champion but was it worth it? I don’t know.
‘Was it the right decision to think about moving away from Liverpool to Chelsea, where the chance to win trophies was greater at that time? I don’t know . . .’
It is then you realize that only by looking into his dark, inky eyes can the truth really be revealed.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This book would not have been possible without the help of the following people: Brenda Kimber, my editor at Transworld, who has been consistent with her support and encouragement since we first met, along with publicist Sally Wray and my agent, David Luxton, who introduced me to Brenda in the first place. Without copy editor Ailsa Bathgate’s attention to detail and inquisitive mind the finished version would not be as sharp as it needs to
be.
I’d also like to thank others who have made vital contributions: Ged Rea for his knowledge and generosity; Ian Herbert for his guidance; Phil Dickinson, for being the best in the business at what he does; Jamie Carragher for vouching for me; Kevin Sampson for attempting to join the dots; James Corbett for his patience and understanding; and Mark Gilbertson for his friendship and his discretion. My dad Peter too – he’s been there from the very beginning.
Finally, there is my wife, Rosalind. I’d really like her to read one of my books some day.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Simon Hughes is a journalist and author. He writes about football, focusing on Merseyside, for the Independent as well as the Sunday Telegraph. His book Red Machine won the Antonio Ghirelli Prize for Italian Soccer Foreign Book of the Year in 2014. His other titles include Men in White Suits and Secret Diary of a Liverpool Scout. He lives in Liverpool.
Also by Simon Hughes
SECRET DIARY OF A LIVERPOOL SCOUT
RED MACHINE
MEN IN WHITE SUITS
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