Northern Lights

by Michelle Cary

  Furious at how he’d so easily grazed over his injury, she shook her head. “No way. I’ve heard the crew talk about how much money they lose every time we have to go into port. I won’t be the reason they lose a day or more work.”

  “No, you won’t. We can’t stay out here with a window busted out of the wheelhouse and deck boards missing, just to name a few of the things that were damaged. I’ve all ready turned the boat back toward Dutch. When we get there, you’re going for an x-ray.”

  “Only if you go with me and have that cut looked at.” She didn’t miss a beat.

  His jaw ticked, and she could tell he was clenching his teeth, but she wasn’t going to back down. So what if she was injured. If he wouldn’t go, then she wasn’t going either.

  “Brooke—”

  Despite his anger, she stood her ground. “Don’t you dare ‘Brooke’ me. You may be my boss and I know I promised to follow orders, but no way am I going to allow you to treat me differently. You’re also injured. If you go to the clinic with me, I’ll go.”

  He glanced around the room. Brooke followed his gaze to find Adam and the others looking at them. This had become nothing less than a Wild West standoff without the guns. Who would back down first?

  “Fine,” he finally said. “I’ll go, if that’s the only way I can make sure you get seen.”

  Brooke suppressed a smile. Despite her need to go toe-to-toe with him on the topic, she’d never actually expected to win that battle. Doing so meant one thing. He hadn’t been lying when he said he cared.

  * * *

  Nathan paced the tiny waiting room floor wondering exactly what was taking so long. It was a simple x-ray, not a complete work up. He paused and looked over at the door leading into the inner sanctum. What if her injury was more serious than he’d thought? Guilt gnawed on his stomach lining like hungry piranhas. He’d talked her into coming with every intention of keeping her as safe as possible. Yes, people got injured every day, and hers wasn’t a life-threatening injury, but he couldn’t help taking the blame. If she hadn’t come, she wouldn’t be hurt. If she hadn’t come, she might all ready be dead. He absently rubbed at his temple, then winced when his fingers contacted the neat white bandage over his eye.

  Six stitches. He’d actually needed six stitches to close the wound over his eye. If she hadn’t been with them, defying him about coming to the clinic, he’d have tossed a butterfly bandage on it and moved on without a thought.

  The door opened and Brook emerged. He noticed right away her arm partially wrapped in an ace bandage and immobilized in a soft cast.

  He reached for her, tentatively touching her injury. “It’s bad?”

  She shrugged. “They say I have a hairline fracture and a bad sprain, but if I take care of it, I shouldn’t need a hard cast.”

  His gut clenched as his guilt grew and he cursed himself for it. If this had been any of the other crew, including Adam, Nathan wouldn’t have thought twice about the injury. They all knew the risks and the consequences, but as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Brooke was different.

  “Hey.” She raised her good hand to his cheek. “It’s okay. I’m a tough cookie, remember?”

  Nathan smiled softly and kissed her palm. “Don’t I know it.” He drew in a deep breath. “So are we ready to go?”

  She nodded and motioned to the door. “Lead the way.”

  “You know,” he began as they climbed into the vehicle in the clinic parking lot, “I generally don’t let the crew win battles with me.”

  “So why did you?”

  How could he possibly tell her the truth? He’d already revealed feelings to her on a level he didn’t think she was ready to face. Digging deeper right now might push her away. Choosing diplomacy over honesty, he took several seconds to formulate his thoughts before he spoke. “I couldn’t very well force you to come to the clinic when I was injured also and wouldn’t go.”

  “You could have. You’re the captain.”

  He didn’t bother trying to hide his smile. “True, but a captain also leads by example. Besides, you were as concerned for my well being as I was for yours.”

  Her gaze fell to her lap and she began to fiddle with the Velcro strip on the brace. “Are you surprised by that?”

  “A little.”

  “Why?”

  He pulled out of the parking lot and headed for the grocery store. “Because I know you don’t like letting people get too close to you.” He didn’t miss her slight nod at his answer.

  “That’s true, but I’m slowly learning that sometimes no matter how much a person might not want to, everyone needs a good friend now and then.”

  He hated the word friend, mostly because he wanted so much more from her than what a friend could give. For now, he’d take what he could get. “I’m honored you now consider me a good friend.”

  “You should be.” She grinned. “It’s not every day I let a man into my inner circle.”

  Nathan snorted. “What inner circle? No offense, hon, but the only people I’ve ever seen you hang out with are Willow and Michael’s girlfriend Kira.”

  “Okay,” she corrected. “My inner triangle then.”

  He let loose a gut busting laugh. It was wrong of him to laugh when she was being so serious, but he couldn’t help himself. “Leave it to you to come up with a new cliché.”

  She slapped his shoulder and appeared indignant for a moment before also cracking a smile. “What would you call it?”

  “I’d call it keeping your heart protected.”

  The beautiful grin she sported immediately faded and she shifted uncomfortably, turning her attention out the window. “Maybe I’m just one of those people who doesn’t make friends easily.”

  Nathan wanted to kick himself for saying the wrong thing, but sometimes no matter how hard you tried to ease the blow, the truth was painful. Maybe it was time someone forced her to look in the mirror. “Maybe,” he conceded. “Or maybe you’ve suffered so much in your life you’re simply afraid to let others in for fear they’ll hurt you, too.”

  Her tentative gaze flicked up to meet his. “How would you know?” The words, though spoken softly, carried a quality of pain and a questioned longing that nearly shredded his heart.

  How would he know? If only he could share just half the pain he’d endured over the years. “There’s a reason why I haven’t dated, Brooke.”

  Her attention whipped from the window to him, her eyes wide in wonder. “You haven’t had a date since your family died?”

  “Oh, I’ve dated, but nothing of any consequence. Most of the women I’ve agreed to go out with have been shallow and materialistic. Buy me this; buy me that.” Nate waved his hand in the air. “They didn’t love me or appreciate the love I could give to them. They qualified it by how much I spent on them.” He paused and drew in a deep, soothing breath in an attempt to stem the tide of emotion brewing just beneath the surface. “I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life proving my love to a woman who defined it by my worth.”

  “Sounds like you were looking in the wrong places for love.”

  He shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe I wasn’t looking for love at all.”

  “Fulfilling physical needs doesn’t necessarily have to equate love.”

  “No, I suppose it doesn’t.”

  A long silence fell between them before Nathan made a left into the parking lot at the local grocery store. If nothing else, it would be a nice diversion to a tense situation. “We’re low on milk and fruit. Why don’t we restock?”

  CHAPTER 10

  The ride back to the Northern Lights was filled with conversation about recipes and cooking, benign subjects Brooke felt comfortable discussing. She knew Nathan had wanted to continue their discussion about love and trust, and was thankful to him for thinking better of it.

  His words about her trusting people had been more accurate than she wanted to admit. Trust only led to betrayal and heartbreak, and she’d been down that road already. She wanted to trust Nat
han, to let him into her heart, but simply couldn’t risk the fallout if her instincts about him were wrong.

  They walked into the galley, to find the crew had not only completed all the repairs but had cleaned up the mess while they were gone. “Wow, you guys work fast.”

  Zach took the one bag she carried. “Damage wasn’t quite as bad as we originally thought. How’s the arm?”

  “Fractured,” she replied, handing over the bag without argument.

  “Well, that sucks. Does that mean you won’t be able to make your fabulous meals for us?”

  One of the many things she’d come to like about Zack was his ability to schmooze. He knew just the right things to say to put a smile on her face. “Don’t worry.” She patted his cheek with her good hand. “I think I’ll be able to manage. Now if you gentlemen will excuse me, I’m exhausted and would like to try and get some sleep.” The urge to turn and kiss Nathan before she ambled off to bed pulled at her. Knowing how inappropriate that would be, she ignored the impulse and headed toward her bunk.

  Not bothering with the light, she closed the cabin door and fumbled around for her flannel pajamas. Her arm throbbed something terrible and the only thing she wanted was to sleep for a few hours. After the incident with the rogue wave, she hadn’t been able to sleep and was now feeling every bit of the last twenty-four hours.

  With them in the safety of the harbor, she knew she’d be able to fall asleep before Nathan again steered the boat into open waters. With any luck, she’d be out like a light and wake up in a few hours refreshed. She’d settled between the covers and nestled into the pillow only to have an uneasy feeling wash over her. Something wasn’t right. She rolled over, directly into a large, hard object lying next to her.

  Her heart skipped a few beats before she found her voice and let out a scream that she was sure had been heard on dry land. She jumped from the bunk and scrambled for the lights, managing to reach the switch the same time Nathan burst into the cabin. “What’s wrong?”

  “Someone’s in my bunk.” She pointed toward the massive lump beneath the blankets.

  He grabbed the sheet and yanked, revealing a makeshift dummy made out of hard foam and rope, complete with a trailer buoy head.

  Hoots of laughter erupted from the galley and Brooke suddenly realized she’d been the unfortunate victim of a prank.

  Fire was in Nathan’s eyes when he grabbed the dummy and stormed into the common area. “Whose idea was this?” he demanded.

  “It was mine,” Kyle volunteered, apparently oblivious to the anger radiating off Nathan’s frame. “But Zach helped me execute it.”

  “Don’t you dumb asses have anything better to do with your time than to spend it coming up with ways to harass Brooke?”

  The smile faded from Zach’s face. “Harass? Boss, we just wanted to have a little fun.”

  “At Brooke’s expense,” Nathan shot back before throwing the dummy at Zach’s feet.

  Zach and Kyle exchanged a confused look. “I don’t understand,” Kyle said. “It’s tradition to prank the greenhorn during their first trip, especially if we like the person. You know, kind of an official Northern Lights welcome to the newbie.”

  Ignoring Kyle, Nathan’s attention shifted to Adam, who now stood in the doorway leading to the engine room. “Did you approve this?”

  Adam shook his head. “I didn’t know anything about it until just now.”

  Nathan’s spine straightened as he turned his wrath back to his crew. “You should’ve cleared this through me or Adam first.” He kicked at the dummy. “Dispose of that thing and then get back to work. If there’s nothing to do, then get your asses to bed and get some sleep. This little wave setback is going to result in you guys spending more time on deck, so get your rest now.”

  He turned back to Brooke and motioned for her to follow him into the wheelhouse.

  Brooke cast one last glance at the dummy, then let her gaze lift to see Kyle and Zach, both seeming extremely perplexed, looking at her.

  “It’s okay,” she whispered. “Actually, it was kinda funny.”

  Before they were able to reply, she headed up the steps. So maybe she’d lied about the prank being funny. With her heart still threatening to pound out of her chest, amusing was the last thing she’d call it right now. Still, she knew the men didn’t mean any real harm with their joke. In a way, she decided she should feel good they liked her enough to want to take the time to prank her. In a few days she’d probably be able to look back on it and laugh…maybe.

  He turned to her, his features drawn tight with anger and remorse. “Are you okay?”

  Good question. Was she okay? Even if she wasn’t, the problem was hers for not being able to take a joke, not Zack and Kyle’s. Hoping to ease some of his concerns, Brooke lifted a hand to her heart and smiled. “As soon as my heart decides to stop running a marathon, I’ll be fine.”

  “Fucking boneheads,” he muttered.

  “Hey”—she took a tentative step toward him—“ease up on them, will ya? It was just a joke.”

  “One you didn’t find the least bit funny.”

  “True, but they don’t know about my past, so how could they have known what they were doing would upset me?”

  He arched a brow, shooting her a stern look. “So you are upset?”

  Brooke sighed. “Yes…but,” she rushed ahead when he looked as if he were about to blow his stack again, “don’t you see? The problem is mine, not theirs.”

  Zach’s words about playing a joke on the newbie rattled around inside her head. The dummy surely hadn’t been easy to construct and probably took some time. The fact they were willing to give up what little sleep and down time they were getting to make it meant something. They no longer considered her an outsider, but one of the crew. “You know, in a sick and twisted way, I could consider it a compliment.”

  Nathan raked a hand through his hair. “How in the hell do you figure that?”

  “Not only have they accepted me as one of their own, but they actually like me enough to play a joke on me. I know this probably doesn’t make any sense to you, but for the first time this entire trip, I feel as though I belong here.”

  The tension in his face drained away, replaced with a small smile. “Actually, that makes perfect sense. He blew out a long breath. “I’m still not happy about what they did, but since you’re okay with it, I’ll let it go.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “You know you can.”

  “If I hadn’t told you about the rape, would you be this upset over what they did?”

  Nathan took a moment before he answered. “Probably not.”

  She feared he would say that. “I see. This is exactly why I didn’t want you to know about it.”

  Nathan’s brows knit and a frown tugged at his lips. “Why?”

  “Because now you know, you’re sensitive to what others do around me.” She pointed to the steps. “They were just being themselves, and you’re mad at them for it. I could see it in their faces. Neither of them understand why you’re pissed over something you probably would’ve been a part of if I were anybody else.”

  “I…” He paused and shook his head. “You’re right.”

  Nathan turned away and paced the length of the wheelhouse before stopping in front of her. “Shit, honey, I’m really sorry. It’s just, when I heard you scream, I was worried you were hurt. Then when I realized what they’d done, all I could think was how upset it must have made you and I wanted to rip their heads off.”

  Brooke placed a hand his forearm, holding him in place. “It did upset me, but like I said, that’s my problem, not theirs. I know I can’t ask you to stop treating me differently because you’ve all ready proven you can’t help yourself, but will you try to not ruin things for me with the rest of the guys? I like them and I don’t want to lose what I have here. If they start resenting me because you’re giving me special treatment, I’m afraid I’d have to kick your ass.” She ended her statement with a l
arge smile.

  Nathan’s lips twitched, eventually tipping up at the corners. “You never cease to amaze me, you know that?”

  * * *

  The next few days passed without further incident, and after a brief discussion with Kyle and Zach, Brooke felt as though things with them had finally begun to smooth over. Nathan on the other hand had yet to apologize for yelling at them, but then what could he really say, she wondered as she tied closed the full bag of garbage. He couldn’t very well explain himself without revealing her secret. Besides, he was the captain and with that title came certain privileges, such as not having to explain irrational behavior.

  She set the bag next to the door, knowing one of the men would dispose of it in the designated trash room below deck. Then she turned her attention to the wheelhouse. Nathan hadn’t exactly avoided her over the last few days, a nearly impossible task considering their environment, but he hadn’t gone out of his way to make conversation either.

  There wasn’t any doubt in her mind that his intentional lack of communication stemmed from their discussion about him treating her differently. Still, what was she supposed to do? She stepped onto the bottom riser and drew in a deep breath. She couldn’t take back her secret and wasn’t sure that, even if she’d been able to, she would. From the moment she’d told him, something inside her had changed. It wasn’t anything she could put her finger on, but she’d definitely felt the freedom that came from her disclosure and she liked it.

  She stopped on the top step and looked over at Nathan. His hair was once again loose and somewhat mused and he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, the hair smoothing over his hard jaw line. He looked exhausted and tense and if she didn’t know better, she would have sworn he’d aged ten years in a few short weeks. “Are you finished with your sandwich?”