The Imperfection of Swans

by Brandon Witt

  Great, needles. There were always needles. He needed to get out of there.

  “How long have I been here?”

  “We just got here, less than twenty minutes ago.” Casper reached across him and fiddled with whatever he’d gotten his tubes stuck on. “Do you remember what happened?”

  Yeah, he hadn’t eaten in two days. He remembered what had happened. Fuck. He needed to be better at this. He used to be. He needed to eat enough to stay awake, at the very least. “Uhm, yeah. We were at the lighting store. There was a god-awful chandelier.”

  Casper grinned.

  Even when he smiled, his lips stayed symmetrical. So did the crinkles around his eyes, for that matter.

  “Of course you’d remember that. You weren’t passed out for very long, less than a minute I bet, but it scared me to death, and then you were so out of it. The lamp store clerk called an ambulance.”

  Kevin didn’t remember waking at the lamp store, but he did vaguely recall the commotion of being lifted into the ambulance.

  “You hit your head pretty hard on one of the lamp stands. You were bleeding, and you’ve got a huge bump on your temple.”

  “I’ll say he does.” A nurse walked through the curtain separating them from the rest of the emergency room. He addressed Kevin. “I’m Stephen. Remember meeting me a few minutes ago?”

  The nurse was a handsome, forty-something man with salt-and-pepper hair. Kevin narrowed his eyes at him. “Maybe?”

  Stephen just grinned and walked over to check the monitors. “Well, I’ve no doubt you’ve got a concussion. Not that we’ve had time to test and diagnose properly yet. You hit your head pretty hard there, Mr. Bivanti. But it doesn’t sound like you were unconscious very long. However, I am concerned about how long your fogginess might last, though you look like you’re back with us for good now.” He motioned to the clear bag hanging from the metal stand. “I’m willing to bet the intravenous fluids are helping you more than anything. You were severely dehydrated.” He gave Kevin a strange look. “You seem pretty nonchalant about waking up in an emergency room.”

  Kevin just shrugged. This guy had no idea. “Before we realized how chronic my acid reflux was, my moms kept thinking I was having heart problems. This is no big deal. I got used to hospitals in middle school.” His moms. Scott. Shit! He really was out of it. “Speaking of, can we wrap this up? I’d like to get out of here.”

  “I thought you said it was no big deal? There’s some more tests we need to do. I’d like to make sure you’re going to stay with us a bit longer without blacking out before I ship you off.” The nurse offered what Kevin was sure was his overpracticed you’re-fine-shut-up smile.

  “It’s not a big deal. But any moment, my moms are going to show up and my… ah… boyfriend, and those together will be a big deal.”

  Instead of looking at him, the nurse had turned toward Casper.

  Kevin followed the nurse’s gaze. Casper was beet red. “I told them I was your boyfriend. I wasn’t sure if they’d let me back here otherwise, and I didn’t want to leave you alone.”

  Kevin addressed the nurse once more. “Please do whatever tests you’re needing to real quick, and I’ll sign whatever paperwork you need to get me released. I promise I’ll go home and drink a tub full of water and eat a half a cow and not fall asleep. Will that work?”

  Stephen gave Kevin a knowing look. “I didn’t mention anything about food.”

  For a second, Kevin felt his panic mount. He did not want to have this discussion. Luckily his anger stepped in for the rescue. “Just get me whatever release forms you need me to sign so I can be on my way.”

  The nurse ignored Kevin’s biting tone and looked at Casper instead. “I won’t tell that you weren’t honest to get back here. However, you do a very convincing job of playing the boyfriend, I must say. Better than my own does, that’s for sure.” He didn’t bother to shut the curtains as he passed through.

  Kevin watched him go, his anger making his heartburn increase. After a moment, he felt a hand on his arm. He looked over at Casper’s concerned face. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to leave? Maybe we should do some more tests. It’s not just your fall today. You’ve been looking more and more tense lately, and you’re getting too skinny.”

  “It’s called stress, Casper. Opening a new business and taking on a few million dollars in debt can do that to a person.” He instantly regretted his cutting tone.

  Casper removed his hand from Kevin’s arm and slid farther back into the folding chair.

  “Sorry, Casper. I’m just tense, like you said. And I have been through more than enough doctor’s appointments with my stomach to know this isn’t a big deal. Thank you for taking care of me, though.”

  Casper’s tight shoulders dropped slightly, but before he could reply, Stephen stuck his head back through the space in the curtains. “It seems one of your moms is here to see you, Mr. Bivanti, and she doesn’t seem to feel that waiting is an option.”

  Renata stepped past him into the curtained space and moved quickly over to the empty side of Kevin’s bed, her high heels clicking with every step.

  She bent to kiss Kevin’s cheek. “Darling, are you all right?”

  He kissed her back. “I’m fine, Mom. Just been working too hard, and my body decided to take a rest.”

  She fingered his hair around his left temple. “Goodness, that looks ugly. You’re going to hurt for a while, Kev. We will have to keep you awake. I’m sure you have a concussion.”

  “The nurse thinks he does. And he wants to do a few more tests.”

  Renata glanced over at Casper, noticing him for the first time. “Oh, Casper. Thank you for getting Kevin here and for calling us. I’m assuming you also called Scott, and that would be why he is waiting out there as well?”

  Casper just nodded.

  “Well”—Renata swiped a long dark strand of hair behind her ear—“I do admire thoroughness.” She turned back to Kevin. “And what other tests? What else is wrong?”

  Suddenly Kevin was glad his mom was there. She would see things from his point of view. “You know how it is, Mom. Once they get you in here, they want to do everything they can to get as much from the insurance company as possible.”

  She inspected him, not as quickly swayed as he’d hoped. “What else are they concerned about?”

  Kevin motioned to the stand by his bed. “Just dehydration. Nothing huge.”

  “You have been looking pale lately, Kevin. I know you’re working hard at the shop, but what if you’re anemic or your acid reflux is causing more damage? They said it might.” She sat down on the edge of the bed, the pressure on the mattress tugging at the tubes running into his arm. “Do you think it might be getting worse?”

  “I’m fine, Mom. I’m taking the Aciphex as always. It’s working fine.” It wasn’t. Hadn’t been in a long time. He wasn’t about to bring up how constant the burning was lately. Kevin changed tactics. “So Scott and Noelle are in the waiting room together? You’re not out there yelling at him?”

  Renata’s lips tightened. “He may not be my favorite person, but that is beside the point right now. We need to make sure you are okay.”

  Well, that didn’t work like he’d hoped.

  “Besides, we have to make sure you don’t have a concussion. I don’t trust him to take care of you properly.” She sniffed. “If the past is any indicator.”

  Bingo! There it was.

  “If it will make you feel better, I’ll stay at the house in JP for the next few nights.” He was sure it was pathetic for a man nearing forty to play emotional games with his mother, but screw it. Whatever it took to get out of there with the least amount of drama. The last thing he needed was a nurse asking a bunch of too-personal questions in front of his family.

  Renata brightened. “I’m sure you’re right. We both know the hospital will do any test on you it possibly can.” She stood, smoothing her skirt before moving toward the curtain. “I’ll flag down that male nurse. See if y
ou can get up and out of here.”

  Once his mom was out of sight, Casper spoke up again. “Sorry I called everyone here, if that was a mistake, Kev, but don’t you think you should get whatever tests they think you need? You didn’t pass out in the lamp store because of acid reflux.”

  “You heard him. I’m dehydrated. We’ll get some sports drinks or something on the way home.”

  Casper started to speak, but Kevin reached out and straightened his glasses.

  Even with glasses on, Casper’s face was perfectly even. How had he not noticed before? It really was soothing to look at. “You know, I don’t think I told you. I registered for the New York Bridal Show yesterday. I think we should go together.” He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t thought of inviting Casper before, or what made him think of it now.

  Confusion flashed over Casper’s face as he tried to catch up. “Go to New York?”

  Kevin nodded, then instantly regretted the motion at the flash of pain. He didn’t let it show. “Yeah, it’s three days in April. It’s like fashion week, but for the wedding industry. It’s where I’ll pick out the designers I want to carry. Not like I don’t already know. But still, it will be fun and good for business. They have wedding stuff from all over the place there. It could be really great for the bakery side of things too.”

  A smile spread over Casper’s face. That perfectly symmetrical smile. “Yeah. Let’s do it. Maybe splurge and catch a show while we’re there.”

  Kevin let out an exaggerated groan of pleasure. “Yes! You really are speaking my language. I can’t see Wicked too many times.”

  “I was thinking more Avenue Q. With all the stress of getting Bella Dolce up and running, I’m thinking we could do with a laugh.”

  “You just want to watch puppets fucking on stage. I know you like to watch.” Kevin couldn’t help but laugh at the blush that burst over Casper’s face, even though the sound hurt his head. He was going to have to make Casper blush more often. He was totally adorable with his cheeks red, his geeky glasses, and soft brown eyes. And the way his….

  Whoa.

  What the fuck?

  Kevin felt his own cheeks flush and quickly looked away from Casper.

  Renata stepped back in, opening the curtains wide, revealing the rest of the emergency room. “Okay, that nurse is going to bring over….” Her voice trailed off, her gaze darting back and forth between Kevin and Casper. “What’s going on with you two? Is everything okay?” She quickened her step over to Kevin. “Are you feeling worse?”

  “No, Mom. I’m okay. What were you saying about the nurse?” Actually, he was feeling worse. He needed half a bottle of Aciphex—his stomach and chest were on fire. Maybe throw in a couple of Xanax too, while they were at it.

  “The nurse is bringing the paperwork for you to sign, and then we’ll go, though he’s not happy about it.” She looked over at Casper. “Casper, dear, would you be a doll and go out and tell Scott that everything is fine and he won’t be needed after all.”

  “Mom!” Kevin winced at his raised voice. “Knock it off. Pretend you’re showing a penthouse to a new client. Play nice.”

  “I wouldn’t sell him a doghouse in a pigpen.”

  “Mom!” Kevin almost laughed, but stopped himself, until he looked over and saw the open-mouth astonishment on Casper’s face.

  Then he did laugh. And winced.

  CASPER

  GLINDA SANG about how good it was to be popular. And while the actress was nearly as good as Kristin Chenoweth, and the stage of Wicked glittered in fantasy, Casper couldn’t peel his gaze off Kevin.

  They’d driven nearly five hours to make it to New York in time to check in to their hotel, then changed clothes and rushed to the theater without any time for dinner. And still, Kevin was sitting on the edge of his seat, eyes wide in wonder, his lips whispering the words of the song in time with Glinda, utterly and completely enraptured. Casper was willing to bet Kevin had seen the show at least ten times, but from the look on his face, this time was still as good as the first.

  Casper had given up trying to avoid how beautiful Kevin was weeks ago. It seemed the more he tried to ignore it, the more it would sneak up on him and catch him off guard. This way, it was like breathing. Water was wet, concrete was hard, starting a business was terrifying, and Kevin was stupid hot. There. That was how the world turned. Instead of pretending it was anything other, Casper had accepted it and moved on. Or, at least he’d accepted it, at any rate.

  In all honesty, Casper wasn’t convinced that the New York trip was a good idea. Business wise, it made complete sense. In fact, he would go so far as to say that it was vital. This Friday night performance was going to be the only luxury of downtime. The following Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were all-day wedding patrol. This trip would be the injection of wedding knowledge and style that would help them get Bella Dolce’s door open for business. If that ever happened. Adding the renovation of the apartment, however modest they’d opted to be, had slowed things down. However, both the apartment and his cake shop were now up to code as far as electricity, water, and food production.

  While the trip was good for their business knowledge, it might ultimately be the downfall of the business itself. And if the way Casper was feeling as he watched Kevin lose himself to rapture during Wicked was any precursor, they were doomed to fail. And fail in riotous burning flames. While it had helped to accept that Kevin was gorgeous and there was no reason to pretend otherwise, Casper had yet to compartmentalize Kevin’s overpowering life force, humor, determination, and unexpected sweetness. Those kept tiptoeing up and kicking Casper in the face. To top it off, he’d been unable to shake that moment between them weeks ago in the emergency room. Whatever that had been.

  It was when Elphaba had the realization that she was not going to be that girl, that girl, the one who could win Fiyero’s heart, and Casper felt a tear roll down his cheek, that he quickly excused himself, tried not to trip over anyone’s feet as he squeezed down the tight row, and booked it for the lobby.

  Ironically, he thought about Kevin’s Xanax. Maybe if he snacked on one of those, he could get ahold of himself. He bought a glass of white wine, and then went to the restroom to claim a stall of his own.

  The tears fell more freely there. No, he was definitely not that girl. That girl would not be sitting in a bathroom stall, clutching a glass of wine, weeping over the pretty boy. He reminded himself that during the second act, Elphaba the green did become that girl, instead of Glinda the blonde and beautiful.

  Blonde and beautiful.

  Huh. Who did that sound like?

  Blond and beautiful. And about as much personality as a blow-up doll. And that wasn’t jealousy talking. His few interactions with Scott hadn’t left much of an impression other than, “Ohhhh, pretty….”

  Okay, so maybe it was the jealousy talking.

  He almost texted Brent, but refrained. That had gradually faded. He hadn’t heard from Brent in nearly two weeks. He needed to keep it that way.

  But seriously, this was insane. Utter insanity. He was a man in his thirties, who had the guts, or stupidity, to jump into a business venture to try to make his dreams a reality, and he was sitting in a bathroom stall, mooning over a boy.

  Ridiculous!

  Casper stood up from the toilet, chugged the glass of wine, and blew his nose. He was done playing the part of a prepubescent, lovestruck airhead. He was going to go back into that Broadway theater, watch the show with pretty witches, and be a man!

  He was a secure, intelligent, artistic man of the world. And he was fine on his own.

  He was. He really was.

  And he acted like it, until Elphaba discovered that after defying gravity, she really was that girl.

  Kevin looked over at him, smirked, and leaned in to whisper. “Are you crying?”

  “AHHHH. I love that show! It’s just perfect! Every single time.”

  It was the most carefree he had ever seen Kevin. While he’d been doing better over the
past few weeks, even looking healthier and less thin, easygoing was never a description Casper would ascribe to Kevin. “It seems to appeal to you. Are you sure your dream was to open a wedding dress shop and not sing on Broadway?”

  Kevin paused from walking down the sidewalk, stuffing his hands into his jacket. “You think you’re kidding, but that might be the only thing I’d give up the dress shop for.”

  Casper hadn’t been kidding. “Are you going to abandon Bella Dolce and get lost in these bright streets of Broadway?”

  “As fun as it sounds, no. I’m not meant for Broadway. Maybe in my next life.”

  “You could try out for some local plays or something back home.”

  Kevin scoffed. “Right, while we’re opening a business. Do you have some extra time stashed away that you’ve been keeping to yourself?”

  “Good point.” They started walking again. Casper’s stomach growled. Missing dinner was not one of his preferred activities. “Do you want to stop for a drink and dessert or something?”

  Casper didn’t miss the tightening around Kevin’s mouth at the subject change. Casper couldn’t fathom desserts being such a stressful topic, but they always seemed to have that effect. “No. I’m good, but if you need something we could stop.”

  “No.” Casper shook his head and lied. “I’m good, I don’t have to have anything either. I guess we might as well go back to the hotel.”

  “Yeah. We’re going to need our sleep. The next three days are going to be a whirlwind!” The tension left Kevin’s tone. “I’ve been dying to go to Bridal Week for years! And now that we have proof of our business, I can!”

  They walked another couple of blocks in easy silence before Kevin paused, grabbing Casper’s arm. “Hold on one second. I’ll be right back.”

  Casper turned and watched Kevin walk back the way they’d come. He stopped about twenty feet back by a homeless woman Casper hadn’t even noticed. Kevin reached in his back pocket, pulled out his wallet, and gave the woman a wad of what was inside. Then, with a wave, he trotted back to Casper.