by Kate Wendley
When Harmony got back from her night of shopping, he showed her all the room he’d cleared for her. She walked to the closet and curiously slid both closet doors open, then looked up at the top shelf before turning to him and giving him a hug. She got a tear in her eye, and he wasn’t sure if that meant she was happy or sad, though he had more than a feeling there was something on her mind. It was probably about him confusing her with Sonya when she first woke up tonight, but he didn’t know what else to do to make that right with her.
They spent the rest of the early morning with Seth and Nala watching a movie, everyone seeming like they were in the mood for some down time. Harmony cozied into him on the loveseat, but instead of it making him feel good, he worried more and more about her mood. She seemed distracted, and he noticed her staring at Sonya’s memorial painting more than once while the movie played.
By the time Seth and Nala left, he was positive Harmony was mad at him. She’d told their friends goodnight, then turned right around and headed into the bedroom alone while she avoided looking at him. He silently watched her go, mad at himself for making her so upset.
When he heard her close herself in the bathroom, he solemnly took Sonya’s memorial painting off the wall. Emotions roared through him as he did. He felt guilt, as if this really was Sonya and he was going to hide her away and forget about her while he got to continue living his life, alive and well. He knew that was a ridiculous thought, but it was still there. Equally as troubling, he felt shame that he’d so blatantly displayed this reminder of Sonya in front of Harmony, who’d been doing her best to not feel like it was a competition between the two. If he’d been in her shoes, he never would’ve put up with that.
In the end, Sonya was dead and gone, and no matter how guilty he felt for not being able to save her that long ago night, even though he’d been able to save himself, he needed to let her go. Maybe this painting would help. Maybe the painting was what was making him so crazy lately with memories of her. He didn’t think so, but he didn’t know anything for sure, only that he wanted his sane mind back.
He set the memorial on the floor in the dining room, first facing out, then stopped and turned it toward the wall. He needed to do this for Harmony. He needed to show her he was ready for a life with her.
**
Ethan sat on the bed and waited for Harmony to emerge from the bathroom. She looked mildly surprised when she came out, then avoided his eyes again, her expression somber and tired. He stood and put his hand on her shoulder until she finally looked at him.
“Can I show you something?”
She let him lead her to the living room, and he stopped them in front of the faded spot on the wall above the TV. She stared at it for a time, then looked at him.
“You’ve put up with so much from me, Harmony. So much that wasn’t your problem to deal with.”
“Ethan…”
“My beautiful butterfly, you don’t know how much you mean to me. I love you, Harmony. You. I want to make this place yours and mine. Anything you want to change, let’s change it. We’ll do it when we wake later tonight. I want you to be comfortable here. I want you to think of this as your home.”
Her face started to crumble, but she didn’t say anything, so he pulled her possessively into his arms. “Please, kitten. I love you so much.” He kissed the side of her head, then couldn’t stop himself from making his way down her neck. She quietly moaned as her body became soft and willing in his arms.
“I never thought I’d love again, but you… you make me feel again. You make me want to be a good man again.”
She scoffed. “You’re a good man already, Ethan.”
“I’ve had my less than good moments, kitten.” He kissed her forehead. “You give me a reason to try harder. A reason to even give a damn. Please say you want this, too.”
“I do.”
He felt worlds better hearing her say that. They kissed, then made their way to bed, and he was happy to see a smile on her face as she was pulled into sleep for the day.
He watched her while he waited for the sun to pull him under, too. His mood turned quickly somber because his head was still filled with too many memories and too many voices from far too long ago. He was tired of feeling like he was constantly struggling to keep them all under control and decided to just lay there and let them all fight with each other over who wanted his attention the most.
He took deep, even breaths and stared at the hazy gray ceiling as thoughts of Isaiah, Anthony, George, then Harmony, Seth and Nala all came and went through his mind. He didn’t fight them this time, he let them be, and as soon as he did, his world narrowed down to a peaceful memory…
A memory of Sonya. They were laying as he was laying with Harmony now, waiting for the sun to rise. Sonya was already asleep and he was in bed next to her. There was nothing particular about the memory, only that he’d lain next to her like this each morning for years. It’d always been his thinking time, and it’d come to be his favorite time of each day because he could tell Sonya anything he’d for whatever reason not told her when she was awake. It was also a time he could just look at her.
He looked at Harmony like he used to gaze at Sonya, and spent his last few moments before the sun took him hoping and praying he could figure out a way to get his sane mind back in order to keep Harmony in his life.
Chapter 21
Ethan woke and was both excited and nervous about what changes Harmony might want to make in his home. He chastised himself for thinking that, though. He wanted this to be their home. He wanted her comfortable here, but he also realized he still had a lot of Sonya’s things around and Harmony surely wouldn’t like to find that out.
Surprisingly, Harmony said she’d rather go out tonight. She even asked if they could invite Seth and Nala, so they made it a double date. Ethan took them to a local club where they spent several hours dancing and people watching. It was a wonderful night until he regrettably compared the local crowd to some people they’d all met in Pittsburgh. He immediately realized he’d mistaken Harmony for Sonya again when he saw the disappointment on her face. He was mad at himself for ruining the mood of the night, and mad at himself for hurting Harmony’s feelings again.
Unsure how to salvage their double date after his mistake, he decided they should just go home. He drove them all back to Wild Woods, and he and Harmony walked Seth and Nala over to the other building where their apartment was.
On their walk back to their own place, Ethan pulled Harmony to a stop. “I have memories of Sonya in my mind that sometimes confuse me into thinking they’re recent and that she’s still here.”
He felt jealousy roar through her, but before she could get a word out, he held her close and said, “The rest of my thoughts are filled to the brim with you. I think about our lives together, yours and mine, and all the things we can do together. I think about how I can make you feel more comfortable in Atlanta, about how I can convince you of how much I love you… and how I’d feel ripped apart if you ever left.”
She frowned and looked away.
He leaned in close, trying to get her to look at him. “Harmony, I love you. I know this isn’t fair to you and I’m sorry about all of it. You walked into a nest of old baggage when you came to Atlanta and into my life, and I wish the world it could’ve been different, but it is what it is.” He cupped her cheek and she finally turned her eyes to him.
“Please believe I’d do anything for you, Harmony. Anything.”
She stilled. “Anything?”
He nodded. “Anything.”
She pulled back and very carefully said, “Will you talk to someone about Sonya? A therapist?”
He stared at her in silence. It made him feel vulnerable that she thought he needed help, but of course he did. He just didn’t like people pointing out his weaknesses. He loved her like she was Sonya, though, and that was the problem. Still, he couldn’t help feeling irritated. “What do you think a mortal could do for me? This isn’t exactly a problem th
ey’d be used to dealing with, and it’s not like there are any vampire therapists in town.”
Harmony flinched and he realized he was being harsh with her.
He sighed. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know if that’s something I could do.”
“I love you, Ethan, and want you here with me. I want you to myself.”
Her eyes teared up and shame swept through him. She was just as aware as he was that he constantly thought of Sonya when he was with her. It wasn’t fair to Harmony and he knew it, and it hit home how serious his problem really was. He could lose her over this, the first woman he’d ever loved in over three hundred years.
He said, “I want that too, kitten.”
“Will you think about it then?”
He knew he needed to get his head straightened out, but he’d never had to ask for help from anyone. Thinking about it now made him irritated to the point of being more than a little angry. Still, if he lost her over his own stubbornness, he’d forever know it was due to his own selfish ego.
So he looked into her smoky eyes and reluctantly said, “Yes. For you.”
Chapter 22
Harmony’s mood was somber tonight. Her blissful happiness with Ethan was turning into a nightmare. It was becoming perfectly clear to her that he couldn’t get his murdered love off his mind, and that didn’t sit well with her, no matter how badly she wanted to be there for him. His irritation at her asking him to see a therapist didn’t make her feel any better, either. She was confused about where they stood now, and she honestly wasn’t sure what she’d do if he kept being as stubborn as last night. Nala hadn’t even had much advice when they had their girl talk, but she was a comforting shoulder to spill her guts out to.
Ethan sat with his back to her at the kitchen table, reading something on his laptop as Harmony joined him. He acknowledged her with a head bob as she got closer. She didn’t want to seem nosy, but he wasn’t hiding whatever it was he was looking at so she stepped up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder.
“Are you doing some work tonight?”
Her eyes lazily roamed his computer screen and she immediately realized he wasn’t. He was reading an article about grief and dealing with the death of a loved one. The section he was reading talked about moving on with your life and meeting new people. She stood there, stunned, and couldn’t stop looking at the computer.
Ethan didn’t move other than to keep scrolling through the article while he read. He quietly said, “I’m trying. I’ll do anything for you, Harmony. I’ll even…” He let out a deep breath, then slowly turned and looked up at her. “I’ll even call a counselor. It would have to be a shifter, though.”
As if in slow motion, she moved her eyes off the screen and looked at him. He was totally flipping serious and it made her feel like she was being selfish for pushing him into this. Even though he was always adamant about taking care of his family, he wasn’t the kind of man to easily admit to a weakness, and seek help for it. He was doing this for her.
Seeing him look so vulnerable broke her heart into a thousand pieces, but she did want him to go through with getting help, so she weakly nodded while a tear fell down her cheek.
Still not having touched her or even reached out for her, he looked away. “I don’t know who a good counselor would be, but I’m sure Anthony knows of someone. I’ll call him tonight, and then I’d like to spend the rest of the night reading these articles, if you don’t mind.”
His body language was cool towards her and it made her freeze up inside. Was he shutting her out? This was his problem to deal with, not hers… so why was she now so unsure about it all?
Because maybe through counseling he’d decide this was just a fling they were having. Her heart seized up at that.
Ethan’s head drooped and he reached up and put his hand on her hip, nudging her closer before he finally looked up at her again.
He whispered, “I love you.”
Tears streamed down her face, something that horrified her because Ethan was the first man she’d ever cried over.
“I love you, too.”
**
Anthony relaxed with Kaia at one of her favorite restaurants. He finally felt comfortable heading out for some down time with her since things had been quiet back home the last few nights. The biggest issue at home wasn’t necessarily resolved, but Ethan’s vampires had finally stopped coming over to try and cause trouble with his father. That was a start.
He hadn’t realized how cooped up he’d felt until now, or how tense he’d been about his father being back. Though to be fair, Isaiah was honestly trying to sync back into life with the family. He spent time each night visiting with the vampires he knew, then tried to get to know the new vampires that had joined during his seventy five year absence. Anthony wasn’t sure they all liked him being so curious about them, but it was mildly amusing to watch his attempts at polite nosiness.
Torin and Sebastian were having daily meetings with the wolves that ran the office, but no one had been fired or even outed as the culprit of the embezzlements yet. Anthony had a pretty good idea about who the main wolf was that was stealing from him, but Torin thought others were involved and felt it was an insult to his and Sebastian’s rule of the pack to so blatantly be stealing money from others in the family. Torin wanted to make everyone involved squirm.
Apparently that wasn’t hard since all Sebastian had to do was sit in the meetings and stare at the other wolves while they answered Torin’s questions. The embezzlement immediately stopped, but Torin was still working on finding out who else had been helping make it happen without creating a backlash against Anthony or his vampires.
Tonight Anthony was trying his hardest to forget about the family and just focus on Kaia. He was helping her embrace some of her last days as a human by doing whatever he could to make her more comfortable with the idea of turning vampire. The bump on her head had mostly healed, according to Dr. Williams, but the bruises his father gave her still weren’t. Anthony didn’t want her to have to carry a disfiguration with her the rest of her life, not like he had to with his horrid scar, so he was happy to let her take her time to heal before they decided when he’d turn her.
She quietly said, “Can’t Dag heal my bruises? Like he healed my bites?”
The thought of Dag touching her again instantly irritated him. “It’s not a good idea to have so much vampire blood in such a short period of time, my sweet. It would be better if he didn’t.”
She nodded, accepting his answer without comment, and kept eating her Lo Mein noodle dinner. He felt guilty for how easily he’d avoided telling her the full truth, which was that there was no way in hell Anthony would let Dag strengthen his bonds to her by using his blood to heal her again. Telling her she was Dag’s thrall would only make her upset, and he saw no need to do that since once she turned vampire, Anthony’s much more powerful blood would instantly break Dag’s hold on her.
Her actually turning vampire was a much more serious topic on both of their minds, anyway. He’d already agonizingly told her it wasn’t a sure thing, that it was possible she could die rather than turn. It was a somber topic for them both. She’d insisted she still wanted to go through with it, but he felt her trepidation each night since, even if she pretended she’d made peace with her decision. He selfishly didn’t want her to change her mind, so he was doing his best to keep anything else from her that might be distressing.
His phone rang and he considered ignoring it. Kaia had long ago grown used to his need to check it each time it beeped, vibrated, or rang, but it still irritated him that people interrupted the few hours he had with her each night. He looked curiously at the caller id, then sighed and answered it.
“Good evening, Ethan.”
Ethan paused, then said, “Good evening, Anthony.” Ethan’s greeting sounded awkward, mostly because he’d never bothered being courteous to Anthony before. Maybe things were finally changing between them.
“What can I do for you tonight?�
�
“Can you do that thing you do with your sound barrier? I need to speak to you in private. Please.”
Anthony glanced at Kaia, then around the quiet restaurant. “One moment.” He didn’t bother putting his hand over the phone as he spoke to Kaia because Ethan would hear him anyway. “I’m going to have a private conversation with Ethan. Don’t be alarmed by my sound barrier around myself.”
She took another bite of her unruly noodles and casually nodded as if this kind of thing happened every day. Maybe she was getting more used to his strange life than he realized.
He leaned away and gave himself a little space, then used his power to create the barrier. “You may speak. The conversation’s private on my end.”
Ethan sighed and Anthony started to worry about what was going on.
Finally Ethan said, “I need to talk to someone. I need…” He cleared his throat, then said with more conviction, “I need to talk to a counselor. I want to know if you know of a good shifter counselor.”
Anthony was stunned. Ethan was asking for help? “You’re serious about this.”
Ethan snapped, “Yes I’m serious. I called you didn’t I?”
This was the Ethan Anthony was more used to.
To his surprise, Ethan reluctantly said, “I’m sorry. Yes. I’m serious. I’m having troubles getting Sonya off my mind and it’s creating issues for me and Harmony. Will you help me?”
As much as Anthony still didn’t entirely forgive Ethan for years and years of antagonizing him, the man did seem to be trying to change. Or at least he was finally being open with Anthony about why he’d always been such a bastard to him. He supposed it was brave of him to be asking him for his help now, and with such a personal issue.
