George Knows

by Mindy Mymudes

  We look like a parade going down the road. Packmom, Packdad, and Auntie Heather with Roque are in the front. Karly and I are sandwiched in the middle, and The Boypup is boinging around like prey. I’m sort of surprised the Hodag didn’t decide to hunt and eat him. I guess it’s good they made friends, though it seemed more like the dragon thought she owned him.

  Auntie Heather is digging in her bag again as we walk.

  Multitasking.

  She rummages around and pulls out a notebook.

  “Brian, if you want to be useful, can you make a few calls for me? I have a few questions that I hope these people can answer. By the time I was finished with my research last night it was too late to bother them. The list is on the page I dog-eared.”

  I stop. Dog-eared?

  “Relax George. It means I folded the corner down.”

  Packdad takes the notebook. “I’m afraid to ask, but do you really understand George?”

  “I’ve shared my life with a lot of animals. I’ve learned a little about how they think over the years,” Auntie Heather says with a smile to Roque and me.

  Yeah, as if.

  She’s in my mind.

  “Back to the list. I might be on the wrong track. There are probably a bunch of things I’ve missed, so if you think of anything else, please add them. This isn’t something I’ve had any experience with. I wasn’t even sure where to start.”

  Packdad takes the notebook from her. She couldn’t just tell him what she wants to know? What if the notebook gets wet or something? It’ll be just like what happened to the magical cookbook. The notebook doesn’t smelltaste good enough to fix it with drool. Plus, if she told him, I’d hear what was on the pages. I want to know but I can’t read it. Sometimes Peeps are so frustrating! Most of the time, come to think about it.

  Packdad opens the notebook, wrinkles his forehead, and grins. “This might just work. I have some friends that might also be able to help.”

  “What? What might work?” Packmom stops him and looks at the paper. She grins as well. “Is this true?”

  “Guess we’ll find out. I’ll make the calls. Except…if you run into trouble how will I know? Can’t you wait until I’m done?” Packdad asks Auntie Heather as he pulls out his phone.

  “Put that away. No chemical smells on us. And that’s why you can’t come. We don’t want to irritate the Hodag with the smells of civilization.” Auntie Heather sounds a bit irritated. Well, she didn’t tell anyone why they had to clean up.

  She must realize she was wrong because she arches an eyebrow. It’s very expressive. Peeps are sadly lacking in body language skills, but this is a good one. I copy the move. Yup. I’m better at it.

  “If I think there is any chance we’re going to have a problem, I’ll send George or Roque back for you. The Hodag is only protecting her territory. Once she knows it’s safe, she’ll go back into hibernation or whatever Hodags do when they aren’t needed.”

  “There are other Hodags?” Karly asks. I’m glad she does, I want to know.

  “Must be. There are a lot of dragon stories around the world. Brian, I assume you agree to make the calls?”

  Packdad runs fingers through his hair. I wish I could do that. Scratching is good and all, but the bliss of my own fingers…What am I thinking? Peeps’ fingers are mine. “I’m trusting you with my family, Heather, against my better judgment, but yes. If anything at all seems off, even a pebble that shouldn’t be there, you send George back to me.”

  “Of course,” Auntie Heather says. Under her breath she says, in a voice only my amazing basset hearing can pick up, “As if he could do anything useful.”

  She does a lot of murmuring. Peeps’ smellhearing is useless.

  “Doreen, Karly, George, let’s go talk to a Hodag. Good luck Brian.” Auntie Heather calls us together and we march into the woods looking for a monster.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The fogcloud is further into the woods today. Karly is shivering. I guess it is a little chilly for a human with naked skin. Human design flaw, they are full of them. I look up. Is it colder because the shade is deeper here?

  No.

  The whole woods is made up of trees. It’s the fogcloud. The animals are still missing. I sniff, tongue hanging from my mouth. Not even a crumb of rabbit smelltaste.

  I drag my paws. The Hodag is bad, no matter what Auntie Heather thinks. The dragon scared away everything that lives here. There isn’t even the whinebite of a mosquito. Huh. That isn’t such a bad thing. Yes it is. Birds eat them. I chase birds. There is nothing good about The bad Hodag. It smelltastes bad. It sleeps on a tasteless trash pile, and it tried to steal the Boypup. I look at Packmom. She’d miss him.

  The smelltaste of gassulfurdrysnakecatstink races through my mouth and nose, before it bullets into my brain. It’s beyond awful. What is wrong with my Peeps? Why aren’t they covering their noses and running away? Roque looks as disgusted as I am.

  Why do I even ask? What do I expect from them? They rub chemicals all over to mask their natural odor. As if that will hide them from their prey. Not that they could find any.

  As we get closer the fogcloud recognizes we are superior and backs off. I stand straight, up on my toes, and growl low. Coward.

  The fogcloud is gone. The Horrible Hodag is nested in her pile of shiny garbage in front of us. She looks at me and shakes her tail. The spikes at the end of her tail rattle.

  A warning.

  My hackles go up.

  My own warning.

  Karly pulls the leash tight. Spoilsport. I glare at her from over my shoulder. I could take the dragon on.

  I know I could.

  “Stop it right now.” Auntie Heather snaps at me. She faces the monster. “You aren’t going to hurt anyone, are you, sweetie?” she croons.

  Oh, barf.

  It’s a full-grown, fire-breathing dragon and she’s treating it like an overgrown puppy. I sit hard on the ground, cock my hip, and look away in disgust. If she wants to be dragon food, I’m not watching.

  Lunch? Did someone say lunch? Did we have lunch yet? My tummy makes a little bubbly noise. I’m hungry, but not lunchtime.

  My tummy alarm hasn’t gone off.

  Karly gives a quick tug on the leash. I’m forced to look behind me. Auntie Heather is walking to the monster, holding out a shiny pop can. Roque is biting his claws. I smellfeel the worry coming off him. He probably is picking up mine as well. Karly is excited.

  The Hodag’s eyes sparkle. She rolls to her feet, crackling trash the only sound in the woods. That’s just wrong. Auntie Heather stops and waits while the dragon slithers like a snake on her belly. Why doesn’t she use her legs? Hodags are built way wrong. Totally flawed.

  Auntie Heather offers the back of her hand to sniff. Like that Horrible Hodag was a dog! I think about closing my eyes, positive the monster is going to bite Auntie Heather’s hand off. No screams. Karly and I let out our breaths. No wonder I’m light headed.

  The dragon leans into Auntie Heather and snurffles her hand, neck, and ear. Auntie Heather is a very brave witch.

  Or a very stupid one.

  She cooks really well, so she isn’t stupid.

  The dragon nudges Auntie Heather’s hand as she takes the can into her paw. The ugly monster head tilts to my auntie. Horrible Hodag speak for “thank you”? Nyah, the thing isn’t that smart. Auntie Heather is rubbing the Hodag’s throat and cheeks.

  “If the woods are saved, will you bring all the animals back? It isn’t good for the woods to be without her children,” Auntie Heather says. Ha. The Hodag surely can’t understa…It makes a funny squawking nose, the first sound it’s made. Coincidence. Has to be. Yeah, It’s a trash-collecting monster. It can’t be smart enough to talk. Besides, how would Auntie Heather know Hodag-speak?

  She shoots me “that” look.

  Well.

  Um.

  Okay.

  Maybe.

  Guess she can. I look away.

  I turn my face forw
ard again when a sound like rusty door hinges forced to open comes from the dragon. The monster tilts its head left. Then right.

  Is it nearsighted?

  “The woods and all that live here were always protected by you? I totally understand. So the animals are all safe?”

  Auntie Heather got a lot more out of that head tilt and squawk than I did. How does she do that? When we aren’t convincing a Horrible Hodag to go away, I’m going to find out. Education is important, after all. Even for a brilliant basset familiar.

  The Horrible Hodag opens her mouth. It’s awful, a ball splitting in half. Lining the halves are rows of sharp spikes that match the ones on her head and tail. They probably stick in what she eats like the ones on her head. Maybe they are poisonous. Maybe she’s lying and she ate all the animals.

  Auntie Heather whips around to me, puts her hands on her hips and stabs me with her eyes. “George, if you don’t stop being so mean I swear you’ll never see another treat again? Do you understand me?”

  She’s treating me like a puppy!

  Um.

  What did she say?

  I freeze.

  No.

  More.

  Treats?

  My ears shoot up and my eyes grow wide. I don’t understand what’s going on, but I understand punishments. Can they both understand my thoughts? I try thinking of tuna fudge.

  Cookies.

  Rabbits. Rabbits. Where are the rabbits?

  Oh yeah. Um. Oops. Tuna fudge. Biscuits…

  “We’ll get this fixed.” Auntie Heather gestures to the path out. Roque climbs up to his seat on her shoulder. When we’re almost to the parking lot she crosses her fingers. “I hope Brian was able to get some answers.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Packdad runs to us. “What happened? Did you find it? Is everyone safe?” He doesn’t even take a breath between words. He grabs Packmom by the arms. If they kiss I’ll leave. I’m about to trot off when he crouches to stroke my back. Guess he wants to check us all out. I lean into him. He stops with the petting action and steps away so I have to catch myself. Hey, warn a dog when you’re going to move.

  The Boypup is still jumping around. Auntie Heather must’ve put some sort of spell to keep him with Packdad. It’s the only explanation. I wasn’t that silly as a pup. Even then I knew it wasn’t dignified for a basset.

  “Which is why you kept getting tangled in your ears when you ran and slipped on the kitchen floor?”

  Karly made that up. She stares at me like I’m nuts. “Admit it, you kind of like Joey.”

  Yeah, I’d miss him. He’s part of the Pack, after all.

  “Please, please, please tell me you found the will,” Auntie Heather pleads. She’s doing the potty dance, swaying from foot to foot. Roque scolds her and climbs down.

  Packdad is looking at his phone. What is so interesting there? “I think I know what happened, if that helps. It’s going to take a few days to…”

  Auntie Heather rudely interrupts him. “I made a promise that we have to keep. Today. We have to fix this before the equipment does any more damage to the woods. The Hodag gave us a warning by scorching those trees. She marked as far as she’ll allow the damage to go. She has weapons and I doubt she’ll hold back using them to protect what’s hers.” She takes a breath. “Where do you think the will is?”

  Roque waves to Auntie Heather. She nods and he takes off toward the house. He doesn’t like being around too many people. Or maybe he’s getting nummies. I want to go. Karly pulls back on her leash. What a time for her to accept our link. I try to close it. It’s a smooth silver line between us, no clasp, with no way to break it. How was I supposed to know once she accepted it we’d be permanently bonded?

  “Chill,” my Girlpup insists. “I want to hear what’s going on.”

  I slide to one hip and watch my Peeps. Oh, yeah. The will thing must be what was on the paper Auntie Heather gave to Packdad.

  “No. Those were questions to help find the will.”

  Packmom looks around and then faces Auntie Heather. “Who are you talking to?”

  “Karly. I let you and Brian read the list without sharing it with her. I forget she’s growing up.”

  She never forgets anything. Auntie Heather didn’t want me to know. Probably because I could’ve figured it out, and then Packdad wouldn’t have anything to do.

  Packmom still looks confused. I don’t blame her. “I didn’t hear…”

  “We need to speed this up somehow. What can we do? Where do they think it is?”

  “Tom is a history teacher at Karly’s school…”

  Karly groans. Packdad frowns at her.

  “As I was saying, Tom hunted down the original owner’s name. You were looking for records in the daughter’s married name. The farm was called the Zeiss farm for so long that no one remembered Mr. Kasten established it.

  Auntie Heather nods. “You’re right. We never thought of that. Excellent work.”

  “Couldn’t the original will be cross referenced with her name, anyway?” Packmom asks.

  I am a brilliant basset hound, but this makes no sense to me. I’d rather take a nap, but Karly is too excited and it’s traveling right down the leash. Sigh. I stand up and shake off. I need to potty. I need to stay and listen.

  Decisions, decisions.

  If I stay, I’ll have to squat. There isn’t even a clump of grass to mark. I can only move a little bit away. Karly’s leash is irritating. Now that we are fully bonded, I can find her anywhere. She doesn’t need it.

  I squat. How embarrassing.

  Peeing like a puppy. It’s also a waste of good marking material, too. At least I’m not missing anything. A stream puddles beneath me and my paws get a little wet. I step back to Karly’s side.

  “Ick. Seriously, you couldn’t hold it?”

  Hey, I’m a dog. You wanted me to wait for a bathroom?

  “That’s where Tom comes in. A few years ago the county records office computerized all the files. Before that, everything was put on microfilm, He thinks the will wasn’t transferred to either microfilm or the computer.”

  Yup. More technowhatsit failure. Too much relying on writing things down.

  “There is nothing wrong with our memories, George. People just need more proof. We live much longer.”

  As if I didn’t know that. I find the whole idea of owning land puzzling. What’s the point? Power places are for everyone.

  Packmom looks between me and Auntie Heather. She shakes her head slowly. “We can do something, then. We can search the microfilm, or the original papers.”

  Packdad groans. “That’s where things get sticky. We know roughly when the will was filed, but Tom already looked. Most of the microfilms were destroyed when they were transferred to computer. They weren’t in the greatest of shape. He did find out that some of the older records were sent to the library for their historical value. Unfortunately, the last time he went to look through old records everything was out of order.”

  Packmom grins. “Is everyone’s library card up to date?”

  What’s a library card?

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I am sitting outside the library holding Joey’s leash. He keeps running around shrieking. I think he’s happy. I’m not. What are they doing in there? I try to find a comfortable spot to nap, but Joey keeps jerking my neck. This Boypup needs basic classes in obedience.

  The door to the library swings out and Karly bounces to me, taking her leash from Joey. Thank goodness. I take a deep breath.

  Phew. It’s nice to have a well-trained Peep.

  “We found it! The will! We found it! The last box! It was in the last box, squished on the bottom.” She picks up my front paws and dances with me. I am not built for dancing. She’s too excited to pick up my discomfort through our link. I try to push away. That doesn’t work. I nudge her hands with my nose.

  “Sorry George.” She lowers me back to the ground. Finally. Two feet aren’t as stable as four. “My his
tory teacher found the will! Don’t you get it? The woods are safe! The Hodag will go away. The woods are ours again! It can’t be turned into a subdivision!”

  I still don’t understand how Peeps can own the land, but whatever. The Horrible Hodag is going away. Arrrrooooo! Yes! The woods are safe! Joey is safe.

  The Boypup is strangely quiet. If he wasn’t standing and breathing I’d think he’s dead. The walking dead, since he’s moved to Karly’s side and is pulling at her shirt.

  “No! She can’t go. She’s my best forever friend.” He starts to cry. “Tell me she’s not going to leave.”

  Karly pats him. I sit on his foot. It’s to keep him from doing anything stupid. He could run back to the woods and try to find The Horrible Hodag. My eyes widen. What if he tries to go with her? Hmmm. My Girlpup gives me a not-nice look. Okay, yeah, the Packfamily wouldn’t be happy. I lean into him. Petting me will make him feel better.

  He moves away and sits on a bench next to the building in a little garden. Karly and I follow him. She sits next to him. I hike my leg on the bench leg.

  Mine.

  The Packpups slide away and Karly looks around and moans.

  “At least no one was watching,” she murmurs.

  Boypup is still crying when the rest of the Pack comes out of the library. I wonder what’s in there. I smell books. There must be something else. Maybe computers like Karly’s. I’m glad I’m outside where I don’t have to curl up under the desk. Boring.

  My Pack sees Joey crying and comes over. Packdad tilts the Boypup’s head back with a finger under his chin. “What’s wrong?”

  Joey sniffles and tries to talk through his crying. “You…” Sniff. “Are…” Sniff. “Making…” Sniff. “Her go away.” Sniff. “She’s the only one that likes me,” he wails.

  “That’s not true. You have a lot of friends. Justin, Scott, Jared,” Packdad tells him.

  I woofle.

  Packdad grins. “George.”