Dex (Kinky Shine #1)

by Stephanie Witter

  “Get out.’’

  I blinked and hugged myself, seeking some comfort facing Dex. I thought he was cold and detached when I had first met him, but it was nothing compared to how he looked now. The disgust twisting his mouth tore at me more than it should. His eyes took me in from my feet clad in sandals to the top of my head with my hair quickly put in a messy bun. “Get out now, Harley.’’

  “Dex…’’

  “You don’t get it, do you?’’ he said, his cold smirk replacing the playful one he had given me briefly in the kitchen earlier. “You knew something very important about someone who’s family to me. You knew and you kept your fucking mouth shut when you shouldn’t have and then you went out of your way to suck my cock. So tell me, Harley. Was it your plan? Did you want a piece of me for the thrill of being with a rockstar? You’re worse than a groupie looking for a quick fuck with one of us.’’

  My eyes immediately welled up with tears. I wanted to yell, to curse him, but I couldn’t say a word. I didn’t want him because of his music and who he was to the fans out there; I wanted him because of who he let me see him be. But it was pointless. So, I didn’t say a word and stood up, ready to grab my purse near the front door and leave.

  “What? You don’t have some smartass comeback?’’

  I turned back around to face him and only saw his cold face, his dark angry eyes on me. There was nothing left of the attraction sizzling between us and it hurt. It shouldn’t though. It wasn’t anything more than mad attraction. But it did hurt, right in my chest as if something was digging a hole there. As if something was stolen from me to never recover.

  “Just take care of Maxen. He needs help.’’

  I turned around and let some tears fall now that my back was to Dex. I heard him call out my name right when I closed the front door behind me, but I didn’t stop to check if it was a figment of my imagination. After all, he didn’t follow me when I left his curb back to the community gate to wait for a cab. I didn’t want to see his house any longer. I needed distance.

  DEX

  She didn’t turn around. I had no idea why I wanted her to, but I did. I cursed under my breath and put my elbows on my thighs and head in the palms of my hands. What the fuck happened?

  One minute I wanted to kiss her, explore her body and the next minute she told me an ugly truth and I wanted nothing more than to toss her away. But now that she was gone, I had a hard time thinking, breathing.

  And Maxen? Fuck. How did I miss the signs? I should have seen it¸ should have picked on his changes. He’s my best friend, dammit! I’d known him for a decade and I didn’t see he wasn’t well. I didn’t know he was doing drugs other than the occasional weed he’d smoke during a lazy summer night.

  I knew by heart all the signs of a drug addict, but I didn’t pay attention. I was a self-centered bastard.

  I stood up and paced, unsure if I should talk with Maxen or tell the guys before. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing here. Years ago, Maxen, Otis, Beckett and I made a pact. We wouldn’t fall for that stuff and steer clear of the drugs, too often the reason why a band would break up. And honestly, we may have dirty lyrics but in real life, we weren’t the kind of band to destroy a hotel room or have an orgy with drugs on display.

  I didn’t know what to fucking do and Harley hid the truth from me. I knew she hid it for only a day, but it’s still too long. She knew how I had a hard time trusting people and yet she played me into letting go with her, luring me to have enough trust in her to believe that maybe I wasn’t so broken after all. And now, I realized that she did this knowing something that was very important to me, something I should have known right away.

  My cell phone buzzed on the coffee table and I wanted to smash the damn thing into pieces and throw everything in the pool. I didn’t want to see the new Twitter notifications, a reminder of Harley.

  The hard truth was I thought I knew what type of woman Harley was, but I didn’t.

  And I thought I knew my best friend like the back of my hand, but I didn’t.

  I shook my head and walked to the front door without putting on a shirt. I jerked the door open and stalked out and toward Maxen’s. I didn’t pay attention to the newly divorced woman with silicone boobs who was grabbing the mail and ogling me. I didn’t try to make myself appear any less pissed than I was. Because I was pissed. I was pissed that I had been wrong on all accounts, pissed that I missed the signs regarding Maxen, pissed for knowing what to do.

  I didn’t bother with the bell and went to knock on the door with my fist. I didn’t stop until Maxen opened the door. His green eyes weren’t laughing and he didn’t have his usual smile on his face. No, his eyes were bloodshot, his eyebrows had a line of sweat and I now knew it had nothing to do with the LA heat. He looked away first and turned around, leaving the door open for me to walk in.

  His house was similarly furnished as mine, but the colors in his were vibrant reflecting his personality. Only this time around, I didn’t find his house so inviting.

  Without a word, we sat on two sections of the couch opposite each other. Maxen still didn’t look back at me. His eyes were trained on the TV tuned to ESPN.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about it?’’ I asked and I couldn’t hide the hurt and disappointment in my voice. Damn, I knew it had nothing to do with me, but I felt betrayed in a way. I rubbed at my eyes, willing myself to not cry like a chick. “Fuck, Maxen.’’

  He gnashed his teeth and his nostrils flared briefly. “She shouldn’t have told you.’’

  “It has nothing to do with Harley!’’ I pointed at him, my outburst pushing him to finally look at me in the face. “We’re supposed to be best friends. I shouldn’t have had to discover that shit from someone else. And you know I wouldn’t judge you.’’

  “No?’’ He laughed then and it grated on my ears. “Dex, don’t fuck with me. I know you better than you think. You’re judging me right now.’’

  “You’re wrong. I just…’’ I sighed heavily and looked at the high ceiling of the huge living-room. Memories were coming back and it was hard to face that shit with Maxen. “I don’t get it. You know what drugs do.’’

  “It’s not the same. Don’t compare me to her.’’

  I smirked at him and it had nothing to do with amusement. Maxen knew it. He looked away again when he saw the sinister twist of my lips. “She was a drug addict and you are too. Yeah, she couldn’t do shit and you’re still standing, but in the end? She was injecting herself with some shit and you’re snorting it. Tell me what the big difference is? At one point we both know you’re going to upgrade from coke to crack or heroin. Is that what you want?’’

  “Fuck off, Dex.’’

  “What happened?’’ I whispered, rubbing at my temples. “What the fuck happened?’’

  Maxen was still fixed on the huge TV, his fists tight in his lap. I couldn’t remember a time when we were at odds like this. “An after party with some coke. I tried and…’’

  “When was that?’’

  He sighed and started to stand up but thought twice and sat back. He crossed his arms over his chest. I glanced at the inside of his elbows quickly, making sure he wasn’t doing another drug. There weren’t any marks that I could see.

  “A year ago, I think.’’

  A year. A fucking year. I swallowed and hid my face in my hands. My fingers bit into my scalp. It was a fucking nightmare. I couldn’t possibly have been blind for a whole fucking year.

  “I…I…’’ I stuttered from behind my hands. “I’m sorry, Maxen.’’

  “What?’’ I heard him move on the couch. “What are you talking about? You’re not the one who gave it to me.’’

  I shook my head and sat back, but this time around I was the one having a hard time looking at my best friend. “I didn’t see anything. We see each other almost every day and I didn’t see it. You’ve always seen it when something’s wrong with me.’’

  “Stop with the drama bullshit, Dex. I’m careful, okay
. It’s not the end of the fucking world. Or the end of the band.’’

  “You’re careful?’’ I stood up and faced him. “You need to go to rehab because you have a problem.’’

  “Right. I take some coke sometimes and I’m the one with the issue. Funny coming from the man who can’t keep his dick hard enough when with a woman.’’

  “It’s not about me so don’t deflect.’’ I wanted to strangle him and shake him to make him see how low he had fallen. I wanted to scream in his ears to make him understand how bad it is, but I knew how useless it would be.

  My mother had been a drug addict until I heard three years ago that she died. As predictable, she od’ed. Maxen saw the ugliest when it came to that addiction, but apparently it wasn’t enough. He saw my mother trading her body for more drugs, saw her and I bloodied and hurt by her dealers when she owed them money. He saw me starving because the little money my mother and I had went to her addiction. He saw me bathing her and making sure she wouldn’t puke in bed and choke to death. He saw everything and yet…

  “We have everything we had ever wanted and more. We’re doing music for a living, you can fuck any pussy you want, we have money, friends…I don’t get it.’’

  “There’s nothing to say. I like how I feel when I’m high on coke. But it’s none of your business, Dex. It’s not because we’ve known each other for ten years that you can barge in here and do some lame intervention because I’m doing something you don’t approve.’’

  “Yeah, so what? Am I going to let you destroy your fucking life? Maybe I should turn my back and go with my life and watch you while you’re killing yourself. After all, it’s not like I care about you.’’

  “Don’t go all sentimental on me now.’’ He sighed and rubbed his nose.

  I turned away. Shit, he had been rubbing his nose in front of me before, I was sure of it but only now I realized what it meant. I wanted to puke and have a re-do of the last year. This time, I would keep my eyes open for him. And I wouldn’t let myself get close to Harley.

  “You think we’re going to let you drown?’’

  “We? Oh, now you want to let the guys know, huh?’’

  I saw now how a bad idea it had been to come here on my own. I was talking to a wall, a very defensive wall. I had thought that maybe he would open up to me, listen to me, but he wouldn’t. I needed more people there to force him into a corner and force him to get out of that bullshit he’s trapped in.

  “If you thought I’d be the only one on your ass now, you’re wrong. If Otis and Beckett can’t shake some sense into you, I’ll have Floyd on board and we’ll have to see if we should take a break from the music scene until you go to rehab and get your act back together.’’ I wouldn’t think twice to take a break from the band if it meant getting Maxen sober. Even Beckett wouldn’t blink and follow me on this.

  “What? Fuck, Dex!’’ he yelled and stood up. He stalked toward me, his fists on the ready to punch me. He had a couple inches on me and a few pounds of muscles, but I knew him. I couldn’t be afraid of him, but I was afraid for him. “I’m the one who is always good with PR stunts, fans love to follow me on that Twitter shit and I’ve never been in a scandal. I’m not some worthless fuck up!’’

  I steeled myself and coiled up, ready to punch his face in, hoping it’d bring some sense in his thick skull. I was buzzing with dark energy. I was a ticking-time bomb. “You. Are. An. Addict.’’

  “Shut up.’’

  “No!’’ I grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard, but he barely moved. “I will not let you do this to yourself. Not you.’’

  He pushed me away and I lost my footing, crashing on the couch. He leaned above me enough to glare at me. “Stay out of my fucking life, Dex.’’

  “We’re family, Maxen. I can’t. You didn’t let me die when I slit my damn wrists all those years ago and I’m not going to let you down either.’’

  His face started to lose the anger he had been showing me since I walked in his house. Instead, hurt briefly twisted his traits and was soon replaced by unease. Or maybe it was shame.

  He turned away and sat back on the couch, this time next to me. He put his head in his hands and sighed deeply. “Stop, Dex.’’

  “Never, fucker.’’

  He shook and his breathing became ragged. I didn’t know if he was crying silently in his hand or not, but I clasped his shoulder and squeezed tightly before I stood up. “I can’t leave unless I search your place for your coke. Then we’ll call for a good rehab facility, something remote and very discreet.’’

  “I don’t need to go to rehab. I can stop,’’ he mumbled from behind his hands. His voice was shaking, broken and it hurt me. He’s only a shadow of the real Maxen.

  “Maybe, maybe not but I think a rehab center will give you the support you need.’’

  “Therapy you mean,’’ he said and finally looked up. His face was dry, but his eyes were slightly puffy now.

  I shrugged and rubbed at my eyes. “Yeah, therapy. It’s not so bad.’’

  “Coming from the guy who went only once.’’

  “Twice.’’

  He smiled and laughed softly. It wasn’t anywhere his usual booming laugh, but it was genuine. For all I knew, it was his first genuine laugh in months.

  “I don’t want to do that shit.’’

  “I know. In your shoes, I wouldn’t want to either, but…’’ I took a deep breath and looked down at the floor and the ruby red rug under the couches and coffee table. “I don’t want to lose my best friend and ultimately, drugs are going to win and strip you from who you are.’’

  “Fuck, Dex…’’ he trailed off and his voice shook on my name.

  We were men, priding ourselves for being strong and that mellow moment with all the feelings wasn’t exactly our usual. We cared about each other, but we didn’t go out of our way to say it. My eyes prickled and I took another deep breath, calming down again.

  “What do you say, Maxen? Rehab?’’

  “What about the summer tour? We’re supposed to leave in two weeks.’’

  “Fuck that shit! It’s not more important than your health. And now I’ll have a lot more time to write our new album.’’

  “The label…’’

  “Can fuck itself if they’re not happy. If they’re not dumb they’ll see how important you going to rehab is. Better cancel the summer tour and make sure you come back than doing the tour and breaking up the band in a year or so because of the drugs and all of us fighting.’’

  He nodded and toyed with his piercing, his eyes unfocused. He cleared his throat after a little while and looked back at me. “I’m sorry for being an ass with you and Harley. It’s obvious she’s what you need.’’

  I tensed and scoffed. “That boat sailed.’’

  “What? Don’t tell me it’s because I treated her like that. I’ll explain her.’’

  I waved him off and cursed my body for its reaction at her mention. My skin was now breaking in goosebumps and knots tightened further in my stomach. “It’s not that.’’

  “Dex?’’

  I sighed and glared at the coffee table without seeing it. “She didn’t tell me right away about you. She played me.’’

  “What the fuck? Don’t tell me you’re holding onto a fake excuse to push her away because you’re scared to fuck her. Damn, that woman has one hell of a rack and a delicious ass. I swear if you don’t—‘’

  “Don’t go there, man. Seriously,’’ I said harshly, a warning loud and clear.

  “You’re an idiot.’’ He stood up and fished in his jean pocket for something. When he showed me what was in his hand, I pressed my lips together and bit on my tongue. It was a baggy of coke. “Throw this in the toilet. I don’t think I can.’’ His hand was shaking, but he held on.

  I snatched it and walked down the hall to the first toilet downstairs. I tore the baggy open and watched the white powder fall in the toilet. I flushed and sighed. Maybe Maxen had another stash somewhere and he proba
bly wouldn’t tell me where it was, but at least we were taking a step in the right direction. And I was doing something.

  He was there years ago when one evening I had slit my wrists back in college during Christmas break. I would have died if only he hadn’t come back early to our crappy apartment because he knew something was seriously fucked up with me. He saved me and even saved as much money as possible to help me get tats to cover my raised scars afterward, hiding the reminder of how low I had fallen.

  This time, I needed to be there for him. He was my brother in everything but blood.

  *

  HARLEY

  “What’s wrong?’’ my father asked when we walked past security to get to the studio where the band was supposed to make an appearance on a talk show this Friday.

  I expected my father to say something when I couldn’t make some idle chit-chat. And I had avoided everybody in the last two days, holing up in my hotel room and working my ass off on the blog and the different articles that needed to be published.

  “Nothing.’’ I shrugged and held up my pass when another man from security stopped us. He checked if our names were on his list and let us pass.

  “What did Dex do?’’

  I smiled at my father when the anger in his voice couldn’t be concealed anymore. I wrapped an arm around the crook of his elbow. I couldn’t tell him anything. From what I had seen, my father didn’t know about Maxen yet and I didn’t know if Otis and Beckett knew now. And even if my father had known, I couldn’t exactly explain why Dex and I…

  “Stop it, Dad. He didn’t do anything. You should focus more on the band than me. I’m fine. Overworked, but fine.’’

  “I hate it when you lie, honey. And you’re bad at it.’’

  I chuckled, but my smile froze on my face when I saw Dex walking toward us from farther down the hall. He must have left the room they had assigned for the band. Still now, I had the same desire for him. My whole body heated up and my throat became parched. Warmth pooled in my belly and my breasts felt heavier and more sensitive in my bra. I fidgeted and looked back down. I unwrapped my arms from my father’s elbow and crossed them over my chest.