I glared at him and then at Beckett and when he settled in the armchair it was obvious I wouldn’t get a night to connect with my girl. I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath, trying to calm down.
“And for you laying low is driving through town to get here.’’ I shook my head and went to Harley, sitting on the other side of her.
She leaned into me and I wrapped an arm around her, suddenly breathing easier when I realized she wouldn’t be pushing me away now that she wasn’t distracted by lust. I messed up at that damn café and she had every reason to be pissed and scared, but these last couple of hours had been hell for me thinking I could lose her because I couldn’t be patient and listen to her.
She drove me crazy.
“How is it outside?’’ Harley asked the guys, her small hands nervously twisting the hem of her top.
Otis shrugged and Beckett pursed his lips briefly. Knowing them as I did, it was answer enough. Fuck it. I sighed and kissed Harley’s temple.
“It’s a circus. They’re smelling blood, so like good little sharks they’re waiting for the first opening to attack,’’ Beckett replied somberly, drumming his fingers on his knee. “But it’ll be okay, Harley. These things come and go.’’
“Yeah, Beck’s right,’’ Otis added, reassuringly squeezing her shoulder. “Wait ’til they find some other story like an actor doing the nanny. You and Dex will be history.’’
“It’s not that easy.’’ She put her head on my shoulder and that’s when it hit me how badly she was taking the situation.
When I kissed her earlier today, I didn’t think beyond our relationship and that fucking fear of losing her. I wanted a way to make sure that somehow we were in this together, that I wasn’t just some passing fucker in her life. Not once before I overheard her phone call with Floyd had I thought it could fuck over her blog and subsequently her work. I knew how important her job was to her, not just financially speaking, but also because she could live from her passion for music. Once again I had let my damn fears and hangups rule my life. And hers too.
“Tell me what to do to make things better, Harley,’’ I said quietly, my voice rough.
She looked up at me, her head still against my shoulder. She offered me a small, sad smile and it gutted me more.
“I honestly don’t know if we can do anything. They’re going to write whatever sells and what sells more than scandal?’’ She snorted and it was the saddest sound I had ever heard. I hugged her closer to me. “Hopefully, my blog will speak for myself. I’ve always been very professional and I have lots of contacts in the industry, some in the indie scene and some bigger names that could speak up for me, but I hate having to ask them to get mixed into my mess.’’
“Our mess, Harley. No matter what,’’ I whispered in her ear and kissed her neck right under her earlobe and the little silver hoop.
“Actually,’’ Beckett spoke up, messing with his phone until he found what he was looking for and turned it to us. From here I couldn’t exactly see what he was showing us other than what looked like some band logo. “These guys already posted something on Facebook and it’s now trending.’’
I frowned and glanced down at Harley to find her smiling fondly.
“I can’t believe these guys.’’ She chuckled and locked eyes with me, pointing at Beck. “They’re this indie rock band I helped find a small label in New York. Their sound is amazing, very old school in a way.’’
“Yeah, so?’’ My voice was tight, but I couldn’t do more. If she told me she went out with one of these guys I just knew I’d go nuts.
“So, they’re friends. They are really great and always said one day they’d repay me for my help.’’
“Is that all?’’ I asked pointedly, one eyebrow arched.
She rolled her eyes and nodded. “That’s all. Rest assured, you’re my first musician.’’
I chuckled and kissed the tip of her little nose, knowing that if I kissed her perfect lips I wouldn’t be able to stop. I let the tightness in my chest ease some and relaxed against my girl as she wrapped an arm around me.
“You’re a jealous fucker, Dex. Oh damn, I bet it’s going to be fun when you find a guy hitting on your girl,’’ Otis said and laughed at me, giving me the middle finger when he saw my dark scowl. I preferred him when he had a bigger hangover. That way he was much quieter.
“What did they write then?’’ I asked Beckett, my attention now back on him while I let my hand trail over Harley’s arm. I didn’t know what would happen next so while I had her in my arms I’d make the best of it. “Let’s hear the good instead of the bad for once.’’
Beckett nodded and frowned down at his phone. “We, Sideways, have known Harley Floyd for a few months now and without her, we would have never been able to reach out to more fans, we would still be playing for our family and friends and at some college parties. Reading allegations regarding her integrity as a blogger, as a professional, is unacceptable. Anyone who will take the time to visit her blog (One Track) will realize how professionally it’s held and how documented it is. Harley doesn’t just review well-known bands like Kinky Shine, but also less known ones, like us. She gives as much attention to the indie scene as bands more mainstream. Please, we ask all of you to check out facts before you believe what is currently written about Harley. She never pays attention to musicians’ private lives and I believe we shouldn’t attach as much attention to who she’s currently with and how she got to meet that person. Thank you.’’
“Not half bad,’’ Otis said and pulled out his phone from his pocket. “Are there other people speaking in Harley’s favor, Beck?’’
“Yeah, a few. But our fans are quite harsh.’’
I frowned and tensed, but Harley leaned up and kissed my jaw and I instantly calmed down. “Maybe we should tweet something.’’
“No, don’t. Seriously, guys, don’t. What do you think is going to happen if all three of you tweet something but Maxen doesn’t? And don’t get me started on how it could rile up these journalists again.’’
She shuddered and I tightened my arm around her. If I could I’d protect her from everything, keeping her wrapped in me forever. But that shit outside wasn’t going to just go away because I fucking wanted it to.
“Then what? We wait and let these people write and say all this bullshit about you? I just can’t,’’ I said, my voice getting louder as my hand in my lap tightened until my knuckles turned white.
Harley pulled away and pushed my arm away when I tried to put it around her again. She turned around on the couch and locked eyes with me. In her beautiful, big green eyes I saw disapproval and also acceptance. I didn’t understand that. I ruined her life. There shouldn’t be any acceptance in her eyes when she stared at me.
“This is your life, Dex. When I decided to stay the summer and be with you, I implicitly agreed to go through all this. I just…’’ She huffed and shrugged, but not once did she look away. “I hate what it’s going to do to my job, but I’m also very worried it’s going to expose Maxen’s absence.’’
“I’m so fucking sorry,’’ I mumbled and put my elbows on my thighs and hid my face in my hands.
“I know you are. I’m not… I’m not mad.’’
I hated the hesitance from her, as if saying she wasn’t mad at me was something she needed to be convinced of. I brought this on myself, but still… Was it so bad I wanted to have a fucking normal life once in a while and do normal stuff with my girl? Couldn’t I have this one thing when I put one hundred percent of myself in the music?
My fingers tensed on my scalp. It’s physically painful to stay here in my house instead of going to the gate and giving these assholes a piece of my mind. It hurt so fucking much that my girl was suffering because of me and my damn life.
For the very first time since we became famous, I wanted out.
“We’ve always been truthful with each other, Harley.’’ I sat up again and looked outside the bay window and the pool’s blue ligh
t. “You are mad and I understand.’’ I stood up and Harley, Otis, and Beckett stared at me, all of them with a frown on their faces. The guys knew how volatile I could be, and even though it’d been years since I had last had a fight, they knew I could easily go crazy considering the mess right now. Harley had never witnessed that side of me, but she had always been in tune with me and my moods. Worry made her face look pale and seeing it only added another wound to my gut. “I just need a minute outside.’’
*
HARLEY
“Don’t be too hard on him,’’ Otis said seriously, which changed from the seemingly light tone he had used since he walked in. “He’s good enough on his own to bring himself down.’’
I directed my frown to the bass player and nodded sadly. “I know.’’ The scars on his wrists well-hidden by his tats is a constant reminder when I let my fingers run over them. Every time it broke my heart and tied my stomach into painful knots. I came close to living in a world in which I would have never met Dex Bowers, a world in which I would have never felt this fast building love that changed my whole life. “I’m not really mad, it’s the truth. I’m…’’ I trailed off, unsure of what to make of my own emotions swirling so quickly inside it only made the whole situation more dizzying.
“You’re scared,’’ Beckett supplied with a calm voice. “You’ve never been thrust into this life before. And if we really think about it, this is going to distract everybody from Maxen’s absence for a little while. The rumors about our tour cancellation are going to die down.’’
A silver lining. I suppose it was as good as any. I rubbed at my aching temples and let my eyes travel to the bay window where Dex’s shadow was standing near the pool, his arms crossed.
My cell phone started ringing on the coffee table, tearing me out of my own thoughts going in circles since that damn coffee and the kiss that was now trending on all social media. I glanced at the caller ID and answered when I saw Del’s laughing face looking back at me. It’s a wonder she hadn’t called earlier.
“Del,’’ I said, my voice a tight mess that sounded a bit more like a squeak than anything else.
“Oh, Harley. I just got off work. How are you?’’
Hearing her voice was a reminder of how much I missed my best friend right this moment. I had new friends here and Dex and my parents, but my best friend always knew how to cheer me up.
“I’ve been better. This is such a mess.’’
“You’re dating a rockstar. At least, that kiss is seriously H-O-T.’’ Her laughter wasn’t as enthusiastic as usual, but the sentiment was there and it was enough to bring a little smile to my face. “Even with all this mess, you’re one lucky bitch.’’
“Oh shut up,’’ I chuckled into the phone and watched Otis and Beckett exchange a look, probably wondering about the strange creatures we women were. “Del, seriously, my blog is over.’’
“Pff, don’t be dramatic. Maybe it’ll be tough for a few weeks, but you’ll bounce back. And don’t worry about rent, okay? I’ll find something and maybe sublet your room for a few weeks while you’re in LA. We’ll make it work.’’
“I miss you, Del.’’
“I miss you too. Now, go and cuddle with your grumpy, sexy man. I’m pretty sure he can make you forget everything.’’
“He’s pissed at himself.’’
“Men. One day I hope someone will write a manual so I can finally understand them.’’ She sighed in the phone. “Anyway, if you need me you know you just have to say the word.’’
“With your crazy boss? I doubt you can drop everything to come here for a visit.’’
“Yeah well, you’re family to me, Harley.’’
My heart squeezed and warmed at the same time. Del had welcomed me in her life, making me feel like a sister to her. She didn’t have any relatives and sometimes had a hard time opening up to people so it always meant a lot to me when she said how much I meant to her.
“Now, grab Dex and give him a huge kiss. Unless you’re up for a blowjob.’’
“What!’’ My eyes bugged out and Beckett and Otis’s eyes landed on me again, worried. I shook my head at them as my face turned red.
“Come on! I may not know men really well, but a BJ has always been very welcomed in times of stress. Call me tomorrow, okay?’’
I bid her goodbye distractedly when my eyes landed on Dex, still standing in the same spot outside. He looked like a statue, strong and unyielding, but underneath it all, I knew better.
“Everything okay?’’ Beckett asked me.
I nodded and pointed at Dex outside. Otis and Beckett turned to look at their bandmate and sighed at the same time.
“I should talk to him before he beats himself up more.’’
Beckett nodded, stood up and gestured Otis to follow him. “We’ll go then. If you need something let us know.’’
I smiled at these two men I knew now I could call friends. It’s insane how a month could change a life. “Thank you. I’m really sorry for bringing all of this on you.’’
Beckett came to me and shook his head. I knew he was the one most obsessed with Kinky Shine’s success and wary of anything that could come in the way. “You don’t have to apologize. You and Dex have a right to be together.’’ He gently hugged me and walked to the front door before I could say something to his surprising show of tenderness.
“He’s right, Harley,’’ Otis said and I locked eyes with his warm brown eyes. “We’ve never seen Dex happy before you, not unless he’s out there playing for a screaming crowd. We’re all in this together.’’ He leaned into me and gave me a quick hug before he jogged after Beckett.
Alone with Dex again, I sighed when I found him still standing by the pool, his back to me. Our relationship was still so new that it was difficult for me to know when to push forward or give him space. But these past few weeks I discovered a man who easily thought the worst and I couldn’t let him hold himself accountable for everything that was going on. I didn’t want to see him hurt.
Slowly, I made my way outside and stood next to him, watching the garden lit by a few modern looking lights, catching a white halo on some trees and flowers beyond the pool.
“I’m going to lose you, Harley,’’ Dex said with a thick voice rumbling around us in the silence.
“What? You won’t. I know you have trust issues, but you should trust me, Dex.’’
He shook his head and faced me. The way he towered over me always made me want to snuggle into his broad chest. “Maybe not now, but I will lose you. You’ve never wanted this fucking life.’’ He pointed in the general direction of the gates. “This, out there, it’ll always be a part of my life. Always.’’
“I know that.’’ I linked my fingers through his and when he tightened his grip on me, I felt his desperation in the deepest part of me, stoking the fear of losing him burning inside me. I didn’t want him to let me go because I didn’t want to go.
“No, you don’t know.’’ He put pressure under my chin and angled my face upward until I couldn’t escape his dark eyes, so intense they made me shiver. “When we will want to go out and eat at a restaurant or go to see a movie, paparazzi will be there to take our pictures. People will be scrutinizing us, criticizing you just because you’re my girl. Every fucking time I’ll be pictured with some woman they’re going to write articles stating I’m cheating and that we’re about to break up. Your life with me will never be normal. One day, maybe soon or maybe not, you will be tired of this fucking mess. And you’ll leave me.’’
I caressed his cheek, covered in scruff and let the tingles invade me whole. “You don’t get it, do you? I’m not saying it won’t be hard, Dex. It will be and we will fight, but it won’t separate us. If we ever break up it’ll be because we don’t have feelings for each other anymore, not because this amazing life comes with a price. You have no idea how important you already are to me.’’
“It’s easy to say this now. It’s just the beginning.’’
My e
yebrows shot up on my forehead, probably disappearing behind my longish bangs. “Easy?’’ I chuckled and leaned down to kiss his palm, pulling my chin away. “Dex, there’s a good chance I’ve lost most of my income and I’m stressed out like you have no idea that they’ll discover about Maxen. It’s not easy right now, but guess what? Not once had it come to mind to leave you. Not once. All I want is to be in your arms knowing you’re ready to hold onto me. Don’t let your trust issues come in between us, even when it’s obvious I’m not ready for this part of your life. I’ll learn to live in this world, just like you did when you became famous.’’
“I trust you, Harley. You know I do or we wouldn’t be here.’’
“Then what is it?’’
He pulled away and I had to refrain from grabbing him so we kept touching. The wall he’s trying to build between us to protect himself is scaring me.
“I don’t trust my fucking future.’’ His strangled voice burnt through me.
My big, strong man was showing me another side of him and if there ever was a small part of me not already falling for him, it’s now gone.
I didn’t have any tattoos, but for all intent and purposes, Dex branded me with his own ink made of vulnerability, love and a fear I knew would always be a part of him.
DEX
“Don’t say that,’’ Harley said quietly, her musical voice barely reaching my ears.
“It’s the truth. I’m fucked up. When I’m not a moody asshole, I’m stubborn and create a fucking mess that ends up hurting you. I don’t see how—‘’
“Stop. Just stop,’’ she blurted and wrapped her arms around me. Her small hands bunched my t-shirt in my back and she hid her face into my chest. She must hear my heart beating so fucking fast it’s hard to breathe. “You’re not fucked up, Dex. You’re not perfect, but I’m not either and I don’t want you to be any different. I’m with you because of who you are right now, not because I want you to change or whatever other idiotic thing is going through your mind.’’ Her voice is muffled against my chest, but I felt them. And it brought goosebumps to my skin.
Dex (Kinky Shine #1) Page 25
