by Shey Stahl
“I got that message.” I took a seat at the counter alongside of her, took a bite of her muffin and then gave it back to her.
“Yeah, well, he sent that out in a group message.” Picking at her muffin I took half of, Ami started giggling. “You and like five hundred other people got it too.”
“Wow.” My fingers traced the cardboard sleeve on the cup in front of me.
“He was offended because I thought it was a clam.” She explained. “I only got a glimpse of it before Evan ripped the phone out of my hand. So I thought it was a clam.”
“How would that,” I held up the picture on my phone, “look like a clam?”
I saved the picture so I could stare at it later.
Ami wouldn’t even look. I held the phone at an angle, one she could see. That’s when her eyes drifted to the screen. You can’t put a dick on a screen and not look at it. “Just look.” I urged her, laughing. “I’ve seen Evan’s.”
She cracked under the pressure and peeked over at it. “Damn you…” and then her face was beet red. “Is that really his penis?”
I nodded. “Oh yeah.”
Ami coughed and covered her mouth, sputtering over her muffin she just took a bite of. “Evan would kill me if he knew I looked at Leo’s penis.”
“Can you even say the word dick?”
She rolled her eyes pushing away from the counter to stand. “I thought we were going shopping.”
“We are…” and then I smiled wider. “Just say dick one time for me and then we’ll go.”
“Dick.” She whispered, soft spoken and red cheeked.
“That’s my girl.” I put my arm around her as we walked out my door.
When we got to the mall, I was thankful the Christmas rush had died down and you could actually get a parking spot.
Ami and I started out at Crate & Barrel, one of her favorite stores these days. “So you haven’t talked to him since New Year’s?”
“Nope. Boned and bailed.”
She shook her head walking ahead of me a few steps. More than likely her cheeks were red.
“From what I hear,” Ami paused, maybe for effect, I don’t know, and smiled. “He wasn’t happy you were with Scott last night.”
“He’s just a guy who works at Nordstroms.” I blew it off because it really was nothing.
Ami picked up a candle, smelled it and then set it back on the shelf. “Yeah but Leo didn’t know that. He left before he saw you leave alone.”
She was right.
I started to get frustrated. “Well, I don’t know what his problem is. It’s not like we’re dating.”
“But you know he has feelings for you.” Now Ami seemed frustrated.
“No, I don’t know that. We have sex, Ami. It’s not like what you and Evan have. We’ve never had that. We’re not in love. Just fucking.”
Ami started to get annoyed and stopped walking, forcing me to do that as well when she hooked her arm around mine. “He does feel that way. Evan told me that you’re all he talks about and when they were in Florida he freaked out that he couldn’t get a hold of you.”
As we walked, I contemplated what she said. I knew Leo freaked out based on the text messages but how much of that was just Leo Orting, the headstrong guy who had obsessive compulsive disorder when things didn’t go his way?
Most people who know Leo, know he loves to pull pranks, loves to laugh and plays practical jokes on everyone, even me.
There is more to him than that. He’s had a rough past, one that most don’t know anything about. He’s got daddy issues, a brother who uses him and hates to be ignored. When he doesn’t get his way, he resorted to obsessive tendencies that would drive you to drink until he got his way.
Like now.
Because I ignored his messages, he got annoyed and went home with another girl. I’m not playing that game. I’ve been there before and I don’t want anything to do with it. I want to change. Be better. Love myself no matter what.
I had some clothes I picked up for Ami I wanted to give her so after Crate & Barrel, I knew I could distract her from these conversations about Leo.
I never enjoyed talking about my relationship with Leo because what was there to discuss?
Three years ago, I met him after a Blackhawks game at Fifty/50. We hit it off immediately and developed a relationship. He knew he could trust me and for a pro hockey player who was only twenty at the time, he really needed someone he could trust.
And now, it wasn’t so easy for us. Like it or not, feelings got in the way with us.
“I could buy everything in this store if I could afford it.” Ami said as we walked into Victoria’s Secret. Ami never considered Evan’s money hers. No matter how many times he told her she could spend it. Another thing I loved about her because I knew she wasn’t taking advantage of my buddy.
“Here.” I handed her a bag of bras and those sweat pants she loved so much. Working for Victoria’s Secret since I was sixteen has its perks. I got an endless supply of bras, panties, clothing, lotions, anything they make I can either get for free sometimes, or deeply discounted. Leo used to joke that it would be cool if I worked for Hustler, you know, getting kinky shit but I enjoyed Victoria’s Secret. When your passion is clothing and looking good, I’d say it was the perfect job for me. I worked my way up from a cashier to a store manager in the eight years I’d worked here. It was nice because now I made my own schedule and was allowed to go to all the Blackhawks games I wanted without having to worry about getting time off.
Ami’s eyes lit up like Christmas as she peeked in the bag. “You spoil me.”
“Yeah, well, tell Mase I said you’re welcome.”
She laughed. “You really don’t have to give me this stuff all the time.”
“It’s really nothing.” I waved my hand around at her. “I get so much of it and we’re the same size so it works out just fine.”
Just as we were leaving the store and heading for lunch, a message came through from Leo.
Leo: Lunch?
Ami noticed. “At least respond to him. Acting like this is only confusing the both of you.”
“Who’s side are you on?” I stared at my phone as I spoke.
“I didn’t know there were sides.”
She had a point there. So I replied. For the first time since New Year’s.
Me: Sorry. Having lunch with Ami.
Leo: Dinner?
“See,” I showed Ami the text. “This is what he does. I can’t go to dinner with him because we’ll end up in bed. I don’t want that anymore.”
“What, sex?”
“No. The ‘let’s pretend we have something and just fuck and ignore that it’s not working anymore’. I can’t keep sleeping with him.”
“So don’t. Just be friends.”
“That doesn’t work with Leo.”
Ami stared at me. “I’m friends with him.”
“Yeah, but you haven’t had sex with him.”
“True.” She nodded. “Very true. And I don’t plan to.”
“It’s for the better.” I teased.
And then came the obsessive Leo.
Leo: Are you fucking that guy?
That frustrated me because he was being childish about it. But, then again, so was I. All I had to do was call him and talk but instead I was being just as childish as he was when I ignored the text and put my phone away.
Game 50 – Minnesota Wild – Tuesday, January 25, 2011
United Center - Chicago
I drink a lot. Not that I’m an alcoholic but I would suppose that I am fairly close to that term.
As of two days ago, alcohol repulsed me. Threw up last night when I went out with some friends from work.
I only had one beer.
How could that be?
Sitting on my bathroom floor, my hands dropped to my rolling stomach at the thought of beer.
And then it hit me. I was supposed to start my period on the tenth and hadn’t.
Over two weeks late.
What. The. Fuck.
It couldn’t be, could it?
Nah. Don’t think that. It’s probably the stress of everything getting to you.
Hoisting myself off the floor, I went to my closet to pull out some clothes for today before Ami showed up.
My phone dinged with a message and my heart started to race thinking it was Leo again. Only it wasn’t. This time it was Ami letting me know she was running late and would be here soon.
Over the past two weeks while the Blackhawks had a stretch of home games, it wasn’t easy to ignore Leo. He still texted me and the more he did, the more I felt like shit.
Why exactly I was ignoring him?
I didn’t even know at that point what my answer would be other than I was chicken shit and in love with him. No way did I want to tell him that.
Ever.
Love and Leo just don’t mix. That’s a combination that will never mix, like oil and water. Leo and I had a great time together but I was starting to realize that I wanted more. More than what Leo was able to offer me or would offer me. I was so screwed.
With the boys tied up with practice before the game tonight, and then their team lunch and naps, I spent some time with Ami shopping for their condo. Again. She was in the process of redecorating it because Evan’s taste just wasn’t cutting it. He had nice things but no pictures on the walls or even a fucking candle. Not to mention we both had a few last minute items we wanted to get before leaving for Cabo tomorrow morning. It seemed like bad timing but Ami, Evan, Leo, Remy and I were heading to Cabo for four days while they had a break in the schedule. Ordinarily I wouldn’t have gone on vacation with Leo after everything that’s happened but we planned and bought these tickets over the summer. And with the boys, you couldn’t just get away one weekend. Planning a long weekend trip with all of us was months in the making.
“What are we looking for again?” I asked when we went inside Crate & Barrel.
“A new bed. Evan broke ours.”
“Oh.”
I wasn’t surprised by that. Evan was kind of an animal at times.
“And I need a bikini for next week.” Ami said, smoothing back her now shoulder length hair. There are times when I am reminded of the life Ami has endured. It’s times like this when I see things like the scar on her head when she pushed back her hair, or the way her beautiful hair is growing back. Looking at her now, you would never know a year ago she had been raped and left to die in an alley. What she went through could have destroyed her life, but she didn’t let it. Given the loss she had suffered prior to moving to Chicago, and losing her entire family in a plane crash, she understood how fragile life was. Giving up wasn’t an option for her.
Seeing her now, poised and relaxed, furniture shopping, it was a reminder that she was fine.
She had survived something brutal.
In a way, it gave me hope.
I usually didn’t care to be at the mall when I wasn’t working and especially since I was leaving for vacation tomorrow. Last thing I wanted was work to actually need something. I spent enough time here during the week but I was never one to pass up shopping either. I needed a few things for Cabo as well.
I took Ami into Victoria’s Secret with me and showed her the bikini I ordered for her last week. Her eyes immediately brightened as she took in the pink and white string bikini I held out in front of me. “Something like this?”
Taking the hanger from me she set her two bags from Nordstrom’s on the floor to hold the bikini against her body. Her coat was large enough it blocked her view so she stripped off the coat and scarf to get a better look at how it looked against her. I hoped she kept the rest of her clothes on.
“I love it!” She gleamed.
Leaning against the wall, I watched her stare at something so simple but meant a lot to her. “It looks great.”
She frowned slightly moving her hips in another direction to see a different angle. “I haven’t even tried it on.”
“I know but you will look great in it. Mase will freak when he sees you on the beach in that.”
You could tell that was the reaction she was hoping for from him when she asked me to find her a bikini for Cabo.
What I loved most about Ami was that any time you gave her any thing she acted like you were giving her the world. She was so grateful for even the simplest gestures.
You should have seen when Evan gave her a car for her birthday last month. You would have thought he gave her a million dollars. Of course, a guy like Evan easily could, but it was the gesture that counted to her. He cared enough about her safety and her happiness that he picked out the perfect car for her. These two lovebirds were perfect for each other, the yin to each other’s yang. I wanted that. With Leo.
“What’s yours look like?”
“I have like six at home.” I told her reaching for my bags on the floor. “I’ll probably just wear one of them.” My stomach began to rumble. “Can we please go eat now? I’m starving.”
“Sure.” Ami tossed the bikini in her bag. “Are you sure I don’t owe you anything for that?”
“Positive.”
“What would I do without you?”
I laughed. “Probably be friends with Natalie.”
Natalie was a nurse at the local hospital who also made her rounds with a few of the Chicago Blackhawks. Only she developed an obsession with Evan lately and thought she could get him to settle down with her. Crazy notion she had seeing how Ami was living with him and practically had a ring on her finger already.
“Don’t joke about that, Callie. She’s stalking him.”
Ami started to go into detail about Natalie’s latest stunt to get Evan’s attention, nothing short of ridiculous in most cases but my mind just wasn’t on that.
It was on my missing period. I had no cramps. No boob soreness. Nothing. It was like my period was just on vacation and I was having a free pass for the month. And that’s all well and good but I know a little bit from health class and understand it doesn’t quite work that way. If only it did.
Reaching in my purse, I pulled out my container of Tic Tacs I had been obsessively eating today and Ami gave me a sideways glance probably wondering why I was eating them like it was my only meal today.
She said nothing because Katie was walking towards us with a bright smile and boots I really needed in my closet. “Where the fuck did you find those?”
“Urban Outfitters.” Ami and I both looked over the brown leather boots that went mid-calf that she had paired with skinny dark jeans and a baggy cashmere sweater. “Got them fifty percent off too!”
Ami and I had planned after the Blackhawks game last Sunday to meet up with Katie to go shopping today. Katie was Travis Sono’s wife. Travis was another one of the Blackhawks player, a right wing who usually played on the same line as Evan and Leo.
Katie had a great sense of humor, awesome style and loved to shop. Naturally, we all got along great.
“Do they still have those boots?” Ami asked, still eyeing them as we got seated at the restaurant.
“Yeah, I think they do.” Katie scooted in her chair placing her cell phone on the table by her water glass. “I just got them a few days ago.”
As the waiter busied himself around the table filling our water glasses, I reached in for a piece of mint gum this time.
“I’ll be right back.” I told them feeling some cramps. Maybe I finally started. I thought to myself feeling a little hopeful.
Katie noticed something was up when I used the table to steady myself. “Are you okay?”
I might be pregnant. I might be in love.
“Yeah… just light-headed.”
It was bullshit but I had to think of something to tell them. I knew exactly what was going on with me today. I rushed to the back of the restaurant to the bathrooms. Sadly, no period. Just cramps. But that was a good sign, right?
“You want a beer?” Katie asked when I sat back down. They both gave me this look of confusion.
“Nah, I�
��ll just stick with water.” The waiter left and Katie and Ami both looked at me like I was from another planet. “What?”
“I’ve never once seen you not order a beer with lunch or dinner.” Ami noted.
I hadn’t really thought about it but the idea of alcohol made me nauseous.
“You’re pregnant.” Katie said, her eyes assessing my reaction. I nearly spit out my water.
Fuck. Quick, think of something snarky.
My eyes darted to Ami in shock, and then Katie. “No…” My words came out long and exaggerated, as if that was exactly what was on my mind but I didn’t want to admit it. “That’s not possible.”
“And why not?”
“Because I’m not having sex with anyone.”
“Oh,” Katie said and thankfully Ami didn’t say anything but her eyes said enough. They said, you’re a fucking liar. Though she’d never say that to me.
“Anyway…” I picked up my menu. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.”
As we shopped the rest of that afternoon with Katie, one thing kept crossing my mind. What if Katie was right? I mean, I couldn’t be pregnant, could I? Leo used a condom. He always did. He was like the poster child for safe sex and when you get as much pussy as that guy does, it’s a good thing for all parties involved.
“What’s wrong with you?” Ami finally asked when Katie left for home to go get ready for the game and we were on our way back into the city.
Ami and I both planned to go to the game tonight as well so we were starting to run out of time since we needed to be at the United Center by six.
You would think she knew by the conversation with Katie at lunch where my mind was but she didn’t.
“I’m late.” My words were hushed even though we were in the car now.
Ami looked confused and seemed to have already forgotten our conversation with Katie. I hadn’t. It was all I thought about for the last two hours. “For what? We still have like three hours before the game.”
I blinked, my heart in my throat. “My period.”
It took her a minute before she realized what I was talking about. “Oh.”
