by Shey Stahl
“I don’t know what to do or say to him.”
“Who?”
“Leo.” And then I stared at the sign for Lao Sze Chuan we were now parked in front of. “Can we go eat now?”
Ami reached for her purse behind my seat. “Is it his?”
“Yeah.” I kept my eyes on my fidgeting hands running my fingers over my newly painted nails. “I’ve only been with Leo in the last five months.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I don’t know how to or even what to do. And we leave for Cabo in the morning.” My eyes went wide. “I can’t tell him before we leave or while we are there.”
“Have you taken a test?”
“No, but I’m really hungry.” I thought about getting a test but there was part of me that didn’t want to know if I was. “Can we just go eat?”
She grabbed my hand as we got out and headed up the street. “Let’s go get a test and then we’ll eat. You can take it, we’ll eat and then we’ll head to the game.”
We went and got a pregnancy test because once Ami has something on her mind, you’re not going to convince her otherwise. She’s a lot like Leo in that way. Evan and I liked to joke that they could be brother and sister and it showed.
I refused to take the test before we had eaten and made her wait at the table with me, all the while, she texted Evan.
“You tell him I’m late and I will murder you.”
Ami raised an eyebrow, set her phone on the table and then reached inside her purse for a hair tie to hold back her blonde hair. “Don’t threaten me with that. Someone tried to murder me once, remember?” One side of her lips twitched into a smile. “And I didn’t say anything. They’re playing a joke on Remy and it backfired on them so I was telling him I’d nurse his wounds.”
“What wounds?” Wiping the condensation from my water glass, I set the wet napkin aside and thought of that test in my purse and what it would mean once I took it.
She laughed. “Apparently, Remy punched him in the face.”
“That’s not surprising.” I raised my glass of water to my lips. “Remy has punched everyone on the team at one time or another.”
And then she asked me again, because it was an every five minute request of hers. “Can you please just go take the test?”
“No.” By the grace of God, the food arrived. “Food’s here.”
She threw me a look that said “this isn’t over bitch.” Of course Ami wouldn’t say that, but her look vocalized what her mouth wouldn’t say.
And it wasn’t over because the moment we were in the car, she was nagging me again.
“Take it!”
“No. We’re in the car. Are you excited about this or something?”
She was lying when she said, “No. I just like to know things.” And when I said nothing but gave her that look I’d been giving her all night, she frowned. “Oh, come on. You have to admit a little Leo baby would be the cutest thing ever.”
She was right. It would be. Damn it. “Then you have his baby.”
“No. I’m dating his best friend.”
“Well, I’m not peeing in a cup you drank a salted caramel mocha out of.”
“Let’s go to your place then and you can take it. I’ll hold your hand.”
“No.”
“Then I’ll hold the stick.”
Jesus, this chick isn’t going to let up.
Babies excited Ami. Not that her and Evan were in any place to have kids right now but she loved them. Cooed over them and talked frequently about when she gets pregnant what she’s going to do, what they will name the baby, and on and on and on.
“I’ll take it later. If we don’t go now we’re going to be late to the game.”
I got her on a technicality because going to dinner made us late for the game.
When we got to the game and sat in our usual seats, to the left of the penalty box in row three, I scanned the ice for Leo. Didn’t matter that I was ignoring him, or whatever was happening, I wanted to watch him play. I could see him center ice standing with Evan and three other players, each one of them taking turns shooting the puck at the goal. Dressed in their home game uniforms, red, black and white, I caught a flash of number eight shooting across the ice with the puck on his stick, chopping at the ice in a skilled pattern keeping the puck in front of him. Leo is absolutely impressive on the ice. He’s not an overly large player but he’s got speed and accuracy. He’s the guy they always send in when they’re looking for an impressive display.
When Leo got within six feet of the net, he drew back, faked and then let the puck hit his right skate before slipping it in the net behind Cage Breezin, their goalie. He’s about the only one on the team I haven’t slept with. Oh and Travis. When I found out Travis was with Katie, I left that alone and never tried. I’m all for a good time but I’m not one to break up a relationship.
Ami nudged me with her elbow. “I’m going to get some nachos.”
Usually this was when I would go with her and get a beer or have her get me a Sprite to mix with my beverage I had snuck in with me. Just the thought of either of those made me shudder after last night.
But nachos… those sound delicious. I pulled out a twenty from my wallet. “Can you get me some too?”
She pushed the money back at me. “I got it.”
“Thanks.” When she left, I heard a stick hit the glass in front of me and the girls begin to scream. Leo had smacked the glass in front of us with his stick. I looked over at him to see him look back at me, directly me, not the girls. I laughed when he smiled, giving me a wink. I may have been trying to ignore him but I couldn’t help but laugh that here, the star player of the Blackhawks, was trying to get the attention of a girl.
From the time I was five, I’ve been to nearly every Chicago Blackhawks game and lived in Chicago my entire life. Born and raised. Being at a hockey rink is somewhere that I feel completely at home. The sights, the sounds of twenty-thousand fans… hockey players chasing a puck around the ice, slamming one another into the boards, fans cheering, the music. All of it completed an experience I was thankful I had the opportunity to experience.
The rink became like a second home to me, a place where I was at peace. I’ve heard people say that they are happiest when on vacation or at the beach or visiting family. Me, I was happiest watching what I considered the elitist of athletes do what they do best. Play hockey. A sense of serenity enveloped me as soon as I walked into the United Center. The sights, sounds, smells and hell, even the vulgar language and fights made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Leo was just an extension of that feeling. He completed the entire package for me. He was my yang.
The reason I got to go to so many games was because of my father. He’s naturally an avid hockey fan, played for years and retired as a sports announcer. He traveled around now to most of the games but I still had these season tickets for the Blackhawks. Something I would never trade for any amount of money.
Ami returned shortly before the opening ceremonies with two nachos and Cokes for both of us. “Ladies and Gentleman…”
The crowd around us roared to life, all on their feet as the arena went black and the spotlight shined down on the entrance where the players came through.
“Stranglehold” came over the speakers as the red spotlights flashed on the ice. I listened as each player was introduced, Ami screaming as they announced the starting line, “Number five… Evan Masen… Number eight…Leo Orting…”
“Every time I see him now,” Ami laughed, “I think about him holding a baby.”
“Will you stop it? I don’t even know if I am pregnant.”
She rolled her eyes dipping her chips into her nacho cheese. “I think you are.”
I maybe have had my suspicions just like her but I was very much focused on the game once it was underway. I love hockey. Everything about it. Luckily it was a nice distraction from reality that night. Leo kept up his style for the night scoring two goals with assists from Evan and Remy, bot
h victory celebrations were made right in front of me. He was like a little kid on the playground trying to get the pretty girls’ attention. I haven’t seen him this desperate to get me to look at him since the time I gave him head in his car after the first night we met.
The Blackhawks ended up losing 4-2. It was depressing because since last season’s Stanley Cup win, it was apparent this season wasn’t going to be a repeat with their 25-26 record.
Evan and Ami gave me a ride home with Ami pressuring me to take the damn test every five seconds.
“Leave me alone.” I whispered making her turn around in the seat. She laughed knowing if Evan, who was barely saying anything, heard us, he might have said something to Leo. Not tonight though. When they lost, Evan was quiet and assessing what they needed to work on for the next game to bring home a win. He was a bit compulsive, I mean methodical, like that.
They dropped me off at my apartment and Ami immediately got out. “I’ll be right back.” She said leaning in to kiss Evan. I stood outside the car wondering what she was doing. It was midnight, didn’t she want to get some sleep before our plane left in six hours?
When she stood there in front of me with an excited expression, I pushed her back towards their Audi. “Go make your boy feel better. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“But I want to see what it says.”
I was stalling. “It says to take it in the morning.”
“Fine.” She pouted, reaching for the handle of the door. “But you better tell me in the morning.”
“I will.”
When I got up to my apartment, I almost took it but instead stared at it on my nightstand. Couldn’t get the nerve up to mark the territory. Glancing at my phone before bed, I expected to see a message from Leo but nothing. Just one from Ami begging me to tell her first thing in the morning.
Who was I kidding? I was scared shitless. Scared of what the results would be, yet deep down knowing what the results would be, and absolutely terrified of what that meant for my life and for Leo’s life. I had to prepare myself for Leo to go into fight or flight mode.
Would he fight for us or get as far away from me as his skates would take him? Hell, I didn’t know what I would do if I were him. Was I even worth fighting for?
Guys had it so damn easy. There was a good part of me that thought for sure Leo was with some bimbo right now, with the fear of pregnancy the furthest thing from his mind; all the while I sat here staring at a fucking stick that will determine the rest of my life…and it wasn’t a hockey stick.
I laid in bed Wednesday morning wondering where my goddamn period was since the little fucker jumped ship last week and left me stranded. The nerve of her.
I’ve had a pregnancy scare once before, in high school with Tanner. I remember sitting on his bed with him. A hockey puck in his hand and a pregnancy test in mine. Both of us waiting with a breath we were scared to release, breathing made it too real, too raw, and if we failed the biggest test of our lives everything was going to change.
It was negative but what I remember most was that he was there for me. I never had any apprehensions about telling him I was late. We were comfortable around each other. And it wasn’t that I didn’t feel comfortable around Leo; that relationship with Tanner ended badly and somewhere along the lines I got nervous about trusting people.
How would I tell Leo? Would he hold me while I took the test?
Probably not.
Knowing him he would freak out.
But first, I needed to take that damn test and see for myself if I really was pregnant. Leave it to me to wait until I leave for vacation before I build up the courage to find out whether I’d be flying solo or flying with a passenger to paradise.
After I got up and drank half a gallon of orange juice, I figured it was time. I had enough pee needed for the test. There I sat, naked, on the toilet peeing on a stick for the second time in my life. I stared out the window watching the snow fall and wondering what this meant if that little plus sign magically appeared. What then?
I decided I wouldn’t look until I was ready to leave for the airport. That way I could still focus and remember everything I needed to take with me. Luckily I packed last night so this morning was just a few last minute items stuffed into my bag like my iPad and chargers. I set the test on the edge of the bathroom sink, ate some breakfast, chewed off all my nails and then put my coat and scarf on.
Standing by the front door with my two bags and purse in hand, I stared in the direction of the bathroom knowing I needed to look before I left. I wouldn’t be able to drink if that test had a plus sign. Not that I wanted to drink right now, but…
Slowly, with hesitant steps the heels of my boots thumped against the hardwood floors of my apartment as I walked across to the bathroom. There I stood in the doorway peering over at the test, afraid to pick it up, instead getting on my tippy toes and scrunching my eyes seeing if I could decipher what it said by looking at it rather than touching it. Like it was contagious or something.
Only with the angle of my body, I lost my footing on the tile floor of the bathroom and landed on my ass. In the process, with arms flailing trying to keep from falling, my hand caught the edge of the sink and the test fell on the floor beside me.
Bam. There it was.
I laid there, too dazed from my fall and from my new reality to even bother with getting up. If I was in this much of a daze, what in the hell was Leo going to do? I was screwed, I’d been screwed and now I really was screwed.
“Of all the fucking luck!”
I met everyone at the airport. I was originally supposed to ride with Evan and Ami but I lied and said I was running late when Leo was going to ride with them since Remy wouldn’t make it until tomorrow. I was running late so I technically didn’t lie. I spent an hour on my bathroom floor, crying.
I’m not good at keeping secrets or lying. Two traits I’ve never mastered. So imagine what it was like when I finally saw Leo at the airport. I wanted to blurt out so many times, you fucking bastard! How could you?
But really, it wasn’t his fault. Or was it?
I stared straight ahead refusing to look at him when we were at the ticket booth checking bags. I glanced up to see Leo trying to get my attention. It never failed with him. The less I paid attention, the more he tried.
“Are you going to ignore me for four days?” Leo asked bumping into my shoulder with his as we moved from the ticket line to security.
“I might.”
He gave me a humorous snort. “It won’t be easy.”
I had no doubt that it would be hard. Especially now because he seemed to take that “I might” remark as a challenge. Never challenge Leo Orting.
As we walked through the lines, one foot at a time, pausing for what seemed like excruciatingly long hours, Evan kept his arm around Ami, Leo staring straight ahead, occasionally looking back at me, and there I was holding my bag closely to my side. No way did I want anyone to see what was inside.
Ami stopped me hanging back from the boys. “Did you take it?”
“Yeah.”
Eager to know, her eyes went wide. “And?”
“Hello, Auntie.” I whispered, but then slapped my hand over her mouth before she let out the scream I knew was coming. “Don’t you dare say a motherfucking word!”
We made it to the security check point, me nervous as hell and Ami smiling so wide I thought her face would stay like that. I hadn’t seen her that happy since the day she and Evan had sex for the first time.
Taking off my boots, I placed them in the gray bin along with my belt, purse and phone on top. I watched Leo who was in front of me lift up his arms when he went through the metal detector, a small sliver of his skin showing.
Stop looking.
“Stop staring at his ass.” Evan pushed me from behind. “You’re holdin’ up the line.”
“Bag check.”
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Of all the fucking luck to have today.
“Are you s
erious? Is that really necessary?”
“It appears you have a knife in your bag.” As he went to pull out the offending item.
Ami’s eyes went wide, as did Evan’s, but his flashed with amusement. “What do I do?” My frantic stare went from the “positive” test to Leo and then back to Evan and Ami willing them to react in some way. If I did anything, like grab the test from the guy they’d probably give me a cavity check. Maybe they’d find my missing period and all this wasn’t real. Not likely.
Ami pushed Leo forward, Evan burst out laughing. “Come on.”
Leo looked confused, shook his head, but kept walking despite me being stopped. You could tell he wanted to wait for me but when Ami wrapped her arm in his, he focused on what she was saying to him.
When I silently threatened Evan with my look, he held up his hands in defense and looked at the TSA agent who was staring at us like he wanted to burst out laughing again. I wasn’t entirely sure, but this couldn’t be the funniest thing this asshole had seen in his career working in an airport. It wasn’t like I was smuggling illicit paraphernalia in my vagina. “It’s just a pregnancy test, buddy.”
The man chuckled knowing who Evan was and handed me my bag back. “Congrats to the both of you.”
Evan stared the guy down like he was offended. “Ummm, dude…I’m not taking ownership of being a baby daddy,” Evan was adamantly stating loud enough where people behind us were taking notice.
“Shut up, Evan,” I wanted to punch him in the face, “shut your fucking mouth right now!” I was trying to keep this on the down low. “See, it’s all a misunderstanding, sir, so can I have my property back and we’ll just be moving along.” I was silently pleading with my eyes to just give it back without making an even bigger scene. I had the best pitiful face when I needed.
Only he still had the test in his hand and he acted like he was joking with me. “Ma’am, we have the right to confiscate any and all suspicious paraphernalia that passes through our screeners and this most certainly is suspicious.”
Was he serious? Was this really happening right now?
