"I don't know why you're still looking for her," Van says. "You got girls lining up to be with you. Just forget about her."
"I'm NOT looking for her," I say harshly.
"Yeah, right." Van chuckles. "Every time you're using your computer, you're doing searches for Amber."
"What the hell? Are you spying on me?"
He shrugs. "Just glancing at it when I walk by. I'm always hoping you're looking at porn so I can sneak a peek but instead it's always searches for that girl."
"She really got to you, huh?" Austin says. "That was like two months ago. Almost three. And you're still trying to find her?"
"She's gone, man," Van says. "Just let her go. But let's try the song. I have a feeling it's gonna be good." He turns to his drums, his foot tapping, ready to start.
At least they didn't ridicule me too badly. I was expecting much worse, especially from Van. He writes most of our songs and a lot of them are about the girls he's dated. I always give him shit about his love song lyrics so now is the time for him to give it back. He went easy on me just now but I'm sure I haven't heard the end of it. He'll be giving me a hard time about this for weeks.
We play the song and I make some adjustments and we play it again. And then once more just to make sure we're in sync.
"That's really good," Austin says when we're done. "I don't usually like ballads but I actually like this one. And the lyrics? Girls are gonna go crazy. They'll be coming to our shows just to hear that song."
"We're not performing it," I say, going to get my bottle of water.
Austin laughs a little. "Why wouldn't we perform it? Isn't that why you wrote it?"
"No. I wrote it because I had to. It was in my head and I had to get it out. It was a creative exercise. That's it."
"Bullshit," Van says. "You wrote it hoping she'd hear it."
Van knows me way too well. Makes sense. We've been friends forever. But sometimes the fact that he knows me so well is annoying.
"That's not why I wrote it," I lie. "How would she even hear it? She lives in New York now."
"Someone could record it and put it online," Austin says. "Our fans do that all the time."
"And she'd just happen to stumble upon it online?" I shake my head. "Not gonna happen."
Although it's not like I haven't considered that. Van is right. I wrote this song hoping I'd have the guts to perform it, and then hoping Amber might hear it. I know it's a long shot but stranger things have happened, like the night we were brought together. If two strangers can connect that fast, that powerfully, then it's possible Amber could hear my song. And if she did, maybe she'd call me or text me or reach out in some way and tell me she wants to continue where we left off. To see where this could go.
"Let's play it on Saturday," Van says.
"No," I blurt out. "It's not ready."
"Why not?" Austin asks. "It sounded good to me."
"I'm just...I'm not ready. I just wanted to hear how it sounds. I'm not ready to perform it."
Van beats on his drums. "Then let's play something else." He starts playing the intro for one of our songs. A breakup song with a heavy beat and darker sound. Austin joins in on lead guitar and I follow on bass, then vocals.
I get into the music, like I always do, but my mind keeps going back to Amber. Playing that song brought me back to that night. That's the thing about music. It makes you feel stuff. Makes you remember. Takes you back to whatever memory you associate with that song.
I wrote that song after being with Amber, and even if I never see her again it will always be our song. It will always bring me back to those few hours we shared together.
One Night. That's the name of the song.
And that may be all that Amber and I ever have.
Chapter Six
August
Amber
"I just got into town," Kira says, lying back on the couch. "Do we really have to go out tonight?"
Kira moved here last week. She'll be going to my college, and although we both just turned 21, she'll only be a freshman because she took time off after getting injured at a gymnastics meet. It was a really bad injury that ended her gymnastics career. Ever since it happened she's been sad and depressed and never goes out. Her parents are hoping moving here, living with me, and going to college will make her feel better but so far, it's not working.
I stand over her, my hands on my hips. "First of all, you didn't just get into town. You've been in Chicago for a week. And every night you have an excuse for why you can't go out. Now it's Saturday, and we're not sitting at home on a Saturday night."
"It's not we staying home, just me. You can still go out. I'd just rather stay here."
I sit beside her. "What's your deal with going out? We used to go out all the time."
"That was in high school. I'm not a big partier anymore."
"This isn't a party. It's a bar. With music. We'll listen to the band, have a couple drinks, then come home. It'll be good for—" I stop, realizing I sound more like her mom than her friend. "I mean, it'll be fun. You'll have fun. I know you will. Now come on. Let's go get ready."
"If I'm going, I'm wearing this. I'm not changing."
Kira doesn't like to dress up. If she could live in her workout clothes she would. Tonight she has on an old pair of jeans and a baggy t-shirt.
"Jeans and a t-shirt?" I say. "That's not going out clothes. Let's go to my room. You can wear something of mine."
"Amber, really, I don't want to get all dressed up. If I'm going, I'm going to hear the music, not find a guy, so it doesn't matter what I wear."
I smile. "You never know. You might find a guy."
She sighs. "For the last time, I don't want a guy. I need to stay focused." She pauses. "On school. I need to stay focused on school."
"School doesn't start for a week, which means you have a whole week to date someone."
"Yeah, a week-long relationship. That'll be great."
"Actually, it could be. Sometimes you connect with someone right away. You don't always need that long to—" My phone dings with a text from Matt, telling me he's here. I started dating Matt soon after I met him at the restaurant that day. We went for coffee and have been dating ever since. "Shit. Matt's downstairs. I have to finish getting ready. Can you let him in?"
"And there's another reason why I shouldn't be going out with you tonight. I'll be a third wheel on your date."
"Matt doesn't care. In fact, when I told him you were coming along, he thought it was a good idea." I head to my room. "When he gets here, tell him I'll only be a few minutes."
"More like a half hour," she yells at me.
"Ten minutes, max," I yell back.
Matt's always either right on time or early. After dating me for over a month, he should know I'm never ready on time. I'm always getting sidetracked with a million other things. Tonight I was sidetracked with Kira, trying to convince her to go out with Matt and me. She can't keep sitting in this apartment every night, feeling sorry for herself. I know she's still mourning the loss of her gymnastics career but it's been over a year since the accident and hiding out in our apartment isn't going to help her feel better.
When Matt suggested going to this concert tonight, I immediately thought of Kira. She loves live music so if I ever had a chance of getting her out of the apartment, this was it. All day I've been asking her to go, and she refused, but despite her resistance, I wasn't taking no for an answer.
Matt's totally cool with her going along. He's such a nice guy. He still works at that job he doesn't like but that mean old geezer, Allen, isn't his mentor anymore, which has made the job more tolerable. Matt also works at a men's suit shop to make extra cash to help pay off his student loans. Yesterday, the lead singer of Vandyl came in to buy a suit. While Matt was helping him find one, the guy mentioned his band had a concert tonight and told Matt he should stop by the bar and hear them play.
I don't follow local bands but I've heard of Vandyl so I assume they're halfway decent.
And it's something to do that I know Kira will like.
Searching through my closet, I can't decide what to wear. Unlike Kira, I like to dress up when I go out. Tonight I feel like wearing a dress. A short sexy dress since we're going to a bar. Maybe the sleeveless black one I bought on sale a few weeks ago and haven't worn yet. Shuffling through my hangers to find it, I stop when I see the blouse. The one I was wearing that night last May. The night I met Dylan.
I take it out and hold it up, heat rising inside me as the memories from that night fill my head. I can still see his face, looking at me from across the room. I can still see his eyes after we kissed. They were filled with desire, but also something else. That connection between us that I still can't explain.
I remember that night like it just happened. I relive it all the time. I can hear his voice asking me if I really wanted to do what we were about to do. I'd had my doubts just moments before, but by the time he asked me, I was all in. I wanted him and he wanted me.
Looking at the blouse, I remember how I practically ripped the buttons trying to get it off as Dylan and I stumbled into the bedroom, racing to get to the bed. Then later, after we'd done it, we both got dressed and he laid beside me. He kissed me as his hand slowly undid the top button of the blouse.
I close my eyes, remembering how it felt, his lips on mine, his fingers brushing against my skin as he continued to slowly undo the buttons.
A shiver skitters through me as my arousal builds. I can practically feel his body pressing against mine. I can hear his voice whispering in my ear.
My eyes remain closed, the blouse falling to the floor as I get lost in the memory of that night. The way Dylan touched me, his hands caressing my body. The way it felt when he—
Music blares from the living room and I'm startled back to reality. Back to the present. My eyes pop open and I hear talking. It's a commerical. Kira must've turned on the TV.
I quickly grab my blouse from the floor and shove it in the back of my closet, right next to the skirt I wore that night. I haven't worn either of them since. I haven't even washed them. I couldn't. They still have the slight hint of Dylan's cologne, which rubbed off on my clothes that night.
What is wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking about that night. Or about Dylan. I should be thinking about Matt and the date we're about to go on.
Why can't I get Dylan out of my head? I have a boyfriend now. A nice, caring boyfriend who treats me well, and yet I'm still thinking about some guy I had a one-night stand with. I try not to. I swear, I do. But then something will remind me of him, like that blouse, and my mind goes back to that night.
I should throw out that blouse, and the skirt. Maybe that would help me forget that night. Shoving the hangers aside, I reach to the back of the closet and grab the blouse again. I hold it up, knowing I should toss it but unable to do it.
I can't get rid of it. I should, but I can't. Not yet.
I hang it back where it was then shove my other clothes in place, hiding the blouse and the skirt from view. That's good enough for now.
Searching for the black dress, I finally find it and hold it up in front of the mirror. It's short and fitted. Matt will love it. He loves it when I dress sexy. Only problem is, wearing this will make him want to do things. Things I'm not ready to do.
Matt and I haven't had sex yet. Whenever he tries, I shut him down, telling him I'm not ready. But I don't know why I'm not ready. I've dated him for over a month. We've gone out a lot. Talked a lot. Gotten to know each other. He's a great guy and I'm attracted to him. I'm just not feeling that spark when we're together. I keep thinking I'll feel it at some point but so far I haven't.
Part of me blames Dylan for that. The way he made me feel that night was unlike anything I've ever experienced. It was magical. Perfect. And because of that, it messed me up and now I expect to feel that way with Matt, even though I know it's not realistic.
I need to force myself to stop thinking about Dylan and that night and return to reality where nice guys like Matt should be enough. More than enough. I need to be happy with Matt and stop putting off sex with him and just do it. Who knows? Maybe the sex will be great.
I hear the channels changing on the TV out in the living room. Kira and Matt are probably out of things to talk about and getting bored. I check the clock. I've been in here for fifteen minutes and I'm still not dressed and haven't done my hair.
I change into the dress then go in the bathroom to fix my hair. After another fifteen minutes, I'm ready. As I walk out to the living room, Matt sees me and smiles.
"You look great," Matt says as he gets up from his chair.
"Thanks!" I go over and give him a quick kiss. "Ready to go?"
Kira gets up from the couch. "I think I'll change my shirt."
"Okay." I smile, happy that she's agreed to wear something else. "We'll wait."
Matt sighs, in a joking way. "Is this going to be another half hour?"
"No, I'll be quick." Kira hurries down the hall to her room. Minutes later, she returns, wearing a fitted black t-shirt and different jeans. It's not great but it's way better than what she had on before. "Okay, I'm ready."
"See?" Matt says to me. "It's possible to get ready fast." He gives me a kiss.
"Maybe, but don't get your hopes up." I loop my arm around his and we head to the door.
We take Matt's car and when we get to the bar, Matt drops Kira and me off at the door, then goes to park. He knows the heels I'm wearing hurt my feet and he didn't want me to have to walk too far. He's so considerate.
When we get inside the bar, Matt pays the cover charge for all three of us. It's another considerate gesture that makes me feel guilty for even thinking about Dylan earlier.
"It's freezing in here," I say, shivering as the air conditioner blows ice cold air out of the vent right above me.
Matt puts his arm around me. "You want to go back and get a sweater or something?"
"Could we? I know it's a pain to go all the way back but—"
"It's not a big deal." He kisses me. "I'll go get the car."
"Matt, wait." I turn to Kira. "Kira, could you stay here and get us a table?"
"Sure. Go ahead."
I give her a hug. "Thanks! We won't be long, I swear."
Matt and I go back outside.
"Wait here," he says. "I'll get the car."
"I'm fine. I can walk."
"But your shoes." He points to my black high heels.
"I'll be okay. It's not that far."
He holds my hand as we walk to the car, then opens my door for me. Before I can get in, he pulls me in for a kiss. Like always, it's a nice kiss. There's just no sparks.
Why are there no sparks? I like Matt. I'm attracted to him. We get along great.
Damn Dylan. It's his fault. If it weren't for that night, I wouldn't have these high expectations. I'd feel sparks with Matt and everything would be great.
"You look really hot tonight," Matt says as we're driving back to my apartment. We're at a stop light and he reaches over and rubs his hand over my bare knee and smiles. "Maybe tonight's the night."
He wants sex. I knew it. I knew this dress would make him want sex. Or maybe it's just the fact that he's waited so long. By now we should've done it, and I would have if I weren't still thinking about Dylan. I'm worried if I have sex with Matt I'll be imagining Dylan while we're doing it, which isn't fair to Matt. But I can't get Dylan out of my head so what do I do? I can't put this off forever.
When I don't respond, Matt takes his hand off my knee and says, "Sorry, Amber. I wasn't trying to push you. I can wait as long as you need."
I nod and give him a smile. "Thanks. You're a really great boyfriend."
Back at my apartment, Matt waits in the car while I run up and get a sweater. Then we return to the bar.
Matt goes to get drinks while I meet up with Kira, who's sitting at a round table toward the back of the bar. It's a long ways from the stage but the place is packed so we're lucky we got a tabl
e at all.
"Sorry we took so long," I say to Kira, raising my voice to be heard above the sound of guitar strings coming from the speakers behind us. "Sounds like the band's warming up." I glance at the stage but can't see anything because girls are lined up in front of it. "Matt's getting drinks. What do you want?"
"Rum and Coke."
"Okay, I'll be right back."
I find Matt at the bar. "Kira wants a Rum and Coke."
"Got it." He tells the bartender and we wait for our drinks. I take Kira's and mine and we go back to the table.
"Here you go." I hand Kira her drink and sit down beside her. "They still haven't started?" I lean forward, trying to see the stage, but even more girls have lined up in front of it, blocking my view.
Matt sits next to me as a loud tapping sound comes over the speakers.
"Sounds like they're having issues with the mic," he says.
I turn to Kira. "Thanks for getting the table."
"I almost didn't get it. It was one of the last open tables and some guys took it before I got over here."
"Then how'd you get it?"
"This other guy asked them to leave so I could have the table."
I smile. "Some guy did that for you? So where is this guy?"
"I don't know. He took off."
"Kira!" I swat her arm. "That guy was hitting on you! Why'd you let him leave?"
"He wasn't hitting on me. He was just getting me a table."
I turn to Matt. "Was that guy flirting or not?"
"He was flirting," he says before taking a swig of his drink.
I look back at Kira. "See? I told you. So then what happened?"
"He sat down and we talked for a few minutes and then he left."
"What did you talk about?"
"Chicago. I told him I just moved here and he offered to show me around."
I grab her arm. "He asked you out? And what did you say?"
"I told him I didn't need him to show me around because my best friend already offered to do it." She smiles, knowing she's driving me crazy. I've been wanting her to go on a date for over a year but she refuses to even consider the idea. She keeps saying she doesn't want a boyfriend right now and that's fine but I think it'd be good for her to at least start dating again. It'd get her out of the apartment and maybe get her mind off gymnastics for at least an hour or two.
One Night Page 5
