Angel on my Shoulder

by Carl Leckey

  The silly boy” She sniffs back another tear, “Jack was a regular soldier you know? He had been in France for over a year and never had a scratch. Anyway the war was over and we thought it would be alright to get married. He got a posting to Egypt; we only had time for two days honeymoon in New Brighton.

  Yes I was married for just two days, would you believe that? He then left on a troop ship from Liverpool two months ago. They reckon the ship hit a stray mine and sank. Another ship rescued nearly all of the soldiers and crew. Jack was one of the men listed as missing, he couldn’t swim could he?” She breaks down crying.” “I’m so sorry Peg.”

  I put my arms around her and give her a comforting hug. She clings to me for a while. I am shocked to find under the circumstances the feel of her female body close to me causes excitement in my lower regions. I am sure Peggy feels my maleness rising and hugs me even closer. She recovers quickly breaks free and asks me abruptly about the house in Vine Street. I am blushing as I inform her that since my parents have died there is another family living there now. I am sure I detect a little smile on her face as she glances at my bulging trousers. I make some excuses about needing to be somewhere and stand up to leave. What’s wrong with me? I am constantly thinking about Denise and wanting to be back with her and yet the first close contact I have with another female affects me in such a way. “Where are you staying tonight Adam, there is a spare room here if you have nowhere to spend the night. I know Aunt Ada would wish me offer you a bed, I would really like you stay for a while if you can?” She adds in a very inviting manner. Do I detect a double meaning in her invitation? I mumble something about trains and things and exit in haste. From their house I head to Birkenhead market to buy some civilian clothes. I loved this place as a kid the smells and the store traders shouting and offering their wares. The crockery man is still there selling complete dinner services. I linger at his stall to watch his performance. When he doesn’t achieve his asking price from the assembled crowd he tosses the complete set into the air to land with a mighty crash. The delicious aroma of freshly baked meat pies permeating from the café attracts me in for a feed. The fish and chip supper I had last night and the meat pie make me realise what I have missed. After a good feed I wander about until I arrive at the clothing stalls. I have carefully selected a full set of clothing; it is only when I attempt to pay with a gold sovereign a problem arises. The stall holder refuses to accept it. “Sorry mate.” He apologises. “There are loads of them buggers about, forgeries you know, I have been caught before, and no one will take em in the market? We only take pounds shillings and pence.” This is a blow. I only have a few pounds and some coins left from my army pay. I need to keep that cash for incidentals and my rail and ferry fare.

  The stall holder sees my dilemma. “Just been demobbed mate? I got out a month ago myself.

  Tell you what pal why not go over to Bentley’s pawn shop in the Hay Market? They will give you a price for it, that’s if it is real. Then come back here and I’ll fix you up.”

  The pawn broker operates from a small window surrounded by a mesh grill cage. He examines the sovereigns weighs them and declares them all genuine thank goodness. I show him the music box and the rings.

  “Very nice! Very nice.” he remarks as he assesses them. “Right do you have any receipts to prove you own these items?” he queries.

  This question throws me. “No I was left them by my parents.” I reply. “I can’t touch em lad. I’ll give you a price for the sovereigns but I’ll not take the other stuff without some documentation. I will lose my license if they are stolen you see? Good job they are not on the stolen lists otherwise I would have to notify the police.” He sees my disappointment. “I’ll tell you this for nothing seeing as you have been in the army. This box and the rings are worth a great deal of money, your parents must have been well off?” He gives me the standard price for a couple of the gold coins but his disclosure regarding the other items leaves with more questions to be answered. Secreting the rings and the brooch in my money belt for safe keeping I am about to leave when I notice a portmanteau for sale in the window. This is just what I need to stow my gear in. After a bit of haggling about the price I purchase it. The pawn broker asks me. “What are you doing about replacing your uniform now you’re demobbed, surely you are fed up wearing that gear lad?” “That’s where I’m off now to the market to get some gear.” I explain. “They wouldn’t accept the sovereigns in the market it was the stall holder that sent me to this shop.” “Well there is good news for you my boy, go no further come through to the back of the shop. “He opens a cage like gate and permits me into the inner sanctum. Puzzled by his invitation I follow him through to a room completely packed with every kind of apparel. “Here lad, pick yourself out what you want and we’ll sort out a price. Take your time there’s everything in here you want. It’s much better quality than the bloody market most of it is brand new pledges not redeemed you see. Lots of it has been here since before the war. Soft bugger I am for taking it, I can’t resist a hard luck story you see I’m too soft hearted.” He gives a cynical smile as leaves me to my own devises while I select myself the gear I require. Eventually after much selecting and discarding I chose a full set of clothing including a splendid camel hair overcoat, a trilby and two pairs of excellent unworn shoes.

  I return to the outer shop pay him a reasonable price for clothing. I realise I could not have afforded to purchases this quality of clothing from a posh shop.

  Elated by my good luck I neatly fold my new acquisitions into my new portmanteau thank him very much and leave. It is at the market as I purchase more clothing and odds and sods I decide to return to Peggy’s house to change out of my uniform and rid myself of the last remnants of the war. With this in mind I buy a huge bag of meat fruit and vegetables to help them out. On arrival at the house Peggy welcomes me with open arms. When we are seated in the kitchen the first question she asks is.

  “How long are you staying Adam?” I hum and hah. “Er I wasn’t going to stay over, I just came back to change my gear say goodbye and drop these things off?” Her face falls, she grips my arm. “Please stay?”

  She pleads. “Aunty will love you to stay even if it’s just for a while.” “I er ok, maybe just one night. I really have to get back to France as soon as possible.” I answer hesitantly. When I have unloaded the stores in the kitchen she fusses about and informs me “We shall have big roast dinner tonight to celebrate.” “I look forward to that Peggy, where can I kip I should like to get out of this uniform and try my civvies on?” “Oh Right.” She thinks for a moment. “I know! You can have Aunties room she sleeps down here now. It saves me a lot of trouble she has difficulty getting up stairs since her stroke.” “I’ll stay as long as I don’t put you out?” She assures me. “Don’t be silly an empty bed is waiting for you, off you go while I get the dinner ready it’s the room on the right by the way.” The room contains a huge inviting looking double bed, unlacing my boots and kicking them off I flop down. Comfort! This is the first proper bed I have lain on for a couple of years except for the lumpy one in Oscars.

  After enjoying a fag I strip my army uniform off and change into my newly purchased clothes. It feels strange dressed in civvy clothes especially the trilby, but very welcome. Now I feel I can face the world as myself and not an army minion. We have a lovely dinner and sit by the fire talking mostly about before the war and the things we got up to as kids. Peggy introduces me to some homemade beer she brews for her Aunt. The beer is very tasty, but a bit stronger than I am used to. I feel myself getting slightly tipsy after three pint glasses. She is wonderful with Tommy’s Mother feeding her and generally acting as her nurse. About nine o’clock as she prepares her patient for bed I take the opportunity to wish them goodnight and retire to my room. In the light of a candle I am attempting to read Angelique’s diary but with the combination of poor illumination small writing and too much home brew I am having difficulty. I have about given up and am preparing to sett
le down for the night when the door opens slowly. Peggy whispers. “Are you all right Adam? I thought you would have been fast asleep by now?”

  “I’m just settling down Peggy.” I reply “Adam may I come in and have a word with you, do you mind?” How am I to refuse her request she has been so kind to me it must be something urgent.

  “Yes of course Peggy, come in.” She enters the bedroom her way lit by the flickering light of the candle she carries. I note she is dressed in her night attire. She sits on the side of the bed without offering a reason for the intrusion. “What is it Peggy’?” I enquire. “Couldn’t it wait until morning, is there a problem with your Aunty?” “I don’t know how to say this but here goes. It’s about that letter Aunty received from the officer. It’s all a pack of lies isn’t it?” I sit bolt upright. “What makes you say that Peggy?” She replies hesitantly. “Do you remember George Wilson, the one that joined up with Tommy?” “I certainly do Peggy I recall he fancied you something rotten.” She waves my remark aside and continues. “He was home on leave soon after Jack was lost. He came to see me he said to offer his condolences. Hmm. but I know why he really came around, he was always jealous of Jack. Well he made advances to me and I slapped him off. He got really mad and told me Tommy had been shot for cowardice. George reckons he was in the firing squad that actually did it. Is it true Adam please tell me the truth?” God! How do I handle this situation? Knowing Peggy I realise it is no good lying or pretending I don’t know the truth. I decide I must be honest but try to explain. Sadly I confess. “I am ashamed to tell you it is true, not that I believe he was a coward. The poor bugger was most probable suffering from shell shock. It’s hard to describe the conditions out there. Don’t forget he was only a kid like me? He had served bravely for quite a while before.” I detect Peggy crying softly. I add hurriedly. “But the army would not accept shell shock as an excuse.” I add hurriedly. She begins to cry openly. Sobs wrack her body. “My God what have they done? Aunty! If she knew it would kill her, she was so proud of Tommy. At least she won’t be able to find out the truth now she is? She left what she was about to add unsaid. I have never seen Peggy cry before. She stopped crying suddenly and her anger directed at the Army took over. “Poor, poor Tommy! How could they do that to a kid the lousy shits? How could his so call mates pull a trigger on one of their own? If I could only get my hands on the evil swine, you know the ones that were really responsible for doing that terrible thing to a poor lad? I would show them what for I can tell you.” There isn’t any way I can or want to justify what they did to Tommy and many more. I try to enlighten her of what I know happened. “Peggy from what I have heard the army has shot quite a few men for the same thing. It was a terrible war all around. I’ve seen things myself I would sooner forget, if I could.” I place my hand on her shoulder as an act of sympathy the next thing I know she is in my arms and we are comforting each other. I kiss her on the cheek she turns her head and allows me to kiss her lips. Surprisingly she responds. I am all of a dither. I must stop this now it is getting out of hand. She breaks away I believe the tussle has ended, but no.

  She lifts the bed covers and climbs in beside me. She whispers. “Hold me Adam I am so lonely.” Peggy cuddles up close and wraps her arms around me. I gasp. “Peggy we mustn’t do this. I am promised to another.”

  She replies in a coaxing manner. “Don’t you like me Adam? Don’t you find me desirable? I noticed how aroused you were down stairs only this morning when you hugged me. Let’s just lie here and hold each other close shall we?”

  We did this for a few minutes but it was not to be. Peggy asks me. “Kiss me again please Adam it seems so long since I have.” Before she finishes the sentence I can’t help myself I kiss her deeply and passionately. I shrink back, but only for a second as I feel her hand exploring my private area. Excitement makes my hands shake as I fumble between her legs outside her night dress. She delves deeper and gives a tiny laugh when she grasps my rigid member. “I thought you were saving yourself for the French girl?” Her words remind me of Denise I make to pull away. “Adam don’t leave me, make love to me I need you so much.” “No I must not, I love Denise I will betray her if I make love to you.” I protest. Peggy climbs out of the bed leaving me with mixed feelings. On one hand I am glad the interlude has ended, but at the same time I really desire her. Instead of leaving the room she casts aside her night dress and returns to the bed and my arms entirely naked. There is no turning back from then on as our love making becomes more feverish. Within seconds she has every stitch of clothes stripped off me. Before I actually enter her the thought of making her pregnant flashes through my confused mind. I plan to withdraw before losing my seed into her. Christine taught me this technique when we made love on that memorable night when I lost my virginity. Although not entirely satisfactory it will have to suffice under the circumstances. Peggy rolls on her back and I take position between her legs ready to mount her. “Take me Adam, take me now.” She urges me to enter her receptive womanhood. Oh such a wonderful feeling to experience that magic again as I thrust deep inside her and pull back. Peggy gasps and urges me on, my strokes are becoming more rapid until I feel myself reaching climax and begin to withdraw. Her hands clasp my buttocks she pulls me back into her. “Let it go Adam.” She gasps. “Jesus don’t stop, please don’t stop now I am already pregnant let me feel you coming into me.” Her invitation is like a coiled spring releasing; within seconds almost violently we climax simultaneously. Peggy thanks me in a breathless voice.

  “That was fantastic Adam, God I really needed that.”

  She’s not the only one, I think to myself. Peggy had just received all the pent up love I had been attempting to give Denise since we moved in together in Oscar’s house.

  I roll off her and we lay contentedly in each other arms.

  “Adam there are no strings attached to this little er what shall I call it? Encounter! Yes that’s it, an encounter.” She giggles. “But seriously Adam I know you have another life planned and you will be leaving here soon. I just had to experience a man again maybe for the last time. Do you understand? I bet you think me a wanton hussy?”

  Drawing her close to me I reply. “Don’t be silly Peggy you’re a gorgeous girl. To be honest I needed it as much as you did.” She continues trying to justify her wanton behaviour evidently Peggy is ashamed of herself and needs assurance. She admits something that delights me. “You came along at an opportune moment. I always fancied you a bit when you knocked around with our Tommy anyway. You always seemed a bit young for me then though, a bit immature shall we say.” I give her a playful tickle. “Peggy I wish things were different. I shall let you into a secret now I had an enormous crush on you at the time, but you always appeared aloof and unapproachable.

  If I wasn’t committed to an enterprise I have arranged in France where there are people depending on me?” I pause for a moment before continuing hastily. “And I’m not forgetting my fiancée whom I love dearly I would be proud to court you, pregnant or not.”

  Peggy explains how she sees the future for herself.

  “I have to face reality Adam there is not much chance of me finding anyone to marry. Who will have a widow with a child at the age of twenty three, I’m considered a bit over the hill anyway? Do you know there are about ten women for every man around here since this bloody war took all the young fella’s? Who would be a poor woman in these times eh? We have so much to give and no one about to take it?”

  “Well Peggy I’ll tell you this for nothing. You make love wonderfully a man would be a fool to turn down a chance to bed you.” She giggles. “I will tell you something in turn now Adam. My Jack didn’t know how to make love properly. His idea of making love was just bang, bang and it was over. Talk about lie back and think of England.

  I have never been with anyone else so I couldn’t compare his love making er until now that is. That er encounter I had with you is the first time I experienced the fantastic thrill I had when we came together. Does th
at make you feel proud lover boy?” It does indeed.

  “So you have never climaxed before? Hmm I’m glad I was of service.” I giggle this time.” She replies. “Well I have had a thrill when I served myself but it’s not the same as having a Willie doing the work for you.” We both giggle like a couple of kids. I feel all the tension I have felt since my arrival home lifting as I lie in bed with this great woman.

  During the night we make love three more times until we fall asleep in each other’s arms exhausted.

  The incessant ringing of a bell wakes me up about eight o’clock. Peggy is still nestled down when I shake her awake. She enquires in a startled voice. “Bloomin heck what time is it? That’s Aunty ringing I usually get her up at seven o’clock.”

  She throws the bedclothes back and observes my flaccid penis Peggy addresses it “You naughty boy you have worn me out and made me late for work, I shall speak to you later.” She leaves the bedroom chuckling I have to smile she is a breath of fresh air a real tonic.

  As I lie in bed smoking my first cigarette of the day I consider my position. Shamefully I have betrayed Denise. Not willingly. I tell myself this to salve my conscience.

  In fact I could say I was definitely seduced by an older woman. Not that it makes a difference, she never tied me down I could have said no. What harm will it do? Denise will never know. I’m sure Peggy will never come to France. I will most probably never see her again unless I come back to Birkenhead. No this is a case of ships passing in the night. I mentally line up the pros and cons of the situation shall I leave today? Why? I need a rest after my time in the army and Denise is away visiting her family, in fact when she left without even a goodbye it appeared she wasn’t coming back to me anyway. Oscar has gone to the farm to see his betrothed. I have no idea when he will return. Peggy is a very accommodating woman and her activities between the sheets are exhilarating even if they are exhausting. We are not starting our business for another couple of weeks. We can’t get it up and running until Alec gets his demob and has his residence in France organised. No I think I shall hang on here for a couple more days. I dowse the cigarette and stretch luxuriously telling myself. “This is the life.” I must have nodded off again I am awoken by Peggy shaking me. “Come on lazy bones, here is some breakfast.” Breakfast in bed a luxury I have never enjoyed in my entire life. While I eat the tasty bacon and egg sandwich we chat about anything in general my imminent departure is not discussed. Peggy keeps referring to things and places we could do and visit if I were to remain longer. In the end I reveal I will stay for three nights more, but I must definitely leave after that. She is overjoyed and kisses me before collecting the crockery and disappearing down stairs singing a happy tune. Happy carefree days and extremely passionate nights follow. Did I say passionate nights that is an understatement. In the four crowded nights I spend with this fantastic woman we try every position and every method of making love.