Love and Other Secrets

by Christina Mandelski

  “Do you know Caleb?” he says. He’s sending me messages with his eyes, like a blinked Morse code. Smile bigger, ooze sexy, be irresistible!

  “Sort of. Hi?” My voice squeaks out in a higher pitch than normal. I sound like a mouse. Why do I sound like a mouse?

  Caleb remembers me. I can tell when his smile shifts into something more intimate, something that excludes Alex. “Oh yeah,” Caleb says. “Coffee shop, right?”

  “Yes, iced coffee, black, right?” I’m smiling big, oozing as hard as I can. It’s too much to do at once. “How are you?”

  His eyes are beautiful and pull me in. That slightly tilted head, the crooked grin. He’s definitely got that classic movie leading man thing going on.

  “I’m good, real good. As long as I don’t call you ma’am, I guess.”

  Is this a classic meet-cute or what? Just like in the movies. I laugh, and he laughs, too, and poor Alex is lost. Good. He deserves it for ambushing me like this.

  “Hey.” Alex interrupts our moment. “You here doing homework?”

  My eyes flicker to him and back to Caleb. “Yes.”

  “Then take a seat,” Alex says. “We’re going over Calc. It sucks.”

  “Oh, no,” I say. “I don’t want to bother you guys.”

  “Sit. Down,” Alex commands.

  “Okay.” I’m hoping this doesn’t look so obvious, but when the Love Guru of Edinburgh High asks you to study and then invites a girl to join, I can’t imagine what else it could look like but a total setup.

  Caleb is at the end of the table, Alex to his left. I take the seat to his right, opposite Alex.

  My face is so warm, and my body feels awkward. Too long. Too big. Too everything. I wonder if my hair looks terrible or if my makeup is a wreck after all the yawning I’ve done today. My entire brain is a jumbled mess. Also, I can’t think of a word to say. Not one word.

  “So, what did you get for number three?” Caleb asks Alex and breaks the silence. Right, we’re studying. I reach into my bag and grab a book.

  Alex ignores the question and raises an eyebrow. “You coming to the game Friday?” Of course, this is directed at me.

  I can’t stop my eyes from nervously flitting between these two. “The game? Oh, yeah, I do plan to be there.”

  “Cool,” Alex says. “Caleb here is starting, and he’s on fire lately.”

  “Oh, that’s—that’s great. Good for you! I will definitely be there, definitely for sure.”

  I glance at Alex. He’s staring at me like there are horns sticking out of my head. I shoot him a scowl.

  After a few more awkward seconds, Caleb coughs. “Look, I’m sorry, Kov, but I forgot I gotta go talk to coach about something. It’s important.” He closes his book and pushes the chair back. “Nice to see you again… I’m sorry, what was your name?”

  “Oh,” I sputter. “Bailey?”

  “Right, sorry, that’s what I thought, but he called you Bails, so I wasn’t sure.” He pushes back his chair and stands up. “Maybe I’ll see you around.”

  I’m pretty sure my jaw has unhinged and dropped to the floor, because my mouth is no longer working.

  “Bye…” is all I can manage. The word hangs in the air of the hushed library as Caleb zips out like he really is on fire.

  Alex swivels in his seat and faces me head on. “Well, that was for shit.”

  I blink repeatedly and sit back in my chair. “Oh God, what was that?”

  He throws up his hands. “Nothing. That was nothing. It was supposed to be you making an impression,” he angry-whispers. “By the way, you didn’t.”

  I sit up in my chair and snap my mouth shut. “Wait a second. Are you actually mad right now? You totally blindsided me! He knew it was a set up. I wasn’t ready! Did you see how fast he ran out of here? Forget the whole thing. Forget it! I’m not doing it.”

  Alex’s eyes grow big. “Oh no, no, you don’t,” he says. “You’re not backing out of this.”

  I stare at him. “Alex! Did you see him leave? Talk about on fire!” I thrust out an arm toward the door. “Plus, I’m the one doing the promposal. If I don’t want to do it, I don’t have to.”

  “But I got the—”

  “The cow. Yeah, I know. Send it back.”

  He huffs out a breath as I put away my book and push out of my chair.

  “Where are you going?” he asks.

  I stand up. “I’m going to a desk because I have real homework to do.”

  “No. Wait. Stop.” He pushes back his hair with both hands. “Bailey. Come on, sit down.”

  I sit, but I’m on the edge of the chair, ready to go. “I can change my mind, you know,” I say. “I thought it would be fun to go to prom with him, but he doesn’t even know me. He doesn’t even see me.”

  “Bailey, come on, he knows you. Did you see the way he smiled at you? He might be a little freaked. Listen—you know my friend Nora?”

  I shrug. “I know who she is.”

  He nods. “Yeah. Well, Caleb was really into her just before she started dating my friend Eli. Caleb asked her out and got denied, and now he’s sorta gun shy, I think. I mean, I’ve tried to set him up with a few other girls, and that hasn’t gone well.”

  My heart stops for a long second, and I narrow my eyes. “So, he thinks I’m the latest in a line of one of your setups? No wonder he ran away. Plus I’m not even his type.”

  His nose crinkles. “What do you mean you’re not his type?”

  I blow out a breath and stare at the table. It’s one thing to find the courage to ask a guy to prom; it’s a whole other thing to have him say no. I’m not sure I can handle that kind of rejection. “He liked Nora Reid. She’s gorgeous and super smart. If she’s the kind of girl he wants, I can’t compete with that.”

  Alex leans forward on the desk. “What are you talking about? Come on, you are not giving up that easy. You’re right, you’re not Nora, you’re better. You’re wicked smart and way more fun than she is. And better looking. You’re going to the prom.”

  Alex is a good friend. Maybe I could talk him into going with me. Maybe he’ll say yes out of pity, for the film project. Maybe it’s not too late. Of course, I’m not Alex’s type, either. “Thanks,” I say, “but you’re full of it.”

  He laughs. “No, I’m not. Listen, put this whole experience out of your head. You’re right, I blindsided you, but don’t give up. He’s going to say yes. Have some faith in yourself. And you need the footage for your project, right?”

  I inhale deeply and shake my head. “I don’t know if it’s worth it. This whole experience was humiliating. If this promposal is going to be a big pile of shit, I don’t want to do it, okay?”

  “It’s not going to be a pile of shit. What it’s going to be is a pile of yes.”

  I try to hold back a smile. It’s not easy. Alex has a way of making everything seem like it’s going to work out fine. That’s impossible. Not everything works out fine. Sometimes things end in disaster.

  “A pile of yes?” I ask.

  “Trust me.” He smiles. “It’s going to be a giant, steaming pile of yes.”

  “Promise?”

  “Are you kidding? Of course I promise.”

  Then the smile I’ve been holding back erupts on my face. His confidence is like a virus, and for the moment, anyway, I’ve totally been infected.

  Chapter Nine

  Alex

  I’m still not over what happened in the library. I’ve never seen Bailey so awkward or Tex look that panicked. I’m going to have to bust my ass if this is going to happen the way I promised.

  Our afterschool practice was intense, at least, which is good. Highlander’s men’s lacrosse is on a winning streak, but you can never, ever take that for granted.

  In a few months, my career at EHS will be over, and I plan to leave on a high note. Cement my legacy in the record books. If it kills me, we’re going to Districts, then to State. We have an awesome team, and damn, I’ll miss it when I’m gone, though I�
�m psyched to be going to University of Tampa. They’re Division II, but the team is top notch, and they want me bad.

  My parents are less excited about my plans. They wanted me to go to some Ivy League school like them. They even tried to lure me up north with lacrosse since that’s where so many of the best teams are. They want me to major in business at a prestigious school, like if I don’t I’ll end up on the streets or something. I have no idea what I want to study, but that shit sounds so boring, I’d want to die. So I said yes to Tampa. It felt like a good fit. Plus, my parents were in some third-world country when I made the decision, so they don’t really get a say.

  After practice, I walk back to the locker room with Eli. His crutches mean it takes a while. Dude still comes to every practice, though, so I’m not leaving him behind.

  “What’s going on with you, man?” he asks as we cross the field.

  I take a long swig from my water bottle. “What? Nothing.”

  He sniffs. “No. Something’s up with you. You’re acting weird, and what’s with going to the library at lunch?”

  I’ve known him forever, and he’s not stupid. But nothing is wrong, not really. At least nothing I can put into words.

  “You can tell me shit, you know?”

  “No, I’m good. I’ve been tired, is all.”

  “Tired?” he says. “What are you doing that’s got you so tired? You hardly go out anymore.”

  He’s right. I’m usually with Bailey. “Don’t worry about it.” I’d rather spend time with her than go out anyway. Of course, if she asks Caleb to the prom and they start dating, all that could change.

  “You’re going to prom, right?” Eli keeps digging.

  “Probably not.”

  He stops. “Dude, seriously? You have to. It’s our senior year!”

  I walk on. “Who cares, E?” I remember the promise I made to Bailey’s mom, that I would go to prom if Bailey does. Or maybe that was a lie. I haven’t decided yet. “And I don’t see anyone asking me.”

  He chuffs and catches up to me. “You are so full of yourself. There is no law that says Alex Koviak can’t ask someone to a dance.”

  I swing my lacrosse stick onto my other shoulder. “How do you know? Sounds like a good law to me.”

  He growls. I get it.

  “Devon wants to go with you,” he says. “If you ask, she’ll say yes.”

  I snort and wave my stick at imaginary balls. “You think so? I don’t know. Literally every sentence out of her mouth is about prom. Girl’s not subtle.”

  Devon McGill is not subtle at all, but she is hot, sassy, and loves to party. Zero strings. She’s just my type.

  I huff out a breath. “If she wants to go with me, she can ask, but even if she does I’ll probably say no. It’s a massive waste of time. A lot of money and pressure for one night of bad dance mixes, casual sex, and someone puking vodka up in my car.”

  Eli stops again, and so do I.

  His stare is fierce. “I don’t even know who you are, man. I mean, seriously? Did someone— Wait. Is there a girl or something?”

  I stare back.

  “Holy shit, there is!”

  I want to tell him about Bailey. If I can’t tell Eli, who can I tell? Except that as I try to think of the words to say to explain me and her and what we are, I realize that none of it makes sense. She’s a secret friend who’s sort of turned into a crush who I had decided I was going to ask to prom but now I’m helping her ask a different guy with the aid of livestock.

  There isn’t any part of that story that doesn’t sound ridiculous, so I force myself to laugh.

  “Come on, E. You know me better than that.” God, I’m such a dick for lying to my best friend. “It’s all good, I swear. I’m done with all the high school bullshit. Ready to move on, you know?”

  He doesn’t look convinced, but damn if I can help him. I’m not convinced, either.

  Back in the locker room, I catch sight of Tex. I need to think of something to say about Bailey to make up for the weirdness at lunch. I can’t think of anything that doesn’t sound suspicious, but I have to try.

  Still in my gear, I head over him. “Hey, Gray,” I say. “Nice offense, man.”

  “Hey, thanks,” he says, opening his locker. “You, too.”

  “Listen.” I have no idea how to do this other than to just do it. “You know that girl in the library?”

  “Bailey?” He turns to the locker, his back to me. “Yeah, she seems great.”

  Oh. His choice of words surprises me after the way he launched out of the library today. I didn’t want to make Bailey feel worse, but she was right, he seemed pretty spooked.

  “She is, she is great,” I say. “She’s really great.”

  He turns to face me. “Yeah, you two seem like a good match. Good for you.”

  I scratch my head. “Oh no. She’s not— We’re not— I mean, we’re not together.”

  “Oh no?” He rips out his shoulder pads and throws them in his duffel. “The way you two acted, I thought you were.”

  “What? How did we act?”

  He crosses his arms, raises an eyebrow. “I’m no expert matchmaker like you, Kov, but I got eyes.”

  Well, shit. “No. No. Seriously, she’s a friend.” I scratch my stubble. This dude makes me itchy. “In fact, I thought you and her might—get along.”

  He stares at me. “Koviak. No offense, but the expert matchmaker comment I just made? I was being sarcastic.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He turns to me. “Look, I appreciate you wanting to help, but the only thing I had in common with those girls you set me up with was that we all breathe oxygen. That was literally it. You suck as a matchmaker.”

  Double shit. “Okay, fine,” I say. “I’ll take that hit. It was on purpose, though, those other girls. They didn’t want anything serious, and I thought you might be okay with that, after, you know, after Nora. But now I know you’re not down with that.”

  His eyes narrow. “And your friend, Bailey? She wants something serious?”

  I think about that for a second, think about how I almost started to want something serious with her. I think about how close I got to asking her to prom.

  None of that matters now.

  “Yeah, she does.” I choke the words out. “She wants, you know, more. Like strings. Attached. All that.”

  He’s quiet for a long time, then finally, “Does she like me?”

  So now, what, we’re in third grade? “I’m pretty sure.”

  His eyes get so squinty that I’m not even sure he can see me anymore. He says nothing.

  I clear my throat. “So, there, take it or leave it, this information. Just thought you might think she’s cool. I think she’s cool.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.”

  I stare at him, confused. “What? What are you afraid of?”

  “That you think she’s cool. I mean, I saw the way you looked at her.”

  I shake my head. “Man, you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be.” I can’t take this anymore. “I’m trying to help you, and all I’m saying is maybe she should be on your radar. That’s all. Take it or leave it, Gray.”

  I push past him to my locker and strip off my jersey and pads. That was maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because he’s right. I do look at Bailey. And when I look at her, I see someone amazing.

  But what does that matter if she looks at me and sees nothing special?

  Chapter Ten

  Bailey

  When Alex walks into the coffee shop that evening, I’m not prepared. He never comes in here because he hates coffee, and the surprise of seeing him takes my breath away.

  Why, though? What’s so special about him? His hair is wet, fresh from the after-practice shower, I’m guessing. He couldn’t run a comb through it? His T-shirt is wrinkled like it was wadded into a ball on the bottom of his duffel bag.

  Basically, he looks like a complete slob.

&
nbsp; There must be a high pollen count today. That’s why I can’t breathe quite right. I have bigger fish to fry, anyway. After Friday, I will have a prom date and maybe a potential boyfriend in super cute, tall, clean-cut Caleb Gray. Alex Koviak will be free to pursue any non-serious relationship he wants, not that I’m stopping him now.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I ask casually as he walks closer.

  He smiles at me, but then the universe rights itself again when Devon, who of course is at table three, calls him over. His smile wavers, and his gaze goes to her. He passes the counter completely and makes a beeline to their table.

  It’s like a slap in the face, but I shouldn’t be surprised. Those girls are his real friends. I am like the first Mrs. Rochester in Jane Eyre, the one Mr. Rochester keeps locked away in the attic so that he can pursue the hot nanny. Devon, of course, is the hot nanny.

  “Excuse me?” Jax taps my shoulder like an annoying purple-shirted, still-living-in-his-parents’-basement woodpecker.

  “Yes?” I flinch and move out of his tap zone. “What?”

  His forehead wrinkles and melds with his condescending eyebrows. “Are you being disrespectful?”

  I shake my head. I am so stupidly respectful to this guy, and he does not deserve it, at all, and I am getting sick of it. “No, I am not. Never,” I say in the most deadpan voice I can manage.

  He stares at me and says nothing.

  “What? Is there something you’d like me to do?”

  “Who is that guy?” He points to where Alex hovers over the girls.

  “Why?”

  He shakes his head. “No reason, except I thought you were gonna pass out when he walked in the door.” Jax steps around me to get a better view of Alex. “So what’s the story? Did he break your heart or what? Or is it unrequited love?”

  My throat closes. I’m totally freaked out by Jax prying into my love life, or lack thereof. “No. He’s a friend.”

  “Hmm. Then why didn’t he come and say hi to you first?”

  “Good question.” I smirk. “Probably because he likes them better.”

  “Oh, right,” he chuckles. “Don’t even try to tell me that there’s no story there.”