Landon stood up. “I don’t think the nurses will want you to have too many visitors at one time, so I’ll just get back to the church.”
“It seems like I’m following you around today. I just left Mother Barnett’s house, and she said you were there,” Shar told Landon.
“Yeah, I stopped by to see how she was doing.”
“Well I hope that Deacon Monroe’s house is to your liking and that you’re at least getting enough rest so that you can do all this running around during the day,” Shar asked.
“I am very comfortable there, thank you for your concern.”
“I’m glad. I would hate for you to be miserable after extending such kindness to us.”
He’d been miserable, but it had nothing to do with the Monroe’s boardinghouse. He put on his top hat and left father and daughter alone, all the while thinking about Shar and the reasons that she might not want to sing anymore. He had no idea how to help her, but this was certainly going on his prayer list.
24
Running into Landon at the hospital that day almost caused her to come unglued. Shar had been doing nothing but thinking about the mistakes she’d made in the past year. She’d done a few things that she wasn’t so proud of, but the costliest mistake she’d ever made was the day she allowed Nicoli James into her life and subsequently allowed Landon to walk out of it.
Now here she was with the evidence of just how much Landon really did care for her. She was living in the man’s house while helping her ailing mother to get well. He was visiting her father in the hospital and even shopping for groceries. Landon was doing all of these things for her family, but she no longer saw that look in his eyes. When he looked at her now, she didn’t feel special. She felt as if his kindness for her was something he would do for any of his parishioners.
Shar had almost lost her voice and her self-worth in cities far from home. But while all of that was going on she hadn’t realized that what would hurt more was the knowledge that she had also lost the love of a good man. Before she’d left home to tour the country and become some great gospel star, all she had ever dreamed of was becoming Landon’s wife and moving into this two-bedroom home with him. Now lying in his bed, all she could do was weep.
“Shar, Shar, girl, what’s going on over there.”
Shar let go of her pillow and bolted upright in bed. Had she been crying so loudly that her mother heard her? Wiping the tears from her face, she got out of bed, threw on her housecoat, and went into her mother’s room. Sniffling, she said as she leaned against the doorjamb, “I didn’t know you were up. You were sleeping so soundly the last time I checked on you, I thought you’d sleep through the night.”
“I heard you crying.” Marlene lifted up a bit in bed as a coughing spell overtook her. When it was finished it left her weak, and she flopped back on her pillow.
Shar rushed to her side. “Are you okay, Mama?”
Marlene waved off the concern. “Don’t worry yourself about me, Shar. I want to know what’s got you so upset.”
Looking away from her mother’s prying eyes, Shar grabbed the covers and pulled them up to her mother’s chest. “It’s warm in here now, but sometimes it gets a little cold through the night, so keep this cover up to your chin. Okay?”
Marlene grabbed her hand before she could move away. “Tell me what’s going on, Shar. Why are you so unhappy?”
Shar flopped down in the chair next to her mother’s bed. She didn’t know how to explain the things she was feeling and didn’t know if her mother would understand. “I’ve just been worried about a few things.”
“I hope you’re not spending your time fretting over me and your daddy. Because we are both too stubborn to die before we see you settled.”
“I’ve been praying like never before that you and Daddy get better. But I’m just so confused about so much these days, I don’t even know if God is listening to me anymore.”
“Hush all that foolish talk, girl. Of course God hears your prayers. Why wouldn’t He?”
Sighing, Shar’s chest heaved up and down as she confessed, “I’ve made some mistakes, Mama. And the worst part about it is that I have no idea how to turn things around.”
“Have you prayed about it?”
Shaking her head, Shar admitted, “I’ve only thought to pray about you and daddy’s health. I may be miserable right now, but I’d be ten times more miserable if I didn’t have you or Daddy.”
Marlene pursed her lips together as she thought for a moment. “I can’t be talking to the same girl who used to sing ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus’? Have you forgotten how much of a friend Jesus wants to be to you?”
Shar didn’t respond, but a tear did escape from its hiding place.
“Well,” Marlene said, “since you’re busy praying for me and your daddy, then I guess I need to get busy praying for you.”
“Mama, you don’t need to do nothing but rest and get better. I’ll figure this out and find a way to turn things around.”
“Does the thing that’s troubling you have anything to do with Pastor Landon keeping his distance from you.”
Shar’s eyes bucked. “You noticed, too?”
“What, girl, do you think I’m blind?” Marlene rolled her eyes. “He has been nice enough . . . offering us the use of his house and all, but he doesn’t look you in the eye, and he doesn’t seem to want to sit anywhere near you.”
Shar lowered her head, but didn’t respond to her mother’s words. What could she say? That she had also noticed that the man who claimed to love her no longer wanted anything to do with her. And anyway, she didn’t want to talk with her mother about this or she’d end up confessing about the relationship she had with Nicoli James. Shar had never written a word to her parents about him. She hadn’t even brought him over to the house the time the choir sang in Chicago.
At the time she had told herself that she didn’t want her parents worried about her respectability, since she was traveling from town to town with a man she wasn’t married to. But in truth, Shar had known that Marlene Gracey would never approve of a man like Nicoli. Maybe that had been part of her attraction to him.
“What you thinkin’ ’bout now?” Marlene questioned.
Shar tried shaking the memory of Nicoli and all that he had cost her out of her mind as she focused back on her mother. “I was thinking that you need to get some sleep. We can talk some more tomorrow about my nonexistent love life.” Shar stood, pressed a kiss to her mother’s forehead, and then went back to her bedroom.
This time when Shar laid down she knew that she couldn’t cry. But she couldn’t get herself to fall asleep either. Whenever she had insomnia before, she would sing herself to sleep. But she certainly didn’t want to hear any of the songs she’d been singing lately.
Her mama reminded her of a song she had once loved to sing. Maybe if she sang it again, she could get back to where she used to be when she had believed that Jesus was her friend. She opened her mouth and began to sing.
What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry,
Everything to God in prayer!
Shar’s eyes closed as pain etched across her face. She had betrayed God and didn’t feel worthy to sing this song anymore. Mahalia had told her that a gospel singer shouldn’t seek to do anything but sing for the Lord. But Shar had thought that she could do both because Rossetta Tharpe had done it.
But Rosetta ended up apologizing to her church quite often, just so she’d be allowed to sing in the choir again. If Rosetta was so happy with her choices, why did she keep coming back to the house of God?
Shar would apologize to God a thousand times if she thought it would do any good. “Is that what You want, Lord? If I apologize for going astray and following Nicoli into that den of e
vil, will You give me the peace I so desperately crave?”
She waited, hoping that she would hear an audible answer from God. But when none came she said, “Lord, please forgive me. I am so sorry for using the voice You gave me for anything other than to glorify You. I’ve been plum miserable ever since I made that awful decision. I’m asking . . . begging and pleading with You to please take away my shame and restore me to fellowship with you.”
Her eyes began to water, but then Shar reminded herself that she was done crying. If she wanted to express herself, she was going to sing. She opened her mouth to belt out the lyrics to the second half of that song . . .
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
“That’s what I’m doing tonight, Lord. I’m bringing You my problems. I’m confessing to You that I’ve been weak, discouraged, and tempted away from Your will. But I don’t want to live like that no more. I want to know that if I can’t count on nobody else, I can still count on You. I’m hoping and praying that You still want to be my friend, Lord, because I want to be Yours again. Please show me the way.”
On Sunday right after church, Landon kept his word and went to Nettie’s house for supper. Loraine and Raymond Johnson had one of the finest homes in the area. They had a huge wood dining room table that seated up to eight people at one time. The Johnsons entertained frequently because Raymond was running for State Representative. So you could get a meal and a full political conversation at the same table.
Landon wasn’t much into the politics that many in Chicago wallowed in. He much preferred to leave politics to those more suited for the job, because Landon knew that he was not only called, but committed to preaching and teaching his congregation concerning the things of God. However, he did see the poor housing that his parishioners were forced to live with as a real moral issue. In order to help the people in the Black Belt, Landon had to do a bit of wheeling and dealing with political types. So he was happy to be at the Johnsons’ table, not just because the food was good, but because Raymond Johnson could snap a finger and make things happen in that part of town.
“It’s about time you showed up for dinner with us, Pastor,” Raymond said as he slapped Landon on the back.
“I hear there’s some smothered pork chops being served up today, so you know I wasn’t going to miss this,” Landon said.
“Well you came to the right place. My Loraine is the best cook this side of Georgia.”
“Nettie helped with dinner,” Loraine said as she and Nettie walked out of the kitchen carrying bowls full of scrumptious-
smelling food that they placed on the table.
Raymond gave a big belly laugh. “Loraine is always bragging on our Nettie. And she has good reason because Nettie is getting to be as good a cook as my sweet wife.”
Loraine smiled. “Thank you for your high praise, Raymond. Now bring Pastor Landon on over here and y’all have a seat while Nettie and I get the rest of the food.”
Raymond turned to Landon, “You heard her. Let’s have a seat at the table while the ladies finish setting the table.”
Raymond took the seat at the head of the table and directed Landon to a seat to the right of him. When Loraine and Nettie came back out of the kitchen, Raymond instructed his wife to sit next to him on the left and Nettie to sit next to Landon.
They filled their plates, and Landon said grace over the meal. As they began to eat, Raymond said to Landon, “Nettie tells me that this housing project that you’ve been working on is going well.”
“Yes, sir, I now have all of the families I need to get this thing rolling with the NAACP, but we’re lacking some of the financing that’s also needed.”
“Ain’t that the way it always is with our people . . . big on dreams but can’t find a way to save a dollar to make things happen,” Raymond said as he leaned back in his high-back chair.
“It’s not like that, Daddy,” Nettie protested. “These are hardworking colored folk, who just don’t have any extra to put in savings after paying the high rents in this area of town.”
“And all the repairs that need to be done on those houses are another reason they can’t save any money,” Landon added. “A few of the men from my church are working on the Graceys’ house right now, trying to plug up holes in the floor boards and find a way to close out the draft that’s coming from those windows.”
Reaching for the green beans, Loraine chimed in. “And it was mighty fine of you to allow Marlene to stay at your home. I took some soup over to her a few days ago, and it seems like she is getting better.”
“To God be the glory,” Landon said with a hand raised to heaven. Then he said, “I’m just thankful that Deacon Monroe had a room available in his boardinghouse for me.”
“You’re a good man, Pastor Landon. With a good heart. Someday you’ll make a lucky woman a wonderful husband, I have no doubt about that,” Loraine said while pointedly looking at her daughter.
Nettie clasped her hands together. “The food is getting cold. Let’s eat and then we can talk about these things later.”
“I second that,” Landon said as he began cutting his pork chop. He put a piece in his mouth and savored the flavor of the pork chop smothered in a rich gravy sauce that was just about the best gravy he’d ever tasted. Smacking his lips, Landon declared, “Mrs. Loraine, you sure know how to put your foot in a meal. This is delicious.”
She blushed and then said, “Thank you kindly for saying that, Pastor.”
Raymond rubbed his big belly and added, “I didn’t get this way by accident.”
Before anyone could respond to that, the doorbell rang. Nettie popped up. “You all keep eating. I’ll get the door.” She rushed over to the front door, which was just about twelve steps away from the dining room table. She flung the door open and, before addressing the person at the door, turned back to the group and said, “Look who we just talked up.”
Shar stepped in and waved at everyone. She then turned back to Nettie and asked with a curious look on her face, “Didn’t you remember that I was coming? You told me that your mother would need this pot back after Sunday service.”
Nettie waved the assumption away. “She used other pots, so you could have kept it. Did your mama like the soup?”
“Yes, she certainly did.”
“Well come on in. You can thank Mother properly and then stay for dinner if you have time.”
Shar glanced at Landon and then back at Nettie. Shyly, she said, “With my mama and daddy being ill, I don’t have much time for socializing.”
Nettie took the pot away from Shar and walked her into the dining room. “I understand. Well, you can come and say hi to everyone, before you run off.” Nettie left Shar standing in front of the dining room table as she rushed the pot into the kitchen.
Shar nodded at everyone. “Mr. Johnson, Mrs. Johnson, thank you so much for the soup.” She then turned to Landon who was looking at her, but not really. “Nice seeing you also, Pastor Landon.”
“You as well, Shar. How’s your mother doing today?” Landon asked as Nettie came back to the table and sat down next to Landon.
“She’s doing better and believing God for her total healing,” Shar remarked.
“Sit down, child,” Loraine said. “Have something to eat before you go back home.”
Shaking her head, Shar told the group, “Thanks for your kindness, Mrs. Johnson, but I must get back and check on my mama.” She turned sharply and quickly made her way to the front door. Waving to everyone as she opened the door, she said, “Bye all. Have a nice day.” She exited and then closed the door.
“Well, she certainly raced out of here. I wonder what was wrong?” Loraine said to no one in pa
rticular.
Landon stared at the door for a moment, feeling as if something was odd in the way Shar rushed out of the Johnson home, as well. But she was dealing with two sick parents, so no one could expect her to spend much time socializing just as she said. But in the past few days, Landon had found himself wanting to stop by his house for simple little reasons, like picking up a tie he forgot or checking on the mail. Each time he arrived at the house, he pretended that he didn’t have the slightest bit of interest in Shar or anything else going on there. But the truth was far from that. Landon prayed daily for God to release him from the hold Shar had on his heart. He waited patiently for the day that his heart would be free again. He wanted desperately to love someone who could love him back.
Raymond swallowed the food that was in his mouth and then snapped his finger. “I think I just came up with an answer to your dilemma.”
Landon put his fork down, hoping that Nettie’s father hadn’t figured out what he had been thinking about. “What dilemma, sir?”
“The money that you need,” Raymond said excitedly. “That church of yours has some pretty good singers. And if you could convince Shar Gracey to help you put on a production, I know I could help sell the tickets for you.”
“I’ve never charged anyone to come to church in my life,” Landon said.
“The charge won’t be for coming to church. You can hold your singing program after church. Let the people know that you are raising funds for housing and they will turn out to support the fund-raiser . . . especially if you have Shar Gracey singing.”
Landon leaned back in his seat as he recalled Shar’s father telling him that his daughter had lost her love for singing. Maybe something like this could help Shar as well as the people he wanted to provide housing for. “You know something, Mr. Johnson, that idea of yours just might work.”
25
Shar couldn’t believe that she ran out of the Johnson house like that, just barely saying good-bye. If she was younger and her mama had found out about her rudeness, Marlene would be outside looking for a switch. She hadn’t wanted to be rude, but she had a terrible need to escape. Seeing Landon seated with Nettie was more than she could bear. He was supposed to be her love and she was supposed to be his, but now it looked as if Landon was Nettie’s and there wasn’t one thing she could do about it.
How Sweet the Sound Page 18
