Almost Free

by Lisa Helen Gray

  I’m moved, and then Banner’s climbing into bed with me and laying me on his chest. “Shh, baby, I got you. You’re safe now.”

  As I cry harder into his chest, I feel Mark or Levi, or both, place their hands on my legs, squeezing them gently in a soothing gesture, showing they are here for me.

  “Darren saved me. He died saving me,” I sob. “I tried to help him, but he died in my arms. He died.”

  At a loss for words, Banner doesn’t say anything. He holds me closer, running his fingers through my knotted hair.

  I press closer to him, feeling my tears soak his hospital gown. I begin to feel drowsy, and I struggle to keep my eyes open through my tears.

  “Go to sleep, Emma.”

  “Don’t leave me,” I whisper.

  “Never,” he vows, kissing the top of my head.

  *** *** ***

  I’m groggy when I wake, feeling a hard chest beneath me. I glance up, seeing Banner’s handsome face in a deep sleep. He’s no longer wearing the bandage, and instead, has a plaster covering where he got bashed in the head. A bruise runs down the side of his face. As I run my gaze down the rest of his body, I make out scratches on his neck, a few bruises, and more on his arms.

  He got so lucky. I really could have lost him.

  I look down the bed into my room, jumping when I find Mark watching me, Levi asleep next to him in a chair. I wasn’t expecting him to still be here.

  “Mark?” I call out, seeing the tortured expression on his face. He gets up from his chair in the corner, moving to sit down in the one next to the bed. His eyes water as he reaches out to take my hand from Banner’s chest, clutching it in his.

  “When I got the phone call a week ago, I thought I lost you,” he chokes out, his eyes closing with despair.

  “Wait! A week ago?”

  He opens his eyes at my question, nodding. “Yeah. You only woke up yesterday, Emma. You’ve been in and out of it all week. You’ve not spoken to anyone.”

  I feel tears gather behind my eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I tell him, only imagining how scared he must have been.

  “Never scare me like that again. I had to fight your mum and dad over medical guardianship over you.”

  “What?” I wince at how loud I’m being, feeling Banner stir beneath me.

  “Is everything okay?” he asks.

  Mark looks up at him, his eyes telling him everything. “I was just telling Emma her parents have been here.” My heart picks up, hoping they came to see how I was, but the look Mark gives me deflates any hope. “I had our grandparents come down. They tried to get you committed into a psych ward after the doctors recommended it. Since you weren’t able to make any medical decisions, they had to call them.”

  I look at the poster behind his head. “Thank you for not letting them,” I whisper.

  “It’s the least I could do. Emma, please, never go off in that head of yours again. I thought we lost you. It was like you weren’t in your own body.”

  A tear falls.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He squeezes my hand, letting me go. “Don’t be, baby. I’m so fucking glad you’re okay.”

  “Am I okay?”

  He nods, puzzled at my question. “Yes—apart from a few bruises, there was nothing physically wrong with you. They said you went into a mental state of shock and shut down. It’s a way for your mind to protect you from what happened.”

  “I still can’t believe it happened.”

  “I didn’t see him coming,” Banner whispers. “I couldn’t even help you.”

  I look up at the sound of anguish in his voice. “You couldn’t have known he was there. I didn’t even get a chance to warn you. I froze, and then everything happened so quickly.”

  “What happened after I fell into the water?”

  I close my eyes at the memories, still feeling Mr. Flint’s hands on my biceps. When I open them, Mark sits forward, listening intently.

  “He hit me, threw me into a tree, and said what he was going to do to me. I was going to fight, not let him win, but I believed what he said. When I couldn’t find a weapon, I gave up. I just gave up. I prepared myself to be killed—to die,” I croak out.

  Banner squeezes me tighter. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

  “I remember closing my eyes, thinking of you guys, already missing you, when I heard a scuffle. I couldn’t believe Darren was there, or that he stood in between me and Mr. Flint. He protected me from the beginning. I didn’t even know he had been stabbed, Banner. I watched as he bashed Mr. Flint over the head with so much strength I heard the impact. It was horrifying. Blood just poured from him, but I didn’t care. I was just happy he was dead.”

  “And Darren?” Mark whispers.

  “I shined the light on him, and he was bleeding from two wounds in his chest. I tried to help him. He said he followed Mr. Flint to us. Apparently, he saw him watching me from the trees at the university the day he came to talk to me. If it wasn’t for Darren, I’d be dead. Mr. Flint planned to rape me before he killed me, Banner.” I begin to cry, hiding my face in his chest.

  “He died a hero, baby,” Banner whispers.

  “He found redemption in death. Something he was probably looking for, for a long time,” Mark adds.

  “I told him I forgave him,” I admit through sobs. “And I did. I forgave him, because the person I saw dying in my arms… he wasn’t the same person who attacked me all those years ago. Do you think he heard me?”

  “Yes, baby, I do.”

  It’s then I notice my arm. “Is that a new cast?”

  Mark nods. “Yours was broken. You must have landed on it and didn’t feel it from the shock. They gave you another x-ray and found another fracture—only mild—then recast it. Does it hurt?”

  “No,” I whisper, blinking at the pale cast. “I don’t remember them doing it.”

  Someone raps on the door and I glance down the bed, seeing Levi is awake and listening. He gives me a soft smile before turning to the person at the door.

  “You’re awake,” Tom announces, surprised. In his hands are a jar of flowers and some chocolates.

  “Hey, bro,” Connor announces, holding a teddy and a balloon.

  “What are you doing here?” Banner asks, sounding as surprised as I am to see them.

  Connor gives him a dirty look before coming to sit on the empty chair Mark left. “Not to see your ugly mug, that’s for sure.”

  “So, the flowers aren’t for me?” Banner teases.

  He helps me sit up as we face the group of people. Tom comes to the other side of the bed, placing the items he has on the cabinet.

  “I bought these for you. I didn’t think you were awake. When we checked yesterday, they said you were still out of it.”

  “Thank you.” I share a look with him, one of understanding. He witnessed what I did, saw the aftermath of what Mr. Flint caused. “For everything,” I tell him, with a deeper meaning.

  He gives me a small smile. “Glad you’re doing okay. You had me worried. They wouldn’t let us stay with you once your cousins got here. They only let us in at visiting times.”

  “Whose friend are you?” Banner asks, not sounding mad but amused.

  “Sorry, dude, but your girl has us for life. She’s a fucking rock star.”

  I giggle, cuddling closer to Banner. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

  Tom’s expression turns serious. “I would. I didn’t witness what you went through, but I did see the aftermath, and it was fucking deadly.”

  “Bro, wrong choice of words,” Connor groans.

  Tom winces, giving me an apologetic look. “Sorry.”

  “It’s fine,” I whisper.

  “What I meant is, you stayed strong until you knew Banner was safe. You kept it mostly together. You’re one strong chick.”

  I don’t answer, not feeling very strong right now. My stomach chooses that moment to announce to the room it’s hungry.

  Everyone stares at my belly
with wide eyes before laughing. Levi gets up, straightening out his clothes.

  “I’ll go down the road to the pizza place. The food here is fucking disgusting.”

  My stomach growls again. I shrug, feeling my cheeks heat. “Sounds good.”

  Banner starts chatting to his friends, asking what he missed and what has happened. I tune them out, only needing the warmth and safety of Banner’s presence.

  After nearly losing him, I know there is no way I can ever sit back and watch him be with someone else. It’s time for me to take a stand, to show him I can be strong, that I’m ready to love him.

  He’s not going to know what hit him. By the time I’m done, he’s going to know how I really feel about him.

  A life without him isn’t a life worth living. I learnt that lesson in the forest.

  But for now, I need to recover. Waiting a few days, after the years I’ve spent secretly loving him, won’t hurt.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  My palms are sweaty as I sit waiting for our guest to arrive, so I wipe them down my jeans. My leg bounces, my entire body on edge.

  After I was released a few days ago, we had a phone call from my solicitor, asking if Darren’s aunt could come see me. I readily agreed, especially after he saved my life. But the second I got off the phone, doubt crept in.

  What if she blames me for his death?

  What if she wants revenge or justice?

  The thoughts kept running through my mind.

  The only saving grace was Becky. She finally found the courage to leave her house and come visit me the day I was released from hospital. We spoke about everything. She felt terrible for everything, even pushing me away after the attack at the university. But after a long talk, I managed to convince her to forgive herself and not to worry. We were friends, nothing was going to change that.

  “Will you stop bouncing your leg, it’s making me nervous,” Banner orders from next to me.

  I grimace, giving him an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I’m just really nervous. What if she’s come to tell me she hates me, Banner?”

  “Then I’ll kick her fucking arse.”

  “And I’ll throw the bitch out,” Mark pipes in from the kitchen doorway.

  When there’s a knock on the door, I practically jump out of my seat.

  “Calm down. I’ll get it,” Banner tells me, getting up from the sofa and walking over to the door.

  “I’ll go to my room,” Mark whispers, rushing over to his room.

  I watch, my fingers twiddling in my lap. Banner opens the door to reveal a petite woman with mousy brown hair and kind eyes.

  “Hey, I’m Diana. Darren’s aunt.”

  “Come in,” Banner tells her curtly.

  She looks nervous, looking around the room warily like someone’s going to jump out at her. When her eyes land on me on the couch, tears gather behind them.

  “You must be Emma,” she says softly.

  I quickly stand, nodding. “Yes. Please, have a seat.”

  “I can’t stay long. I have to pick the kids up from nursery.”

  “Okay.”

  She sits down elegantly, crossing her legs to the side and folding her hands in her lap. “As you’re aware, Darren came to live with me after he was released from prison. His mum wasn’t the best, and his father left and never looked back when he was three. She never showed him the love or attention a child deserved, even a teenager who should be getting reprimanded for being in trouble. She didn’t care.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” I ask quietly.

  She gives me a sad smile, tilting her head to the side. “To show you what kind of person he was. His mum turned to drugs, and to feed her habit, she had him sell drugs for her dealer. I tried to intervene at that point, but he loved his mum. He just wanted her to change, to love him. One of her boyfriends got violent, and when his mum still didn’t leave him, Darren changed.

  “I visited him in prison, since his mum no longer cared. She had forgotten about him. It took him a long time to get through withdrawal, but once he did, that boy broke before my very eyes. He told me everything. He told me about loving your sister, but that she reminded him too much of his mum. He also loved his girlfriend more—at the time. He said she was a breath of fresh air, an escape from the reality of his life and what it had become. I got a phone call the same day, saying he’d tried to hang himself in his cell.”

  I gasp, feeling tears gather in my eyes. I didn’t know any of this. I didn’t even know about his mum, and thinking back, I can’t remember ever meeting her.

  “When he attacked you, he didn’t even realise what he was doing. It’s no excuse, and he took full responsibility, but he wanted an escape from the life he was leading. He watched his mum doing it his whole life and thought that was the answer,” she says, wiping away the tears falling down her cheeks.

  “You don’t need to do this,” I tell her, my chest tightening.

  “He would want me to. I need to,” she explains. “He never got over attacking you, even with the counselling the prison provided. He tried to write to you a few times, wanting you to know how deeply sorry he was. When he was given a release date, I provided everything, even a job for him to come out to. But you haunted him night and day. He would scream out your name at night,” she says, clutching her chest, her voice hitching.

  Banner sits down next to me, wrapping his arm around my chest. “I’m so sorry, Diana.”

  She looks up, surprise in her eyes. “Never be sorry, Emma. What he did was unforgivable, but it still didn’t mean he couldn’t make amends.”

  “I did forgive him. For everything,” I whisper.

  She starts shaking with sobs, taking a tissue out of her bag to blow her nose. I remain quiet, letting her have her moment.

  “You did?”

  I give her a soft smile. “I did. He saved my life, Diana. What he did was brave and courageous. He stood in front of a knife for me,” I choke out. “I thought you had come to blame me today, to tell me you hated me for being responsible for his death.”

  “Oh, you sweet girl. You aren’t responsible any more than I am. He would have wanted this. All he wanted was to make amends. I’m going to miss my nephew terribly. Underneath all that arrogance and bad boy persona, he was a good boy. He felt deeply—too deeply. And all he wanted in this world was for you to forgive him.”

  I lean against Banner, my heart hurting. “I’m sorry he died, and for your loss.”

  “Thank you, Emma. That’s means the world coming from you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “That’s all I wanted to say. I couldn’t move forward until I finished what he what he wanted to accomplish. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to me.”

  I stand when she does, stepping forward and pulling her in for a hug. “Thank you for coming. And I’m sorry again. So sorry,” I say into her shoulder.

  She hugs me tighter before pulling away, her watery smile making my chin wobble.

  “Live a happy life, Emma.”

  “You too,” I force through the lump in my throat.

  We walk her to the door, saying one last goodbye before quietly shutting it behind her.

  I turn to Banner once she’s left, not knowing what to say. “Didn’t expect that,” he whispers, pulling me closer, his hands on my hips.

  “Me neither,” I admit, tilting my neck up to see him.

  “You doing okay?”

  I shrug, not knowing how to feel. “I’m feeling a lot right now.”

  He runs his finger down my cheek, something he does often. “Emma, I love you.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “I love you too.”

  He smirks, shaking his head. He leans closer, his lips brushing mine, and I gasp. His thick, dark eyelashes brush across my cheeks. “Emma, you’re not hearing me. I’m in love with you.”

  “Has she gone?” Mark blurts out, stepping out of his room.

  Banner pulls away, glaring at Mark. “Can’t a guy kiss his fu
cking girl without being interrupted?”

  “Huh?” Mark mutters, looking to each of us for answers.

  “Fuck this,” Banner curses, before grabbing me.

  I don’t have time to prepare before his lips are on mine in a punishing kiss. He dips me a little, pressing me against him. I moan into his mouth, opening a little to give him access.

  I never thought it would feel this good.

  Another moan escapes me, and I clutch his T-shirt tighter in my fingers, needing to be closer.

  His tongue does another sweep, and I feel like I could pass out from the ecstasy.

  When he pulls away, his face still close, I’m breathing heavily, staring up at him with stars in my eyes.

  “Wow,” I breathe out.

  He grins, kissing me once more. “I love you, Emma. I’ve loved you for a long time. You just never noticed me with Lake around.”

  “Lake?” I ask, wondering what she has to do with this.

  “Emma, I’ve loved you since you were twelve years old and I saw you picking up litter in the park. You looked so beautiful, even covered in dirt and grime.”

  “Since I was twelve?” I ask, stunned. I remember that time in my life. I went through a faze where I made everyone on our street recycle, and I made my grandparents buy me a litter picker. I wanted to make a difference.

  He nods, rubbing his hands up my sides. “Yeah.”

  I soften further against him, feeling the love seep through my veins. “I love you too, Banner. I’ve not loved you as long, but I can tell you I love you just as much.”

  His expressions soften, his eyes shining back at me. “I didn’t have the courage to do this when you were twelve, and I don’t have a love note with tick yes or no boxes, but I have to ask. Will you, Emma Burton, be my girlfriend?”

  I laugh, nodding. He swings me around, his face lit up with happiness, before he drops me to my feet.

  His lips reach mine, kissing me deeply and thoroughly.

  This… this I could get used to.

  I could spend the rest of my life kissing him, loving him. And he doesn’t know it yet, but I plan to make him happy for the rest of his life.