Lowlife
Page 7
‘There is still the matter, however,’ Osiris points out, ‘of the stillborn Grace Lowry: who would be here now, in my domain, were it not for you, Seshat.’
Her spirit’s not here?
Then…when I entered her stilled body, I must have also rekindled her own spirit.
The real Grace is still here, alive within me, within us.
‘Then, great Osiris,’ I point out in return, ‘there was always some hope that she would survive.’
‘Very, very, little hope, Seshat, as you know,’ Osiris sighs wearily. ‘I do not trust that your heart is really so light on this matter as you suggest: if it were, why do you still withhold the djed of Ptah?’
Ptah’s staff of stability, balance – and so, ultimately, judgement.
I’d dropped it when I’d transformed into a leopard, when I’d been lassoed by the priests in the chariots.
The staff of judgement appears in my hand. As it appears there, the was, the staff of strength, vanishes from Osiris’s hand, appears instead in my other hand.
Strength of judgement is Justice.
Osiris nods, as if he has gracefully granted me this opportunity.
‘You know, Seshat, all we really want is for you to return to your celestial home; for everything to return to as it should be.’
‘But that would include Grace Lowry being stillborn; as if never having existed?’
‘I think that that is what fate had decreed for her, don’t you?’
‘And Dean? He would be alive once more?’
Osiris nods in agreement again.
‘He would not have been sent to ensure your return; and therefore you would not have had to kill him.’
I look Dean’s way.
‘I, Seshat, accept,’ I say. ‘Only – I also wish for Justice for Grace Lowry.’
*
Chapter 31
I reach through my flesh, my ribcage, clutch at my heart – at Grace’s heart – and pull it free.
I hold it out before me for judgement; for justice.
‘No!’
Dean knows what this means.
Grace’s heart will be weighed. If it is weighed down with bitterness over his betrayal, then she not only dies, but will also forever remain a lost soul.
It’s too late to protest.
The Scales of Justice have already appeared. Anubis is alongside, ready to weigh the heart, Thoth in readiness to record the result; and Ammut prepares to devour the heart when it fails the test.
‘Grace, please!’ Dean wails anxiously. ‘I was stupid, naive! I didn’t realise how wonderful you were when I–’
He’s suddenly struck dumb as Ma’at, the goddess of truth, wife of Thoth, appears.
Yet I can see the anguish in Dean’s frozen eyes; he means what he says.
He’d been set a task, one he’d been fulfilling to the letter.
How can you respond in any other way when it’s an order from the gods?
But then, somewhere along the way, he really had fallen in love with Grace.
Perhaps it wasn’t until now that he’d realised that.
Whenever it was, however, it was too late to back out of what he’d already set in motion.
Just as this admission of his, a declaration of love, is too late for Grace.
Her heart has already been separated.
The judgement will be made on how she felt before we knew the truth of Dean’s feelings.
*
Chapter 32
Ma’at takes the ostrich feather from her hair and carefully places it on one side of the scales.
Of course, it has little effect on the balance.
Anubis takes Grace’s heart from me, placing it on the other side of the scales.
Dean’s already wide eyes seem to widen all the more.
There are tears there too, I’m sure.
But then, unlike me, he wasn’t aware of the remarkable purity of Grace’s heart.
And now he is.
Her heart, free from bitterness, is as light as feather.
*
It’s almost dawn. The Tenth region of the Night, where Apep lurks once more, hoping to prevent the rising of the Sun.
Osiris will soon become Ra once more, and the Mesektet the Mandjet.
I have to work quickly if I want Grace to live the life I believe she deserves.
‘How can you say, great Osiris, that a girl with such a pure heart should never have existed?’
‘And yet it is your spirit, Seshat, keeping her alive when she should in fact be dead. If you return to us, as you have said you will, then…’
He didn’t need to explain the rest. Without my spirit reviving the stillborn Grace, she was destined to die.
‘And yet we know the young girl had a spark of spirit; I have felt it within me through my time as her.’
He waved a hand airily, as if wearily dismissing my point.
‘Not enough to have sustained her life…’
‘And yet in a moment, you will be fighting for your own rebirth – while denying this girl the life that she briefly enjoyed.’
‘A false, not a true life.’
‘And yet her heart – she has passed the test of Ma’at, of Two Truths.’
But Osiris is already beginning to change, his skin glowing with a sheen of gold, his hair now of lapis lazuli, as he prepares for the new dawn. Nefertem is beside him once more, holding the sacred lotus.
And so I take the risk; I follow my heart.
I invoke a spell from the Book of the Dead.
‘Rise like Nefertem from the blue water lily, to the nostrils of Ra, and come forth upon the horizon each day.’
*
Chapter 33
Why do I feel lost?
So confused by the things that happen around me?
Things I have no control over.
What have I done to deserve this?
Am I really so bad?
Maudling thoughts, that’s all they are.
Self pity.
Foolishness.
I splay out the cards before me.
Looking for answers I don’t even know the questions to.
The Wheel Of Fortune.
Moving towards my destiny?
Hah, that’s a good one!
What destiny?
I’d briefly thought of basing my cards on the Book of the Dead; the illustrations I’d seen pictures of that you find in the Temple of Serapis.
This would have been the Seven Hathors or, in other words, the Seven Fates.
Instead, I’d based them on the sculptures and designs found on medieval cathedrals. In this case, a wonderfully glowing rose window.
‘The tarot?’
It’s the new boy. The new boy everyone’s going crazy over.
The boy who really can’t have any interest in me.
‘Doesn’t that card,’ he continues brightly, perhaps even with real interest, ‘have something to do with cycles? With going back to face a situation?’
‘Only if it’s reversed,’ I say, pleased that he really seems to have some understanding of how the tarot works. ‘When you have a pessimistic view of life.’
‘And you?’ he says, grinning, his eyes sparkling with humour and kindness, like beautiful stars. ‘Is there, maybe, a part of you that’s cynical about life?’
I grin back.
‘At one time, maybe,’ I say with a chuckle, making room for him to sit down beside me. ‘But now, I think that would just be how a fool thinks; don’t you?’
End
If you enjoyed reading this book, you might also enjoy (or you may know someone else who might enjoy) these other books by Jon Jacks.
The Caught – The Rules – Chapter One – The Changes – Sleeping Ugly
The Barking Detective Agency – The Healing – The Lost Fairy Tale
A Horse for a Kingdom – Charity – The Most Beautiful Things (Now includes The Last Train)
The Dream Swallowers – Nyx; Granddaughter of the Night
– Jonah and the Alligator
Glastonbury Sirens – Dr Jekyll’s Maid – The 500-Year Circus – The Desire: Class of 666
P – The Endless Game – DoriaN A – Wyrd Girl – The Wicker Slippers
Heartache High (Vol I) – Heartache High: The Primer (Vol II) – Heartache High: The Wakening (Vol III)
Miss Terry Charm, Merry Kris Mouse & The Silver Egg – The Last Angel – Eve of the Serpent
Seecrets – The Cull – Dragonsapien – The Boy in White Linen – Porcelain Princess – Freaking Freak
Died Blondes – Queen of all the Knowing World – The Truth About Fairies
Coming Soon
Elm of False Dreams
God of the 4th Sun