Rush Revere and the First Patriots: Time-Travel Adventures With Exceptional Americans

by Rush Limbaugh

  “I say you are ultra-weird, but whatever floats your boat. I’ll be in your class but on my own terms. And don’t think for a second that you’ve fooled me. You may have stumped my father, but I know you’re up to something. I’ll find out what it is,” she said as firmly as ever.

  Populations in towns in the American colonies were growing extremely quickly, as in Lexington, seen here.

  “Well, great, that’s a start!” I said. I wanted to roll my eyes and tell her she was extremely irritating, but I knew that wouldn’t be the best approach. Patience, Revere, patience, I thought.

  After saying goodbye to the little darling, I walked down the hall and back toward the football field. That’s when I felt my phone buzz. It was a text from Tommy. It said, “So? R u coming back?”

  I texted, “Yes, teaching tomorrow!!!! Get ready to meet Ben Franklin!”

  Tommy texted, “No way! Sounds amazing! TTWL!”

  I texted, “TTWL? You mean, TTYL? Talk to you later?” thinking I was very hip.

  Tommy responded, “Nope, I mean TTWL. Time travel with Liberty!!!!!”

  I smiled. Yes, I thought. We would definitely need Liberty. It was time to pick him up from the livery. I had better go get him some apples, I thought. The best way to win Liberty over is always through his stomach.

  Chapter 2

  The sky darkened above Manchester Middle School as gusts of wind sent oak leaves cartwheeling over the grass. From inside the classroom I peered through the windows at thick, ominous clouds that seemed to be waiting for just the right moment to douse the school with buckets of water. The Honors History class was the last period of the day and I wondered if Liberty and I would have to travel home in a torrential downpour.

  Liberty watched the swirling clouds and said, “Those look like thunderstorm clouds—cumulonimbus to be exact!”

  “I’m impressed you know the meteorologist term for this kind of cloud,” I said.

  Liberty still watched the skies and replied, “After my incident with the lightning I make it a point to know as much as I can about the weather. In particular, how to avoid lightning strikes.”

  “Maybe it’s your electrifying personality that attracts the lightning,” I said, smiling.

  Liberty turned to me and said with a smirk, “Well, there’s not much I can do about that. Some of us are born with an extra dose of charm and charisma.”

  The school bell rang, which meant that the students would begin arriving in the next few minutes.

  “Do you think Elizabeth will return?” Liberty asked.

  “I think so. Something tells me she likes keeping me on my toes! She’s a handful that one,” I said as I double-checked the projector and made sure it was ready to transmit any video footage from my smartphone.

  “That’s a nice way of putting it. You do remember she tried to fire you as a substitute teacher by catching you with a horse in your classroom? A talking horse!” Liberty winked.

  “Yes, but I know the kind of game she’s playing,” I said. “Elizabeth considers this her school, her territory. My intent wasn’t to challenge her authority or remove her from power. Yet she feels threatened by my presence. I imagine it’s similar to how the Native Americans felt when the Pilgrims started arriving in the New World. William Bradford befriended the Indians and created peace. It worked for him so I’m going to try to do the same.”

  I could see that Liberty was thinking about what I had just said and then he replied, “I think some people don’t want peace. Instead, they want control. They want people to obey without question. They want to rule with an iron fist. You of all people know that history is full of leaders who were intolerant of others when they tried to stand up for freedom.”

  “Indeed,” I said. “But I consider myself a peacemaker. I’m going to reach out to Elizabeth with peace in mind. The kind of peace that can only come when people or, in this case, students are treated with respect and fairness.”

  “Well, good luck with that, Mr. Positive!” Liberty said with a grin.

  “Wait, that’s exactly what we should go over in today’s history lesson,” I beamed. “By the way, you better disappear for now. After class starts we’re going to meet outside for a little scavenger hunt.”

  “Ooooh, like hunting for Easter eggs?” Liberty said. “I love finding the plastic eggs filled with jelly beans. They are yummy-licious.”

  “Yes, just like that except we’re not hunting for chocolate or eggs. I hid some other cool things outside of the classroom earlier this morning. Kind of a show-and-tell game!” I said.

  “Alrighty, I’ll meet you outside. But I warn you, the first sound of thunder or the first sight of lightning and I’ll be inside faster than you can spell cumulonimbus.”

  “Spell it? I can’t even say it!” I said.

  “I can,” said Tommy, who was the first student to slip into the classroom. He continued, “Cumulonimbus, spelled c-u-m-u-l-o-n-i-m-b-u-s.”

  “Liberty,” I said, “quickly, dematerialize!”

  “Oh, that’s a good one! D-e-m-a-t- . . .”

  “No!” I interrupted, “this isn’t a spelling bee. You need to vanish, disappear, dematerialize now! Principal Sherman could come into the classroom at any second!”

  “Oh, got it, Captain! See you outside!” Liberty inhaled deeply and disappeared. As long as he held his breath he was invisible.

  Tommy laughed and said, “It’s hilarious that he calls you captain!”

  “Yeah, he thinks he’s quite amusing,” I said.

  Tommy walked over to his desk as I walked to the front of the class. Although I had only taught this Honors History class for two days a few weeks ago, I felt completely at home as if I had been there for years. Freedom walked in and went right to her desk at the back of the class. Just before the bell rang, Principal Sherman entered the room followed by a tall and thin African-American boy with a backpack over his shoulder.

  “Hey, Cam!” I heard Tommy say as he waved his hand and smiled.

  Cam gave Tommy a simple nod and grinned. They seemed to have that best-friend kind of connection where they know what the other is saying with one look. Cam wore a black button-down long sleeve shirt. He wore a dark leather wristband that almost blended in against his dark skin. He appeared at first glance to be a happy kid and he had this look in his eyes, like he knew more than he was telling.

  Principal Sherman spoke: “Allow me to make a quick introduction. This is Cameron. His family just moved here.”

  “My mom calls me Cameron, but I like to go by Cam,” he said.

  “I like to call students by their formal names,” said Principal Sherman. “Cameron, this is Mr. Revere. He’s teaching temporarily until Mrs. Borrington returns. Cameron tells me that history is one of his favorite subjects so I’m sure the two of you will get along splendidly. Now, if you’ll excuse me I must get back to my office for another appointment.” True to his word, the principal lumbered toward the door and exited.

  I noticed all eyes in the classroom were on Cam. I turned to him and said, “Welcome, Cam. Before you take your seat, perhaps you could tell us something about yourself.” He looked at me as if to say my clothing was a bit outdated. I noticed he paid particular attention to my boots. Ah, yes, my boots. Very comfortable, I must say.

  “Um, okay, sure,” Cam said, turning his attention toward the class. He had the kind of smile that felt contagious and lit up the entire room. “Like the principal said, my family just moved here from Colorado. I like to play sports, video games, and build forts with my new neighbor, Tommy.” He gave Tommy a nod. He clearly wasn’t shy!

  “Thank you, Cam,” I said. “Welcome to the class. Does anyone have any questions for Cam?”

  A girl with curly brown hair asked, “Do you play football for the Lions?”

  “No,” said Cam, “but I went to the game yesterday and saw Mr. Revere juke out our mascot!”

  The class applauded with whooping and hollering.

  I raised my hands to qui
et the class and said, “Thank you, but I was lucky. If there are no other questions then we’ll—”

  Suddenly, Tommy raised his hand as if reaching for the ceiling. He looked frantic like he had to go to the bathroom. I responded, “This looks urgent, Tommy. You have a question for Cam or are you going to tell us you have ants in your pants?”

  The class laughed and Tommy said, “Touché, Mr. Revere. Nice one. But I wondered if Cam was going to tell us about his fake eye?”

  “Tommy,” I chastened, “this is hardly the place. Cam, I apologize for—”

  “Oh, it’s okay,” said Cam. “It’s no big deal. I pop it out and show people all the time.”

  Cam brought his cupped hand up to his eye as he dropped his chin to his chest. He covered his right eye and gently squeezed his eye socket. When he pulled back his hand, his right eye was closed and sure enough, an eyeball sat in the palm of his hand. The only sound came from the wind outside as the students stared in silence.

  “Putting it back in is the hard part,” he said as he gathered the eyeball between his fingers. “Sometimes it gets slippery and . . . oops!” The eyeball slipped from his fingers and landed on the desk closest to him. As it bounced and rolled across the desktop, the girl sitting at the desk screamed like someone had just dropped a hundred snakes on her lap. In fact, the entire class sounded like they were screaming and gasping and grossing out as the eyeball rolled off the desk, bounced off the floor, and started rolling across the room as feet quickly jumped up and out of the way.

  That’s when I noticed Cam grinning and Tommy laughing hysterically. In fact, Cam had both eyes open with eyeballs in both sockets. I folded my arms and gave Tommy the look. However, it was difficult to keep a serious face. When Tommy saw me he quickly jumped out of his seat, ran toward the eyeball, and scooped it up. More gasps and more “ewwwwwws” as he casually put the eyeball in his pocket and returned to his seat.

  When the class finally calmed down, Cam said, “I’m sorry, Mr. Revere. Tommy said you liked practical jokes and promised me you’d be okay with it.”

  I couldn’t help but smile and said, “I think this deserves a round of applause.” I started to clap and the students joined me.

  “Bravo, Tommy and Cam, for a very convincing performance.”

  Tommy was still giggling, which made Cam start to laugh again. Then Cam said, “It’s a classic prank, the ol’ introduce the new guy with the fake eye.”

  Trying desperately not to laugh, Tommy said, “The look . . . on your faces . . . was priceless.”

  “You know what they say, Tommy. What goes around comes around,” I said.

  “Yeah, especially a rubber eyeball from the dollar store,” Tommy said as he covered his mouth and burst out laughing again.

  I’ll admit that the laughter and innocent prank put me in a good mood. “All right,” I said, still smiling. “Cam, why don’t you take that seat in the middle.” I pointed to Elizabeth’s empty desk. “We may need to shuffle the seating chart later but for now I think we’re good.”

  Cam walked over and settled into his new seat.

  “Today we’re going to go on a little history scavenger hunt,” I said. “I know that it’s a little windy outside but it hasn’t started raining yet so let’s quickly see if we can do this. Let’s all walk outside near the back of the school.”

  After a minute or two we were all outside. It was barely windy and I wondered if this was the calm before the storm.

  As I asked for everyone’s attention, I saw Liberty suddenly appear behind the students. I continued, “Of course, our class wouldn’t be the same without Liberty!” I reached out my hand in Liberty’s direction. The class turned around and immediately smothered Liberty with praise and affection. Dozens of hands petted his sides, nose, and mane as they commented how much they missed him. Liberty just stood there like he was taking a long, hot shower.

  “That’s Mr. Revere’s horse,” I heard Tommy tell Cam. “Sometimes Mr. Revere will sneak him into the classroom. It’s a secret so don’t tell anyone.”

  I looked up at the sky and said, “We probably don’t have much time. I’ve hidden six different objects around the schoolyard. Each has a bright yellow ribbon tied to it. I’ll give you five minutes to search for them and bring them back to me. Ready, set, go!”

  “I see one,” said a boy from somewhere in the back.

  Instantly, all twenty-five students took off running in different directions. The wind had picked up a little but nothing out of the ordinary. Within minutes the students returned.

  “Wonderful,” I said. “All of the objects have someone in common. Let’s see what you’ve found. Tommy, I believe you returned first. Show us what you have.”

  Tommy awkwardly stepped forward while wearing a pair of black swimming fins. He waddled like a large penguin.

  “Can you tell the class who invented flippers?” I asked.

  “Uhhhh, Aquaman?” he said.

  The class laughed.

  “Strike one,” I said.

  “Captain Nemo?” he tried again.

  More laughter.

  “Strike two,” I grinned.

  Tommy’s eyebrows went up and his eyes went wide as he said, “Ohhhhh, I remember now. It’s SpongeBob SquarePants!”

  Tommy high-fived several of the students near him, including Cam, as the rest of the class laughed.

  “You’re in fine form today, Tommy,” I said with a smile. “However, three strikes and you’re out. Who has the next object?”

  Freedom stepped forward as Tommy waddled back to the other students. She said, “I found this old book.” She held it up so the other students could see. She sounded a little confused and read the cover, “It says Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift.”

  “Thank you, Freedom,” I said. “The book you’re holding is a classic. The person who invented the flippers also loved to read and was very smart. Most assuredly, he read Gulliver’s Travels. In fact, when this book was first published in 1726 the person I’m thinking of was only twenty years old.”

  “Seventeen twenty-six? Whoa, that’s a long time ago!” one boy said.

  “So this mystery person was born in 1706?” said Tommy. “That’s like eighty-six years from the time the Mayflower arrived and the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock.”

  “Correct,” I said.

  Several students turned to Tommy and looked surprised by his quick calculation.

  “What?” Tommy asked innocently. “It was a lucky guess.”

  “What else did you find?” I asked.

  Cam stepped forward and said, “I found this newspaper. The crazy thing about it is that it’s the Pennsylvania Gazette, printed in 1732. How did you find a newspaper this old, Mr. Revere?”

  “Oh, I have a friend that has a way of getting old things,” I said, winking at Liberty. “The person I’m thinking of was also a printer. In fact, his newspaper, the Pennsylvania Gazette, was the most successful newspaper in the colonies. Does anyone want to guess the man I’m thinking of?”

  Nobody raised their hand.

  “Very well, there are three more items. Let’s see them all.”

  Three students came forward, with a piece of wood, a kite, and reading glasses. I briefly described each one. “I’m sure you’re wondering what a piece of wood has to do with the history mystery man. Well, in 1742 this man invented a new kind of stove. It was a metal-lined fireplace that stood in the middle of a room. It provided more heat and less smoke than an open fireplace and used less wood. This stove was made from cast iron and would radiate heat from the middle of the room in all directions. This stove was a very popular way to warm your home if you lived in colonial America. In fact, it’s still used today.”

  “What about these crazy-lookin’ glasses?” asked a boy who was wearing them and trying to see through the upper and lower lenses.

  “Those reading glasses are called bifocals. The man I’m thinking of created them in 1784. The upper half of the glass lens was for dist
ance and the lower half of the lens was for reading.”

  “My grandma has a pair of those,” said Tommy.

  “Yeah, right,” said Cam, sarcastically. “You know you have a pair, don’t lie.”

  Cam and Tommy joked around as they playfully slugged each other in the arms.

  I continued, “Yes, they’re still popular even today,” I said.

  “Did this guy also invent the kite?” asked a girl who held up the red and white diamond-shaped kite with a long blue tail.

  “No,” I said. “But this person in history used the kite to experiment with electricity. That’s a pretty big clue of who I’m thinking of.”

  “Benjamin Franklin!” said Tommy.

  “Bingo!” I said.

  “Isn’t his face on the one-dollar bill?” asked a redheaded girl.

  “Actually, he’s on the one-hundred-dollar bill,” I corrected.

  Benjamin Franklin

  “Did you hide one of those somewhere in the schoolyard, too?” asked Tommy.

  “I’m a teacher, not a banker,” I said with a laugh. “But Tommy is right about Benjamin Franklin. He is the mystery man of history that invented the swimming fins, owned a printing press, and created the Franklin stove. He loved reading so much he established a library. And in 1753 his experiments with electricity enabled him to create a device that could protect homes and buildings from the destructive force of lightning bolts.”

  “The lightning rod!” shouted Liberty.

  He’d been so quiet, I’d almost forgotten that Liberty was with us.

  “A very useful device,” Liberty explained. “A lightning rod is an iron rod attached to the top of a house or building and connected to a wire that is attached to another rod that’s in the ground. Since lightning is typically attracted to the highest point of a building, the electric charge from a lightning bolt will strike the rod and the charge is conducted harmlessly into the ground. I remember now that our large barn back home had one at either end of the roof.”