That's a Relief (Promises, Promises Book 3)

by Victoria Klahr

  ***

  The funeral home parking lot is filled with muddied pick-up trucks. I see Seth’s among them, and my stomach flips. On the way over, Dad told me more details about what happened. How Gayle was barely holding it together. How he hadn’t heard from Seth since George passed.

  If Dad wasn’t busy with me, he could have been more helpful to Gayle in this time. I’ve been wallowing in a pit of self-hatred and depression while Seth and Gayle were struggling through the death of someone they loved very much.

  Nerves attack my stomach, and I suddenly wish I had taken another dose of my anxiety medicine before I came. No. I need to feel this. I need to, because Seth is feeling too much right now. He’ll need someone to take on some of his burden, and it has to be me.

  We walk into the room at a slow pace, since it still hurts to move too much. I lose my breath when I see him at the front of the room, the look on his face fierce and hard as he fakes a smile to a middle-aged man in cowboy boots. The world falls away and my only focus is on him. On getting to him.

  I don’t realize I’ve pulled away from Dad and started my slow walk to the front. A large picture of George, Gayle, and Seth is displayed next to a chocolate-brown coffin. The reality that Seth’s dad is gone hits me as I get closer. I just hugged him a few days ago. He saw right through me, and never doubted that he loved his grandbaby. Now both are taken from this world.

  Seth’s eyes lock on mine, and instead of the relief I hope to find, I see anger and a hardness that he’s never directed at me before. This is so much worse than I thought. The tick in his jaw is the only outwardly indication that he doesn’t want to see me. To everyone else in the room, he looks sad. To me, he looks pissed.

  Gayle gets to me first. Her arms wrap around me, squeezing tight, and she sobs in my ear. “I’m so glad you’re here, Josie.” I flinch, taking shallow breaths while she holds me.

  “I’m so sorry, Gayle,” I say tightly. A tear slips out through the pain.

  “Mom, I need to talk to Josie.” Gayle pulls back, wiping her eyes, and nods. Seth averts his gaze when I send him an appreciative look. “Are you going to be okay by yourself?”

  She nods again, accepting his kiss on her cheek before turning to the next person who wants to offer their condolences. Seth wipes his hands on his dress slacks and nods his head in the direction of the door. He leads us through the hallway and into an empty room.

  “What are you doing here, Josie?” Seth asks, his voice gruff. I’m not sure what exactly I expected, certainly not a love fest at his dad’s funeral, but definitely not this.

  “I didn’t know about George. I just found out a little bit ago. I was just released from the hospital today. I needed to come. To see you, and make sure you’re okay.” I reach for his arm but he pulls away. A sharp pain slices my throat.

  “You shouldn’t have come.” He turns from me and runs his hand through his hair.

  “Seth,” I plead, throat closing and eyes stinging. “Please don’t push me away right now. I—”

  “Stop right there, Jos.” Hurt and anger cloud his eyes. “You don’t get to come here and lecture me on pushing you away.” He swallows and pinches the skin at his wrist. Something I’ve only seen him do when depression is tugging at him.

  I snatch his hand in mine and bring his wrist to my mouth, closing my eyes as I savor his skin and smell. Holy heck have I missed him. “Your dad died, Seth. Please—”

  “You don’t think I know that?” he snapped, pulling his arm from my grasp. “My dad is dead. Fucking gone, and I wasn’t there for him! I haven’t been there for him for the past few months. Since I wasted my time with you!”

  I can’t catch a good breath and have to sit down from the force of his words. Thousands of knives stab my chest.

  “Okay,” I say quietly. I don’t know what else to do-- what I can say to get my Seth back. “I get that you can’t forgive me for what happened. But please let me be here for you. The way you were there for me after Daddy died.”

  “Forgive you?” His low voice travels across the room, eyes finally on me. “You haven’t even apologized.”

  “You haven’t come to see me since I was stabbed, Seth. When could I have apologized?”

  He starts pacing the room. Back and forth, his hands shake and he mumbles to himself. This has been too much on him. He’s lost too much in such a short time; he can’t handle it.

  “I have to burry my dad today,” he says eventually.

  “I know, Sethy.” I get up to go to him but he puts his hand up to stop me.

  “Jos, I have to bury my dad today, and I don’t want you here. I don’t want to look at you or see you ever again.” He looks up into my eyes as I pull in a sharp breath. I take a step away and shake my head. “You gave me back your engagement ring knowing full-well that I would not fight for you again. I’m done with you. I can’t look at you without seeing so much fucking pain. You need to leave. Get better. Move on. Just do it without me.”

  No words come out, though I try many times to say something. Anything.

  “Seth,” I say on a cry. He doesn’t look at me, only paying attention to his hands that he keeps wiping against his clothes. “I’m here for you no matter what. I know it’s hard right now, but I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

  “I. Don’t. Want. You!” He stands up and pushes toward me. “You left me! We are not friends anymore. We’re nothing. You think I can forget that you chose another man over me? That I’d forget everything you’ve put me through for the past two weeks?”

  “Just let me explain, Seth!”

  “I don’t want to hear it!” he roars, getting in my face, breathing hard. “You have hurt me more in this lifetime than any person should have to experience,” he says quietly. “I never want to feel that way again. I don’t want your lies and explanations. I especially don’t want your love. I never want that again.”

  I cover my mouth trying to suppress my cry. Razor blades cut into my chest and I can’t breathe. I stand still, eyes closed, and try to remember why I fought to stay alive.

  I hear his voice through my growing cloud of pain. “You need to go, Josie. I’m glad you’re doing better now, but please go. I can’t. It’s too soon for me.”

  I nod through my tears and look at him one last time. He looks so lost. So alone. And so fucking sad. I want to hug him and take back everything I did to make him feel this way, but he’s right. I’ve done enough to him. He holds the door open for me to walk through.

  The pain medicine has worn off, and I find it harder to stay upright, so I take my time getting into the hallway. I trail my fingers across his hand as I leave the room. “I’ll love you forever, Seth,” I whisper, leaving him to face his father’s funeral alone.

  It doesn’t feel right—leaving him behind. Once I’m outside and taking quick sips of fresh air, I force myself to be strong. I’ve done it before. I’ve gotten through losing him before. I’ve been through so much in my short life, and yet, I am still standing. Still breathing. Still able to live.

  How many times has he had to save me since we were kids? After Michael raped me, he not only saved my life, he saved my sanity by visiting and calling every single day. He pushed through in a time I refused to talk to anyone, because he loved me. It was as simple as that.

  Last year, when I felt so dirty and unworthy of his love and affection, he proved to me that I am worth it. Worth him. That’s a gift I should never take for granted.

  And I won’t. He’s saved me too much.

  I walk back inside the funeral home, my head held high.

  Now it’s time for me to help him. This time I refuse to let him go. I refuse to sit back and let him suffer without someone to help pick him back up. Because he is worth so much more than that.

  I catch his glacial glare and try to tell him in a look that I won’t give up on him.

  He has fought for me for too long.

  This time, I fight for him.

  Chapter 35

 
Seth

  You’re a murderer.

  She can do so much better than you.

  In fact, hasn’t she already chosen someone better? Someone who makes way more money than you? Who built her dream house for her?

  No, Seth, come on.

  You really think there’s a possibility she didn’t jump right back into bed with him after she saw that?

  Don’t kid yourself, boy. You’re nothing at the end of the day.

  Nothing.

  Chapter 36

  Josie

  One month later

  “So what brought you guys together in the past?” Brooke asks from the nursery closet.

  I flop onto my back on the daybed and heave out a long sigh. “I don’t know.” I flip through my memories and try to find that bond Seth and I had that always brought us together. “Sex?”

  Brooke mumbles something too softly for me to hear and walks out, leans against the closet door, and tilts her head at me.

  “What?” I ask, defensively. “It has. I mean, we didn’t even have a first kiss without it leading to sex. That’s always been our go-to. We’re good at it. And really good at it together.”

  “Yeah, the whole world knows how much y’all like it.” She flops down next to me on the bed. “Okay. So it’s been a month since—”

  “Since I lost the baby. You can say it, Brooke. I’m getting better.”

  She’s not wrong to be hesitant. After what happened a couple weeks ago … Well, let’s just say I don’t blame her for not totally trusting me.

  But I am getting better. Finally. Seth asked for time away from me and I gave it to him, but at the price of my life. Between my dad, Brody, and Brooke helping me, I have taken the last couple weeks to heal my body as well as my mind.

  I got through the pain and the bleeding and the heartache without him there. I slept through the nightmares without him there. I hit rock bottom without him there.

  Even though I missed him more than I have ever missed anyone in my life, I knew I was doing the right thing for him. Because, in order to fight for the love of my life, I have to be strong.

  A look of sympathy crosses Brooke’s face, a mix of apprehension and fear in her eyes. “Right. So anyway, is that something you even feel ready for?”

  “With him? Yeah, definitely.” I turn to face her. “He’s not telling me to leave when he sees me anymore. I feel like it could be a good time to try talking to him again.”

  In fact, I had an epiphany at my last therapy appointment.

  Plain and simple, I freaking miss Seth. I want him back. If he’s content to drown himself in the blackness I know is growing inside him, then I need to be there to help him through it. I know what it feels like to let the darkness take control. I can’t sit back and let that fester inside of him, too.

  “Okay, so you what? Dress up in some sexy lingerie and wait until he gets home and pounce on him?”

  I purse my lips and hum. “It’s always worked on him before. And it’s been a really long time, so I feel like he wouldn’t want to pass it up.”

  “Josie …” Brooke starts, her eyebrows pinched. “You know he loved you for so much more than a good lay. He had plenty of girls for that before you.”

  I sit up and look across the room. “But the emotional connection we get when we do have sex is so intense, Brooke. I feel like it’s a sure-fire way to remind him what we’re like together.” I shrug. “It worked when he fucked me against the tree at that bar.”

  “Well then, go ‘head, girl. Get your sex on.” She gets out of bed and claps her hands together. “Let’s go get you sexed up. I’ll get Alex ready for a trip to the mall.”

  I run after her retreating form, laughing. “Brooke, I’m not shopping for lingerie with my godson. That’s so weird.”

  Brooke fluffs her hair and shrugs. “I guess I can ask Breanna to watch him. Or …” She gives me the side eye. “Well, Seth has been staying here a lot anyway, so if he’s around I’ll ask him.” She walks away, pulling out her phone, like my heart isn’t trying to jump out of my chest.

  “Hey, wait, he’s been staying here?” On the few occasions I’ve seen Seth since his dad’s funeral, he ignored me and any questions I tried to ask. I assumed he had been staying at the house until now.

  Brooke stops and leans against the banister overlooking her living room. “Yeah. I swear this house is a goddamn magnet for the men you fuck up.” Her laughter dies when she looks over and sees my glare. Sighing and rolling her eyes, she says, “He stays here or at his mom’s house. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been back to the house, either.”

  My mind reels, and I take a deep calming breath. “Okay. That really sucks.” I wonder if he doesn’t want to go because of the memories of what happened there or because he doesn’t want to be surrounded by memories of me. “So, get Brandon and him here to watch Alec. Has he been staying in the spare room or the garage?”

  I follow Brooke into her room, where she unabashedly takes off her shirt and tosses it in the hamper. “Garage.” She pulls on a low-cut hot-pink shirt and looks conflicted. “He stayed in the spare bedroom the first night, but he scared the shit out of Breanna when he started hollerin’ in his sleep, so he’s been in the garage since.” She types out a message on her cell while I process what she just said. “She’s a frightened one, that girl,” she mumbles.

  “B, he was screaming in his sleep? He had a nightmare?”

  She looks up, perfectly-lined eyebrows dipping. She waves her phone flippantly. “Yeah. Breanna got scared and woke up Brandon and me to check on him. Brandon said it wasn’t a big deal.” She bites her glossy lip and looks at me. “Jos, he’s been drinking a lot. I mean, I know we all can put some drinks back, but I’ve never seen him like this. Anyway, it’s probably got a lot to do with that.”

  I’ve never seen Seth have a bad dream. Of course, I’ve always been the one waking up screaming, so I could have missed it. My heart breaks for him—for the fact that he’s going through this alone, when I should be there for him.

  I swallow back the pain, and look away so Brooke doesn’t see the tears flooding my eyes.

  I will do anything to get him back. Anything.

  “Don’t worry, Josie. He’ll come around.”

  I nod even though I’m suddenly not sure if this is the best way to get Seth back in my life. But I’ll try anything, so I shake off the trepidation and go out with Brooke.

  ***

  I check out my reflection in the long mirror hanging in the spare bedroom. Gone is the innocent, flirty look I usually go for, and in its place is someone edgy and seductive.

  Brooke and I spent a solid hour trying to find an outfit that would drive Seth crazy and still made me feel comfortable. The scar on my stomach is hidden behind a black leather corset that is tied so tightly that I magically look like I have ample breasts. A black garter belt with a cute ruffle stretches against both my thighs, hooking to stream lined stockings and a barely-there thong.

  “You look so hot. I’ll have sex with you if he doesn’t,” Brooke had said encouragingly after helping me with my hair.

  I pointed at her and arched my brow. “Don’t you dare mention that to Brandon. He still asks if I’ll let you make out with me again so he and Seth can watch.”

  She smirked. “Good times. I miss college.”

  Without her in here, my confidence plummets. What if he rejects me? What if he slams the door on my face? What if he takes off the corset and is repulsed by my scar—repulsed at the reminder of everything we’ve lost?

  I bounce on my toes, trying to shake out the fear. I am strong. I am beautiful. More than anything, Seth is worth any discomfort I may feel.

  I take a deep breath and down the shot of whiskey Brooke so thoughtfully left on the dresser. Slipping on my short black robe, I leave the room and walk quietly to the other side of the house. Brooke promised to keep Brandon busy, and said Breanna is staying at Blake’s house tonight, so there’s no risk of embarrassment if things go terribly
wrong.

  In front of the door leading to the apartment above the garage, I pause to take another deep breath. And then another. Untying the robe, I let it slip down my shoulders. Finally, I lift my arm to knock, the deep breaths leaving me as soon as Seth opens the door, seafoam eyes red and tired.

  It’s the first time I’ve gotten to really look at him since his dad’s funeral. His sandy-blonde hair is wild as if he can’t keep his fingers from running through it. He wears his signature dark-blue jeans, tight and hugging his muscular legs, but no shirt, so all his art is a feast for my eyes.

  I want to admire him—the god-like body that I’ve been lucky enough to taste—but I can’t. His eyes are too haunted. I’ve always known Seth had it in him, this depression teetering on the edge of his otherwise carefree demeanor, but I’ve never seen it so strong before. So consuming.

  At first he looks surprised and if the twitch of his lips is any indication, happy to open his door to find me. But then he trails his eyes down my body and his eyes darken. He licks his lips while I shift under his scrutinizing gaze. My body heats.

  “Hey,” I say finally, voice slightly hoarse. His eyes finally leave my thighs and he looks back at me. Not a trace of the adoration I’m used to lives in his eyes.

  He leans against the doorframe and smirks, eyes resting on my cleavage. “You lookin’ to get fucked, pretty girl?”

  I gulp and gasp way too loud, suddenly unsteady on my feet. I begin to pull the robe closed, feeling way too exposed and juvenile. What was I thinking? Seth is way out of my league when it comes to seduction.

  I focus on his bare, hard chest, even when he reaches out to trap my hands from pulling my robe together completely. “Don’t get shy now. You wanted my attention, so you’ve got it.”

  “I miss you,” I say softly, closing my eyes as I absorb the warmth of his hand on mine. My mouth parts and my breathing is uneven when his fingers graze the skin of my arm. Abruptly, I’m being pulled, and I hear the door slam as I’m pushed against a wall.