Until There Was You (Coming Home, #2)

by Jessica Scott

  She flicked open the buttons of his pants, freeing his erection. When she traced her thumb over its head, she felt him stiffen and swell beneath her touch.

  Claire pushed to her knees and spanned the tiny space between them. A thrill of power shot through her when his gaze swept over her body, his jaw pulsing as he looked at her. She slid her palms up over the rough fabric of his uniform, then gripped the edge of his T-shirt as she continued her explorations.

  She dragged the T-shirt off and kissed him. Her fingers traced the lines on his chest, sliding around his back to dig into the solid muscles clenching beneath her touch. The ragged scar on his deltoid was smooth and soft beneath her fingers, his muscles satin on steel. She wrapped her thighs around his waist and urged him onto his back.

  “This is a much better position,” he said against her lips as he cupped her breasts, teasing her nipples until they stiffened.

  She shivered beneath his touch, closing her eyes and arching into his palms. He moved suddenly and stood, lifting her easily. She lowered her legs but he urged her to wrap them back around his hips. She was distracted enough by the pleasure of her heat rubbing against his erection that when he suddenly released her, she actually tumbled onto the bed without catching herself. “That was not cool.”

  While she pulled off her pants and shoes, he stripped off the rest of his clothing, then knelt at the edge of the bed near her feet. He captured one of them, gently massaging the sole of her foot with his thumb.

  “I’m really not interested in what you think of my feet,” she said, trying to tug her foot free.

  He held her foot firmly, tracing his fingers up her calf, rubbing her skin in soft, easy circles. He followed his thumb with his tongue, leaving a trail of moist, warm heat on her skin. She trembled as he slipped farther up her body, a slight smile teasing her lips.

  “What?” he asked.

  She opened her eyes to see him looking up at her from the apex of her thighs.

  “I’m glad I shaved my legs today.”

  “Hmm.” He kissed her inner thigh, then bit down gently at the seam where cotton met flesh. “Shave anything else?”

  She swallowed and shifted, relaxing her thighs a little more. “Only one way for you to find out.”

  * * *

  Claire’s body was tense as a det cord beneath his touch. She was beauty and sensual energy bound together in one woman who could send him into the darkest rage or draw him into the fiercest passion.

  Her thighs clenched against his forearms but he kept stroking that impossibly soft skin between the edge of her thigh and her intimate heat. He’d dreamed of her like this.

  He barely restrained the urge to tear her panties off, instead dragging them slowly down her thighs. “Oh my God.”

  His mouth went dry. She was completely bare except for the tiniest stripe of the deepest copper red at the very center of her.

  He looked up at her. She smiled sheepishly. “Surprise,” she said weakly.

  “Oh, you’ve got to explain this,” he said when he could speak. He nuzzled the soft skin of her inner thigh, kissing her gently, then blowing on the moist skin. “Later.”

  And when he tasted her, long and slow and smooth, Claire’s entire body tightened. He stroked her with his tongue, teasing her until her body was tight beneath him.

  Her orgasm was beautiful against his lips. She trembled beneath his mouth, her cries pure balm to his ragged soul. He didn’t stop stroking her until she was tight and tense once more.

  Only then did he crawl up her body, teasing her with his thumb. He was darkly aroused by the sight of his dog tags resting between her breasts.

  She tried to turn like she always did. He gripped her hands, threading his fingers through hers and dragging her arms over her head. “Don’t.” He brushed his lips against her cheek. “Trust me, Claire?”

  She turned her face away from his, closing her eyes. He released one hand to cradle her cheek in his palm. Please don’t turn away. But he didn’t say the words. Reality had crawled into bed with them and Evan wanted to kick the bastard out into the cold.

  He kissed her sweetly, coaxing. Soothing. Doing everything in his power to relax her, to keep her from turning away and shutting him out. “Claire.”

  He whispered her name, his lips near her ear. “Look at me.”

  She didn’t open her eyes.

  “Claire. Please look at me.” His words were ragged, his voice shredded, his control shattered.

  Finally. Finally she met his gaze. Iridescent shards of emotion glinted back at him. Releasing her hands, he cradled her face in both palms. Her fingers clenched his as her thighs wrapped around his hips and urged him home.

  “I love you,” he whispered, holding her gaze as he pushed deep inside her.

  She tried to turn her face away. Closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to meet his gaze. He gently urged her chin back.

  He slid fully inside her again, a slow, deliberate stroke. “I love you.”

  She gasped quietly as he sank fully inside her and she closed her eyes, arching and opening for him.

  * * *

  His breath was hot on her ear, his words a whisper against her skin. Everything rioted inside her, violent fear mixed with insecurity. This wasn’t supposed to have happened. She wasn’t supposed to care about this man. Not like this. She was a good friend. A good soldier. A terrible lover.

  “Look at me,” he whispered again, not moving inside her, denying her the release she needed.

  She rolled her hips, digging her fingers into his skin and urging him to move. He refused and she opened her eyes, looking into the depths of Evan’s own dark need. Her breath caught in her throat, desire welling up from deep, deep within her.

  She met his gaze and he moved inside her, bringing her pleasure toward an intense, unreached peak.

  “I love you,” he murmured against her mouth and she captured his words inside her.

  “Evan—” Her breath caught as he gripped both her hands in his so he could cradle her cheek with his other hand.

  He kissed her then, as he drove them both closer to the edge of no turning back. The abyss spiraled wide and inviting, urging her to take the leap, to embrace everything he offered.

  She shattered, her name on his lips the last thing she heard as she tumbled into the chaos.

  Chapter Twenty

  “I have to see Colonel Richter when we get back.”

  Claire was nestled against him, his chest strong and hard against her back. His dog tags were warm beads of metal against her spine. Every inch of her body was surrounded by him and one arm had snaked around her waist to hold her hand.

  He nuzzled her neck, placing a soft kiss over one of her scars. “You don’t have to say anything. Invoke your Article 31 right to remain silent.”

  She sighed deeply and closed her eyes, letting the weight of his words surround her. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?” His words were rough against her neck.

  She said nothing for a long time, searching for the right words to give voice to the chaos rumbling inside of her. It was time to let go of all of it. The fear of keeping the secret of Iaconelli’s drinking from everyone. Her constant conflict between loyalty and duty.

  None of it was worth the price she’d paid.

  It was time to face reality. Life wasn’t fair. She rolled over to face him, the quiet rustle of sheets the only sound besides their breathing. He sighed and pulled her to him, twining his legs with hers and wrapping his arms around her. She rested her cheek against his shoulder and stroked the soft hair on his chest.

  “My career is over, Evan.” Her voice broke but she continued. “You were right. Cutting corners is the wrong way to go. Good people got hurt along the way. People I care about,” she whispered. “I never wanted Engle to get hurt, either. Turns out, she’s not as bad as I thought she was.”

  His arms tightened around her and he kissed her forehead. She pressed her lips against his heart. “I want this over. I want Rez
a in rehab and I need to go to sleep knowing that you’re out there in the world, protecting us.”

  Evan said nothing as he pulled her more tightly against him. He was no longer relaxed—his body had gone tense and stiff. His thumb idly stroked the scars on her shoulder and Claire wished he’d say something.

  Anything at all to ease the fierce awkwardness between them. But when he spoke, he shattered any illusions that she’d been fooling anyone but herself.

  * * *

  “How far were you willing to let this go, Claire?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He rolled her until she was flat on her back, her thighs spread out on either side of his hips. His body was hard and rough against hers. Her panic flared but the anger in his eyes was not, for once, directed at her.

  “You had no idea what Reza was doing with Engle.” His words were harsh with the brutal truth. “You’re lying. You’re lying to Danvers and you’re lying to me. Why?”

  She stilled, her words a crushed whisper. “Get off me.”

  He let her go. But he followed her out of the bed they’d shared, refusing to back down. She pulled on a T-shirt, searching for sweat pants, needing something, anything, as a shield between them.

  “Why are you willing to throw away your career for a worn-down soldier who’s going to drink himself into an early grave?”

  His words were a slap, harsh and brutal. He stepped in front of her, his hands gentle on her shoulders. “Reza is not your father, Claire. And he needs to want to be saved,” he whispered.

  Claire bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood. Anything to keep it from trembling. “That’s really rich coming from you. How many years has it been since you called home? I would give anything to have my father back. And you’re wasting all these years because you think your parents blame you for your sister’s death.”

  “That’s not fair. They do blame me.”

  She shook her head. “It’s been almost two decades. Long enough for them to remember they still have a son.” Her voice broke. “A son they should be damn proud of.” She tried to pull away from his touch but he just tightened his grip. “I’m not doing this for Reza. I’m doing this for the kids he’s saved. For the soldiers he’ll still lead through combat. I’m just a renegade officer who can’t follow orders. Reza’s a warrior. A real-deal warrior. He needs to be in this fight.” She shook her head, unwilling to admit that she was doing this for him, too. “I want to be a good soldier, but all I ever do is break the rules.”

  The tears that threatened to spill finally overflowed, soaking her cheeks. She swiped at them with the back of one hand. “I’ll take the fall for this because everyone expects it to be me who screwed it up anyway. Reza goes to rehab and stays in the fight.”

  “And you lose the thing that’s defined you for your entire adult life,” Evan whispered.

  “It’s worth it. If one life is saved because you or Reza is in the fight then it’s worth it.” She turned away before he could see the truth of her words in her eyes.

  He stopped, his pants halfway up his thighs. “This isn’t about me, Claire. And it isn’t about Reza.” Hitching his pants over his hips, he crossed the space between them, kissing her fiercely until she leaned back against the table to stay upright. “This is about you trying to prove your worth.”

  She shook her head, but he pressed his thumb against her lips. “I know what you’re doing,” he whispered harshly. “And I’m not going to let you.”

  And then he was gone.

  * * *

  Early the next morning, Claire knocked on Reza’s hospital door, hoping she didn’t look as bad as she felt. She’d slept fitfully the night after her fight with Evan and this morning, he wasn’t answering his door. Which was just as well. She didn’t know how to handle the legion of dark emotions Evan dredged up.

  He’d said he’d loved her right before he’d walked out on her. Even the memory of those whispered words was enough to send a shiver tracing across her skin.

  Reza had been furious the last time she’d seen him, but she couldn’t leave Colorado without seeing him again. She didn’t know what to expect as she walked into the hospital room and she hesitated at the corner, afraid to take that last step closer. Reza sat in the hospital bed, watching TV. He started to offer a weak smile but it immediately turned into a frown. “Who kicked your puppy?”

  Claire smiled as relief crawled over her skin. Just like that, they were back to normal. Something unlocked inside her, sliding back into place. “No one important,” she lied. “You look terrible. That black eye should be good with the ladies.”

  Reza cleared his throat roughly and Claire laughed. “You already found someone here, didn’t you?”

  “None of your business,” he said roughly. “Are you okay?”

  She shrugged and looked down at her feet. “Everything about this sucks.”

  “Tell me about it.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “Claire.” She breathed deeply before she met his gaze. “I wasn’t drunk.”

  She swallowed. “But you’d been drinking.”

  This time, it was Reza who looked away, flipping the remote control over and over in one hand.

  “It’s probably better if you don’t answer that,” she said softly. “Ah hell, Reza.” Her voice broke and she swiped angrily at her cheeks. “When are you going to stop?”

  Silence stretched between them, awkward and full of pain-filled regrets. The only sound was the steady beep from the heart monitor and Claire’s quiet sniffs as she tried to rein in her emotions.

  “So are you finally going to admit to what’s been happening with you and Evan?” he said quietly. She looked up at him, waiting to see the accusation, the blame. He shook his head with a slow smile. “You’re so obvious.”

  Claire sighed and looked around the room, avoiding his gaze. If it were anyone else asking, she’d tell him to pound sand. But this was Reza, which made the conversation all the more difficult. “We slept together a few times. No big deal.”

  “Bullshit. That’s a very big deal in the world according to Claire.”

  Claire shifted, not liking the third degree, even if it was from Reza. “No, it’s not.” But even she didn’t sound convinced.

  Evan’s whispered words in the dark of her suite pressed in on her, squeezing her chest. She didn’t want to care about someone so much it hurt. She’d done that before and it had always turned out badly for her. It was hard enough losing friends in combat. Her throat tightened at the thought of standing in Evan’s memorial ceremony and she blinked suddenly.

  “You’re an ass, you know that, right?” Reza said, tossing the remote with a rough exhale.

  Claire smiled, jolted out of her melancholy. “Of course you mean that in the most loving way, right?”

  “No. I mean it just how it sounds.” Reza glanced at the now black TV, then back at her, his expression hard and serious. “I’ve known you for years and you’re a great friend. You’ve never let anyone get close to you. Why are you so scared of a relationship?”

  “I’m not hiding some deep psychic harm from my dad, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Holy crap, Reza, I don’t really need this right now.” She turned to go but his words dove in front of her, stopping her retreat.

  “I’m not actually finished.”

  Claire narrowed her eyes and turned back, braced for Reza’s onslaught. Instead, he patted the bed. She looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. “I’m not one of your groupies.”

  “Shut up and come sit down,” he snapped. “Pretend I’m your grandfather and you’re going to read to me or something.”

  She released a laugh, then approached the bed, leaning against it near his hip. She was shocked when he grabbed her hand and tugged her down until she couldn’t escape. His hand was big and warm on her wrist but she felt nothing. Nothing like when it was Evan holding her.

  “You can’t keep pushing away everyone who cares
about you, Claire. You don’t even have a dog or a cat.” His voice softened. “I get it. Your dad didn’t take care of you the way he should have. People you trusted let you down. But that’s not an excuse. You can’t avoid caring for people because you think they’re going to die or let you down or run off on you.”

  “Thanks for the pep talk. It really helps.” She tried to stand but his grip was like iron. She looked at her longtime friend, noticing for the first time the lines that were etched into his smooth, dark skin. He’d done a good job of hiding the wear and tear of the war but at that moment, she saw all of it. All the strain, all the fatigue he’d tried to smother with drinking and good times.

  She stopped pulling away and sat. “You scared the shit out of me last night,” she whispered.

  She clenched her fingers into a fist beneath his hand. He squeezed gently.

  “Look at me, Claire.” She met his gaze. “I won’t make you worry about me like that again. But you’ve got to promise me something.”

  “I’m not going to give up the army, get married and live happily ever after.” Although, if her conversation with Colonel Richter went like she expected, she’d be doing the giving-up-the-army part a hell of a lot sooner than she’d ever planned.

  His lopsided grin was pure Reza despite the fat lip. “Look, I’ve known you a hell of a lot longer than I’ve known Loehr. But if he’s willing to put up with your bullshit and still wants to be with you, then that’s a hell of a lot of points in his favor.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “You’re a hard woman to care about, Claire.” He loosened his grip on her wrist. “If I go to rehab, you have to promise me you’ll give things a shot with Evan. You deserve someone to make you happy.”

  “That’s a shitty bargain,” she grumbled.

  “Take it or I head to the bar after I get out of the hospital and get hammered.”

  “No, your happy ass is going to rehab if I have to fly back up here, handcuff you and drag you there in a police car.”

  He laughed out loud and released her hand, rubbing his jaw. “Yeah, well, I had to try.”