by Stella
“Have you been with other women?”
“Lots of them.” Pain darkened her eyes, but then I added, “Just not since you got pregnant.”
“You mean since you found out?”
“No.” I watched the crystal blue brighten like a summer sky. “I haven’t been with anyone other than you since the night we made this…” I traced my fingertip up her thigh until I reached her stomach, where I held her belly and slid my thumb back and forth to leave no question in her mind what I referred to. “Now answer me. Do you want to stop me from seeing other women?”
“Do you want to? Sleep with other women, I mean?”
I crawled onto the bed between her legs but stopped just before I completely covered her. “Just answer the damn question.”
“Yes,” she whispered, and I climbed another inch closer to her face.
“Yes, what?”
“I want to stop you from being with anyone else.”
As soon as those words left her tongue, I dropped my head and covered her mouth with mine. It was quick, it was brutal, it was honest…it was everything I imagined it would be yet nothing at all like what I expected.
This was the first time my lips had ever touched hers.
Any kiss we’d shared had been on almost every other part of the body, and oddly enough, I hadn’t realized it until I got that first taste of her. Like a drug. A potent, intoxicating, magical drug.
“I don’t want to be with anyone else, either,” I whispered against her lips, our breaths mingling between our faces. I caressed her cheek and claimed her mouth again—this time, taking it slower and feeling my way through it, not rushing it.
Katie slid her hands down my bare chest until she reached the waistband of my boxers. The second she began to push them down, I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist her. I’d held her off for days, thinking she was still sore from the accident, but there was no way I could deny her advances this time.
Breaking away, I pulled myself to my knees and finished what she’d started by losing the only piece of clothing I had on. Then I did the same with her while keeping my gaze locked on her baby blues. I didn’t rip her clothes off like all the other times we’d been together. I wanted to experience the anticipation with my whole being—my heart, my mind, my soul.
When it was just the two of us, nothing between us, I settled between her legs, ready to do something I’d never experienced before. I’d never in my life been nervous around a woman, let alone around a woman in a bed. But Katie had me so on edge that my insides convulsed as if I were naked in the middle of a snowstorm.
“If you’re about to change your mind or bring up the accident, so help me God, I’ll strap you down and take over myself.” Her words may have been angry, but her tone was light and teasing, calming me just a little more.
“No. I just need a second.”
Worry danced on her face. “What is it?”
I closed my eyes and forced out my truth. “All we’ve done is fuck. Every time we’ve ever had sex, it’s always been about one thing—get in, get off, and get out. Hell, that’s how it’s always been any time I’ve been with a woman. But I don’t want that. I want to just be with you.”
When the heat of her palms met my cheeks, I opened my eyes and found her warm, supportive gaze. “Then be with me.”
I kissed her again, as if I needed her mouth on mine to breathe, and curved my spine to keep from putting any weight on her. I was right where I wanted to be, needed to be. Right where she’d invited me to be.
She was my home.
And I’d be her king.
“Gage,” she breathed against my face. “I need...”
“What do you need, baby?” I pressed my forehead to hers. “Tell me.”
“I need you inside me. I’m going to go insane if I can’t feel you right now.”
I dropped my face to the side of hers. With my lips close to Katie’s ear, I admitted, “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to just be with you without all the other shit.”
“Stop thinking. You’re making this more difficult than it has to be.” She slipped her hand between our bodies and took control. Guiding me in, she released a sigh against my neck, and I immediately lifted my head to see her face. “It’s me, Gage,” she said with her fingers laced through my hair. “It’s just me. You know me. Now…be with me.”
The light danced in her eyes with every push and swam in her cheeks with every pull.
Her teeth bit into her bottom lip as she drew closer, and I clenched my jaw to hold on.
She gave me her mouth when she let go.
And I gave her my heart when I followed.
Chapter Nine
Katie
It got increasingly harder to say goodbye to Gage each time he left, and after last night, it was downright painful. His vulnerability stole the last thread of resistance I had remaining where he was concerned. One kiss said more than most people did in a lifetime with hundreds of thousands of words, yet when we came together completely, it wasn’t just my heart that let go; it was my entire being—soul deep.
Waking up next to him, everything was different from his purposeful touch to the soft gaze when his eyes met mine. The kiss he planted on my forehead before we took a shower—together—was as intimate as the sex we’d had the night before. Then standing at the front door, it wasn’t just loneliness I felt creeping in as I watched him leave—part of me walked out with him. It was foreign and not something I identified well with. Nor anything I wanted to dwell on.
I spent the day trying to locate everything I could find on Granny’s estate and her affairs in general. Gage and I hadn’t had time to talk about me working on it before he left this morning, but pulling it all out and making a list of what needed to be done gave me something to focus on aside from isolation and missing him. I didn’t have a copy of her will, and he would still need to give me power of attorney to make any real progress, but it helped pass the time and gave us something other than baseball to talk about when he called tonight.
When I reached a stopping point, I went to make myself something for dinner before the game started. I hadn’t bothered to turn on the television, since hearing Gage’s name only served to make him seem even farther away, and if I waited until the game started, then I’d at least be able to see him regularly—I might even catch an interview.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone rang on the couch. I glanced at the clock and wondered who could possibly be calling since Gage was in the locker room. Setting the plate of spaghetti down, I dashed into the living room to answer the call right before it went to voicemail.
“Hello?” I licked the sauce off my fingers while waiting for a response.
“Katie?”
“This is she.”
“Hey, umm, it’s Ellie.”
We’d exchanged numbers at the hospital in case I needed anything when Gage was out of town. I never expected her to use mine, though. “Hi.” I didn’t know where to go with this since I had no idea why she’d called, and she already sounded hesitant.
She huffed, putting me on edge. “I don’t know how to say this…”
“I’ve found the best way is to just come right out with it.” Not that I knew what it was.
“Have you had the TV on today?” That couldn’t be good.
“No…”
“I know how the press can be, so please don’t think I’m taking anything they’re saying about you to be true—”
“Oh God, what now?” I’d watched all the games with Granny when Coby still played for the Titans, and the only time I’d ever seen Ellie’s name was when the media insinuated Coby and Ellie shared a parent, yet even then, the press wasn’t brave enough to specifically say which player they were talking about—it was just implied. Coby and Ellie kept their noses clean—always.
“I wouldn’t have called except the vultures already got ahold of Gage, and it wasn’t pretty. I wanted to warn you about that and tell you not to answer yo
ur door or your phone unless you recognize the number.”
The list of things that could have been reported was a mile long between my history and Gage’s. But if something upset Gage, it had to have been a lie. He already knew about my mom and the prostitution charge. “Ellie, what was said?”
I could’ve sworn she sounded choked up. This chick needed thicker skin.
“I can handle it. I promise. Gage and I have no secrets.” At least not since I’d confessed before they could be leaked.
“Oh, thank goodness. There are countless reports of you having lost your nursing license while Granny was still alive. The media is going crazy with it since Gage has told everyone he hired you as her nurse and then the whole pregnancy and prostitution thing came out.” She let out a sigh of relief that filled me with dread. “Gage explained the prostitution charges to Coby before anyone ever got wind of that, but it was clear by his expression he didn’t know what the reporter was talking about.”
“Any idea when they spoke to him?” I wasn’t sure why I tried to put a timeline together—it didn’t matter, the damage had already been done.
“It was in front of the entire team when they went into the locker room. It was really bad, Katie. I know you can’t reach him. You just might want to see if you can find it online or watch the news so you can be prepared when you talk to him.”
“I will. Thank you for calling.” I didn’t wait to hear her say goodbye. Instead, I dropped the phone in favor of grabbing the remote. It took seconds to find a channel playing the interview with Gage.
Ellie was right. He’d been completely blindsided and unable to counter any of the accusations against me and therefore him. And no matter how many times Gage tried to get away, the guy followed him from the bus to the locker room, until Coach finally stepped in. I flipped from channel to channel, watching it repeatedly, not having a clue how I’d ever explain any of this to Gage, much less why I hadn’t told him.
Once the game started, the focus shifted to the Titans and away from me, until they went to commercial or had one of those breaks where the commentators filled space and time with their opinions and fluff and utter bullshit. And there I was again, front and center. I’d never understand why the press sought to destroy people and relationships. This was between Gage and me, not the entire freaking world. I wasn’t even part of the damn team, and my name garnered as much air time as the team itself did—I couldn’t imagine what would happen when this baby was born.
I pulled my knees into my chest—the best I could with a protruding bump—and listened to the guys in suits speculate about why Gage was on fire tonight. My heart sank knowing he threw himself into baseball when everything else left him feeling alone. The Home Run King was in the stadium tonight, and the world had me to thank—too bad that award wouldn’t come with a prize.
At the bottom of the ninth, I turned off the TV in the living room and climbed the stairs to Gage’s room. I went through my nightly routine and tried to call Gage since the game was over. My eyes burned with the threat of tears, and all I could do was hug my knees and wait for the phone to ring. I tried several more times only to reach his voicemail.
I was just as much in the dark as Gage was. For all I knew, the news stations only reported segments of what was actually filmed. They might have provided him with evidence or just thrown it at him like some rag magazine. Whatever happened, he hadn’t been able to shut it down or defend me. And I’d have to wait until morning to find out because he didn’t call until the sun came up.
I answered the FaceTime as soon as his picture illuminated the screen. I hadn’t slept a wink for fear I’d miss his call. As soon as he came into view, it was obvious his night had been as bad as mine.
“Gage, please let me—”
“Just tell me why.” He didn’t ask me to tell him it wasn’t true. “After the last conversation we had about your past—and I told you I would never judge you—why wouldn’t you come clean? I couldn’t defend either one of us.”
My shoulders slumped. “I didn’t think it mattered.” It was the most honest answer I could give, even though it explained nothing.
“I hired you to be a live-in nurse for my grandmother. Of course it mattered. She was my whole world, and you took a chance with her.”
That wasn’t fair. I’d never put Granny at risk. “That’s not true. I always did my job.”
“Did you ever have a license?” Anger warred with hurt in his tone as he tried not to lash out yet craved answers. He was just asking the wrong questions.
“Yes.” I decided to let him interrogate me until he gave me an opening to tell him everything.
“Just not when I trusted you and paid you top dollar to take care of Granny?” Anger had the upper hand right now.
“Gage—”
His cheeks flamed red, and his eyes tried to bore holes through me. “No. Don’t. You don’t get a chance to defend yourself. I’ve given you every opportunity under the sun to talk. If the prostitution thing didn’t run me off, why wouldn’t you lay it all out there instead of letting me be run over by some punk reporter the second I stepped off the bus.”
I kept my mouth shut. Every point Gage made was accurate. He’d never understand why I hadn’t shared any of it with him then, and I couldn’t prove it now. I’d made my bed, and right now, I had to lie in it and hope he wouldn’t shut down. My history wouldn’t change his perception.
“I’m so angry right now, I don’t have a clue what to do. I’ve been up all night trying to work out how pissed off I am, and I have a game in a few hours. Fuck, Katie.”
I didn’t want to know where he’d been or who he’d been with. I was no stranger to Gage’s patterns or how he coped with a crisis. My growing stomach was a direct result of his grief management skills. And here he was, on the road, up all night—and he hadn’t answered any of my calls. My chest constricted painfully, my eyes burned, and a huge lump formed in my throat. Gage’s story and my own weren’t so dissimilar—we’d just dealt with them differently. His mother caused the same destructive path in his life that mine had.
There was a knock on his hotel room door. I glanced at the clock, realizing it was nearly seven and he’d be having breakfast soon…without me.
“I gotta go.” He didn’t wait for me to say goodbye or tell me when we’d talk again. The screen just went dark.
And I realized, it was the first time we’d talked on the phone that he hadn’t asked about the baby or told me to tell him that he loved him.
Gage was gonna run.
I didn’t hear from Gage again that day. Or after the game. He didn’t call me after dinner—not even a text message. The next morning, my heart shattered into a million pieces when Gage’s face showed up in still shots on the sports channel at a bar or maybe a club surrounded by women. In all fairness, he wasn’t touching any of them, but he certainly enjoyed their company. “Looks like maybe the latest news on Kathryn Crisp has placed Gage Nix back on the singles’ market, ladies.”
I couldn’t listen to it, much less stand to look at other women lusting after a man who less than forty-eight hours earlier told me he didn’t want anyone else. I would have rather seen him knee-walking drunk than in a huddle with other women. There was no escaping it—my phone rang off the hook with calls and messages from reporters, yet I couldn’t turn it off for fear Gage would call, and I’d miss it.
Thank goodness Ellie had warned me about the door; it never would have occurred to me that people would come all the way out here and be so brazen as to walk right up with their accusations. I assumed they’d want the story from the man himself, not his lying whore of a baby mama—their words, not mine. Quickly, I became a prisoner in the house, refusing to even go near the windows. My nerves were shot, and without a vehicle, I couldn’t even go anywhere. I had enough cash to take Uber to my ultrasound appointment and back in three days, but I doubted my sanity would hold out that long. And that was just one more thing Gage was going to miss.
Th
e knock on the door startled me. I tried not to move for fear they’d see shadows in the windows and not leave. Hell, there was no car outside so I couldn’t imagine why anyone thought someone was here, to begin with. I felt like a junkie hiding from the cops.
“Ms. Crisp?” The pounding continued, and I started to wonder if it was the police. “It’s Jim Grisham with Channel Seven.” Thanks for clarifying that, Jim. “We’d like to help you clear the air, ma’am.” He didn’t want to clear the air; he wanted a story—unlikely Jim was a Good Samaritan.
My nerves were frayed, and I was walking a thin line. I hadn’t heard from Gage since Thursday, and each day that passed became more unbearable. There was no one to call and nowhere to escape. I didn’t want to reach out to him—he needed to cool off—but I had no other options. Panic attacks and pregnancy didn’t go well together, and I’d been in the midst of one all day. Luckily, I recognized it for what it was and tried desperately to remind my brain that it needed to relax; I wasn’t going to die, and my chest wasn’t going to collapse under the pressure currently constricting it.
Me: Is there anything you can do to get these people away from the house?
He wasn’t playing right now, so the long wait for a reply was just another slap in the face. A brutal reminder that there wasn’t a soul on this planet that gave a shit whether I lived or died. Granny had been the only one, and she was the reason I relinquished my license—she’d promised to keep me safe. And now she was gone.
I didn’t understand why these reporters were camped out on our front porch. It wasn’t like I was a murderer—hell, I wasn’t even a convicted felon. People lost their medical licenses every day and didn’t face this kind of ridicule. Another knock on the door sent me to the far end of the breakfast area. It was the farthest corner from the door, and even in the dark, the size of the table cast a shadow in the corner where I crouched hoping to remain unseen. The waves of impending doom washed over me even as I tried to rationalize that I was safe, there was no threat of physical harm—the worst they could do was humiliate me. I was quickly losing the battle and hysteria washed over me. Rocking back and forth sobbing, I hadn’t heard the door open or anyone approach.
