Life Is Short (No Pun Intended)

by Jennifer Arnold

  As much as we enjoyed seeing the highlights of Beijing, all we really wanted to do was get to Will! His foster facility in Beijing was a bit far from Tiananmen Square in one of the outer rings. The government minder explained to us about the rings of Beijing. The city was developed in a ring structure, with every few miles having a ring of traffic. These rings also established socioeconomic boundaries, with the rings farther from the center of the city being the most impoverished.

  Will’s foster facility was out in the sixth and outermost ring. On our third day in China, we were finally able to visit it to see Will, and we drove with Amy and our government minder to New Day Foster Home. It was fascinating to see how the city changed as we went from the inner rings to the sixth ring. It went from a busy and bustling metropolis almost akin to Manhattan to farmland with small houses and buildings spread out among larger areas of grassland and trees.

  New Day Foster Home is a privately run facility that was started by a family from the U.S. They saw a need to help orphans in China who needed complex or specialty medical care, which is difficult if not impossible to get in a government orphanage. This family started New Day with the goal of taking in children who had medical needs and who would otherwise die in a government orphanage. Will was clearly a very lucky little boy to have found his way there.

  The facility itself was like a commune of buildings, with an office building, a building for the recreational facilities, a building for housing for younger kids, and another for housing the older ones. The children ranged in age from newborn to school age. Nothing about the complex was visually interesting, but inside, it was clean and well maintained, and the children appeared well cared for. As was customary in Asia, everyone was asked to remove his or her shoes at the door before entering to keep the quarters clean. We got to see Will’s room. It was about six feet by ten feet, with two cribs in it. Each child shared a room. Will’s roommate was an infant, but we were told he liked it because he preferred spending time with the grown-ups or caring for the babies rather than being with kids his own age. He has always been a caretaker!

  Now, the moment we had been waiting for was upon us. When we walked into the room where Will was waiting, he immediately recognized us. “Mama! Baba!” he squealed. It was as if in this moment, halfway around the world, the three of us recognized and “found” one another as a family. Our instant connection felt timeless and unlike anything either Bill or I had ever experienced before. To see the wonder and joy in Will’s eyes when he recognized us as his Mama and Baba moved us to our core. Bill and I had tears of joy at the sight of him. It was a unique, wonderful experience. Even though Will spoke very little, we didn’t need to speak at all, as our body language spoke volumes.

  We got to spend almost a whole day at New Day. We were able to have lunch with Will, play in the modest playroom, tour the facility, and meet with many of the staff. Both Bill and I were very impressed with what we saw and learned. We met the founders from New York, Byron and Karen Brenneman. They welcomed us with Chinese hospitality and told us that Will was not only a favorite in the foster home, but would be greatly missed.

  Will had two primary nannies who cared for him on a daily basis. We got to meet with them and learn about Will’s likes and dislikes, his mannerisms and personality. You could tell that they loved him and were tearful but happy to see him adopted. The foster facility had a pediatrician who came weekly, a speech therapist, a physical therapist, and teachers for school. We learned about Will’s daily routine, medical issues, and everything in between. I audio recorded the whole meeting with his caregivers, so I wouldn’t forget any details that I might need later.

  Unfortunately, we were not able to take Will home with us that day, as this was just a lucky visit we were able to have with him before the official adoption process in Hohhot. We would have to go to his birthplace in Inner Mongolia to actually complete the adoption process and take custody of Will. Leaving him at New Day was one of the hardest things we had to do, but of course we knew in two days all this waiting would finally be over.

  Before we left, Will’s nannies gave us all of Will’s belongings in case during the official adoption process his government liaison failed to pass them along. One of the precious items we got back was actually the photo album we had sent to him a few months earlier. We had been told after our adoption application was accepted that we could send him photos of us, our home, and family for him to start to get to know us. Someone from the staff had actually laminated some of the photos onto one page, so that Will could carry the page everywhere without getting the photos damaged. We were told he would show it to all the other kids and say, “This is my mama and baba.” Additionally, we were allowed to send him one small gift. We got him his own “Flying Lion” to keep him safe until we were able to bring him home!

  The next day, all of us left for Hohhot, where Will’s birth records were located. We didn’t travel together. Bill and I flew, but Will and his travel companion, Gon Lu, took the overnight train, as Will wasn’t allowed to fly with us, not being officially ours yet. Gon Lu, a young woman who served as New Day’s photographer, was truly his best friend, and had volunteered to travel with Will because she loved him so much and wanted to be there for him as he made this transition. She had been with him for two years, ever since he had arrived in Beijing.

  Amy actually traveled with us, but she would only be staying a few days, so we met another guide, Sondra, in Hohhot as well. On our first day in Hohhot, Amy and Sondra took us shopping at a local mall to get a few items for Will. We bought a stroller, a car seat (which is not commonly used in China, but the pediatrician in me would not allow me to put Will in a car without one), and of course, a few presents for him for our official first “Gotcha Day.”

  The mall reminded me of an indoor flea market. It was a very large warehouse type of space with individually run “shops” that were divided by partitions, different from our malls in the U.S. Although Hohhot is small by China’s standards, a mere five million people, it was actually very crowded, and with the camera crew capturing the trip, we drew lots of attention.

  The official meeting to finalize the adoption took place at our hotel the day Will and Gon Lu arrived in Hohhot. Before Will’s entrance, Amy brought us to a small, nondescript hotel conference room that had been set up with a table draped in a tablecloth for ceremonial purposes. There, we met the people who ran Will’s state-run orphanage. The officials took their places at the table—two women sitting on either side of an authoritative-looking man. We went through all kinds of official paperwork, signing official documents such as the adoption decrees and certifications, paid the money still due the state for the processing fees, and signed off on the adoption. When it was over, we were officially in full custody of Will. He was legally our true son!

  Next, Amy brought Will and Gon Lu into the room. We both knelt on the floor to hug Will. He was finally, officially ours! Will started to cry as Gon Lu said her good-byes to him. Gon Lu tried her best not to upset Will, but she was still crying. Two years was a long time to be with him, and they had grown really close. But, she was also happy for him, especially knowing that he was going to be so well cared for. Will cried for a little while, and we let him have his space, as we both knew he must have been completely overwhelmed and confused. We thanked Gon Lu profusely for caring for and watching over our amazing son over the last two years, and we promised to keep in touch!

  After everybody else left, Bill, Will, and I were together and on our own for our very first time. We left the conference room together, and Will started exploring the hotel, running around with a new burst of energy. The traffic outside the window seemed to excite him. “Beep beeps,” he exclaimed, looking at the mobs of cars and buses driving floors below. We were having so much fun just watching him explore everything around him, but eventually, we had to take him upstairs to our hotel room for our first diaper change. While I changed diapers in the neonatal unit once in a while, this was our first diaper ch
ange as parents, and of course, it was a number two!

  After we got Will cleaned up, his demeanor changed completely. All of a sudden, he went from being sad to see Gon Lu leave to seeming happy to be with us. It was as if he all at once recognized that we were his parents, his forever parents, and he liked that, so he relaxed. He explored the hotel room and found all the presents Bill had spread around the room at his level on purpose for him to find.

  Our first outing as a family took place that afternoon when we went for a walk in a park right outside the hotel. Will was pretty happy on the walk, but it was fairly cold, so we made it a short one. On our way back into the lobby, Will started pointing down the hall and screaming “Beep beep.” Our hotel was connected to a very high-end mall, not at all like the one we went shopping in the day before. Near the entrance to the mall on the other side of the lobby were two very high-end cars on display, a Ferrari and a Maserati. Bill and I couldn’t believe he even saw them so far away, but he did, and he was freaking out! We took him over, and he immediately ran up to the Ferrari, apparently his car of choice, and literally started to hug it! Bill, being the car aficionado that he is, said, “Now I know he was meant to be my son.” Clearly, Will loved cars as much as his baba. The representative watching the cars was so moved by Will’s enthusiasm, he unlocked the doors and let Will climb into the driver’s seat. Will had the biggest grin on his face as he started to move the steering wheel back and forth. Boy, will we be in trouble when he turns sixteen!

  During our first family dinner that evening in the hotel restaurant, we witnessed Will’s voracious appetite for the first time. He was thrilled with his meal. The hotel had an amazing buffet. This being his first dinner with us, and knowing that he likely had had limited and very structured meals, we of course gave him anything he wanted. We were told by our adoption agency that due to limited access to food, kids may hoard food or eat a lot at first. Well, he never became a hoarder of food, but that night it appeared that he had an endless appetite. We literally sat at the table for two hours while Will kept eating. Obviously, we tempered our eating after that night.

  After settling in our room for the night, we got Will in his pajamas and got ready for bed. Bill had his first alone time with him when I left to take a bath, something I like to do when my tired bones are hurting after a long day. They sat on the bed and watched Rio, a 3D computer-animated film about a blue macaw named Blu who traveled to Rio de Janeiro to mate with a feisty female macaw named Jewel. They watched the entire movie together, and Will seemed to really enjoy it. I came out of the bathroom to find them head to head in bed watching. After that, we looked at a book, cuddling in bed together.

  Not knowing what kind of a sleeper Will was, I thought it safer to put him in the crib for sleeping. I didn’t want him to wake up and get into something unsafe while we were sleeping or have him fall out of bed and hit his head. It was then that we discovered he likely had significant sleep apnea, when we noticed he snored very loudly, at times worked hard to breathe, using his accessory muscles, and had long pauses that appeared as if he had stopped breathing. Because I knew children with achondroplasia were at high risk for this, it didn’t surprise me. Of course, it made me more anxious seeing it and not knowing if this level of difficulty breathing was the norm for him, but there was not much we could do. If he had lived for the last three years without a sleep study and CPAP, he should be fine for another week until we get home, I tried to reassure Bill and myself. We would just have to keep an eye on him and get him evaluated after we got back to Houston.

  The next morning, Will woke up smiling. He was standing up in the crib with his hands over the railing, ready to have something to eat, and that was it. He was totally part of the family and ready to go. That day, when Will was up, dressed, and comfortable, Bill and I went with Sondra to the State Department to finish the paperwork for Will’s Chinese passport, and we were told it would take exactly three days, no more, no less. With the bureaucratic part of the trip out of the way with unexpected ease, we now had the time to do some sightseeing in Will’s birth city.

  The Old City of Hohhot is incredible, with architecture from thousands of years ago and ancient Buddhist temples. Many people didn’t wear traditional Mongolian garb, but tourists like us did. There were people outside the temples with all different sizes of traditional Mongolian outfits, most notably “deels,” which were very large, colorful overcoats, often held tight by silk belts and ornate buckles. They used them for tourist photos. They dress you up and then take your picture as a memento. Of course, we did it! It was actually a lot of fun, and Will looked absolutely adorable in his outfit!

  We also went to the Inner Mongolian Museum, where there were thousands of artifacts from all of Mongolian history. I loved the Genghis Khan statue. He was one of the most deeply feared personalities of all time. He created the largest contiguous land empire in human history, and being there, where he had been, was pretty amazing.

  We enjoyed our three days in our son’s birthplace, but when we received Will’s passport we were ready for our final stop on our journey. We needed to travel to Guangzhou, the third-largest city in China, to obtain medical clearance and secure a visa for Will’s trip home to the United States with us. Guangzhou, the capital of Guangdong Province, is a port city about twenty-five hundred miles south of Hohhot. The three-and-a-half-hour flight would be Will’s first time on an airplane, and we worried how he would do. He surprised us both—he was calm, happy, and enjoyed watching a movie on the iPad! I hoped this was a glimpse of how he would be on the long seventeen-hour trip home to Houston.

  Guangzhou was very interesting. The climate was considerably warmer than Hohhot, where the temps never really reached above freezing, and the city itself was much more Americanized, with Western favorites like McDonald’s and Starbucks. Will picked out his first pair of sunglasses during a shopping trip to the mall, and he looked very cool.

  We were now in a hotel with many people from all over the United States who were also in China to adopt a child. We met two other families who were also adopting with our agency. Our adoption guide here, Sam, took all three families out sightseeing and to lunch. He organized all our medical appointments on the same day so we could travel together. Once Will’s medical clearance was granted, we needed to secure him a visa for travel to the United States. Again, we were told that would take five days, no more, no less. The process was very structured and organized in China. On the day we received his visa, we had a little celebration in the room and gave Will a mini American flag. As soon as we landed on U.S. soil, he would become an official citizen of the United States.

  Bill and I were hopeful that he would be a pretty good flyer as he had been so well-behaved on the flight from Hohhot to Guangzhou. It was a long trip back home and we had heard that likely there would be other adoptive families on the plane, so if he wasn’t, not to worry—we wouldn’t be alone.

  Our journey home was another seventeen plus hours. First, we had a small flight from Guangzhou to Beijing. We had a layover in Beijing, and then it was Beijing to San Francisco, and then Houston.

  We had a little customs issue trying to get out of Beijing, due to the camera crew’s camera battery, as it was flagged as suspicious. For some reason, they wouldn’t let us proceed to the gate, and we feared at first it had something to do with Will’s adoption. A small part of me couldn’t rest until I knew we were on U.S. soil with our son. Security let Will and me go, but not Bill. The production company had asked Bill if he would mind having one of their bags put under his name to help defray the cost. His generosity, however, made him part of the group of production people that now couldn’t leave the country without getting the battery issue resolved. So, Bill told me to go ahead just in case he didn’t make the flight. I, of course, had no intention of getting on a plane without him, but to keep things calm, I agreed.

  Fortunately, Bill and our cameraman figured out and solved the battery problem and, literally as they were closing the do
ors, they made it to the plane.

  The flight from Beijing to San Francisco was the longest leg. I thought if Will could handle that flight, we would be fine! To our pleasant surprise, we found out Will was a natural flier, as if he had been flying his entire life. He was the perfect gentleman, sitting in his seat as the flight attendant served him lunch on his little tray. We had given him an iPad to play with, and he had loved that, too, wearing his headphones like an old pro. We watched Finding Nemo on the plane, and to this day that movie is a favorite in our house.

  On the jet in San Francisco, Will finally started getting irritable, and then he let loose. I really couldn’t blame him; I was ready to have a meltdown by that point, too. He screamed for the first forty minutes of the flight. We felt bad for all the other passengers, and I kept apologizing as we tried to walk him down the aisle to calm him down. Being a new parent, I felt terrible. Now, however, I have more perspective and realize that all parents have been there at some point.

  We made it, finally. The last leg seemed interminably long, as you can imagine. To say it was great to be home was an understatement. I couldn’t wait to get in the door, as we were all exhausted. Will and I had slept a little bit on one flight or another, but Bill hadn’t, so he could barely stand. We were both really glad that my mom and dad met us at the airport. They were thrilled to pieces to meet Will! They had a surprise party prepared at our house with balloons, presents, and a cake for a “birthday party” for Will’s welcome home. Will had just turned three a couple of weeks earlier, and we finally got to celebrate his birthday as a family!

  When we opened the door, Will saw all the decorations and his excitement was uncontrollable, despite how tired he was. One look at the cake, and he was all in. He loved his Thomas the Tank Engine scooter, as well. As for Bill, suffice it to say that he was passed out cold on the couch fifteen minutes later.