Seeking Me To Find You (Finding You Series Book 1)

by Mychals, Anna

  The Marine sitting next to me is Brady. Being very attentive, he listens as I ramble on about my job. He is very easy to talk to, making the drinks he is feeding me a piece of cake to throw back.

  “Grace, don’t you sing?” asks Lana.

  Everyone starts egging me on to sing. They’re all talking at once making my already spinning head lead me to do something I really shouldn’t do.

  “Okay,” I say as I bounce up to where Pete is signing people up to sing. As I make my way up, it feels as if I’m being watched. I look over my shoulder where I see Jackson boring holes into my head. Ben appears to be trying to get him to leave but he’s stock-still with no expression on his face. The game is on.

  I’m second on the list so I go back and cozy up with Brady. As we are sitting there talking, I feel I light tap on my shoulder.

  Turning around, Jackson is standing, still with no expression. Holy hell, does he look hot. He has worn jeans with glorious holes and a tight, black t-shirt accenting areas where I have nipped and sucked.

  Snap out of it Grace.

  With a gorgeous, pleading look he asks, “Grace, can we talk?”

  With a snarky slur I say, “No.”

  Just then, Pete calls my name. Getting up from my chair, I become unsteady on my feet, stumbling into Jackson’s arms. Shaking him off of me, I walk gingerly to the stage.

  “Tonight we’re going hear from a newbie. I’d like to welcome to the stage, Grace!”

  The round of applause and whistles fires me up. Jackson’s eyes are riveted to my every move. I see him walk back to the bar where Ben tries to get him to leave. I shift nervously from one foot to another. The moment the music starts, our eyes lock. My once confident smile quickly fades, turning to apprehension under his gaze. Trying to regain my composure, hurt overcomes my body, then anger wells up stiffening my spine.

  “This song reminds us girls that we don’t need a man to make us happy.”

  I give him a quick wink hoping to jab the knife he used on my heart back into his, only deeper. I know…real mature. Oh well.

  Matt Nathanson’s “Modern Love” track starts to play and I close my eyes and start moving to the beat. Getting into the act, I move off the stage and make my way to our table. I move and sway, flirting with every single man at that table. As I sing, I make my way to Brady’s lap, shimming provocatively before I stand up and make my way back to the stage. As I turn around, Jackson is walking my way. He doesn’t look happy. I see Ben placing money on the bar then standing up, twirling his keys.

  I finish the song and all around me the crowd goes wild.

  Looking sternly at me Jackson commands, “Let’s go home.”

  I walk past him to Brady, who is standing, holding my chair out for me. Next thing I know, Jackson picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. Brady tries to stop him but Jackson stiff arms him back down in his seat. I start kicking and screaming for Jackson to put me down. Suddenly my vision blurs. Hanging upside down, I think I see the table of my friends sitting in shock. The lights around me fade to black.

  *

  I feel warmth on my face, and then I feel the most intense pain in my head. It hurts so bad that my teeth are vibrating. Something is on my feet. I carefully open one eye and see Thor lying at the foot of my bed. I struggle to remember the night before as I attempt to sit up. The last thing I think I remember is Jackson putting me in his truck then making a phone call.

  Without warning, my stomach lurches. I run to the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach in the toilet. I hurt so bad that I rest my head on the seat. Retching over and over again, I slump down, laying my cheek on the ice cold tile. Feeling Thor come in and lay beside me, I look up just in time to see Nate walk in.

  “Hello Gracie. Funny thing…I received a call last night…”

  I sit back up and heave once again.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Jackson

  I know that I probably dashed any hopes of just being friends but I was extremely naïve to think we could ever just be friends. I couldn’t sit by and watch her make a mistake that she would regret this morning. When I carried her out of the bar last night, I wanted to handcuff her to her bed and never let her leave. Fearing possible jail, I did the next best thing…I called Nate. Even though he gave me an earful, he was grateful that I called him.

  When Nate had shown up, he immediately went upstairs to check on Grace. Following him, we made our way to where she was passed out, Thor lifting his head signaling that he was dutifully guarding her.

  Seeing that she was okay, Nate cracked the door until it was almost closed and started downstairs.

  Turning back he said, “We need to talk.”

  When I reached the living room, Nate had already taken authoritative position on the sofa. That left me with the loveseat, feeling like the biggest douche bag.

  “When I spoke with Grace last, she said that you guys were so happy even though your schedules were hell. She went on and on about falling in love…”

  Sitting up straighter I said, “She said she was falling in love?”

  “And you’re not?” Nate said while cocking his head slightly.

  I stood up, running my hands down my jeans. “I need to get home to catch a few winks before I have to go to work.”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  Turning back I asked, “What does it matter?”

  “When I came over tonight, you were sitting on her bed wiping her face down with a cool rag. The way you were looking at her was as if you would abandon everything else just to take care of her.” Looking smugly he continued, “I call that love.”

  “She deserves so much better than me.”

  Looking quizzically at me he asked, “What makes you think that?”

  “My life is not conducive to a life she deserves. She needs someone there every morning to hold her while telling her that she is the most important thing in his life.” Pacing like a caged tiger, I continued, “Can’t you see that I can’t give that to her. My job will take me away, therefore causing me NOT to give her everything she needs.”

  Motioning for me to have a seat, Nate leaned back into the sofa. “Let me tell you a little story.”

  I sat down reluctantly but give him my full attention.

  “Grace’s father left her mom before Grace was born. He decided that he could not handle the job of raising a child. He was so selfish to think that his child wouldn’t miss having her father around. Oh how stupid he was. He’s actually been trying for several years to make up for his idiotic behavior. Even though Grace still seeks his affection, she doesn’t know that her mom gave her the greatest gift ever…a dad. Oh, I think she knows she means the world to her stepdad, but she always has struggled with rejection from her father.

  “When Grace loves, she loves with her whole heart. She only wants to be accepted for who she is and that has been a struggle. Hell, I’ve contributed to her struggle by being so protective of her. She means the world to me and I just want to keep her safe. For the past couple of weeks, she’s been the happiest that I’ve ever seen her. Then I get a call saying she was not going to come up last weekend. I didn’t ask any questions, I just told her that I would come up soon. Then I get your call.

  “One thing I know is that if Grace couldn’t handle your lifestyle, she wouldn’t be with you. Do you forget that her stepfather is a retired Marine? He deployed on a regular schedule from the time she was little until he retired when she went into college. She knew he loved her. He made her the center of his universe even though he was gone a lot. You didn’t give her enough credit to feel the same about you.”

  Nate got up and walked to the door, “Now, if you don’t see her being the love of your life, then leave her alone. If you see a never-ending future with her by your side, then just give her time. She’ll come around.”

  “I’ll send Adam over for Thor later.”

  As I started to walk out the door Nate stopped me. “Thanks for calling me.”<
br />
  I continued out, knowing that I could give up getting any sleep tonight.

  *

  Grace encompasses my every thought. From the very first sight of her, the only thing that I wanted to do was take care of her, to draw her close to me and make her feel loved. I walk into the office and all eyes turn to me. Taking off my cover, I set my crap on the desk. Ben walks over and plops his nosey ass on the side of my desk.

  “So…what happened when Nate arrived?”

  Unpacking my clean uniforms and making sure they are hung in a neatly fashion, I pretend to ignore Ben. “I need coffee. When are we meeting to go over the events for the day?”

  Ben still sits there with a smug look. “Brother, are you going to answer my question?”

  “I’ll be back,” is what I answer. I can’t face this asshole without having at least two cups of coffee in my system. As I walk into the next office, Ben is hot on my trail.

  “You know…”

  “I know what, Ben?” I spit back at him.

  “You really want to be this way?”

  As I pour my coffee I turn back, giving Ben a warning glance. “When we are at work, it’s work. I’m not discussing anything personal.”

  “Well, tonight when we get home we’re having a chat,” Ben counters.

  Tipping my coffee to him, I respond rather forcefully, “Not going to happen.” I push past Ben, heading to my desk to start the day. Shit is piling up and I don’t have time for his.

  *

  I go through the motions of the day but my mind is on that cute little blonde probably still nursing a hangover. Nate sent me a text today letting me know she was stilling feeling rough but unfortunately he had to leave to go back to L.A. for a meeting. He sent me his assistant’s number in case I need to reach him if he’s unavailable. I feel like an ass for the things I said about him. He genuinely is her best friend and she’s lucky to have him.

  As I am driving home for the evening, I think about my conversation with Nate. I understand that she grew up with a dad that was a Marine, but even Lane showed me that this was not enough. It’s harder on a wife because when a Marine is gone, all responsibility falls on her shoulders. I’ve seen it too many times.

  When I turn into my parking space, I see Grace unloading things from her car. She looks like hell, but in an adorable sort of way. Her hair is piled into a messy knot; she’s wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of sweats that sit low on her hips. Getting out of the truck, I’m conflicted on whether or not I should see if she needs any help. Hell, what could it hurt?

  As I walk up to her car, she is not there. Seeing her trunk still full of items, I load up my arms and walk to her door that is propped wide open. Hesitantly entering, I see that Grace is nowhere in sight. What the fuck is wrong with her leaving doors wide open so any degenerate could just walk in? I set the items on her table and check the downstairs bathroom. Where the hell is she? As I am walking back into the kitchen she is coming down the stairs.

  “Holy Hell!” she screams while throwing up her best kung fu stance.

  “It’s just me,” I laugh.

  “I don’t know what the hell is so funny. You almost gave me a heart attack.” Relaxing her stance but still on guard, she stalks towards me. “What are you doing in my house?”

  “I was coming home from work and saw you unloading things from your car. I thought that I would help.”

  Grace walks over to the door and opens it, motioning for me to leave. “Didn’t you help enough last night? You had to tell on me like a petulant toddler.”

  Now she is pissing me off. “Well you were the one acting like a petulant toddler last night. And since you’re being this way, we need to discuss why your door is always wide open for anyone to just come in. What if I was an intruder? Do you think you could have done something about that with your Kung Fu shit?

  Well, that did it.

  “Get. Out. Of. My. House!”

  The shrill of her voice is like none other than I’ve heard. I don’t think my mom ever hit that octave.

  Shutting her door, I start to inch closer to her, causing her to back up against her sofa. By being so close to her, I can smell her sweet scent; God I’ve missed that. Dark circles rim her eyes while still looking pale but she is still the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on.

  I lean forward and she leans back, counteracting my every move. Hovering inches from her face, I study her eyes shifting back and forth to mine. The look on her face is not of fear, but of longing. The energy between us ignites. As I am contemplating my next move my cell rings, bringing me back to reality. The number on my phone is from the base. Having to take it, I turn back towards the door.

  “Kavanaugh. Damn it. When did that happen?”

  Ben explains that a recruit snuck out in the middle of the night and is missing. Shit!

  “I’ll be right there.”

  Circling back to where I had left Grace, I see that she is now positioned in the middle of her living room. I jerk open the front door and just walk out. Like. An. Idiot.

  *

  The whole time we were searching for the crusty maggot my thoughts were filled with Grace. Lately, she’s all I think about. After about two hours, we received a call from security at the neighboring airport. It appears they found the idiotic recruit dangling by his pants on one of the razor sharp fences. It looks like this Marine will not be going home tonight. The dipshit is pretty cut up so naturally I drew the shortest straw to accompany him to the hospital.

  As I’m waiting for the recruit to be released my thoughts are racing at warp speed. I’m so exhausted. Usually during a three year stint as a drill instructor, a Marine will go on ‘quota” for three months to a year, which allows him or her to get a break from the rigor. During this time, a Marine is assigned to other recruit training duties such as instructors in water survival, martial arts, or shooting range. Pulling back to back thirteen week stints is exhausting. Most Marines use this time to reconnect with their family. That’s why I never took one in almost a year and half…I don’t have a family to go home to every night. Feeling extreme fatigue overcoming me, I decide it’s time for a break.

  *

  The rest of the week was no better. It got so bad; I decided that it was time for me to speak with the Sergeant Major.

  “Sir, I think it’s time for a break. I’ve been full throttle for the past year and a half and my body is taking the brunt of it. I would like to request a quota for six months. I would gladly take any position you may give me. Also, I’m requesting to take two weeks of leave after this cycle because I’m about to lose some leave. I’m at my max for carryover.”

  “It’s about time, Marine. You’re one of our best instructors, but you’re no Superman, despite what the Corps tells you. Every DI needs a break, so don’t beat yourself up.”

  Standing at attention, I respond with a “Yes, sir.”

  “Request granted. Anything else?” he barks.

  “No, sir.”

  “You may be excused.”

  I turn to make my way out when he stops me.

  “And Marine, no matter what has been engrained into your thick skull, there is a life outside of the Corps, there is room for a family. You just need to make the room.”

  Turning back to the Sergeant Major, I end with, “Sir, yes sir.”

  Feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders, I head home for the evening.

  *

  Now that I have made my decision, the next couple of weeks go at a snail’s pace. The weeks become so mundane from the repetitive cycle that faces us. Ben, Logan, and I have everything so choreographed that we could do this in our sleep. That’s one of my problems. I use to be able to come home from the day and sleep like a rock. Hell, I’ve slept many of times under a humvee while flying in a C130 but I can’t sleep in my own damn bed knowing that she is two units away. Every time I drive by and see a light on, I try to imagine what she’s doing. That’s why two shots of whiskey has become my nightly ritu
al.

  Graduating this platoon has been the most challenging task since coming to MCRD San Diego. Some days I want to strangle the recruiters for some of the piss ants they put in. This platoon started out with multitudes of problems, but I think we finally got them on track.

  Now that these thirteen weeks of hell are over, I’ve decided to take my two weeks of leave to visit my mom. Before my sister and I were born, my mom was a special education teacher. She gave up teaching to raise my sister and myself because dad traveled so much. After my father passed away, she bought a horse farm. Seeking her passion once again, she and my sister run a program for autistic children, where they use horses as therapy. When I deploy, I usually send Thor to live on the farm where he can be carefree and get spoiled by two doting ladies. I think it’s about time for a little therapy for the both of us, plus I long for my mom’s cooking instead of a MRE or chow hall food.

  As I’m packing the truck I notice Grace jogging into the complex. Slowing down, I can see her struggling with some sort of decision. Instead of turning towards her door, she makes her way slowly towards me. Thor, with his graceful self, lunges his body knocking Grace off balance, into my arms. We stand pressed together for what seems like forever, when she finally pulls away.

  “I’m sorry that he’s always so rude.”

  Tucking a stray hair behind her ear, she looks away. “He’s fine. I love him and his rude self.” Grace shuffles from one foot to another. “I see you’re going somewhere.”

  “Thor and I are going away for some peace and quiet.”

  “Hmm,” she says quietly.

  “I can only roll over so many days of leave and I’m at the point where I am going to lose them if I don’t use them.”

  I don’t know why I feel the need for explanation but I do. Seeing her standing before me makes me long for the time when I had the right to pull her in for a passionate kiss… or just hold her hand gently.