“And she has my brother,” I add.
Noelle’s eyebrows dart down. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
I take a swig of wine. “Then what did you mean?”
My best friend leans back, one arm sprawled across the back of the couch. “Ellie Elizabeth Kaufman. Can you honestly sit there and tell me that you’ve never noticed how great of a dad that man would be?”
My eyes widen. I have to clear my throat to get the words out. “Who? Kingston?”
“Who is Bianca with right now?”
I know it’s a rhetorical question, so I roll my eyes.
“And how many times has he taken Bianca and Gabby ice skating? With Spencer and without him? Or to the movies? Or to the park when she was little? Or to the bookstore to get—”
“Okay, I get it,” I snap. “But it’s not like that between us. He’s a friend.”
“The hell he is,” Noelle counters. “That man loves you. He loves Bianca. Sure, he might be your brother’s best friend and that’s the reason he’s in your life, but he’s been here through thick and thin. Who held you at your parents’ funeral?”
My heart lurches as it always does when I think about that. I miss my mom and dad so much. One day they were here, happy, smiling…and the next day they were gone. Literally. The unfortunate boating accident took them from us, leaving a gaping hole in their place.
But Noelle is right. Kingston was there for me and Bianca that day. Hell, he was there for a solid week. Spencer had an extremely difficult time with our parents’ death. While he dealt with his own pain, Kingston was our rock. He came over to our house and made me and Bianca dinner for several nights. Not once did he ask for anything in return. And when I cried myself to sleep, he would watch cartoons with Bianca to keep her occupied.
“I get it,” I tell her softly. “But this is an arrangement.”
“It was an arrangement,” she states. “And honestly, I think it was more of an excuse. For him.” Noelle smiles. “And maybe for you, too.”
I can’t deny this. Although I was hesitant, I knew I couldn’t say no to Spencer’s proposition because I damn sure didn’t want to see Kingston with another woman.
“So, while you’re trying to figure out a way to make this a happily ever after for everyone involved, you might consider the one man who’s been pretty much doing that all along.”
I swallow hard.
The sound of the doorknob turning has Noelle and me both glancing at the front door.
“Oh, and look. There’s the man of the hour now.”
Bianca barges into the room, a huge grin on her face. “Kingston taught me how to hockey stop! And I did it.”
Kingston steps into the house behind her, his eyes instantly meeting mine. He doesn’t smile, but he isn’t frowning, so I consider that a good thing.
“The girl’s good,” he says. “A lot better than you are on ice skates.”
I chuckle. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Bianca turns to Kingston. “Thanks for taking us.”
“Any time, kiddo.”
Without another word, Bianca bounds up the stairs out of sight.
“Where’s Spencer?” I ask, stretching out my legs and dropping my feet to the floor.
“He went home. I told him I’d drop them off.”
Noelle gets to her feet. “Would ya look at the time?”
The woman isn’t looking at a clock.
“I’ve got shit to do. You know how it is.”
I know she has nothing to do, but I don’t try to stop her. It’s obvious what she’s doing, and a little alone time with Kingston is probably just what I need. I set my empty glass down on the coffee table and follow Noelle to the door. After a quick hug, she darts out of the house, and I turn around to find Kingston staring back at me.
Because there’s a nervous tension arcing between us, I choose to sidestep him, grabbing the two wineglasses on my way into the kitchen and depositing them into the sink. I change my mind at the last second and decide to hand-wash them. Anything to keep me busy. When I turn back around, I find Kingston only a few feet away.
He’s leaning against the center island, his arms crossed over his chest. It reminds me of that morning we had sex for the first time. It seems like so long ago, but it’s only been a little over a month since that day.
When Kingston doesn’t say anything, I begin to worry. The way he’s staring at me, I can tell he has something on his mind.
“You okay?” I ask, hoping to spur some conversation and get rid of this awkwardness that’s building between us.
“I don’t know.” There seems to be so much honesty in those words. As though he’s truly baffled about how he feels.
“Did I do something?”
Kingston shakes his head.
I stare back at him.
Something’s wrong. I can feel it. Something more than the uncomfortableness of the situation with James. He’s distant and aloof, not at all the same man who took me to dinner the night James called. Rather than urge him to speak, I hold my breath. I’m not sure I want to know what he’s thinking right now. He looks upset, maybe even a little angry.
He stands to his full height. “I should go. I’ve got a game tomorrow night. Then two road games. I’m going to Scott’s for Christmas on Sunday so I can see Dad. Then I’m flying to meet the team in Ottawa before we head back this way next week.”
As he says the words, I notice how unemotional they are. As though he’s talking to an assistant.
“Oh,” I say, trying to piece it all together. I didn’t even realize Christmas was on Sunday. “Okay.”
He nods but doesn’t lean in to kiss me like he normally does.
When he pivots and heads toward the entryway, I automatically follow him. Without looking back, he pulls open the front door and takes one step outside before I reach for him.
“Hey,” I whisper, hoping my emotions aren’t reflected on my face. He’s hurting me with his callousness, but I’m not sure I have the right to be hurt. We’re not in a relationship. Not a real one, anyway. I don’t get to be upset with him. I force a smile. “Be careful, okay?”
His eyes trail over my face slowly, but he doesn’t smile when he says, “I will. Merry Christmas.”
I swallow hard. When the door closes, I stare at it for the longest time.
It’s then that I realize this is far more complicated than I ever expected. More than I ever wanted, in fact. And I don’t have a clue what to do about that. But if I don’t do something, I might possibly lose Kingston forever.
Is that a risk I’m willing to take?
47
Kingston
Sunday, December 25th
“Hey, bro,” Heath greets with a hard slap on the back when I step into Scott’s house.
I smile. It’s not necessarily genuine, but I’m trying. For the past few days, I’ve spent more than enough time thinking. Most of the time I’ve been coming up with off-the-wall scenarios of what’s taking place between Ellie and James back home.
“You hungry, son?” Dad calls from the kitchen.
“Starved,” I tell him, making my way over and offering a hug.
I can tell Dad’s lost weight. The man I’ve looked up to my entire life used to be a robust man. Once six three, he has probably lost a couple of inches in recent years, his back not as ramrod straight as it previously was. His once thick dark hair has been replaced with thin strands of gray. Today my father’s eyes are clear and there’s a smile on his face. It helps to lighten my mood. It’s good to see him smiling and happy.
“Good,” Scott hollers. “Get your fucking ass in here and help.”
I laugh. Scott’s the only one of us, other than our father, who sounds as though he’s never stepped foot out of Boston. While Heath and I still have the noticeable accent, Scott’s is much thicker, like our dad’s. I think about how Ellie and Bianca giggle every time they hear him talk. Then they’ll spend a good half hour tr
ying to speak without using Rs and replacing “uh” with “ah.” The thought makes my chest hurt again.
“Where are your girls?” Heath questions as I help move platters of food from the kitchen and into the dining room.
“At home.” I don’t want my brothers to get too nosy.
“They spending Christmas with Spencer?”
Actually, I don’t know. I’ve been too much of a chickenshit to call Ellie and find out. That doesn’t stop me from agreeing, though.
“Wish they coulda come,” Scott states.
Yeah. Me, too.
“Now sit,” Dad commands. “Let’s do this. I’m starved.”
Bianca
When I woke up this morning, I held my breath. The only thing I wanted for Christmas this year was to find out that my dad had contacted my mom. Every day I eagerly wait for the second she turns to me and says that she heard from him and she’s so happy I did that Facebook post because now we can be a happy family, just the three of us.
Okay, maybe I haven’t thought about that a lot, but Gabby keeps telling me that’s the way it’ll happen. She is sure that once my mom sees my dad again, she’s going to fall in love with him. I’m not quite so sure about that because she likes Kingston. But lately, it seems as though Kingston makes her sad. She hasn’t said anything, but I think she’s a little upset about him. Maybe they really had been dating and now they broke up or something. I don’t know.
Every day I pull up Facebook and I go back to that post to read more comments. I didn’t expect it to be so popular, but it is. Still. I get hundreds of comments from people telling me they hope I find my dad. At first it was so cool to have that many people paying attention. Now I’m getting questions from people asking me if I heard from him. I don’t answer because I don’t want to tell them no. It makes me feel like crap.
I can’t even ask my mom because she doesn’t know about the post. The phone number to the Penalty Box is on it, so if he did call her, I wouldn’t know. I figure as soon as he does, she’s going to ask me about it. Since that hasn’t happened, I don’t think he’s seen the post.
“Bianca! Can you come down here for a minute? There’s someone here to see you.”
My eyes dart over to the door, and a huge jolt of something shoots through my body. It’s like being on a roller coaster and feeling like my tummy fell to my toes. Is this it? Is it possible that I am going to get my Christmas wish? I dreamed about this. About how my mom and dad planned to surprise me for Christmas. Maybe it’s really happening.
I jump off the bed and bounce a few times on the balls of my feet, trying not to get too excited. I feel a strange swirling motion in my belly.
Is he here? Did he finally find us?
My hand is shaking when I turn the doorknob. I hope my knees don’t turn to Silly String as I head down the hall toward the stairs. I keep my hand on the wall, just to be safe. I peek around the wall but my mom isn’t standing down there. I don’t see anyone.
I pause, straining to hear what’s going on downstairs.
There are voices.
Oh, my God!
There are voices. Two of them. One is deeper than the other. It could be a man’s voice. I can’t tell. It kind of sounds like a woman, but it could be a man. I hope it’s a man. I hope it’s my dad!
Ohemgee! Ohemgee! Ohemgee! This could be it. He could be here.
My heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. I force my legs to move, slowly going down the stairs. I have to grip the handrail to keep me steady. The voices get louder, but I can’t tell who they are. I can hear my heart beating in my ears.
“Oh, wow. She’s going to be so thrilled,” my mom says.
Taking a deep breath, I turn the corner into the living room only to find…
“Hey,” my mother greets, grinning ear to ear. “Look who came to see you.”
Ellie
The shock on Bianca’s face confuses me. As soon as she stepped off the stairs, her gaze traveled the room as though she was looking for someone specific. When she zeroed in on Noelle, disappointment instantly marred her features.
Not exactly how I thought she was going to react to the fact that Noelle came over to see her tonight. Then again, when she opens her present, I don’t think she’ll be at all disappointed.
“Hey, kiddo. What’s doin’?” Noelle asks, her voice deeper than usual because of her cold.
Bianca forces a smile. I wonder if Noelle notices it, too.
“I brought you something. Sorry I couldn’t come by yesterday. I’ve got a cold and it’s taken me down a notch. But I knew you would want your gift.”
From the box sitting on the island, a soft meow escapes, giving away the gift inside. Thanks to all the holes, it would be nearly impossible to hide, anyway.
“Is that…” Bianca’s eyes widen as they latch on to the box.
“It is. Merry Christmas, B,” Noelle says, grabbing Bianca and hugging her tight. “I talked it over with your mom. She said it’d be cool for me to get you a kitten.”
“I said it would be okay,” I clarify. “Never did I say it would be cool.”
“Yeah, but she meant cool.” Noelle smirks at me. “And I got the things you’ll need. Litter pan, litter, some food… All the good stuff.”
Bianca is already untucking the flaps of the box to get inside. Her eyes well with tears when she pulls out the tiny black-and-white kitten.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” Bianca asks.
“They tell me it’s a girl, but I don’t know how to tell, so I’m taking their word for it.”
Bianca holds up the kitten and stares at it. She’s smiling.
“This is awesome,” she whispers. “It’s the second-best thing I could get for Christmas.”
“Second-best?” Noelle asks, pretending to be affronted by the notion, her eyes darting over to me briefly.
Bianca smiles shyly. “Yeah.” She looks my way quickly. “The first would’ve been to meet my dad.”
My heart cracks in my chest. The sadness in her tone is enough to level me. James and I actually talked about him coming back down for Christmas. Since we’re still waiting for the paternity test results, I told him we should wait. It’s only been three weeks since he contacted me. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for before introducing them, but I’m taking this slow. He seems to be okay with that.
“Well,” Noelle says, clearly picking up on my uneasiness, “I’m happy to be second-best this year.”
“She’s so cute,” Bianca says, focusing only on Noelle. “Thanks. I promise I’ll take good care of her.”
“I know you will.” Noelle hugs Bianca against her side briefly.
“Can I take her to my room?” my daughter asks me.
“Of course. Make sure you set up the litter box and get her some water and food.”
Noelle giggles. “Probably don’t want the litter box in your room, though. Maybe put it in your bathroom and teach her where to go.”
Bianca nods but never takes her eyes off the tiny bundle of fur. A minute later, she’s carrying everything up to her room, her smile no longer on her face.
“Oh, my goodness,” Noelle whispers when Bianca is out of earshot. “She looks so heartbroken.”
I stare at my best friend. “I know.”
“When are you going to tell her?”
I shrug. I really don’t know. James is coming back to town after the first of the year so we can talk some more. I figure we’ll make plans at that time. We should have the test results back.
I don’t tell Noelle any of this because I can’t stop thinking about how sad Bianca looks. She still doesn’t know that I know about the post. I haven’t brought it up because I don’t want to get her hopes up. If I tell her I know, she’ll want to know if I’ve heard from her dad. I can’t lie to my kid, so I haven’t said anything.
I guess technically that’s a lie by omission.
48
Kingston
Saturday, December 31st
&
nbsp; I’m not sure how I got talked into going to the Penalty Box tonight, but here I am. They’ve got some sort of New Year’s party going on. Nothing fancy, but the place is crowded. A lot of my teammates have arrived, many of the single ones already with puck bunnies on their arm.
Not me.
However, I have had quite a bit to drink tonight, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
“You got a girl to kiss at midnight, Rush?” someone asks from my left.
I shake my head, focusing on the drink in front of me. I know Ellie’s around here somewhere, and if there is any girl I would kiss at midnight it would be her. Only, I seriously doubt it will be. She’s been much too busy to pay attention, and every time I do catch her looking at me, I manage to look away quickly.
And now, I find myself watching Ellie in the mirror above the bar. I see her stopping at several tables, chatting with the customers, a radiant smile on her face. I want to grab her and hold her and never let her go. It’s killing me to sit here, but I can’t make myself leave. I don’t want to be at home alone when the clock strikes twelve, so sitting here and having a pity party seems relatively harmless to everyone except me.
“Hey, ladies,” I hear Ellie say as she stops at a table full of women. It looks like the ladies have pulled several tables together, and there are quite a few empty shot glasses sitting on top. “Everything all right?”
There is an eruption of yeses, followed by some giggles. Ellie nods and turns back toward the bar. She finds my eyes in the reflection and I hold her stare.
“Hey, Ellie!” a woman calls out. “Wanted to see how those services were coming along. From where I sit, it looks to me like it’s all fizzled out.”
I spin around and search the tables until I find her. Cheryl.
Goddammit. Why does she have to go and ruin a completely shitty night? Then again, it’s not like it can get much worse than this.
The Season: Rush (Austin Arrows #1) Page 35
