“Hey, guys!” Noelle hollers. “Two minutes until midnight. If you’re gonna be playing tonsil hockey, you might wanna find a partner!”
Great.
I watch Ellie, who is holding Cheryl’s amused gaze. “What in the world gave you that idea?” she taunts.
Cheryl glances over at me. I do my best to keep my face clean of all expression. I’m not sure which direction this is about to go, but I don’t want Cheryl starting shit with Ellie.
“Seeing that the hot goalie is over there all by his lonesome … it didn’t take much deductive reasoning.”
“I assure you, he’s not lonely,” Ellie says, then turns to look at me.
“One minute!” Noelle yells.
And all of a sudden, the room erupts with people counting down. I don’t take part. Hell, I don’t do anything except watch Ellie as she moves toward me. I can see the determination in her eyes. My heart is beating to the repetitious countdown, but my lungs have ceased to work. I haven’t seen Ellie in ten days. Since the night I walked out of her house after I dropped Bianca and Gabby off. We haven’t talked in all that time, either.
“Get ready, ladies and gentlemen. Ten seconds!”
The countdown gets louder, and Ellie stops directly in front of me, forcing my legs wider so she can stand between them. I never break eye contact, willing her to see everything that’s going on inside me.
Five…
Four…
Three…
Two…
I can’t resist. As the cheers erupt, I reach up and pull Ellie to me, slamming my mouth over hers. The desperation I feel claws at my insides. I’ve missed her so goddamn bad. I could kiss her like this all night, never letting her go. She kisses me back with just as much heat, as much pent-up passion. It’s a damn good thing I’m sitting down.
“Happy New Year!”
Those irritating horns sound, and everyone is laughing and talking over one another when Ellie pulls back. She leans in close to my ear.
“I’m sorry,” she says sweetly. “I just didn’t want her spreading rumors. Thought it would be best to prove that I’m still in desperate need of your services.”
When she pulls back, I stare at her.
I heard the words and I’m trying to process them. She wants sex, that’s clear.
Damn, it would be so fucking easy to give in. To take her to her office and fuck her right up against the door. I wouldn’t even regret it.
Not until tomorrow, anyway.
Not until I realize that no matter what I want, Ellie Kaufman isn’t mine forever. And until that happens, I’m not sure I can settle for anything less.
Ellie
All I have to do is take his hand, lead him down the hallway to my office…
I continue to watch Kingston while I debate the merits of having a quickie in my office. I know he’d be willing if I made the first move.
Unfortunately, I’ve already made more moves than I intended tonight.
Fucking Cheryl.
I don’t have a clue why that woman chose to show up here tonight, but she managed to ruin it. I damn sure wasn’t going to sit back and let her think that Kingston was ripe for the plucking. Although he seems to have pressed pause on our arrangement, I’m not about to let her sink her claws into him again.
Instead of taking my verbal bait, I see a battle warring in Kingston’s eyes. It doesn’t seem to matter that I was forward enough to tell him I still need his services; he’s not going to bite.
And it’s more proof that Kingston is upset with me still. I hate that he is, but I don’t know how to fix it. I’m not an idiot. This all started when James appeared like magic into my life—thanks, of course, to Bianca’s post—and I can see that the thought of James in my life bothers him.
I can’t make that any better. I can’t sit down and tell James that he can’t be Bianca’s father. And Kingston shouldn’t expect me to.
I thought we’d shared something. And maybe we did. Maybe we shared a little bit of ourselves and that’s all Kingston had to offer. He certainly doesn’t look as though he’s willing to go another round, although I’m still pretending this is only about sex.
If only it were that simple.
“Happy New Year, Kingston.”
And with that, I manage to take a step back, swallow my pride—as well as my heart, which has lodged in my throat—and get back to work.
49
Kingston
Tuesday, January 3rd
“Fuck you!”
I shrug off the hateful glare from the center who bowled me over a few seconds ago. I’m trying to rein in my temper and not go ballistic ninja on his ass. Let me tell you, it’s not easy.
The ref gets between us, pushing the other guy back while I pretend not to give a shit. Normally I would pass it off as the accident it looked to be, but I’ve got so much fear and anger coursing through me I want to throw off my gloves and beat the son of a bitch bloody.
I don’t get the chance because, thankfully, the asshole backs down, and the game gets underway once more.
As I expected, we lost the game. I was shit out there on the ice, so I’m probably the one to blame, but I’m not sticking around long enough to find out. I don’t care. Right now, I don’t care about anything except possibly getting plastered and passing out for a couple of days.
Not that it’s an option, but it seems like a damn good idea.
“Kingston.”
I lift my head when I hear Ellie’s voice. I see her standing in the hallway. She smiles and offers a small wave when I see her. Not wanting to be a total dickhead, I start toward her.
It isn’t until I’m about two feet away that I see she’s not alone.
“Kingston, this is James Heron. James, Kingston Rush.”
James holds out his hand, and I feel as though he used that very hand to punch me in the throat.
“Kingston is my brother’s best friend,” Ellie tells James.
Yeah? Is that all I am?
I manage to return the gesture and shake James’s extended hand. I squeeze firmly but pull away quickly.
“Nice to meet you,” James states politely, his eyes darting between Ellie and me.
I don’t bother looking at her. I don’t want to see the way she’s looking at him. I’ve managed to keep my distance for the last couple of weeks. It fucking sucks, but at least I haven’t had to endure seeing the two of them together.
“Same.” I glance over James’s head. “I gotta head out.”
Without even acknowledging Ellie, I start for the door. My stomach has landed somewhere in my shoes, and I feel like I might be sick. The hollowness in my chest threatens to take me out at the knees.
“Hey!”
I pretend I don’t hear Ellie calling after me, but I’m forced to stop when she puts her hand on my arm. Only feet from freedom, I find myself turning to look at her. I pray she doesn’t see the torment in my eyes. The last thing I want is her sympathy. The woman doesn’t owe me anything. We went into this arrangement knowing it was temporary. In fact, she was the one who was forthcoming with not wanting anything permanent.
I was the dumb ass who went and fell in love with her.
“Are you okay?” she asks, her voice soft as she gets up close to me. I look down the hall and see James staring after her.
“I’m great. Why?”
Ellie’s nose scrunches. I know that means she doesn’t believe me.
“I saw you out there on the ice. The fight you were almost in.”
Aw. So she’s worried about my shitty performance on the ice.
“Nothing to worry about, Ellie. It’s all good.” I glance down at James again. “You probably shouldn’t leave your boyfriend waiting.”
Fuck. Did that really come out of my mouth?
Based on the horror reflected in Ellie’s face, it did.
“He’s not—”
“Look,” I say, leaning in close. “I can’t do this shit anymore. I’m sorry for dragging you into this arrangement.
I never meant for it to go this far. If I could turn back time, I would. You deserve someone far better than me, Ell. Someone like…” I can’t keep from looking down the hall once more. “Him.”
“I don’t want him,” she counters, her eyes wide. “That’s not what this is ab—”
“Look, I got to go. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”
Without waiting for a response, I turn and walk out the door into the night. I suck cold air into my lungs as fast as I can.
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, exhale.
Fuck.
Pain blossoms in my chest. It radiates out through my arms. If I didn’t know better, I would think I was having a heart attack.
Unfortunately, my heart is involved, but it’s not ceasing to beat, it’s … shattering.
Ellie
Staring through the glass of the door, I watch Kingston disappear into the darkness of the parking lot. I can’t stop his words from replaying in my head.
I can’t do this shit anymore. I’m sorry for dragging you into this arrangement. I never meant for it to go this far. If I could turn back time, I would.
I don’t even know what happened. I brought James to the game with the intention of introducing him to my brother. I haven’t had a chance to catch up with Spencer though he is fully aware of what’s going on with Bianca’s father, so I thought we could grab a bite after the game. I also wanted to introduce James to Kingston, hoping that maybe meeting him face-to-face would ease some of the strain between us.
Apparently that was a stupid idea.
“Something wrong?”
I jump at the sound of James’s voice, spinning around to face him.
“Not at all. I’m good,” I lie. There is nothing good about this. I’m not exactly sure what happened between Kingston and me just now, but it wasn’t good. Not even close.
“Ellie!”
Great. Now I have to deal with Spencer.
I force myself to shove Kingston’s bitter remarks to the back of my mind for now. I need to focus on the task at hand, which is allowing James and Spencer to get to know one another. Although I’m comfortable with James, I need to know that Spencer is, too. I wouldn’t want to find out that I’ve missed something along the way and put my daughter in danger because I was happy that she was finally going to get her wish of meeting her father.
“Come on,” I tell James. “Let’s get some dinner.”
An hour and a half later, we’re still sitting at a table in a nearby restaurant while Spencer and James tell ridiculous hockey stories. I’ve tried to smile and laugh when appropriate, but it’s not easy when the only thing I want to do is drive over to Kingston’s house and confront him. I still can’t believe the things he said to me. Why in the world would he think that I’ve got anything going with James? James isn’t the one I want. Never will be the one I want.
Do I like him? Yes. Do I want him and Bianca to establish a relationship? Of course. Do I want to lose Kingston because of it? God no.
Unfortunately, if it comes down to it, I have to put my daughter first. I won’t chase a man; I won’t beg and plead for him to accept me for who I am. I won’t let my daughter see me doing that. It’s not the sort of role model I want for her. She deserves better than that.
Doesn’t mean that I have to be in a relationship with James. He’s an attractive man, sure. I can even understand why I slept with him all those years ago. But he isn’t Kingston. He isn’t the man I want.
“So, you’re an agent?” Spencer asks James. “You ever play hockey?”
“Yeah. I made it as far as the AHL, but I knew I wasn’t going any further than that. Then a torn ACL took me out completely. I got my law degree, passed the bar, sat behind a desk for a few years. Then I realized I wanted back into hockey, but I knew I couldn’t play. Figured this was a good way to be in the action.”
“And you represent Heath Rush, huh?”
I glance over at James, completely shocked by this revelation. “What? You didn’t tell me that.”
James chuckles. “You didn’t ask.”
“Oh, my God. You’ve been there all along?”
James shakes his head. “I wouldn’t say all along, but yeah. When you look at it that way, I’ve been somewhat in the wings without either of us realizing it.”
James has been that close this entire time. Bianca’s father has been … only a couple of degrees of separation away. Wow. Talk about a small world.
“I’d heard Heath was looking for a new agent,” Spencer says.
The mere mention of Heath makes me think of Kingston. I still see him standing there, staring at me. He’d looked so lost, so angry.
“Earth to Ellie.”
I glance over at Spencer to find him staring back at me.
“Where’d you go?”
“Nowhere.” I force a smile. “Just tired.”
“It is getting late,” James states, meeting my gaze.
I think he knows what happened between Kingston and me tonight. More so, the significance of Kingston’s remark. If there hadn’t been a rift between us before, there certainly was now. Admittedly, I haven’t told James much about Kingston, but that’s because we’ve spent most of our time talking about Bianca. James didn’t get to raise her for the past twelve—almost thirteen—years. I’ve been filling him in on what he’s missed and he’s been begging for more.
Spencer grabs the bill and tosses his credit card in the folder before handing it to the waiter as he passes.
“So, when will you meet Bianca?” he inquires.
James looks at me.
“He has to head back to Colorado,” I explain. “But he’s planning to be back in a couple of weeks. I think that’s when I’ll make the introductions.”
Spencer smiles. “Good luck, man. That kid’s amazing, no denying it. But she is almost a teenager.” He chuckles. “You never know what you’re gonna get.”
Isn’t that the truth.
Spencer and James make small talk until the waiter returns. Half an hour later, after I drop James off at his hotel, I’m pulling up in my driveway staring at my empty house. Bianca’s spending the night with Gabby because tomorrow is their last day of winter break, then it’s back to school.
For the umpteenth time, I glance at my phone, hoping to get a text from Kingston. Something to tell me that he didn’t mean what he said. Or even for him to explain why he said it. I don’t understand and this isn’t an easy situation to be in. I don’t want to make him mad. And he’s right, this arrangement morphed into something neither of us signed on for.
I promised that I wouldn’t fall in love with him, yet I did exactly that. He owes me nothing and I should give him the space he requested.
I only hope when it’s all said and done, we can at least to go back to being friends. That’s been my one fear all along. I’ve had a crush on the man for most of my adult life, but I managed to keep my distance because, if nothing else, Kingston is like family to me. And the last thing I want to do is lose that.
Nothing is worth losing that.
50
Kingston
Thursday, January 19
January has been a shit month for me. Not only when it comes to Ellie but also on the ice. We’ve won two of the last ten games. With a record of 29-18-1, we’re not doing horrible, but if I don’t find my rhythm, I can’t say we won’t be headed down the wrong road. Coach has put Locke in, but the kid’s doing worse than me and his attitude shows it.
“Hey, you got a minute?” Spencer asks, coming to sit by me on the plane. We’ve spread out far enough that we don’t have to share a row, but from time to time, the guys move around to chat.
Apparently, Spencer wants to chat.
Unfortunately, I don’t.
He doesn’t seem to care.
I nod, watching him as he sits down. He’s holding a sheet of paper.
“I was looking at something,” he says, calm and cool as ever. “Thought maybe you’d see the same trend that I d
o.”
He hands me what appears to be a printout of our games. I glance at the dates in the first column and confirm my suspicion. There are four columns. Date, Visitor, Home, and Score. To the far right, there’s another column with the letters W and L. Clearly win or loss.
I study the sheet for a minute, starting with October. We won all but two of the games that month. November, we won all but three. December appears to be when we took a nose dive. We lost every other game we played. And up to this point in January, it’s clear the momentum has shifted the wrong way. Only one win.
Peering over at Spencer, I see him watching me.
“Yeah? So?” I know what our season looks like. This isn’t the first time I’ve looked at it. I simply don’t know what Spencer’s getting at.
Spencer shakes his head and takes the paper back from me, then pins me with a hard stare. “October was a good month,” he says, stabbing the paper. “Also happens to be the month you and Ellie started seeing each other.”
I’ve noticed that Spencer doesn’t know that Ellie and I have called it quits. I haven’t seen her since the night at the rink when I told her I was done. She hasn’t called or texted, and I’ve done my best to stay out of her way. Spencer hasn’t mentioned it, so I know he isn’t aware. Otherwise, he would’ve ripped me a new one for being a total fucking asshole to her. Because, no doubt about it, I was.
“It’s pretend,” I snap.
Spencer lowers his voice. “The hell it is.” He stabs the paper again. “November was a phenomenal month. Happens to be the month you and Ellie got closer.”
“So, you’re telling me that I’m the only reason we win or lose?”
“Of course not,” Spencer counters, pointing at the sheet. “But, if you notice, the number of goals we give up has a trend also.”
I roll my eyes.
“December…”
I don’t need to hear what he has to say. I turn my head and stare out the window.
“You can’t give up on her, Kingston.”
I frown, turning back. “Me? Who said I was giving up? She’s the one who’s working things out with James.”
Spencer leans back and glares at me. “Is that what you think is going on? You think the two of them are hooking up?”
The Season: Rush (Austin Arrows #1) Page 36
