“Holy. Fuck.”
The air rushes out of my lungs as I take in the woman sitting on my bed. She’s not naked, nor is she even dressed provocatively, but the sight of her there… It’s the best sight I’ve seen in so long.
“Ellie.” I want to ask why she’s here. I want to ask where James is. I want to ask what she needs, but I can’t bring myself to say anything because I really don’t care.
She’s here. That’s all that really matters.
I walk over to her, studying her face, trying to read her mind. She says nothing, gives nothing away in her expression. When I’m less than a foot away, she stands up and smiles.
“I—” I have no clue what I was going to say, but it doesn’t matter because she quiets me with a finger over my lips.
“No talking. Not tonight.”
In a perfect world, this would be my greatest fantasy. Finding Ellie in my hotel room unexpectedly… I’m supposed to be ecstatic, but for some reason, the pain in my chest drowns out any of that. I can tell by the look in her eye that—despite what I know is about to happen—this is not going to be one of those visits that fixes everything and we live happily ever after.
She pushes my suit coat off my shoulders. “Make love to me, Kingston.”
I swallow hard and nod. I can do that. I want nothing more than to do that.
And though I sense this is probably going to be the absolute last time I get to make love to this woman, I can’t refuse her. My body craves hers; my heart is desperate for a little fix, something to tide me over for as long as it will last.
I remove my jacket and allow her to start working the buttons on my shirt while I cup her face and kiss her with everything that I am. I will her to feel the emotion that’s trapped in my body, desperate to get out. I need her to know everything, but I refuse to become her burden. I love this woman. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I’ve come to the brutal conclusion that she will be happier with James.
“God, Ellie.” Her hands make their way beneath my shirt, and I suck in air as her cool fingers slide over my hot skin. “I need you.”
“You have me,” she says. “For as long as you want me.”
I want her for the rest of my life, but I know that’s not possible. Although I probably look pathetic, I’m willing to take what she’s offering. It’ll give me the chance to memorize everything about her, and maybe, just maybe, something will change between us. I’m not holding my breath, though. I’m moving forward with the rationalization that this will be the last time I make love to this woman.
And I’m almost okay with that.
Almost.
Ellie
I do not know what came over me, but here I am.
When James asked Bianca and me to come to Colorado to see his house and so that he could take us to a hockey game, I hadn’t been able to say no. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Bianca begged and pleaded for three entire days before I finally made the decision.
So, James put us on a plane—first class—and picked us up at the airport this morning. Tonight, the three of us are staying in a two-bedroom suite—Bianca and I in one room, James in the other—in this very same hotel. And while Bianca and James decided to settle in to have popcorn and watch a movie, I informed him that I needed to go talk to Kingston. With an understanding nod, he then shooed me on my way and turned his attention back to Bianca.
And here I am, seducing this man, quite possibly for the last time.
Spencer told me which room Kingston was in, and he even managed to help me sneak in without Kingston knowing. For the past half hour, I sat here on the bed, thinking about all the things I wanted to say to him when he came back.
Then, as soon as he stepped foot in the room, I knew there would be no talking. And the moment his lips touched mine, I knew I’d made the right decision.
“Fuck, Ellie. What are you doing to me?”
“Driving you wild, I hope.”
“Definitely that.”
With quick, jerky movements, we manage to remove all the hindering clothing that is keeping us apart. Finally, once we’re both naked, Kingston retrieves a condom from his wallet, then gently lays me down on the bed. I try not to think anything of the fact that he’s using a condom when the last few times we’ve had sex, he hasn’t.
Once he’s sheathed, I pull him down on top of me and fasten my mouth to his. This is where I can lose myself. The only place I want to be. With his strong arms banded around me, his warm weight on top of me, his eager tongue delving into my mouth, and those hungry moans rumbling in his chest. It’s exactly as it has always been. The heat and passion are still there, burning white hot. Something might be missing, but it isn’t lust.
“Need to be inside you,” he grumbles, his mouth sliding down to my jaw.
I need that, too, so I slide my hands down his back and grip his ass, pulling him so that we’re aligned almost perfectly. He groans again and with one shift of his hips…
“Oh, yes,” I hiss as he fills me.
Kingston holds himself perfectly still, and I think he’s allowing my body the chance to stretch. I look up into his eyes, see the way he’s staring back at me. I’m not quite sure what I see reflected there, but whatever it is, I feel it echoing deep inside me. Love, maybe? An unnamed emotion that neither of us is strong enough to acknowledge.
Not wanting to think too long on that, I pull Kingston back down to me, kissing him like this’ll be the last time. It very well could be; I know that. I knew it when I showed up here tonight. Kingston has managed to push me away. I’m simply not strong enough to stay away.
“Ellie,” he groans, pumping his hips forward, back.
I dig my fingernails into his back, focusing on the solidity and warmth of his body against mine, the exquisite friction as he plunges deeper into my body. I force everything else out. This is the only thing that matters. I want to memorize it, to be able to think back and say that I was at one time truly loved by someone. Although he won’t admit it, I know that Kingston loves me. Maybe not the same way that I love him. He might not be in love with me, but this is love.
I can’t make him tell me, but I can let him show me.
“Aww… Ellie… Baby…”
Kingston’s arms wrap around my head and we touch from chest to knee. I feel him everywhere. Every part of him. He’s not crushing me, but he’s consuming me. I try to hold back the tears that threaten. It’s not easy, but I won’t let him see me cry. I promised I wouldn’t fall in love with him. It’s not his fault that I did.
His hips begin rocking faster, and I wrap my legs around his waist, taking everything he’ll give me.
“Kingston … yes… Oh, God, yes… Make me come.”
“Come for me, Ellie. Come for me, baby. Let me feel you.”
He doesn’t stop the perfect rhythm of his thrusts, so I hang on, allowing the sensations to consume me.
“Oh, Ellie…”
I know he’s close. I can hear it in the way he says my name. He’s holding back, probably for me. I want him to lose control, but I know better than to expect that. This is the king of control. He has proven it time and time again. He’s only going to give me what he’s willing to give, and I’m going to accept that. No matter how much it hurts.
“Faster,” I breathe against his ear. “Harder… Fuck me harder, Kingston.”
A rough growl escapes him, and he slams into me over and over until I can’t hold back any longer. The kindling ignites into a wild, out-of-control flame as my body catches fire and my orgasm explodes, consuming every one of my senses.
I scream his name over and over, clutching him as he impales me until finally, Kingston lets go. And while he pulses deep inside me and my breaths shudder in and out of my body, I swear I hear him whisper that he loves me. For a moment, there’s a spark of hope, a glimmer of possibility.
Unfortunately, that’s doused when he falls to his back and sighs.
I look over, expecting him to be looking at me. He’
s not. He’s staring at the ceiling, and the man lying in the bed with me is not the same man who made love to me seconds ago. No, that guy left and in his place…
“I need to get some sleep, Ellie. Be sure the door shuts when you go.”
I tell myself I shouldn’t be hurt. I walked into this room not knowing what to expect. He owes me nothing. Well, nothing except respect. He does owe me that. Since it’s clear I’m not going to get that, either, I don’t waste any time before I crawl out of his bed, pull on my clothes, and slip out into the hall.
Only then do I let the tears fall as I slide down the wall and press my face to my knees.
Only then do I accept that Kingston Rush is done with me, and there is nothing I can do to change his mind.
53
Bianca
Sunday, February 19th
It has been exactly one month since I met my dad. One whole month and it only seems to be getting better. I talk to or text him every single day, and he tells me that he misses me when he has to go back to Colorado. I tell him I miss him, too, and I wish he lived closer. Then last night, when I called him to say good night, he told me he was working on fixing that.
At first I was scared that he would want me and Mom to move to Colorado to be with him, but he said that he likes Texas. Likes that it isn’t quite as cold as it is where he’s at. I think that means he’s considering moving here. I hope that’s the case, because I want to see him, but I don’t want to move to Colorado. I don’t want to leave Gabby or my school.
Then, before I got off the phone, he asked how Mom was doing. I told him that she misses him, too. I don’t know if that’s true or not. Mom has been sad for the past couple of weeks. Ever since we went to Colorado. When she left the hotel room that night, I asked James where she was going. He told me that she went to talk to Kingston.
That made me mad. She shouldn’t be running off to see Kingston when she’s with James. He doesn’t deserve that. I can tell that he likes her and it’s rude for her to be talking to Kingston still. I heard her tell him that they were only pretend dating—I was right—but she told my dad they’d stopped doing that. He’s so nice. He told me that my mom is allowed to care about Kingston and that he understands that she does.
I don’t want him to understand. I want him to fight for her. I want us to be a family.
Gabby: Why was your mom crying? Because of your dad?
This morning when I woke up, I found my mom in the kitchen. She was drinking coffee and staring at the wall. I saw a tear drip down her face, but as soon as she heard me, she wiped it away. I mentioned it to Gabby.
Bianca: No. Not my dad. She’s crying because of Kingston.
It makes me mad that he made her cry. I don’t know what happened, and when I asked my mom if she was okay, she pretended she was. I know she’s not. I know that she’s not really seeing Kingston anymore, either.
Gabby: It really sucks that he made her cry. You need to tell your dad. I bet he’d be mad at Kingston.
Bianca: Probably.
Gabby: Or you could text Kingston and tell him that your mom is in love with your dad. Maybe he’ll leave her alone then. She won’t have to cry because then she and your dad can be together.
It actually makes a lot of sense.
I exit out of my message with Gabby and open a new one. I type in Kingston’s name and pull up his contact information. It makes me mad that he made her cry. It’s not fair. He shouldn’t hurt her.
Maybe if I tell him that my mom is in love with my dad, he’ll be hurt, too. Just like her.
And if I’m lucky, she’ll end up loving my dad, too, and we can be a family.
Bianca: Are you there?
Kingston: I’m here, Bianca. You okay?
Bianca: I am. Very okay. My dad’s coming back today to see me and Mom.
Kingston: That’s good to hear. I’m glad you’re happy.
Bianca: I am happy. Very, very, very happy. Especially now that my mom and dad are starting to like each other more.
I wait a few minutes to see if Kingston will respond. When he doesn’t, I send another text.
Bianca: I just wanted you to know so that you’ll be happy for us. He’s taking us to dinner tonight when he gets here. He’ll be staying all week to look for a house. He told me and Mom that he wants us to be closer. I think it means we might get to live with him soon.
Kingston: I’m glad you’re happy, Bianca. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you and your mom.
For some reason, that text makes me sad.
Yes, I wanted to hurt him, but … I don’t like feeling like this.
I feel bad for Kingston. I haven’t seen him for a while, but the last time I did, I could tell he wasn’t as happy as he used to be when he was seeing my mom all the time.
Staring down at my phone, I reread his last message, and a lump forms in my throat. I remember my dad telling me that my mom deserves a chance to be happy with Kingston. I had asked him if it bothered him and he told me no. I thought he was lying at first, but he never said anything else.
Now that I think about it, my mom’s been sad ever since Kingston stopped coming around so much. Maybe he didn’t hurt her on purpose. Maybe she’s sad because she misses him. She hasn’t said anything, but…
Ohemgee. I think my mom has a broken heart.
I flop back on my bed and stare at the stars on the ceiling. A tear slips from my eyes and into my hair. Not only does my mom have a broken heart but I think Kingston does, too.
Did they break up because of me? Because my dad came back and they can’t be together anymore because of me?
Is this all my fault?
Kingston
I don’t know why I thought Ellie might come to the Penalty Box on her date with James tonight. Then again, it is a family date night, so it makes sense that she didn’t. I guess it was more wishful thinking than anything. However, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to handle seeing them together. Once was definitely enough.
After getting Bianca’s text, I couldn’t stand to sit at home alone, though. I could practically hear her excitement. She has never texted me a message like that, but I figured she wanted to tell everyone she knows. I get that. She’s a great kid; she deserves to be happy.
“Another beer?” Noelle asks, coming to stand on the other side of the bar from me.
“Yeah.” I’ve already had two, but beer is nothing more than carbonated water for me. It does nothing for my ability to function, but it does manage to relieve a little of my stress.
“You talk to Ellie lately?” Noelle asks as she grabs a mug.
“I heard she was going on a date with James.” I don’t bother to tell her that I haven’t heard from her since the night I practically threw her out of my hotel room. I still get sick to my stomach when I think about how I treated her that night.
“I doubt that,” Noelle snorts.
“I heard he’s moving here, too. That they’re looking for a house.”
“He might be looking for a house,” she says, wiping the counter with a cloth. “But she’s not helping him.”
“Not what Bianca told me.”
Noelle slaps the empty beer mug on the bar in front of me with a thud. I meet her gaze.
“She did not say that.”
“Oh, she did.”
“No, she didn’t,” Noelle argues.
“How the hell do you know what she said?” I can feel my defenses fall in place.
“Because Ellie’s not dating James.”
“You don’t know your friend all that well, now do you?”
I can see the anger glittering in Noelle’s eyes. “I know her a hell of a lot better than you do.”
I cock an eyebrow. I could say something crude, but I’m not the kind to soil a woman’s reputation by mentioning that she’s been in my bed or me in hers. I manage to keep my mouth shut.
Noelle leans in. “Let me tell you something, Kingston Rush. That woman is head-over-fucking-heels in love with you.”
/> I snort.
“This guy is her daughter’s father. It’s not a bad thing that he came into her life. Bianca deserves to be happy.”
“So does Ellie,” I remark.
“And she is,” Noelle counters. “With you. Not with James.”
“What we had was pretend,” I tell her, the same as I told Spencer.
“You’re a jackass, you know that? An oblivious jackass.”
“Can I get my damn beer?” I snap, ready for this conversation to be over.
Noelle ignores my question. “Do you know how long that woman has had a crush on you?”
That gets my attention. I hold her stare, waiting for her to continue.
“I remember when that girl came back from visiting her brother at college. God, that was what? Sixteen years ago? Something like that. Anyway…” Noelle gets animated and her voice changes slightly. “She comes back all smiley. ‘Oh, Noelle. You should meet Spencer’s friend. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone hotter.’”
She’s mimicking Ellie, I assume.
“And for the past sixteen years, I’ve heard the same thing. Remarks under her breath. The way her eyes glaze over when you walk in a room.” She narrows her eyes and slaps her palms on the bar. “Don’t even get me started about how she gets when you flirt with her. She’s been pining away for you for as long as I can remember. Quite frankly, it’s pathetic.”
She says the last part with a smile.
I’m still trying to process her words.
“And Rush … this pretend thing… It’s only pretend in your head. Because it’s very real from where the rest of us stand. I’ve never seen her happier than she is when she’s with you. And vice versa.”
“James is Bianca’s father,” I state unnecessarily.
“Yes. And Ellie hasn’t seen him in thirteen years. I can guarantee, she didn’t fall in love with the man during that one-night stand. And you know her… Ellie’s one of the most level-headed people I’ve ever met. She never romanticized the guy. She never wondered whether he would swoop in and be her hero. From the second Bianca came screaming into this world—and she was screaming, I know because I was there—Ellie has been in love with only one person. That kid. She would do anything for Bianca. Including getting to know her father so that she can ensure her kid is safe.”
The Season: Rush (Austin Arrows #1) Page 38
