Never Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance #5)

by Melanie Walker

  We play it through, feeling the beat and getting amped up when Tay comes in, waits for Cal to finish his riff and kisses him on the head. "Opening band Yellowcard is going on now, so make your way to the green room for meet and greets please." She says and walks over to the flowers in the room from various sponsors, stealing the cards so she can return in kind with Thank you baskets.

  Before we leave she stops me. "Thank you for trying Noah. I know you're mad and you feel like a child how you're being treated, but please remember it is one tour and then you are free."

  I look at her, unable to hide my distaste for her pep talk. "If you think that is what I'm upset by then you need a good long lesson in remembering who I am and what I'm about. You all do." I say and leave her standing there.

  I may be a dick, I may be over reacting, but I was sick and tired of the pity and the babying and I would be a dick until they all figured it out.

  Garrett Kato

  Sweet Jane

  Bright

  The energy in the venue was alive like a heartbeat. From where I stood on the side of the stage I couldn’t even see the fans in the cheap seats it went on forever. And it was loud, so loud and I couldn’t reel my excitement in. Growing up wealthy and being an heiress held perks, perks where I could see any band I wanted, I went to parties and sweet sixteen's that top musicians played at so it wasn't star struck. It was something more and I couldn’t name it.

  Before long the vibrations of stomping feet and an audience in sync screaming TAT, TAT, TAT I jumped when I heard the kick drum in a five beat set. The place went ballistic and the lights went out. Cell phones lit it up, white lights shining from as far back as I could see and tears stung my eyes. Magical, it was magical.

  "How you doin' San Francisco?" Chad said from somewhere in the stadium and it was insane the eruption and it vibrated through the place and bounced off the walls. "I love you too." He said absently before I heard the simple strum on an acoustic guitar causing the crowed to erupt again.

  "Tell me what ya'll came here for?" Chad said and they all started screaming TAT again. "I can't hear you mother fuckers, get loud and tell me what the fuck you came here for?" As he said the last word the lights shone down on him in the center of the audience on an extension from the stage, his microphone was out to the crowd and the cheers reverberated from everywhere.

  "You ready to go into the Fray with us?" Screaming fans started jumping up and down as the first chords to one of their songs started.

  Then I saw Noah and was captivated. He was so different under the lights. Sexy, oh God so sexy. He would jam side by side with Cal and Chad on the heavier songs, running across the stage and jumping. He was so enthused and I wasn't sure what to expect, this wasn't it.

  A few times he would walk to the edge and squat down so the women could show their boobs, or toss bra's, he ate it up and they loved it. Chad and Cal, both so unfazed by the women who would give anything to be near them. Noah, was not however, it was like he connected with every single one and promissed them a ride.

  I fucking got it now.

  Did I ever.

  He was sex, and he wore it, every stitch.

  From there the songs came one after the other until they took a quick break and Shame stayed on the stage doing sound effects and riling the crowd until the stadium went pitch black again and then I saw him, this time much more reserved. Alone, he walked out to the stage, sans bass and took a seat at a piano. He was dressed in blue jeans that had shredded holes all over and a T-shirt that said Facelift on it.

  Then he pointed to me. Small red lights line the stage enough that I knew he meant me. I felt butterflies at seeing him acknowledge me. It was then and there that I admitted I might have a crush, but I think he did too. I heard the first few strokes of the piano keys and melted a little at hearing him go soft.

  But it was his voice as he sang low and deep about things some understood, and things some never could. It was loss, and depth and need and torture and all he wanted was a moment of peace.

  "He's beautiful isn't he Bright?" Cassa asked, swaying to the music beside me. I couldn’t talk, just nodded and felt that beauty to my bones. I saw Cassa nod in agreement then cheer when Shamus had a heavy drum part.

  Tears stung my eyes but I refused to look away, his eyes were on me and if I could support his emotion in whatever way he needed as he played an obviously personal song. Then damn it, I would.

  The song came to an end and the audience went crazy as the lights went down and the guys exited to the right of the stage. It was chaos as they exited and headed to the left side of the stage and Cassa grabbed my arm forcing me to follow. I didn't know there were fans waiting back stage just behind us until I saw them. Now I knew why all of them had a guard with them individually, but also two in the front and two in the back. Even crazier Carrie, Cassa and myself were escorted by some pretty enormous scary looking guys.

  Once we made it to the left entrance, one of the guards came up and took my shoulders in hands and started pushing me to the back hallway. "Come on honey. Your kind wait back behind the gate until the boys are done. Noah and some roadies are your only options, if they don't float your boat you know where the exit is."

  I didn't say anything at first because I thought maybe my not being a wife or fiancé of one of the guys that maybe their area was guarded differently, but I learned real quick he thought I was a fangirl and offended didn't begin to cover it. "Look I'm not some cheap girl looking for a good time meathead! I am an employee of the band!" I tried to show my pass but he refused to listen.

  "Okay sweet cheeks I'll be sure to let them know you were offended. What's your name so I make sure I get your story straight for the cops?"

  Oh this fucking dude was a dick. "Know what asshat? I will leave and I'll let Noah and Tayla know that Brutus the big bald prick treated me like a whore and forced me to leave!"

  He nodded unfazed by my threat. "Sounds good darlin, thanks for stopping by… shit, name again doll? It escaped me."

  I saw the security police making their way over to us and the last thing I wanted to do was cause a scene so I gathered my pride off the floor and hauled ass out the back of the venue where Noah's bus was parked and prayed I wouldn’t get fired.

  Noah

  I couldn’t find Bright anywhere. I saw her when I played The Fray, but lost her after I left the stage right to enter on the left. From there it’s a blur though. We rushed the stage in the dark when we did our encore of Binge. Now that the stadium is emptying out we are all looking for her.

  "She was right behind me Noah, I pulled her with me when security guided us to the left." Cassa looked guilty and terrified that she hadn't kept Bright safe.

  "Hey, look at me sweetheart." I say and place my hand gently on her shoulder. "She could have got lost on the way to the bathroom or she's maybe in the green room. Worse case she knows where the bus is babe so it'll be okay, alright? She's an adult."

  She nods and Shame pulls her in for a hug trying to reassure her. Cass had been struggling the last couple of weeks after my meltdown over her ongoing treatment of Jen so I knew her effort with Bright was amplified.

  Tay came around the corner and shook her head no. She wasn't in the green room. By the time she got to me she told me that security had checked the premises and found her at the bus.

  "Well okay, good." I say, but it irritates me and I don't know why. She is my sponsor, supposed to be glued to my ass for the next three months. I'm pretty sure she knows I like her even if I want to fuck her, and this was the first time meeting us and seeing us live.

  Yeah, I'm more than pissed off.

  I go with the guys to do our duty and greet the fans in the green room. This part I normally love. I usually can get a fun party girl to come back with me, a little harder now that I'm sober with a babysitter on board. Tay assured me that security would be tight on anyone not on the list to get back on the bus.

  When I thought of it like that I felt dirty. Making sure that
any piece of ass I brought home would meet the standards for a junkies one night stand.

  It was after two in the morning by the time I made it back to the bus, seeing Bright sitting there on the steps with a notebook, dressed in yoga pants and a tank top looking like every sinful fantasy come to life.

  "Hey." She says and stands from the metal steps. All of my anger dissipated the minute I saw her swollen red eyes.

  "Shame, bro we are good." I say and he pats me on the back before giving Bright a hug simply because he knew something twisted her up, and he did wonders with twisted.

  "What's up?" I ask and hold the door for her to walk through. Seeing Stu on the couch reading a tattoo magazine I asked him to have a smoke and give us a few minutes.

  I grab a beer from the fridge and the Vodka from the shelf. I pour us both a shot and slide hers to her where she is sitting at the bar top, and place mine in front of me where I am leaning back against the stove. "What's up girl?"

  I see her face scrunch up and her eyes shut as tears fall, and whatever has her hurt this bad I swear to God I will do my best to fix it. I go to her side and pull her against me and rub down her arms in a soothing gesture that always calmed my sister. "Whatever it is we can fix it or get through it. I have been to hell and back and so I am pretty damn sure I won't let you drift off there on your own."

  "There's some serious role reversal here. I thought I was supposed to be the strong one?"

  "I don't put stock in strength girl. It's a word people use to boast themselves up when they feel weak. Strength is weighed by quiet moments when there is nothing left. I have more weak moments than I know what to do with, but when I am strongest is when I let accept the burden and ask for help. Even if I fuckin' hate it." My mind travels over the last year, since waking up in a nightmare and a new world all at once and if it wasn't for my people carrying my burdens I would have never come back from the ledge, I'd have jumped and faded like ether.

  "You know I'm a sex addict right?" She sounds so gentle and scared and hopeful all at once, and if I am honest I wasn't expecting that. Like at all.

  "I do, and to quote you, I only want to help where I can."

  She giggles and shakes her shot. "I guarantee there was an innuendo in there somewhere."

  "Of course there was. You're smokin' hot and I'm a pervert."

  She laughs again and I feel her starting to come out of the dark place and hopefully shell tell me what's up. "Can I trust you not to judge me?"

  I smile and wipe the wetness from under her eye with my thumb before kissing her cheek. "Doll, you can trust me with anything, I promise that. More importantly I don't judge, not my style. I have lived more than any one person deserves and judging isn't my thing babe. Never me, feel me?"

  She nods and pours another shot, and I wonder if this will be some drunken confession that lands me in trouble as all drunken confessions do.

  I mean, I am open for that.

  "I feel you."

  "So what is it then that's got you knotted up?"

  "How long have you known about it?"

  "I have known since that night at Carrie's after you left. Chad told me after I ripped my sister's ass. I figured that was mainly why they wanted you."

  She nods. "Yeah, apparently you'll avoid sleeping with me knowing it was something I was addicted to."

  I grit my teeth and nod. It's true, even if it sucks. Balls to the wall, I won't cross that line.

  I'd play though, I would play and try not to take it too far. "They're kind of right. I will probably always try to sleep with you. We've established I want you, but yeah I take it seriously now and try to mellow out because of it. Might need a lot of cold showers, but I can handle it." I am only mildly joking, but she laughed anyway.

  "Know why I left the venue tonight?"

  "Because you want to fuck me?" I am joking this time and she nudges me, flirtatiously mind you and I was a complete gentleman. "I'm kidding, tell me why."

  I was not expecting this little queen bee to fire off the anger she did and actually took a step back. "So look, yeah I have slept around and been celibate for four years now so I take being looked at or treated like a whore seriously. Some big fucking power trip bald security dick fucking pushed me, man handled me and told me I only had a choice of fucking you or some roadies and if it wasn't my thing then to leave."

  Holy shit! I was just seconds before kinda turned on and now I am violently pissed. My mind was reeling trying to place the big bald dick that had the nerve.

  "Where was your badge?" I ask and start texting Tay to get over here now.

  "Um, it was on but he didn't care. I told him I would tell you and Tayla and he laughed at me, kept calling me sweet cheeks."

  "Sweet cheeks?" I spoke through gritted teeth because our staff knew damn well that mistreating a fan will cost you your job if it wasn't necessary. Bright wasn't a fan and didn't give two shits about TAT before tonight.

  "Yeah, but not like I care I had some choice names for him too."

  That made me smile. "Do tell sweet cheeks."

  She flipped me off and poured us both another shot, which we slammed immediately.

  "I called him Meathead, asshat and Brutus the big bald dick."

  "Oh the mouth on you…" I mock, but really it had me laughing when I heard the knock on the door. "Come in T."

  Like the hurricane Tay is in a sticky situation, she came right on in and launched off. "I already know she was harassed and treated like a fangirl. No worries I have it handled already. I called Drake and he terminated his contract with Reliant Edge security about two minutes ago."

  "He didn't look or scan her badge, man handled her and called her names, laughed when she called us both by our names." I say and stand at Brights back so she knows in this I have her back.

  "I get it Noah, the badge he should have scanned it absolutely. The name calling and the pushing her back is part of the job. Knowing our names is common to fans. Now had she been a crazy tramp we wouldn’t have cared so cut some slack there. Though not fair or warranted, in the world you live it is common."

  I knew she was right, but it pissed me off anyway.

  "Try to get some sleep tonight. Buses are leaving at four am so make sure you're prepared and not freaking out when the engine revs."

  I nod and hug her and she looks over my shoulder to Bright. "Next time scream my name or demand they scan your badge. I will make sure all staff are aware and know who she is before the next show, but just in case okay hun?"

  "Yes I will. Thank you Tayla." She says with a shy smile. Not something I am used to, she's usually pretty ballsy.

  I make my way back over to the liquor cabinet and shuffle around until I find the Patron and hold the bottle up. "So, wanna get wasted and make bad choices?"

  She laughs and then shrugs her shoulders. "Why not! Fill 'er up boss."

  "I would love to fill 'er up, but I don't think she'll let me." I say and wink. I watch her cheeks flush and I may be addicted to that fire I light in her.

  "Well, then keep pouring until I forget why I won't let you."

  I look at her as she says it, my heart racing because I want her so bad. "Deal." I say, but I know it will never get that far. Fucking T and Carrie were right. I refuse to use Bright and know that I will defend and protect her.

  But damn, I want her.

  Fuck my life.

  Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby

  Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley

  Through the middle of my soul

  Awolnation~I'm on fire

  Chapter Seven

  Bright

  I woke up to some foul taste in my mouth and my head pounding through my skull. I am in the bathroom and thank God because I lean to the left in time to empty a bottle of patron from my stomach.

  Trying to place what the fuck I did last night, I look around knowing my bathroom is not even remotely this nice. I look down and see I am in my white tank top and panties, nothing else, nipples on d
isplay and I am in Noah's bathroom.

  Panic isn't the right word, but full blown anxiety is and the beehive in my chest is erratic and God damn nuts.

  Images of last night come back in HiDef. The bald dick bouncer dude that insulted me, Noah comforting me as I cried, shots omg shots, a lot of them. Then I remember me placing a shot glass between my breasts and telling him to take it, which he did. He traced a pattern from behind my ear to the shot glass between my breasts, then sprinkled lime salt on the wet trail. Jesus he took the shot, his breath on my chest, shot it and licked that path back up to my ear.

  Fuck he licks his lips and kisses me.

  Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod! What did I do? I feel my stomach curl again and lean back over the toilet remembering with every violent lurch of my stomach, why I don't drink any more. Hangovers and bad, bad choices.

  Wanna get drunk and make bad choices?

  Fuck me, I wish I didn't remember.

  The thought of not remembering brought a sadness I didn't expect and that made me puke harder.

  Fuck me, I liked it…

  I sat back from the toilet and pulled my hair back. Looking up I saw the door open slowly and tried to stop it with my foot and missed. "Jesus Noah! Do you have an aversion to knocking?"

  He looks showered, clean and perfect dressed in black basketball shorts and no shirt and bare feet that somehow make him ten times sexier. I can smell his shampoo on his wet hair and that cologne he always wears. He is devastating, and I look like a hot fucking mess. "Calm down chucklehead, I thought you were still sleeping."

  "I slept in here?" I ask and lean my head back to try and stop the hammer in my head from pounding.

  He squats down in front of me and nods before handing me some pills and an orange Gatorade. "Yeah. I take it you can't remember last night?"