Until It's Right

by Jamie Howard

“I’ve got you, baby girl.”

  Chapter 34

  Kyle

  I kick my door closed behind us, shrugging out of my jacket. Haley covers a yawn with her fist, and then gives her head a small shake. “I’d say we should turn on the game so we could watch your Braves lose, but I’m only really interested in one room right now.” She hooks her thumb over her shoulder. “Care to join me in the bedroom?”

  I snort. “Is that even a real question?”

  I’m fully aware that Haley’s so exhausted she’s ready to collapse into bed and sleep the day off, and that’s why she’s so eager to get into my bedroom. However, there are certain parts of me that are blatantly ignoring the facts and are thoroughly excited that Haley’s on her way to my room.

  Who am I kidding? Even if the only thing we’re doing tonight is sleeping in the same bed, I’m all for it. Hell, I’d be more than happy to have her here every night, and every morning, for as long as she’ll have me.

  The realization of how deep I’ve fallen for her stops me in my tracks, so quickly that I almost trip and land flat on my face. I may have loved Stacy in some twisted, desperate way, but it was never like this. I was never planning my future with Stacy, but with Haley I want it all. Everything. I want the stressing about bills, and the worrying about whose family we’ll be spending the holidays with. I want to clean up the dishes for her if she makes dinner and massage away her tension when she’s had a bad day. I want to breathe in her shampoo every morning, and let her hog my bed at night.

  I’ve known that I’m in love with her for a while now, but I’ve been trying to keep my thoughts cemented in the present. I’m terrified to hope for something more than the here-and-now. Because there’s this funny thing about hope—it’s warm and bubbly, it gives you wings and makes you feel like you can soar. It’s exhilarating and inspiring, until it’s not, and you’re crashing back to Earth, smashing yourself into bits when you collide with the ground.

  Trying to shrug off my warring emotions, I step into my bedroom and forget everything I just tried to convince myself of. Haley sits on my bed, leaning back on the comforter. She smiles when she sees me, and I’m right back to wishing things between us will never end. I might as well just give in to it, either way my heart is so screwed when it comes to her.

  As I step closer, she shifts onto her knees so she can slip her arms around my shoulders. “Thank you for today.”

  I drop my hands to her waist, and resist the urge to lean into her and feel all of her curves. She’s had a really long day, and I’m not a big enough tool that I’d hint at sex when her eyes are still all puffy from sobbing her heart out. “Thanks for asking me to come.”

  “There’s no one else I would have wanted with me.”

  Despite my pretty noble intentions, her fingers tighten around my neck, drawing me down until her lips cover mine. Her tongue coaxes my lips apart, and her fingers creep into my hair, pulling gently. I sway forward into her, running my hands around her hips and up over her back. She kisses me lazily, like we’ve got all the time in the world. The sparks are still there, smoldering and simmering, but unlike the last two times there’s a gentleness to her kiss that makes my bones feel like they’re disintegrating.

  Tracing my fingers up her jaw, I brush back her hair and she sighs against my lips. She pulls back a little and looks up at me—eyes wide and sparkling, all traces of her earlier sadness completely gone. The look she throws at me is one part excitement, one part nervousness, with a healthy dose of sexy thrown in for good measure.

  Shifting herself, she grabs a handful of her dress and tugs it off over her head. She leans back a little, away from me, giving me a fantastic view of her amazing body, and the purple bra and matching panties she’s wearing. I was already hard before, but the sight of her sends another rush of blood southward.

  How is it possible that this girl is in my bed?

  I let my gaze coast over her slim thighs, across the sensuous curve of her waist, lingering for a bit on the nicest set of boobs I’ve probably ever had the pleasure of seeing. When I finally get to her face, I pick up on the fact that she’s biting her lower lip and she’s not quite looking me in the face.

  Hold up. Is she seriously nervous about the way she looks?

  Giving her chin a gentle push, I make sure she’s looking straight at me before I say, “You are so beautiful.”

  Her whole body seems to relax, and a mischievous smile sweeps across her face. “Your turn.”

  Skimming her hands underneath my shirt, she tugs the fabric and I obligingly raise my arms and help her lift it over my head. When my polo hits the floor, I’m hit with a jolt of anxiety. Other than that night at my parents’ house, this is the first time she’s seen me without a shirt. An image of her ex slams into my brain and I can’t unsee it. If that’s really her type, then I am the definition of inadequate.

  My pulse starts to behave in a ridiculous manner, and I dart a glance at the light switch. Is it too late to turn off the lights?

  “Hey,” she says, skimming her hand over the side of my neck. “Where’d you go?”

  I force myself to swallow through the nervousness that’s built a barricade in my throat. “I’m right here.”

  She laughs. “I know that.” She taps the side of my head with her fingertip. “What’s going on up here? I lost you for a few seconds.”

  “It’s nothing.” I pinch my lips together.

  She shakes her head, amusement dancing in her eyes. “You’re a really bad liar.” With a fingertip, she traces a line from between my pecs all the way down to the waistband of my pants.

  My thoughts veer from my insecurities straight back to the situation at hand.

  But her downward progress stops, her fingernail tracing the exposed skin just above my belt. “C’mon, Kyle. What is it?”

  “I just…” I clench my jaw, trying to fight back the blush that’s creeping up my neck and into my cheeks. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

  She frowns, her eyebrows pinching together. Her fingers still against my waist. “Well, I’m not sure how you think things went the last time, but I can tell you that ‘disappointment’ wasn’t anywhere close to how I’d describe it. In fact, it was pretty much the opposite of disappointment in every possible way.”

  “It’s not that.” I gnaw at the inside of my cheek, trying to gather my thoughts. Screw it, the best way to say it is to come right out with it. “I don’t want you to be disappointed with me. My body. I know it’s not the ideal specimen you’re used to.”

  Her eyes widen and her jaw immediately clamps shut. My entire body tenses as I wait for her reaction, and I have to force my eyes to stay open. It’d be so much easier to hide behind closed eyelids, but instead I keep my gaze focused on her, waiting for whatever she’s about to say next.

  Chapter 35

  Haley

  His words suck the breath right out of me. I’ve always known that Kyle’s a little self-conscious about his looks, but I had no idea his insecurity runs this deep. It’s not something I’d ever expect to hear coming from a guy. Especially a guy who I thought was incredibly aware of how I felt about him. Or a guy whose clothes I practically ripped off at the office because I was so desperate to have him.

  I wait until his eyes have finished their detour around the bedroom before I say anything. “First, let’s get one thing straight. I’m not with Luke anymore.” I poke him in the chest. “Even if I had the choice I wouldn’t want to be with him. I chose to be with you. Do you really think taking off your shirt is going to change all that?”

  His eyes drift down to the floor, and I feel the last tendrils of anger drain out of me. I slip off the bed, the soft carpet brushing against the bottoms of my bare feet. I circle around him, and he stiffens when I slip my arms around him from behind and press a kiss to the middle of his back. His skin is soft and warm underneath my lips. I’m tired of fighting the words that have been anxiously waiting to escape my mouth all day. Not saying them doesn’t mak
e them any less true. And right now, I think he needs to hear them.

  I leave another kiss right below his shoulder blade. “I love how tall you are.”

  He inhales deeply, and I feel his stomach expand underneath my palm.

  “I love how broad your shoulders are, and how they narrow all the way down to your waist.” I skim my fingers down his side as I talk and a trail of goose bumps marches behind them. I stop at the tiny indentation right above his pants. “I love this little V right above your ass. And speaking of your ass.” I cup it with both hands and give it a squeeze. “I’m quite fond of that too.”

  Stepping around him, I lace my fingers through his, then flip his hand over so I can trace the lines on his palm. “I love your hands. Especially when they’re touching me.” I skim my fingers over his forearm to his biceps. “And I love this muscle right here, and the way I can see it rippling under your skin whenever you flex it.”

  I lean up onto my toes, and slide my hands over his chest and around his neck. “This spot on your neck, right here?” I press an openmouthed kiss to the base of his throat. A heavy breath rushes out from between his lips and caresses my face. “I’m kind of in love with that too because it tells me every time you’re feeling what I’m feeling.” Softly, I replace my lips with my fingers until I can feel his pulse pounding beneath my fingertips. “I can see your heart racing and I know it’s not just me.

  “But most of all, I love your heart.” I place my palm on his chest, right at the spot where I can feel it thrumming against my hand. “The way it loves your family, how genuine and honest it is.”

  I sink back down onto my heels and tip my chin up. He’s watching me with this expression that’s so brimming with emotion, any moment now I think he might crumble under the weight of it.

  “I love you.” A tremor works its way through him at my words, and I pause to give him a second to hear it. To feel it. To believe it. “I never, ever felt about Luke the way I feel about you. So please, don’t compare yourself to him. Because to me? There is no comparison.”

  “Haley.” His words are like a prayer. His eyelids flutter shut and he drops his forehead against mine. When they sweep back open again, I’m met with a look that liquefies me. His hands cup my cheeks. “I am so in love with you.”

  There’s less than an inch separating our mouths, and yet it seems to take hours before his lips brush against mine again. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, wanting him closer. He presses me backward, and I land with a soft bounce on the bed. Leaning one knee onto the mattress, he crawls over me and lowers himself down until we’re skin-to-skin.

  His mouth slips from mine—kissing its way along my jaw, down my neck, right to the edge of my bra. With a deft motion, he unhooks the clasp and then brushes the straps from my shoulders.

  I watch his eyes heat as they rake over me, and thank God that’s all they can do. If a look could kill, then right now his would be setting me on fire. My back arches off the bed as he sinks his teeth into the sensitive stretch of skin where my neck meets my shoulder.

  My mouth feels useless, restless. Propping myself up on an elbow, I run my tongue along the curve of his collarbone. When Kyle nips at the soft skin of my breast, I reciprocate, sinking my teeth into his upper arm.

  He groans and shoves himself back up the bed, claiming me with a kiss that makes me want to clamp my thighs shut and spread them wide at the exact same time. As our tongues tangle together, I fumble with his pants, wanting them off faster than my fingers can figure out how to unbutton them and get the zipper down.

  Sensing my struggle, he bounces off the bed and pushes off his pants and boxers in one smooth motion. Not wasting any more time, he snags a condom from his nightstand, rips it open, and rolls it down himself.

  I let my gaze roam over him, finding brand-new things to love about him—like the way his hair is completely mussed from how I’ve been dragging my fingers through it, and how his cheeks are flushed and his eyes are glowing. I make a mental note to tell him about them later.

  He catches me looking at him, but this time instead of him freezing up, a smile works its way hesitantly across his face. I recognize it for what it is—he’s trusting me to love him, all of him, just the way he is.

  I crook a finger at him. “Come here.”

  “First things first.” The bed dips as he leans against it. “In the interest of fair play, these need to come off.” He slips his fingers inside my panties and drags them off, tossing them on the floor. He nips the inside of my thigh as he lowers himself back over me.

  He brushes his nose against mine, his mouth close enough that I can feel his words on my lips when he speaks. “I’ve known for a long time that I’ve been falling in love with you.” He pins me with his gaze. “Thank you for catching me.”

  I shake my head. “We caught each other.”

  Chapter 36

  Kyle

  After having the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, I figured I’d conk right out and sleep like the dead. That’s the way it always works in the movies, right? Sadly, this is another experience I can check off in the don’t trust the movies category. If I slept three hours, I’m lucky. I should probably be dragging right now, but all night I’ve felt nothing but energized.

  Haley loves me.

  Every time the thought streaks across my brain I get another jolt of adrenaline, a spike in my blood pressure. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It makes the oxygen I’m breathing in more refreshing, the slide of my sheets across my skin more smooth, and the fact that I’m freaking exhausted a negligible factor.

  Haley loves me.

  I grin into my pillowcase, and snuggle closer against her back. Her thick brown hair fans across her pillow, and she’s got one leg tucked between both of mine. I inch the edge of her T-shirt to the side so I can lay a soft kiss on her shoulder.

  She sighs, curling herself a little tighter. “It’s not morning already is it?” she mumbles, not even bothering to open her eyes.

  “Nope.” I flick my gaze to the betraying ray of sunshine that’s illuminating the edges of my curtains. “Go back to sleep.”

  Her lips curl into a smile. “Mm, I think I will.”

  I wait until her breathing is deep and steady before slipping out of bed. After an entire day out in the sun yesterday and our extracurricular activities I probably smell about as good as a raccoon scavenging in a Dumpster at Joe’s Crab Shack. I lift my arm and sniff my pit. Nope, worse.

  I reach for my glasses so I can bring the world back into focus, and tiptoe out of the room toward the bathroom. I pause at the bedroom door and lean against the frame, taking a minute to snap a mental photograph of Haley sleeping in my bed.

  Officially, we haven’t been dating all that long, and I’ve never been the kind of guy who believes in soul mates or anything like that. I mean really, the world is too massive for there to only be one perfect person to be with. Statistically, the odds of finding one person in a population that large is infinitesimal.

  Except, being with Haley has skewed my perception. Maybe, there’s not one perfect person out there, maybe there’s several, or a handful, I don’t know. What I do know is that nothing I feel for Haley is surface-level. If souls operate on wavelengths, then I’m a hundred percent certain that Haley and I are on the exact same frequency.

  With one last glance behind me, I force myself to keep moving toward the bathroom and my much-needed shower. Things may be freaking fantastic between Haley and me, but I still don’t want to be the creeper lurking around and watching her while she’s sleeping.

  I shuck off my boxers, kick them over into the corner, and flip on the shower. Water blasts out of the showerhead, pelting the blue tiles. As I wait for the water to heat, I hesitantly turn toward the mirror, an object I normally avoid when I’m in the buff.

  For the first time, I catch a glimpse of myself the way Haley must see me. I look past the gawky teenager who was all elbows and knees, and finally really let myself recognize t
he equally geeky but not all that badly put together man that stares back at me. I won’t be modeling for Sports Illustrated anytime soon, but … I think I’m okay with that.

  Steam clouds around the edges of the mirror, and with one last quick grin at my reflection, I hop in the shower. Water pounds down on my head, instantly soaking my hair.

  Hmmm, what should I make for breakfast?

  My mind instantly conjures up an image of Haley, spread naked across my sheets.

  Maybe food can wait a little while longer.

  Chapter 37

  Haley

  The sound of the shower wakes me, and I try to close off my ears and shut out the sound. Too bad ears don’t work that way. Stretching, I curl my toes against the sheets, and my fingertips brush the headboard. Best night’s sleep ever.

  Rolling off the bed I cross to where I dropped my purse last night and rummage through it for my phone. I’ve got a few missed text messages from Tara.

  Tara: Okay, I waited as long as I possibly could, how is the party? Are you still there?

  Tara: It has to be over by now. Are you too busy to answer my text messages because you’re bouncing with joy or because you can’t see through your tears? CALL ME.

  Tara: It’s officially late and I’m going to bed. I hate you for keeping me in suspense all day.

  So, I’m pretty much the worst friend ever.

  Crawling back onto the bed, I tuck my legs underneath me as I type out a response.

  Me: Don’t be mad. I meant to check my phone, but I was too busy having a fantastic day. Yes, there were tears, but they were minimal, and the day went so much better than I thought it would. Get this—my mom sent the invitation. She’s ready to mend fences. It’s actually Beth who’s really upset with me. Go figure. And then Kyle. Omg Kyle. I told him I love him last night and he said it back and I think my heart is going to explode from happiness.

  I flop back onto the bed and sigh. The last thing I’d have thought when I walked out Luke’s door was that I’d be here—happy, in love, ecstatic with my life. I thought for sure that by losing him I was failing at the one true chance I was going to get at being happy. Thinking back on it now it seems like such a stupid thought.