Desire in the Sun

by Karen Robards

  The evening after her return home in disgrace, Lilah was summoned to the library. Lilah had never been "summoned" anywhere before, and she followed Jane, who had been sent to unlock her door and fetch her, downstairs with more than a little trepidation. But she kept her chin up and was outwardly composed, allowing none of the humiliation or fear she felt to show. She meant to fight for Joss, and herself.

  The library was paneled in teak and lined with shelves of leather-bound books. Though it was dark outside, the oil lanterns cast a golden glow over everything. The room was furnished with an Aubusson carpet in soft rose, a massive mahogany desk and a leather chair, and several other armchairs with small tables beside them. It was Leonard's sanctum, and Lilah had spent many a pleasant evening in there when she was younger, playing chess with her father.

  The wooden jalousies that covered the windows in lieu of curtains were cranked outward, allowing a soft breeze to cool the room. Despite the breeze the room was warm, but Lilah felt cold as she looked over at her father, who was seated behind the desk. His expression as he looked up at her upon her entrance was one of distaste. Lilah immediately felt soiled, unclean, and was furious with herself for feeling so. She refused to be ashamed of her love.

  Jane followed Lilah into the room. Leonard immediately motioned to Zack, one of the houseboys who'd been stationed by the door, that he could go.

  Kevin was also present, seated in a chair near the desk. A white bandage was wrapped around his head where Joss had hit him with the pistol. One side of his mouth was swollen and discolored, and he sported a painful-looking black eye.

  Thrown into prison, treated as scum, Joss's wounds wouldn't have received the care that Kevin's had. Lilah's heart ached at the thought. Immediately she banished it from her mind. If she was to have any hope of persuading her father of the merits of her plan, she had to keep a cool head, and not let her emotions interfere.

  "Hello, Kevin," she said evenly, crossing the room toward her father. Kevin's eyes flickered, but he didn't reply.

  Neither of the men rose as was their wont as she entered, nor said a word of greeting, nor was she asked to have a seat. She stopped before the desk, waited, head high though her knees had begun to tremble at the icy quality of the silence. Both men continued to stare at her as if they'd never seen her before, as if she had suddenly grown two heads.

  The silence stretched out, grew fraught with tension. At last Jane broke it, saying in a timid voice: "Leonard, don't you think Lilah might be allowed to sit?"

  Her husband flashed her a narrow-eyed look, and then his eyes immediately returned to his daughter.

  "Sit, then," he barked. Lilah looked at him, searching for a hint that he was not as closed to her as he seemed. The grim, blunt-featured face seemed to belong to a stranger rather than the father who'd always adored her. Feeling a dull pain take root in the area near her heart, Lilah sat in a small upright chair. Three pairs of eyes fixed her, pilloried her. She felt like a prisoner in the dock. Her heart knocked against her ribcage as she looked from one familiar face to another, and found a softening for her only on Jane's. She had known her father would be furious if he had ever discovered her love for Joss, but never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that his rage would be so all-consuming. It was almost as if he hated her.

  Leonard drummed his fingers on the desk top, looked over at Kevin then back at Lilah, his face hardening until it could have been carved from granite. His eyes were distant, cold. Lilah had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep tears from filling her eyes. She knew that by acting on her feelings for Joss she had cut herself off from her father's love forever.

  At last Leonard spoke. "I need not go over how sickened I am by the abomination you have committed, or how shocked and grieved I am that you, my daughter, would debauch herself with a slave. No words I can say can convey the depths of my revulsion for what you have done. You're not the daughter I thought I knew."

  "Papa…" A lump lodged in her throat, turning the word into a croak. Her eyes beseeched him. He silenced her with a gesture, appearing not the least bit moved by her obvious distress.

  "At the present I am solely concerned with salvaging what we can from this debacle. Word of your transgression is doubtless already spreading across the island like wildfire; you may rest assured that you will no longer be received by any but our closest friends. And they will only allow you in their homes for my sake, and only because they don't know the true extent of your depravity. Of course they will think that your ruin was with a white man. No one could ever imagine the true depths to which you have sunk."

  Lilah did not try to interrupt this time. Tears were too perilously close to the surface to permit her to speak.

  "Tempted as I may be, your stepmother has persuaded me not to totally cast you off. If you are ever to have the slightest chance of taking your place in society again, you must wed at once. Kevin here says he is still willing to have you. I salute the nobility of spirit and kindness for me which prompt him to such a sacrifice. Though it ill becomes one who loves him like a son to do so, I have taken him up on his offer because there is no other way for you, my blood daughter as much as it shames me to claim you, to avoid absolute ruin. You should feel grateful that Kevin is willing to offer you the protection of his name. I, in his place, would not be so generous.

  "Father Sykes will be coming at noon tomorrow to perform the ceremony. Under the circumstances, it will be done as discreetly as possible, with only family in attendance. Kevin tells me he is prepared to treat you with kindness despite what you have done. I hope you are properly grateful to him."

  Lilah breathed deeply once, twice, meeting her father's eyes with pain in her own.

  "I'm sorry to have caused you such grief, Papa," she whispered. "Please believe I never meant to."

  Then she turned her eyes to Kevin. Kevin, whom she had known from childhood, nursed through the cholera, loved, though not in the right way. Kevin, who still wanted to marry her. Why? For Heart's Ease? She thought that was part of it. But perhaps he wanted to marry her because in his own way he did love her.

  He was watching her, his hazel eyes shadowed. Her conscience smote her. If he had truly loved her, he must be hurting now. She hated to hurt him more, but wed him she could not.

  She wet her lips, and spoke in a low, steady tone. "I'm sorry you were hurt, Kevin. I never meant for things to happen like this. I truly thought I could learn to love you, that we could wed and be happy. I see now I was wrong."

  Her eyes shifted to her father. "Papa, please hear me out! I know I've shocked you, disappointed you, disgraced you. I'm sorry for that, because I love you. But I love Joss too."

  Her father made an outraged sound, slamming his fist on the desk and starting up out of his seat in a burst of fury. Lilah stood too, facing him bravely, trying to get the words out before sorrow at what she was doing to her family closed her throat.

  "I'll never wed Kevin, never, and you can't compel me to do so. I realize that if I stay here at Heart's Ease, unwed, I'll be ruined, and you, all of you, will be shamed. So I'm asking you to let me go. Let me go and let Joss go and we'll go away to England and start a new life. You need never see or hear from me again, if that's your wish, and you can leave Heart's Ease to Kevin, who surely deserves it."

  "Enough!" Leonard came around the corner of the desk, bellowing like a wounded moose. Lilah stood her ground as he closed on her, knowing she had to be strong if she was to have any chance of seeing Joss again.

  "You will do as you're told and be damned grateful! You'll wed Kevin tomorrow, and if you so much as mention that damned blackamoor's name in my presence again I'll whip you as I should have when you were a little girl!" Leonard growled, leaning threateningly close to Lilah's face.

  "I'll not marry Kevin, tomorrow or any other day, Papa. And there's nothing you can do to make me." Her voice was very steady despite a slight trembling of her lower lip.

  Father and daughter stood nose to nose, one glaring and the oth
er looking on the verge of tears, but adamant for all that. Leonard's bulk was overwhelming next to Lilah's slenderness, his weather-roughened features coarse compared to the delicacy of hers. Yet there was a sameness in both of them that spoke of wills that would never bend, and it was obvious an impasse had been reached. He ordered, and she would not obey. Checkmate.

  Kevin got up, wincing as if the movement pained him. "Leonard, if you would permit me…"he said, looking at the incensed older man as he caught Lilah's arm and pulled her gently aside.

  Badly shaken by the unprecedented battle of wills with her father, Lilah allowed Kevin to lead her off to a corner of the room, where he took both her hands in his and stood looking down at her. It was a moment before he spoke. "You had better marry me, you know. Your life will be miserable if you don't."

  "You don't want to marry me, Kevin," she said quietly, looking up into the face that Joss had battered so badly. She had never meant to hurt any of these people, and here she was hurting them all. For Joss. And herself. Because she would never be happy without him. "I don't love you, you see, not in the right way. Not in the way a woman should love her husband. I'm fond of you, but that's not enough. I've learned that. I'll make you unhappy, and you don't deserve to be unhappy. You're a very special man, and you deserve someone who'll love you more than anything in the world."

  "I suppose you think you love that buck of yours?" A sneer twisted his mouth, wiping the kindness from his eyes. Lilah sighed.

  "His name is Joss, and he's a man just like you are. Who his mother was doesn't make a tad of difference. Yes, I love him. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Now, after hearing that, do you really want to marry me?"

  Kevin frowned as he weighed her words. "Together we'd make a good team, Lilah. We've known each other for years, we both love the plantation, and if you married me people would soon forget all about this aberration of yours. Your father would forget. I'll run the sugar operation and you'll run the house and we'll have children. In twenty years we'll hardly remember that this happened."

  "I'll remember," Lilah said softly. "I'll always remember. ''

  "I'll help you forget. Please marry me, Lilah. I love you." There was pleading in his eyes, and in his voice.

  She looked up at him steadily. "No, Kevin."

  "Enough of this!" The interjection came from Leon ard, who crossed the room to take Lilah roughly by the arm and pull her around to face him. "You will marry Kevin tomorrow, and there's an end to it! If you refuse, I'll sell that maid of yours, what's her name, Betsy, that you're so fond of! I'll pack her right off to auction before you can so much as spit!"

  Lilah's eyes widened on her father's face. If she didn't obey him he would do as he threatened, she knew. And she also knew that there was only one way to stop this talk of marrying Kevin once and for all. She would have to reveal a secret so new that she had only become aware of it a few days before.

  Her spine stiffened and all hint of tears suddenly fled. She had to be strong, and she would be. If she gave in, she had too much to lose.

  "Kevin doesn't want to wed me, Papa. Or at least, he won't when he knows the truth." She paused, took a deep breath. With all eyes on her, the words were difficult to say. Unconsciously her fists clenched at her sides, pressing into her thighs as she forced the words out. "You see, I'm with child. I'm carrying Joss's child."

  LIX

  The next morning, to Lilah's horrified surprise, iron bars were installed outside her bedroom windows, making it impossible for her to open them more than a few inches. Apparently Leonard feared that she would try again to flee from Heart's Ease. Merely locking her in her room would not be sufficient insurance that she would stay there. Lilah was perfectly capable of climbing out her second-floor window.

  In truth, Lilah had been planning just such an escape. It had become abundantly clear that there was no chance of persuading her father to drop the chaises against Joss, to set him free and let him return to England. Not even in return for her promise to marry Kevin would he do that. Leonard hated Joss with a virulent hatred that would not be appeased until Joss had paid with his life for what he had done to Leonard Remy's only daughter.

  A frightened, subdued Betsy was permitted to see to her mistress's needs during the day, but to Lilah's combined fury and humiliation Jane or Leonard escorted Betsy to Lilah's door, unlocked it, locked the two girls in together, then let Betsy out again when her tasks were done. At night Betsy was locked in her own tiny third- floor room, so that she could not steal downstairs and help her mistress to escape. As it sank in that her father had her well and truly trapped, Lilah had never felt so helpless, or so frightened, in her life.

  She was a prisoner in her own home, cut off from everyone, everything. In Bridgetown, the man she loved was imprisoned, facing trial for his life, for the crime of loving her. He did not even know that she was carrying his child… When she thought that he might be hanged, might die without knowing, she feared she would go mad. For the sake of the tiny bud of life she carried within her she forced such thoughts from her mind. She must just have faith that things would work out for the best, no matter how impossible it seemed.

  As days passed, turned into a week and more, it became obvious that her father was not going to relent. Lilah became convinced that her father meant to keep her locked up until she bore her child, and then would take the child away from her by force. His rage at her condition had been terrible; Lilah grew more and more certain that he was capable of such a heinous act. To him, a grandchild of mixed race would be an abomination.

  Try as she might, she could conceive of no way to help herself, no way to help Joss.

  Ten days after her imprisonment, she was lying on her bed, hot and dispirited and trying to nap. The early weeks of pregnancy were beginning to take their toll. She was constantly tired, and occasionally nauseous. She knew she should be trying to conceive of some plan of escape, but she had no energy to even think. The truth was that, unless she could persuade her father to relent or Jane to defy him, escape was impossible.

  The sound of hoofbeats on the drive leading to the house broke through her lethargy. Visitors had been few since her return from the Colonies, and even fewer since her disgrace. Curiosity prompted her to get up from her bed and cross to the window overlooking the front drive. Pulling aside the drape to blink at the brilliant afternoon sunlight, Lilah saw that their caller was a man, a stranger. He was young, she observed without much interest as he swung down from his horse, perhaps in his mid-thirties, well-dressed with a lean, muscular build. His hair was a bright butter-yellow, nearly as blonde as her own. Her father had occasional business callers, and Lilah assumed that, since the man wasn't known to her, he must fall into that category. She watched him until he disappeared beneath the overhanging roof of the verandah, then let the curtain fall again, returning to throw herself on the bed.

  That night Betsy came to help her undress as she always did, with Jane as her silent, tight-mouthed escort. Lilah suspected that her father had forbidden her stepmother to speak to her, and Jane, ever the obedient wife, would not dream of defying her husband. Betsy said nothing until Jane locked the door behind her, leaving the two girls alone together. Then she hurried over to Lilah, who was sitting in the chair before the window, feeling more lively than she had all day. The small doses of Betsy's company that she was permitted were the bright spots of her days.

  "Miss Lilah, I done got somethin' to tell you, about that Joss," Betsy whispered, glancing around nervously as if the very walls had ears. Betsy was not permitted to stay with her long, so she had learned to work as she talked, and was now undoing her mistress's buttons.

  "What?" Such paranoia was contagious, and Lilah found herself whispering too. Which, when she thought about it, might be more cautious than foolish Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined that her own father could treat her so inhumanely, despite the magnitude of her offense. If he was capable of locking her
in her room for weeks, allowing the man she loved to hang, and possibly even stealing her baby, he might be capable of dreadful retaliation were he to discover that Betsy was bringing her news of the man he had grown to hate above all others.

  "That man that was here today-he was looking for him. At least, for a Captain Jocelyn San Pietro-that's him, ain't it?"

  Lilah nodded.

  Betsy went on. "This man works for your Joss in England. He says he got a letter from him saying that he'd been sold as a slave and bought by your pa. That man-David Scanlon, his name was-he come to buy your Joss's freedom!"

  "What did Papa say?" It was hardly more than a breath, as hope welled up inside her. Lilah turned to look at Betsy, her gown half unbuttoned, all thoughts of preparing for bed forgotten. Although she knew it was foolish, she could not help the sudden leap of her heart.

  "He said he never heard of Jocelyn San Pietro, and ordered the man off Heart's Ease."

  "Oh, no. Did the man just leave? Didn't he… he try to get Papa to tell him anything?"

  "Your papa isn't the easiest man in the world to talk to when he's angry, and he is surefire angry about this! I ain't never seen him this way before, and that's the truth! But the man did tell him that if he got word of your Joss, he could find him aboard the Lady Jasmine, in Bridgetown Harbor. He said he'd be stayin' there until he got word of your Joss."