The Complete Groupie Trilogy
Page 52
She tried to return the favor but with his limited sensations below the waist the most she could do was cuddle him close and kiss him passionately. He never complained. How could he? He had dreamed of being in her arms for years. Wanting to feel more simply drove his physical therapy as he was more determined than ever to regain the use of his lower body.
In that sense their lovemaking felt like an extension of his recuperation. When he was able to stay erect and even manage an orgasm they both felt triumphant, as if he really were on the way to full mobility.
So they kept trying, win or lose.
And he treasured each and every moment of it. It was the salve to his soul. By mid-December he could put full weight on his legs and take aided steps along his parallel bars. It was just enough of a positive sign that kept him working sun-up to sun-down. Andy handled much of the business during the day, including news from New York.
She dealt only with Holly, and Graham could always tell by her mood whenever she’d spoken to her. Graham, too, understood the other woman in Vanni’s life was no mystery at all. He also understood that every time Holly spoke happily about Vanni’s plans for the future it crushed Andy that she was not the woman in question.
He wished he could heal her heart the way she was healing his body. But he understood these things took time.
As he opened the box that contained the five-carat diamond ring, he realized that time was going by much quicker than he had anticipated. Christmas was two short weeks away, and he was fully determined to ask her to marry him that Christmas Eve.
He wasn’t sure if she’d say yes. Andy had a hard time seeing past the end of the day in her post-Vanni fog. But she was trying to make things work between them, and that was all he could ask.
He decided to make it easier for her and remove her from any business that involved Vanni and Dreaming in Blue. She couldn’t get rid of Vanni as long as he hung over her head like a guillotine. He should have done it months ago but he’d let pride get in the way.
In that respect he really couldn’t even blame her for her slip in New York.
Vanni was her drug of choice, and Graham kept the bar open far longer than was healthy for her.
His pull was so strong that even when she didn’t have to talk to Holly she found herself opening up the video chat to find out the latest development on the “mystery woman” who was pregnant with his child. She didn’t want to know, she had to know. Every fear she had needed to be named to be fully exorcized.
Despite her asking Holly for details, she was brushed aside with, “Vanni has decided he’s not ready for the world to know yet. We can’t let any information leak because you know how sneaky PING is.”
Yet Holly had no trouble letting her know that a baby did exist, even when it tore her heart out to hear it. She seemed oblivious to the distress it caused the woman she called her closest confidante and friend.
Instead, Holly seemed especially enthusiastic about the news she shared. Finally she let it slip that she was the one, but only to Andy of course, since they were so close. It was news to no one. Who else would it have been? According to the gossip rags he and Holly were still going strong in New York, where she helped him solidify his working relationship with the band as well as a relationship with his estranged father.
“I know this must be tough on you,” Holly said. “You obviously had a very strong bond with Vanni for years.”
Andy nodded. She had.
“I only tell you because you’re the only friend I have who would understand. Most of my friends are guys who couldn’t care less about having a baby. Only a woman would understand what it means to have the baby of the man you love. And I love him, Andy. I love him so much.”
Andy nodded again. How could she not? Giovanni Carnevale was extraordinarily easy to love.
And virtually impossible to get over.
“Will you come to New York and stand up with me when we decide to make everything public and legal?” Holly asked with the wide-eyed innocence of a child. She clearly had no idea what she was asking.
“I doubt Vanni would want me there,” Andy mumbled.
Holly just waved off the concern. “He wants whatever I want. He’s really spoiling me rotten. If I say I want you here, he’ll agree.”
How magnanimous of him, Andy thought to herself. “We’ll see,” Andy tried to put her off. She couldn’t imagine anything worse than watching Vanni marry another woman. “Graham is probably not up to traveling all that way yet. And I couldn’t leave him behind.”
Not again. Not for Vanni.
Especially not now.
“Graham’s invited too,” Holly said with a cheerful smile. “We’re dying to tell the world. We’re thinking maybe Christmas, since it’s so close to his birthday anyway.”
Andy closed her eyes. She remembered celebrating his birthday with him. And Christmas. And now Holly was stealing those too.
“I gotta go,” Andy said and closed out the session before Holly could see how mortally she had just been wounded.
It didn’t matter. Holly was living a dream come true. She was too happy to notice the pain of anyone else.
The more Andy thought about it, the further into depression she fell. She remembered the look of stark terror in his face when they had their pregnancy scare in 2009. There were no plans to marry and provide for a child. It was bolt and run, just like any other time anyone had gotten close.
Not just anyone, Andy corrected herself. Only Andy.
He’d moved in with both Lourdes and Kat, and now the scuttlebutt was that he and Holly were sharing a penthouse in Manhattan.
Andy was the only one delegated to the shadows.
Was it because she started out a “groupie?” Or was it because she didn’t fit neatly in the crook of his arms for publicity photos on the red carpet?
She’d been doing enough PR work for Graham to know image was king in the media. Had he really kept her a secret because she didn’t fit the traditional mold of a rock star’s girlfriend?
All the things he said to her were in private. Even in New York they had to disguise themselves, although at the time she had wanted to do that to protect Graham.
But was Graham the real reason why he agreed?
Or, after all these years together, was Vanni secretly ashamed to claim her in front of the whole world?
These were dark thoughts she hadn’t entertained since high school, when the most popular boy in school wouldn’t even glance her direction. Though she’d never let her weight stop her from doing anything she wanted to do or dating anyone she wanted to date, she was not immune to the hurtful and juvenile attacks of adolescent boys.
Even now as a grown woman she knew that some boys never really grew up. Guys like Leo, who clearly looked at her like she was some kind of social leper because she wasn’t thin and beautiful.
She was no fool. She could read the disdain in his eyes. She’d seen it many times before.
She was easier to hate, easier to vilify. Her motives were easier to question.
She’d never seen that in Vanni’s eyes. When he ran his hand over her naked body there was no disgust. She obviously turned him on and kept him coming back for more.
Until now. Now that he had perfect, petite little Holly – who fit on his arm like a pretty watch.
This was the woman the world expected to see with a rock star. She photographed well, even in all the paparazzi shots PING still nabbed from time to time.
Soon they would be all abuzz about a baby bump. Photographers from all over the city would want to be the first to capture physical proof that she was in the family way.
Then when the baby was born they’d get those shots on the way to her “Mommy and Me” classes, as she protectively hid her child’s face from the prying eye of the camera.
They’d snap pictures of them at Central Park, as they attempted to raise their offspring with a hint of normality like any other kid. There would be photos of the first day of school. They’d
want to see how he or she was dressed, and how impeccably Holly kept herself as famous mom.
She’d have to get her figure back right away, of course. Otherwise social media would whisper about how Vanni’s notoriously roving eye would wander to someone else, and they’d totally understand if it did.
Her own fame would ride sidesaddle to the fame of her child, as they grounded the wild rock star and made him more human and accessible to his fans. The women would still love whether he was married or not. The fact that he would marry and provide for a family would make him seem even more ideal.
Truly it was a PR masterpiece. Everything worked out well for Vanni, for Holly and for their offspring due to arrive sometime in August of 2011.
Andy thought herself sick on the whole debacle. She passed on dinner and instead lay in her own bedroom with a cold compress on her head trying to quell the pounding inside her frazzled brain.
Graham wanted to go to her but decided to give her some space. He could only imagine how difficult this was for Andy, to learn that Vanni had rebounded so quickly and with one of her friends at that. Now there was a baby on the way, the one thing Andy had coveted most.
He only prayed he could provide a family of her own to her someday. Though their times together had been few, he already knew she hadn’t bothered with birth control. They were warned fertility issues were common with his condition, and frankly he got the sense that she just didn’t care.
She seemed perfectly willing to go where the winds of change deemed determined to take her. She didn’t fight fate. She didn’t want to control the future. She submitted wholly to the will of the universe.
He didn’t expect her to join him that night but she did anyway. Their lovemaking was slow, determined and successful. After he came inside her he whispered, “I want to give you a baby, Andy,” against her ear.
It was the first time they had ever talked about any kind of future commitment together, and parenting a child certainly was one of the most powerful bonds two people could share.
His comment was so sincere it released the floodgates on the heartache she’d been carrying for weeks on end. She sobbed in his arms until there was nothing left. Here was a wonderful man who loved her, truly loved her, and was ready to offer her the world. She could no longer afford to cry over the man who could never commit to her in any real sense beyond the bedroom. She had her own life to live.
When the wedding invitation arrived the next day, Andy accepted.
It was time to sever her bond with Vanni once and for all.
Chapter Twenty-Two
December, 2010. New York.
Vanni
In the days following the confirmation of Holly’s pregnancy, Vanni was faced with some logistical decisions on how to provide for the baby and take care of Holly. He had gone to a lawyer to set up a trust fund for the baby but was told by the attorney as a single mother Holly would hold a lot of leverage against him in regards to child support and custody.
He wasn’t necessarily worried about her bleeding him dry. Everything he had he was willing to give to his child. What scared him more was that she could leave him at any point and take his child with her.
He didn’t care for those odds, especially not with his track record of being abandoned by those he loved most.
So he was the one who suggested marriage first. In fact once she called and told him the test was positive and the due date they could expect their child, nothing else seemed to be as overwhelming. Getting married to the mother of his child simply made sense, especially since they virtually lived as husband and wife (without the sex) as it was.
It wasn’t like he’d ever allow himself to fall in love again like he did with Andy. So there was really no reason to hold out for a better offer. Holly was kind and sweet and nurturing. It would be a good life, even if it wasn’t really the life he had pictured for himself.
She had hesitated, knowing how strongly he still felt for Andy. She told him she didn’t want to be a replacement for someone else, particularly someone who had moved on without him. She loved him and had chosen him above all others, and didn’t want to settle for anything other than his doing the same. That first discussion of marriage actually ended in their first real fight. She screamed at him that he was a fool for chasing after Andy’s memory when she had moved on to the bigger better deal.
She couldn’t even be bothered to do DIB business anymore. She had handed all that over to an underling in the company, allowing Gwen to do all the PR work she used to do.
“Once she knew about the baby, she was clearly done with you.”
He swung around on her. “You told her about the baby?”
“I had to,” Holly insisted. “She knew something was up. We’re friends after all.”
Vanni sank down into a chair. He knew that whether Holly intended to or not, she had just delivered the death blow to his long, tumultuous relationship with Andy. There was no way she’d take him back now, and he could hardly blame her.
It was ironic, given he was almost completely sure the entire reason they were in this mess was because he thought Holly had been Andy.
Or maybe he needed to think that.
“I don’t want to be your backup plan,” Holly asserted as she reached down to caress her flat stomach with one hand. “We deserve better than that.”
He sighed. Now that Andy was gone, that little baby growing inside Holly’s tummy was all he had left. He stood up and walked over to her, taking both of her hands in his. “Yes, you do deserve better,” he agreed. “Marry me and I’ll give you my best. I promise.”
Holly turned away. Ever since she had gotten pregnant she could cry just as easy as she could laugh. She didn’t want him to see her tears. “No, Vanni. It’s not right unless you love me.”
She disappeared into her own room that night and didn’t come out before he left for the studio the next morning.
He sent her roses, he had chocolate delivered, he even purchased the baby its first official piece of clothing in a very fitting blue. But every night she would shake her head and tell him marriage was sacred. She couldn’t say yes knowing he didn’t love her.
When she talked of moving out he grew more desperate. The pregnancy wasn’t even showing yet and she was willing to walk out on him. He had to bite the bullet and he knew it. He went to a jewelry store, picked out a ring with a ruby stone, her birthstone, and orchestrated a full three course meal to be delivered to their apartment that night.
By dessert, her favorite, he finally went down on one knee and formally asked her to marry him.
“Do you love me, Vanni?” she asked softly as she searched his eyes for the truth.
Vanni had already made peace with the fact he would never love anyone the way he loved Andy, but maybe he wasn’t supposed to. Maybe the affection he felt for this girl, this special girl who now carried the precious gift of his child, qualified as love even if it wasn’t the same thing he felt for someone else.
Maybe, just maybe, this was life making a smart decision for him. Clearly he wasn’t capable of making any good ones on his own.
Yet she was willing to love him, to raise a baby with him, to never ask him for anything more than he was willing to give. Maybe that was the purest kind of love.
And if he didn’t love her like he loved Andy, he could still love her like she deserved.
He nodded. “Yes,” he whispered.
Tears welled in her eyes as she flew from her seat into his arms. She awarded him with a passionate kiss that lingered around the edges of his memory like the melody to a song he couldn’t name. He knew instantly this was the kind of kiss that sparked their night of passion, which resulted in a brand new life.
What could possibly be wrong with that?
He lifted her up in his arms and carried her to his bedroom. He was completely sober as he made love to her again. When she asked him to say her name, he only hesitated a moment before he whispered, “Holly,” against her quivering skin.
He knew it wasn’t the journey he had envisioned for himself, but there was someone more important in the picture now. His child was worth any sacrifice he had to make.
With Holly it barely seemed like a sacrifice at all. She was attentive and loving, especially now that she wore his ring on her finger. They talked about a wedding date, and she told him she’d always dreamed of a Christmas wedding. It was less than ten days away but there was really no reason to wait.
Of course the minute they filed for their marriage license the gossip mill was speculating if the Casanova of Rock could ever really settle down. There was speculation of a “shotgun” wedding but they both decided they wanted to wait on announcing the baby. Not only was it none of their business, Holly was extremely superstitious and felt announcing it before she was three months along would risk a miscarriage. She’d had one before, she confessed. It was her greatest fear.
So she suggested they wait until the frenzy started over her baby bump, which would surely make itself known around Valentine’s Day when she would be about fourteen weeks along.
She managed to rent a church so they could “do it right” before the eyes of God. Suddenly, since her pregnancy, she was ready to throw herself into religious tradition in a way he wasn’t expecting. But he was willing to indulge her. He might as well make it a bonding commitment with God Almighty.
That was the one way he knew he’d never be tempted to stray. Heaven only knew what other curve balls the Big Guy was willing to sling his direction if he didn’t keep his nose clean. Vanni somewhat suspected his Aunt Susan had something to do with that.
She would be extraordinarily pleased he was marrying a good Catholic girl in a proper church. It would save him the ass-kicking she’d surely unleash the minute he joined her in heaven for getting someone pregnant out of wedlock.