The Complete Groupie Trilogy

by Ginger Voight

  Again.

  It strengthened Maggie’s resolve. She’d spent far too much time watching him chase after rainbows he could never catch, turning him from a powerful man into a desperate, frustrated mess. She wasn’t about to do the same.

  She was his nurse. He was her boss.

  That was all it could ever be.

  She turned off the light and left him to his tortured dreams.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Los Angeles, California

  April 5, 2011

  The night after Graham’s little bombshell in Andy’s office wasn’t a good night for Andy and Vanni either, who had a huge fight regarding his plans to incorporate Julian back into the band without discussing it with her first. She raged, he apologized, but in the end Vanni was unmovable in his resolve to keep Julian gainfully employed. He tried to convince her it would help Holly feel more secure and less threatened by their relationship. And, he tried to reason, having them close meant they wouldn’t be in for any more nasty surprises.

  Andy was no more convinced than Graham, but in the end Vanni told her he wasn’t asking for her permission – only her blessing. It was going to happen; he just hoped they could one day be on the same page about it.

  Graham had made it plain she couldn’t go cry on his shoulder, and the time differences kept the wisdom of all her other friends at bay. Instead she muscled through the tense night, where she kept up every wall against him she could.

  Inevitably he brought them down by morning, when his masterful hands on her sleeping body roused her to consciousness, and convinced her once again that he was her man alone. “Only you wear my ring, baby,” he crooned in her ear. “You’re my bride, my heart… my life.”

  She couldn’t deny him even if she wanted to. He knew how to infiltrate her walls and penetrate her fortresses. He talked about their wedding, about their daughter, about their future. He spent the weekend pampering her, taking her out on the town and showing her off on his arm in ways he had never done before.

  By the following week he had convinced her that if they couldn’t get rid of Julian and Holly, it was best to be able to control their access into their world. She hated every aspect of it but she knew Vanni would never forsake his child. They were stuck with them for the foreseeable future; she finally agreed that it was best to let Julian shoulder as much responsibility as possible. Keeping him busy with the band and Holly busy with a baby sounded much safer than throwing them out to their own devices. Neither Holly nor Julian seemed equipped to figure out a way to make things work that didn’t involve extreme poverty or – if history proved true – duplicitous, criminal behavior.

  As long as Holly understood that she couldn’t take Vanni away, which Andy was willing to prove by snatching every last hair out of her head, then they’d all be fine.

  By then Graham had calmed down as well. He’d spent the weekend boozed up and hung over, and deeply regretted hurting Andy like he had. He couldn’t keep punishing her for her choices like a petty child. If he loved her, that meant he had to champion her happiness. Much as it pained him, he knew that would never be with him. He thought he had made peace with that months before, but he realized he’d been in denial that she’d eventually come running back like she always did.

  That was why it was so hard to believe that her baby was conceived by Vanni and not him. If that baby was Vanni’s, he knew that their connection was unbreakable. She belonged to him now, and would never be free to be Graham’s.

  After a tough weekend he finally realized the only way they could all move on was if he truly let her go. As a peace offering he offered new, strict contracts that gave Julian a job with very precise compensation. Essentially he was a studio musician contracted by the label, rather than a true member of the band. Vanni and Yael still ran the show, and with Felix back in the group these core members were the ones who got featured in all PR. Julian went to work the week after that. With the help of another contracted musician, bassist Davy Gray, they laid down new tracks with Yael and Felix while everyone waited for Vanni’s commitment with Fierce to come to an end.

  There would be a new album and ultimately a tour, but Vanni didn’t really want Julian to go out on the road with them and leave Holly and the baby at home by themselves. He hadn’t brought it up yet, but figured there was still plenty of time to work out the specifics.

  Holly wasn’t due until September.

  When she finally hit twenty weeks, Vanni scheduled his day around her ultrasound. Julian was working 12-hour days at the studio by then, so she would have taken a cab otherwise. Vanni assured her that he wanted to be there, and it was the truth. Now that he had gotten his head around the idea of having two babies, he knew he could never love or want one more than the other. They would both be born of his blood, and he would move heaven and earth to ensure their happiness, their health and their security.

  This time he didn’t hide his intention from Andy. She made it clear in her screaming fit after the Julian debacle that no matter what the details, his lying by omission cheated their relationship. She was either his partner or nothing at all.

  She wasn’t happy to hear he’d be holding Holly’s hand through her ultrasound, but she said nothing against his going.

  Deep down she had hoped something in the test would reveal that Holly had been lying all along – that she wasn’t really pregnant with Vanni’s baby. Maybe Holly had gotten some sperm at the fertility clinic, anything but the distasteful truth that her fiancé had fathered two babies from two different women within months of each other.

  All they really needed to prove was that conception occurred after December, when he and Holly had last been together.

  Every day Andy prayed for that miracle.

  She kept it to herself, however. Though Vanni never really spoke of his future plans with his other child around her, they would discuss minor details like the baby having its own room in their new house, or playing with their little Bean on the weekends they would have visitation.

  Andy thought that he was painting too idyllic a picture for their future, that it would come with complications like another mother who would do whatever she could to keep her attachment with her baby’s father – even if that meant screwing around with his visitation. If she dared breathe a word of her concerns, Vanni would remind her that once the baby was born and they knew it was his, there wasn’t really any legal recourse for Holly, particularly if he financially supported the child.

  The minute his name went on that birth certificate, he felt he’d be protected.

  But Andy had been doing some research. She knew they’d have to make everything neat and legal the minute they confirmed it was his child. She wanted everything to be ironed out in court, from how much money he paid to how much access they would have to the child. Andy didn’t trust Holly as far as she could throw her (and often fantasized about finding out just how far that would be.) She knew that if they didn’t dot all the I’s and cross all the T’s, Holly would find some other way to screw them.

  But she said none of this as she watched Vanni drive one direction that morning while she and Kelly made their way to the studio.

  Vanni arrived at Holly’s apartment a little early. She opened up the door, wearing a yellow sundress that draped around the growing baby bump. It was almost startling to Vanni, who didn’t see Holly as much as he saw Andy. She looked considerably more pregnant than the last time they had seen each other. “It’s all the water I had to drink,” she teased as she followed him out the door. “I feel like I’m going to explode.”

  Their mood was light as they got to the doctor’s office where the test was to be performed. They were ushered back into a dark and private room, where Holly was instructed to bare her stomach for the routine. She since was wearing a dress, the assistant draped a white sheet across her legs before she left them alone.

  She cupped her tummy in both hands. “I look so fat,” she said with a playful grimace.

  “You look pregnant,�
� he corrected as he moved closer to the table. She took his hand and placed it on her abdomen. The warmth of his hand contrasted with the coolness of her tummy, and with widened eyes he felt their little miracle slide easily under her skin.

  “I felt it,” he told her with a grin.

  She nodded as she laughed. “I’ve been feeling it move for about two weeks now. I wanted to call you but… I didn’t know if you’d want to know.”

  “Of course I want to know,” he chastised gently. “I want to know everything.”

  “Okay,” she said softly, and then she squeezed his hand.

  The technician entered the room before she could say anything else. During the twenty minute procedure, they were shown all the results on the screen. The baby’s gestational age was about twenty weeks, as they thought, and its size was a bit small but still within reasonable expectation. With each new discovery Holly squeezed Vanni’s hand. There were tears in her eyes as she watched their baby with awe.

  “Care to know the sex?” the tech asked.

  Her eyes met Vanni’s. “Do you want to know?”

  He gave her a smile. “I’d love to know.”

  The tech pointed out on the screen, “There’s his penis. It’s a boy.”

  Holly burst out into happy tears. “A boy,” she said as she turned back to Vanni. “Your son!”

  There were tears in Vanni’s eyes, too. He had never expected to have a boy, but there he was on the screen. He squeezed her hand. “Our son,” he corrected.

  After the test was over he took Holly out to lunch to celebrate. She was beside herself as she tossed names around, especially after he shook off any suggestion to name the baby Giovanni, Jr. “One Giovanni Carnevale is enough,” he said with a chuckle.

  “We should make it Italian, though,” she said as she caressed her tummy. “Like his daddy.”

  After lunch he took her to a baby boutique so they could start a registry for the things she would need. He bought their baby his very first outfit, one she swore he’d wear as they came home from the hospital.

  It was much different than buying all the pretty, frilly, pink things he had bought for his little Bean. But he did insist on making his son a special keepsake bear, just like he had made for his daughter. Holly was in tears as they went from station to station, putting in all the special little touches that made Angelo – as she insisted the bear be called – unique to their son. They made their choices based on their upbringings, which they shared through the process that spanned the entire afternoon.

  By the end of it, Angelo had a microphone, a skateboard, a hoodie, T-Shirt and sports cap, and sound chip that said, “I love you,” so their baby would always know how much he was loved.

  Holly cradled it on the drive home, and carried it lovingly back up to her darkened apartment. Julian wasn’t home yet, so Vanni decided to make her a snack while she rested on the sofa. He joined her and they watched the spectacularly sunset outside her large window.

  She turned to him. “Thank you for today.”

  He smiled back. “My pleasure. We have a lot to celebrate,” he said as he toasted her with sparkling juice.

  She giggled, but then grew quiet. “I honestly hadn’t let myself believe I was truly going to have a baby until I saw that ultrasound,” she confessed. “I’d been disappointed so many times before.”

  “How many times have you been pregnant?”

  “Three,” she said. “All miscarriages.”

  “What happened?”

  She took a deep breath. “The first happened when I was fourteen. I was really sick, like I was when you first found me. Only I didn’t get any medical care.”

  He nodded.

  “The second time I got pregnant, my dad…” She paused and then winced at the memory. “It was a bad fight. He lost his temper in a drunken rage and pushed me down a flight of stairs. It was why I left home.”

  She had told him about her abusive father before. As much as Andy wanted to believe Holly lied about everything, Vanni always sensed these stories were true. Her pain was just too palpable to be an act. He said nothing as he waited.

  “The third time was only a few years ago. I found a boyfriend just like my dad. I dunno, I guess I thought I deserved it. I got pregnant by accident, which freaked him out. We were broke and living on the road and had nothing whatsoever to offer a baby. But I wanted it so much, Vanni,” she told him with a catch in her voice. “I just wanted someone I knew would love me and never leave me, whose love didn’t have to hurt.”

  He squeezed her hand.

  “So I did whatever I could to protect it. I watched what I ate; I stayed away from the drug scene my ex was so involved in. And when he’d try to have his way with me, I’d always shut him down. But one day he was really messed up and he didn’t stop when I said no.” A tear ran down her cheek. “He kept pounding and pounding at me until I started to bleed. I miscarried in a motel tub while he slept off his bender in the other room.”

  “Oh, Holly,” Vanni said softly. She sobbed in his arms as she clutched Angelo to her full stomach.

  “That’s why I wanted so badly to believe I was pregnant with your child,” she said. “No one has ever been as good to me as you,” she said as she looked up at him, her eyes rimmed red with her tears. “I wanted to give you a baby. I wanted us to be a family, one like neither of us ever had before.”

  “Holly…”

  “I know I don’t deserve it,” she said quietly. “But I don’t want to be punished again by losing another baby. I couldn’t handle it, Vanni. I think I might go insane.”

  “You don’t have to worry about any of that,” he assured. “He’s healthy and strong, you heard what the doctor said.” She nodded. He brushed her hair from her face. “And I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll protect both of you. I promise.”

  She touched his face with her hand. “Oh, Vanni,” she sighed, before she reached up to kiss him unexpectedly on the lips.

  Vanni immediately pulled back. “Holly, no.”

  “But why?” she asked as she abandoned the bear and turned fully toward him to take him into her arms. “We were so good together. Remember?”

  He grabbed both her arms and pushed her away gently. “Holly, no,” he repeated in a firmer tone of voice. “I am marrying Andy. I can be here for you and I will be here for our son. But my heart – and my body – belong to someone else.”

  She nodded as more tears spilled from her face. “I understand,” she said as she reached again for the bear. “It was my stupid mistake to believe someone like you could ever love someone like me.”

  “Holly,” he called for her as she disappeared behind the bedroom door. He waited for long minutes afterwards but she never came back out. With a sigh he left the apartment and headed back home to his fiancé.

  Holly was in her nightgown, curled up with Angelo and watching a movie in bed, when Julian returned to the apartment that night. Though it had separate bedrooms, they had always shared the one. He kicked off his shoes when he entered the room. “Where’s dinner?” he asked.

  “I wasn’t hungry,” she said in a small, sad voice.

  “What’s wrong with you?” he wanted to know. “Wasn’t your sonogram today? I figured you’d be jumping with joy over your little miracle. So what are you having, anyway?”

  She dragged herself up into a sitting position. “A boy,” she answered flatly.

  “Cool,” he said as he stripped out of his shirt, and then landed on the bed beside her with a flop. “Name him Julian,” he said with a crooked smile as he reached to toy with her tummy.

  She brushed him away. “He’ll be named after his father,” she told him as she scooted from the bed and headed for the bathroom.

  “Whatever,” Julian said as he picked up the bear. “This has got to be the gayest bear I have ever seen. Don’t tell me you’re going to turn your son into a raging fag, Hol.”

  “So what if I do?” she called back from the bathroom. “I’d love him no mat
ter what he was.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t,” Julian told her as he turned the TV from the movie she was watching to a wrestling match. “I’d beat the homo right out of him.”

  She glared at him from the doorframe. “You won’t lay a hand on my child,” she informed him in a deadly serious voice.

  He just laughed. “Whatcha gonna do? Get your boyfriend to beat me up? Oooh, I’m so scared. Although I bet he can pack a punch, giving all the workouts he gets fucking that whale of his. Talk about heavy lifting.”

  “Shut up, Julian,” Holly snapped as she went into the kitchen. She put together a sandwich for him and grabbed a soda from the fridge. Julian preferred beer but she was dead-set against having any in the house.

  She served him his dinner and snatched Angelo away before he could mess him up. “Where were you anyway?”

  “Leo took me out for some drinks,” he said as he wolfed down the sandwich. “I needed to blow off some steam.”

  “Why? Did something happen at the studio?”

  He snorted in disgust. “Didn’t happen is more like it. We’re in a fucking holding pattern as long as Vanni is prancing around on that TV show.”

  “And he’s getting a whole lot of money to do it,” she reminded as she climbed into her side of the bed. “That benefits us, or so you keep telling me.”

  “I don’t want his goddamn money,” Julian snapped. “His pansy-ass gets to play the star when people like Yael and I are the ones that make him look good. And get this, he won’t even let me get any press or anything. If he thinks he can shut me out of the band as some sort of paid flunky, he’s got another thing coming. I’m going on tour and I’m going to be a star in my own right, one way or the other.”

  “Just give it time,” she said as she snuggled with the bear. “I got you in the band, didn’t I?”

  “Half-assed,” he pointed out.

  “It’s more than you had a few months ago,” she bit out. “You have no patience, Julian. You never did.”