Lightning Strikes

by Mary Lynn Baxter

  “So, just say yes.”

  Amanda stood and walked to the window, though she continued to sip on her coffee. Like Carl, she needed the punch from the caffeine. For a moment, she seemed mesmerized by the rain slashing against the pane.

  “I can’t imagine this hospital without you.” He paused with a cough. “Don’t leave. Please.”

  Amanda swung back around. “I can’t make any promises. Going into sports medicine has been and is my ultimate dream. But what I can promise is that I won’t be leaving anytime soon.”

  “Thank God. I thought maybe Noah’s return—”

  Amanda shook her head, cutting him off. “He has nothing to do with my decisions.” Her tone was as cold as the sudden drop in her body’s temperature.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to imply that—”

  “You didn’t,” she responded matter-of-factly, yet her tone remained chilly. “At this point, I feel I need more experience before I go it alone, which means I’ll definitely give your offer serious thought, if the grant pans out.”

  The director drained his cup, then stood, a smile once again in place. “Trust me, it’ll happen. Meanwhile, I’m outta here. If things get hairy, I’ll try and come back.”

  “For heaven’s sake, be careful on those slick roads.”

  “I’ll be fine. I wouldn’t go, except I’m about to fall asleep on my feet, which means I’m not safe to touch any patient.”

  She couldn’t argue with that. Fatigue was a special no-no in ER as fast, critical decisions had to be made by clear minds and steady hands. Miraculously, she still had both.

  “Take care,” Amanda called to his back. He waved and closed the door behind him.

  For a moment, she dickered as to whether to remain in the break room or return to her cubbyhole. She opted to stay where she was as long as it was quiet. But then, quiet was not what she needed; it gave her too much time to think.

  Damn Carl for mentioning Noah Howell.

  She peered at her watch and noticed that the wedding was about to take place at Squaw Creek Lodge. Noah’s sister, Randi, was getting married, and everyone who was anyone would be there. Everyone except her, that is, she thought with a smirk. But that was all right. Squaw Creek was the last place she wanted to be.

  She preferred being right where she was, doing her job. More to the point, she preferred not to think about weddings—anyone’s wedding. Still, she couldn’t help but think about tomorrow and its significance. It would have been her first wedding anniversary, if Noah hadn’t practically jilted her at the altar.

  Amanda’s breath caught in her lungs and she squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to ward off her errant thoughts. Her tactic backfired. Noah’s ghost seemed to haunt the room. Why did she have to think about him now, when she was alone? To do so made her crazy, crazy with anger and frustration.

  His return to Vanderbilt had been like a blow from behind. Out of all the area hospitals that needed top-notch surgeons, some much more prestigious than Vanderbilt Memorial, why had he chosen to return home? Why had the board taken him back? That latter question was easily answered—he was the best at what he did. His hands were the consummate surgeon’s. He was the consummate surgeon. Too bad that talent didn’t spill over into his personal life.

  After he had left, Amanda prayed that by some miracle she wouldn’t ever have to see him again. She had almost begun to feel secure in that prayer being answered when she’d received word he had returned. Her knee-jerk reaction had been to resign on the spot.

  Then common sense and pride had come to her rescue. No way was she going to let him get another shot at ruining her life, not when she was beginning to mend her heart and find happiness again.

  To hell with him then and to hell with him now.

  “Grrrh!” she muttered, gritting her teeth, determined to corral her runaway thoughts. No such luck. Her mind had homed in on the past and wouldn’t let go.

  Noah had appeared at her door that fateful day just as he had a million times before. They had committed themselves to a hamburger cookout given by another doctor and his family. Neither had wanted to go but felt they had to. So when Noah arrived, she had been dressed and waiting.

  The instant she had opened the door and looked at his face, she’d known something was wrong. Another dead giveaway was that he hadn’t jerked her into his arms and kissed her, hot and hungrily as was his habit when he hadn’t seen her for several days. At that particular time, he’d just returned from a surgical seminar.

  “What’s the matter?” she had asked without preamble.

  He pushed past her, walked to the center of the room, then whipped around, his features contorted. Her heart skipped a beat. Even after he’d lost a patient, she had never seen that tormented expression on his chiseled features. Her heart skipped several more beats.

  “Noah,” she said in a breathless tone.

  “I don’t know how to say this.”

  “Say what?”

  Silence.

  “For heaven’s sake, you can tell me anything.” Somehow the words managed to get past her dry lips.

  “I can’t marry you.”

  At first, she merely blinked, followed by a shake of her head as if she hadn’t heard him right. “What did you say?”

  “Our wedding’s off.” His voice was so strained and low that she could barely understand him.

  Still, she staggered back as though he’d slapped her. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Oh, I’m serious, all right. Dead serious.”

  “But why? I mean—” Amanda couldn’t go on. The words dried up in her throat.

  “Trust me, you don’t want to know. In fact, you’re better off without knowing. More than that, you’re damn sure better off without me.”

  “Why, this is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, Noah. You’re not making any sense. We’re supposed to be getting married in three months.”

  “Again, that’s not going to happen.”

  “Damn you! If you’re walking out on me, don’t you think you at least owe me an explanation?”

  “Just consider yourself lucky. I’m doing you the biggest favor of your life.”

  She closed the distance between them and grabbed his arm. “I don’t know what’s going on or what’s happening. But one thing I do know is that you love me.”

  He groaned. “Don’t, Amanda.”

  “Don’t?” She heard her voice rise to a hysterical level, but she couldn’t stop it any more than she could stop her heart from dying inside her. “Is that all you have to say?”

  “Yes,” Noah said again, shifting his gaze while holding himself stiff and untouchable.

  “Fine. I’ll accept this cock-and-bull explanation, if you can look me in the eye and tell me you’ve stopped loving me.”

  For a moment, he didn’t say anything, which rejuvenated her heart. “See, I knew—”

  “I don’t love you anymore.”

  The soft but emphatically spoken words fell into the room with the force of an exploding bomb. She wanted to scream; she wanted to attack him physically; she wanted to hide from the pain he was inflicting.

  She did nothing. Instead, she stepped back and stared at him like he was the scum of the earth, which was exactly how she thought of him. Who the hell did he think he was to walk into her house out of the blue and calmly tell her he wasn’t going to marry her, that he no longer loved her?

  A first-class bastard who didn’t deserve her.

  Amanda jutted her chin and fought back the tears. She would rather have died than let him know how deeply his unexpected attack had wounded her. “All right, have it your way.”

  “Amanda—”

  “No! Don’t say another word.” She pulled off her ring and threw it at his feet. It bounced off one booted foot and landed on the carpet.

  He didn’t move.

  “Pick it up, damn you, and get out! I never want to see you again.”

  Without taking his blue eyes off her, he leaned over, scooped up the
ring, straightened, then headed toward the door. Only after he closed it behind him, did it hit her what had actually happened.

  In the blink of an eye, her life had changed. Noah was no longer a part of it. She had sunk to floor and cried until she had no more tears to cry.

  To this day, she still had no idea why he had walked out on her. The following morning at work, she had learned that he’d taken a one-year personal leave of absence from his duties as staff surgeon.

  Somehow, with the help of close friends, she had managed to keep on living and functioning, despite the devastation done by Noah’s betrayal.

  Then he had come back. A few months earlier than expected.

  “Why, you bastard?” she whispered, digging her nails into her palms. “Why did you even come back?”

  Chapter Four

  Amanda felt the jiggle at her side. Her smart phone was going berserk. She should have known the short respite was too good to be true.

  ER was calling, but that was good. She needed to work. A few minutes later she was striding through the automatic double doors.

  “Trauma one, Doctor!” an attendant called out.

  Harold Epps. Something had obviously gone wrong. Upping her pace, Amanda dashed into the room. Dr. Sloane and a male nurse were holding the man down on the bed; he was in the throes of a violent convulsion.

  “What happened?” Amanda demanded in a controlled but firm voice. She then stepped up to the gurney.

  Dr. Sloane was clearly upset. “I…turned my back just for a second. That’s when I heard that terrible noise and knew he was having a seizure.”

  Amanda issued orders. “Get something to put into his mouth so he won’t swallow his tongue.”

  While that was being taken care of, Amanda used her tiny light and peered into his eyes. They were rolled up toward the top of his head.

  “Harold! What’s wrong with my husband?”

  Ignoring the frantic voice behind her, Amanda gave another order. Within seconds, Harold settled down, but was soon wheeled to X-ray for extensive testing.

  She turned then and looked at the white-faced and pregnant young woman who hovered inside the room next to the door. One of the ER nurses on duty, Liz Roberts, stood beside her.

  After letting the woman see that her husband was sleeping peacefully, Amanda asked her to sit down, then told her what had happened.

  “Oh, God,” the woman whispered, tears filling her eyes. “Is…is he going to die?”

  An alarm went off in Amanda’s head. “Why do you ask that?”

  “Didn’t he tell you?”

  “Tell me what?” Amanda asked, the alarm blaring.

  “He…he has epilepsy.”

  “Why wouldn’t he have told us?”

  The woman bit down on her lower lip and looked scared out of her wits. “Because he’s like that. Always puts on a happy face so he won’t have to miss work.” Tears spilled from her eyes. “You…you see, we don’t have much money, and I’m not able to work, with the baby coming and all.”

  She was sobbing in earnest now, and Amanda said, “He’s going to be all right. You dry those tears and soon I’ll let you see him. Meanwhile, Liz will accompany you to the waiting room. If need be, we’ll talk later.”

  “Thanks, Doctor,” she said with a gulp.

  After leaving orders to be kept apprised of Harold’s condition, Amanda checked on two other patients who remained under observation, then went back to her office, where she realized she was trembling.

  Those two young people had gotten to her. One of these days, she feared, she was going to get tough and not care. If that ever happened, she would turn in her license. An uncaring doctor wasn’t worth his salt.

  Sitting at her desk, Amanda placed her head in her hands, only to flinch as another streak of lightning danced across the sky, followed by a mean rumble of thunder. Would this mess ever stop? she wondered, feeling more and more uneasy by the minute. Bad weather usually had no affect on her, maybe because she was used to dealing with crises. Possibly her childhood had as much to do with that as being a doctor, for it had been as traumatic and vicious as this storm.

  But she knew why her nerves were seemingly resting on the outside of her skin. Noah. There was a God, however, as she hadn’t yet encountered Noah face-to-face. But then, she’d made it a point not to see him, though it hadn’t been easy. She was lucky she hadn’t passed him in the hall, or worse, ended up sitting beside him in a staff meeting.

  Of course, she hadn’t avoided him because she still cared. She didn’t. Noah had destroyed her love by his flagrant violation of her feelings. Not only that, he’d undermined her newfound trust in the opposite sex.

  “Don’t do this to yourself!” Amanda whispered, taking a deep breath, which somewhat slowed her racing heart. She’d made a new life for herself. That was the key to survival.

  She had found a new man.

  Gordon Bishop was a woman’s dream come true, a man who knew how to love a woman, and he did love her. He was an investment broker with a fat bank account, although that wasn’t important to her. Though not wealthy, she made a good living and could do most anything she wanted, except set up her own practice. That would take megabucks, which she did not have.

  The most notable and important thing about Gordon was that he not only loved her but wanted to marry her. Although she didn’t love him like he loved her, a fact she hadn’t kept a secret because she was unwilling to be anything other than up-front, she nevertheless wanted to take that leap of faith and marry him.

  She was scared, admitting that Noah’s cavalier desertion of her had left deep scars. Gordon, however, was as different from Noah as daylight from dark. She knew she could trust Gordon beyond all doubt. And that trust did not come easy. It hadn’t then and didn’t now. Her tumultuous upbringing had seen to that.

  Amanda sighed, hating the fact that she continued to beat up on herself, asking instead why she didn’t rush back to the ER where her mind and emotions would be focused on her patients and their needs.

  Nothing doing. She didn’t move. The past held her down, insisting on resurrecting itself. Instead of Noah and that cold, foreign look in his eyes, she saw her mother’s empty, angry ones. Tears gathered in Amanda’s eyes, almost blinding her.

  Funny, she didn’t realize she had any more tears to cry.

  When it came to her childhood, she guessed there would always be tears along with baggage that she couldn’t drop. Even as much as she’d loved Noah, there had been moments when her mother’s brutal words still haunted her.

  “That son of a bitch is gone,” her mother had told her five minutes before she was to catch the school bus.

  Her six-year-old mind had grappled to understand what Mary Jennings had meant. “You mean Daddy?”

  “Yes, ‘Daddy,’” she mimicked with a sneer.

  “Where…where’s he gone to?” Amanda stammered, her eyes wide and innocent.

  “How the hell should I know?” Her mother’s features twisted into an ugly frown. “What I do know is that he’s not gittin’ back in this house.”

  “Oh, Mama, no,” Amanda cried, clutching her satchel against her chest. “Daddy has to come back. He just has to.”

  “You stop that whining, you hear me, or I’ll take a belt to your backside.”

  “Mama!”

  “He’s gone! He ain’t never coming back. He’s a no-good drunk who told me this morning he didn’t want you or me.”

  “But he loves me!”

  Mary made an unladylike snort. “He don’t love you. He don’t love either one of us, never has, never will.”

  Amanda choked back her sobs.

  “Hush that up. You might as well learn right now that you can’t trust men. They’re a sorry lot, and they want women for only one thing.”

  “But, Mama—”

  The school bus arrived at that moment, and the driver honked the horn, ruthlessly ending that conversation. But Mary Jennings was right—Amanda’s daddy never returned hom
e.

  Though her mother continued to harp on the untrustworthiness of men, she couldn’t seem to stay away from them. During the remaining years of Amanda’s childhood, both parents married numerous times. She had several brothers and sisters—some were half siblings, the others were step—and the brunt of raising three of them had fallen to her.

  Amanda shuddered, recalling the years that had followed, years that had exposed her to unnecessary heartache and made her grow up much faster than she should have.

  She’d had no one to depend on but herself. Only through working night and day, along with the help of scholarships, had she been able to reach her dream of becoming a doctor.

  And despite her dysfunctional family life and the emotional distrust of men, she was a damn good doctor. She would put her skills up against anyone and come out just fine.

  As to her birth parents—they were no longer a burden. They were both dead, having died within a year of each other—her mother from cancer and her daddy from a cerebral hemorrhage. She had been in medical school, away from them and her extended family, whom she now saw only on special occasions as they all lived in various states.

  Virtually, she was alone. No, Amanda corrected herself mentally. She wasn’t alone. She had Gordon. Suddenly assured that hearing his voice would get her mind back on track, she grabbed her cell phone on her desk and dialed his number.

  “Yo,” she said.

  “Yo, yourself,” Gordon countered with a chuckle.

  In her mind’s eye, she could see him sitting at his desk, his appearance as disorganized as the papers surrounding him. Although dedicated to his job, he was not a workaholic as she was, which was good. In the event she gave in and married him, they would make a compatible team.

  Marrying another doctor would’ve been a mistake.

  “Hey, you still there?” Gordon asked.

  “Sorry. I just had a free minute and wanted to hear your voice.”

  “That’s nice, but are you sure everything’s okay? You sound sort of down.”

  “It’s the weather,” she lied, then felt bad. “Actually, I’ve been taking a trip down memory lane. As you well know, that’s taboo.”