Just One Reason

by Kirsten DeMuzio

  So much for avoiding her. She was obviously still in town. And she was with Leah. What the fuck? Leah was my friend. This is my life, and she’s pushing her way back in. What right does she have coming back here and worming her way back into my life? What fucking right?

  Now that I’d worked myself into a fury I pushed off the wall and stalked toward the pub. Halfway there my phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket to see Josh’s name on the screen. Josh had never met Lindsay, but I’m sure it didn’t take long to figure out who Leah’s new friend was. I hit Ignore and shoved it back in my pocket. He was probably calling to warn me.

  Well, he should be warning Lindsay, because I’m not letting her back into my life just so she can fuck it all up again.

  Chapter Four

  Lindsay

  The Last Call was a typical sports bar with football, basketball and baseball photos and memorabilia on the walls. A long bar lined the left side of the room and there were booths and tables for dining.

  Looking around the room Leah said, “Josh isn’t here yet, so we can hang out at the bar for now.” I quickly looked around too and sighed in relief when I didn’t see anyone I knew, i.e. Grady Hawke. With some effort Leah perched herself on a tall bar stool, and I took the one next to her.

  The bartender greeted us with something that sounded like a grunt and said, “Hey, Leah,” before moving away to fix a drink.

  Leah leaned closer and whispered, “That’s Ford. He comes across as kind of an asshole, but he’s really a nice guy deep down. Cute too, don’t you think?” She nudged me with her shoulder and winked. I rolled my eyes at her obvious attempt to set me up. She had no idea the last thing I was looking for was to be set up with a stranger. Although he was cute - very tall, well built with sandy brown hair and blue eyes. But not my type - he didn’t have blonde hair that was long enough to tuck behind his ears or tattoos running down his forearms.

  “Yeah, he’s pretty hot. But I’m not really looking to date anyone right now,” I replied hoping she wouldn’t push it any farther. Ford came back over to us and set a glass of ice water with lemon in front of Leah. He looked at me, scowling and raised an eyebrow.

  Leah ordered for me, “She’ll have a Lemon Drop Martini.” Ford rolled his eyes and walked away.

  My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Was that his way of asking me for my order? Because, if so, he really sucks at his job.”

  Leah laughed, “Yeah, he’s a tough nut to crack. Ford was a star quarterback in high school and got a full ride to LSU. He was set to be a first round NFL draft pick, but he hurt his leg his junior year and his football career was over. Now he’s back home working here.”

  My attitude toward the surly bartender softened slightly. It would be devastating to have the world at your fingertips and then have it taken away in the blink of an eye. I would probably be in a constant bad mood too. When he set my drink down in front of me I smiled kindly at him, but he didn’t return it. Oh, well. I guess I wouldn’t be adding Ford to my list of potential new friends. So far Leah was the only person on that list.

  I took a sip of my drink and made a sour face at the sugary sweetness. Leah noticed my pinched expression and apologized, “Sorry. That’s my favorite drink and if I can’t drink it I want to at least be able to smell it.”

  I laughed and pushed it toward her. “Sniff away.”

  While Leah was busy inhaling the sickening sweetness of my drink, my mind wandered back five years to Grady talking about some of his friends. I think he had mentioned somebody going off to play football, but I’m sure his name wasn’t Ford. It started with a W - Wells or Walker or something like that.

  “Hey, Leah? What’s Ford’s last name,” I asked holding my breath and praying she said Smith or Jones or anything that didn’t start with a W.

  She moved the drink back in front of me and said, “Walsh. Ford Walsh.” Son of a bitch. Well, there goes the only friend on my list. Once Leah and Josh and Ford found out I’m the crazy bitch who broke their friend’s heart five years ago, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me.

  “Lindsay? Are you okay? You look a little pale,” Leah said looking at me with a worried expression on her face.

  “Um, yeah. I’m fine. I think I should probably get going though.” I started to lower myself off the bar stool, but Leah grabbed my arm. She was freakishly strong for being so tiny.

  “Oh, no you don’t. You’re not going anywhere until after we have something to eat. I’m starving. If Josh doesn’t get here soon there’s going to be hell to pay.” As if on cue the front door opened and a guy I assumed to be Josh walked in. His brown eyes lit up when he saw Leah, and I could see from here that he loved her very much.

  “Hey baby,” he said smoothly, coming over to hug Leah and run his hands over her huge belly. “How are my two best girls today?” I was pretty positive he wasn’t talking about me, so I assumed they knew they were having a girl. Another twinge of sadness pulled at my heart, but I hid it behind a smile as Leah introduced me to Josh.

  “This is Lindsay. She’s Lana’s niece and she’s going to be filling in for me while I’m off work. And she’s my new best friend because she took me to get my nails done,” Leah giggled and wiggled her fingers and toes.

  Josh kissed her hand before reaching over to shake mine. “It’s nice to meet you, Lindsay.”

  Josh helped Leah down so she could visit the ladies room, and he slid onto the stool she had vacated. I sipped my drink while Ford set a beer down in front of Josh. I smiled at Ford again and was pleasantly surprised when he nodded his head at me. No smile, but at least he was no longer scowling. I was making progress. Oh, wait. I momentarily forgot they were Grady’s friends, and I suddenly became aware that Josh was studying me intently.

  I glanced nervously at him as he took a swig of his beer. He tipped the bottle toward me and asked, “You’re Lana’s niece?”

  “Mmm hmm,” I replied, hoping he would stop there, but he didn’t.

  “Are you Lana’s only niece?”

  Shit. He knew who I was. Oh, well. I might as well get this over with and just go home.

  “Yes, I’m Lana’s only niece. And, yes, I am that Lindsay.” He frowned and opened his mouth to say something else, but Leah appeared between us and linked her arm through mine.

  “Come on, guys. Let’s go sit at a table and decide what we want to eat.”

  “You ladies go ahead. I need to make a quick call and then I’ll join you,” Josh said to us. My legs were unsteady as I followed Lindsay to a table near the front of the pub. I kept looking back to Josh as he dialed his phone and held it to his ear. I knew who he was calling, and I could tell that he didn’t get through when he shoved his phone back in his pocket a moment later. I also knew I should leave now, right this very second. I should walk out the door, pack up my shit and go back to the city.

  But something held me here, made me sit down at the table. Leah grabbed a menu for herself and dropped another one down in front of me. I didn’t even bother opening it. My appetite was nonexistent right now. Josh and Ford were talking at the bar, and when Ford glanced in our direction I knew they were talking about me. Leah rattled off some of her favorite things on the menu and started debating what she was craving tonight.

  A moment later Leah was still talking, but I had no idea what she was saying. The air around me had changed and all the breath left my lungs. My focus was suddenly on the front door and who just walked through it.

  I had caught only a quick glimpse of Grady my first day here as he drove away on his motorcycle, and I was surprised at how different he looked. Now that he was standing only fifteen feet away from me, I took in his black army boots, faded jeans hanging low on his hips, black t-shirt snug over his chest and arms. Arms that were covered in tattoos. He was tall and rangy and his dark blonde hair was down to his chin. He looked downright dangerous, and my heart rate kicked into overdrive.

  Since the day I decided to come back here I had wondered how he would re
act to seeing me again. I had hoped for surprised excitement and had resigned myself to indifference. After all it had been five years. He could be married with kids by now. But looking into his eyes now, I never expected the blatant and unadulterated rage I saw in them. He looked all the more dangerous as he was over to us in three long strides, slamming his palms down on the table, making Leah jump.

  “What are you doing here, Bambi?” He growled at me, leaning down so he was only inches from my face. He used to call me Bambi as a term of endearment, but the way he said it now made it sound like a swear word.

  Leah recovered and shot him a dirty look. “Jesus, Grady! What’s your problem? And her name’s not Bambi, it’s…”

  He cut her off midsentence, his voice raised, “I know what her name is, Leah. I want to know what the fuck she’s doing here!”

  Leah looked back and forth between us, catching on that we knew each other. I could only sit there in shock and stare into his angry eyes as my own started to fill with tears.

  “Calm down, man,” Josh warned as he grabbed Grady’s arms from behind and forcibly pulled him over to the bar. Grady’s eyes stayed on me until Josh shoved him onto a bar stool and stepped in front of him, holding him in place with his hands on Grady’s shoulders.

  “Lindsay! Oh my God. Are you okay? You’re shaking. And crying.” Leah’s worried voice finally cut through the daze I was in, and I realized tears were streaming down my cheeks and I was trembling. I wrapped my arms tightly over my chest and turned away from Grady.

  “What the hell was that about? Do you know Grady?” Leah was still asking questions. Questions I didn’t know how to answer. I stood up on shaky legs and grabbed my purse.

  Leaning down to give Leah a quick hug, I said, “I knew Grady once. I’m sure Josh can fill you in later, but I need to go. I’m sorry, Leah. I’ll see you at the office on Monday.” I hurried out, not looking back, and hoping Leah would still be speaking to me on Monday.

  My breath was coming quickly and I was still shaking, so I stopped at the end of the block to lean against the building and try to calm down. After several deep calming breaths I pushed off the building and kept walking. Instead of going home I decided to walk the few blocks to the lake. The sun was just beginning to set over the hills when I took off my sandals and sat down on the sand of the public beach.

  I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. How did I get here? A college dropout who recently slept with her married professor and just got yelled at by her ex-boyfriend, whose heart she broke but who she still deeply loved. There was no denying that my feelings for Grady were every bit as strong today as they were five years ago. Maybe even stronger now that I knew what it felt like to try to live without him. I think part of me wanted to come back here to see if he still loved me, because God knows I still loved him. So much. But he hated me. That was crystal clear from the way he had glared at me. He didn’t want me here. He didn’t want me at all.

  I lay back not caring that I would get sand in my hair and stared up at the stars that were just beginning to shine in the twilight. My phone started playing “Country Girl Shake It For Me” by Luke Bryan. Taryn had programmed her own ringtone into my phone, and it made me smile every time she called. Her timing was impeccable, because I was feeling extremely lonely right now.

  “Hi Taryn.”

  “Hi Linz! How’s it going in Penn Yan?” Her cheerful voice made me smile despite the tears that were still dripping down my cheeks. I hesitated before replying, wanting to steady my voice. But she picked up on the silence immediately.

  “Lindsay. What’s wrong?”

  I sniffled and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “He hates me, Taryn.” She wouldn’t know what I was talking about, since I had never told her about Grady, but it was the first thought that popped into my head.

  She was silent for a moment and then asked, “Is this about Grady?”

  “What? How do you know about Grady?” I was sure I had never told her about him. Maybe I said something one time when I was drunk?

  “Last week, the day we were there, I talked to him outside. I told him you were here and he seemed really surprised…and then he told me his name, but I didn’t recognize it. Then he got pissed and walked away.”

  Well that explains why he didn’t look surprised to see me tonight. He already knew I was in town. He knew I was here for the last week and never tried to contact me. The tears started falling all over again as I realized he really didn’t want me here.

  “Lindsay? Who is Grady to you? And why didn’t you ever tell me about him?”

  I sighed and tried to collect myself before speaking, “I’m sorry I never told you, Taryn. It’s just that…he was…it was too special. I loved him.” I was almost whispering the words I had never said aloud to anyone. Anyone but Grady.

  Taryn’s voice was gentle, “You still do. I saw you watching him out your window last week and crying. I know that look, Lindsay. I see it on my own face in the mirror every day since I met Wyatt.” I felt relieved that she understood and didn’t push me to say anymore right now. Although she did make me promise to spill the whole story soon.

  After we said goodbye I sat on the beach a while longer watching the waves rolling gently under the moonlight. When it was late enough that I thought Lana might start worrying about me, I stood up and brushed the sand off my dress and legs and shook out my hair. With my purse over my shoulder and my sandals hanging off the tips of my fingers, I started to walk the several blocks back to Lana’s house barefoot.

  The only direct way back to Lana’s house took me back by the pub. I was across the street when I saw Grady stumble out, hanging all over a very trashy looking blonde. Backing up into the shadow of the building I was walking next to, I watched as she put her arm around his waist and guided him down the block and up a stairwell. Not able to watch anymore, I trudged the rest of the way home.

  Chapter Five

  Grady

  “Calm down, Hawke. Don’t make me throw your ass out of here,” Ford warned me from behind the bar. Josh was in my face blocking my view of the table where Lindsay was sitting with Leah. I would never get physical with a woman, but I did want to scare her. I needed her to know I wasn’t happy that she was here. I needed her to know that I wanted her gone.

  I didn’t even realize Lindsay had left until Leah shoved Josh aside and poked her finger into my chest.

  “Grady Hawke! What is wrong with you?” Leah barked at me.

  I had been friends with Josh and Ford since grade school, and when Josh started dating Leah she instantly became part of our pack. She had no problem telling me how she felt, and right now was no exception. She might be tiny, and pregnant, but I wouldn’t want to meet her in a dark alley.

  “That was an awful way to treat Lindsay,” she continued. Her baby wasn’t even born yet and she had the finger pointing and scolding thing down pat.

  Josh rested his hands lightly on her shoulders. “Babe, ease up. You don’t understand,” he said to her.

  “Well, make me understand. Give me an explanation that would make that kind of behavior acceptable,” she snapped, batting Josh’s hands away. Her shoulder length brown hair swirled around her face as she looked from Josh to me.

  Josh glanced nervously at me, trying to gauge whether my head was about to explode. He sighed, “Remember when we first started dating and Grady was with that girl. We never met her, but he spent all his time with her that summer…that was Lindsay.”

  Recognition dawned on her face as Leah pursed her lips and studied me. I could tell she was struggling with reconciling the heartless bitch who had broken my heart with her new friend, who I’m sure she got along great with. Because that’s what Lindsay was - a two faced, manipulative bitch who could make you love her, right up until she stabbed you in the back.

  Leah patted the center of my chest where she had been poking. “I’m sorry, Grady. I didn’t know. But have you thought about trying to talk to her? Because the gir
l who I spent the day with and who just left here shaking and sobbing doesn’t seem like the type of girl to callously stomp on your heart. Maybe there’s more to the story.”

  Lindsay was crying? I shoved that thought aside. I wouldn’t feel bad for her.

  “Just drop it, Leah,” I growled at her, earning me a glare from Josh. I rolled my eyes. If any woman could take care of herself it was Leah.

  She held up her hands in surrender. “Fine. I’ll drop it. For now. But the next time you see Lindsay, I expect you to apologize. And you’re buying me dinner tonight since you ran off my friend. Ford! Get over here. I need food - now!”

  Dinner I could do. Apologize to Lindsay? Over my dead body. She should be the one apologizing to me.

  Ford plunked three shot glasses full of whiskey down in front of me and took our orders. By the time the food arrived, the whiskey had done its job and thoroughly mellowed me out. Josh and Leah left shortly after we ate, but I stayed put at the bar, shot glass in hand.

  “You want to talk about it?” Ford asked grudgingly. It was part of the job as a bartender to listen to people’s problems. Ford was not your typical bartender and went out of his way to avoid conversation. But he was my friend, and as much as it pained him to ask, he gave me a chance to talk if I wanted to. But I didn’t.

  “Nah, man. Just keep refilling this shot glass, and I’m good.” He nodded with relief. I think we had all changed in the last five years, but Ford was having the hardest time dealing with how his life turned out.

  The pub was packed, as was normal for a Saturday night, and I let the noise and alcohol keep me occupied so I didn’t give in to the urge to go find Lindsay. She was all grown up and even more beautiful than before. Shimmering beneath the anger was an urge to pull her into my arms and make up for lost time.

  The one good thing about seeing her was I had a new image of her in my mind. Now that I was twenty four, picturing a sixteen year old Lindsay every time I had sex was bordering on creepy and illegal.