Angel Realms

by Malynn, Vivienne

Rather than angering me, the words fill me with a dark hopelessness. Hope is the one thing that allows us to maintain our own will. When it leaves us, our ability to act for ourselves is gone. Cautiously, standing at my side, he begins to whisper words in a language I cannot comprehend, but this does not seem to matter as they begin to have an effect on me as if inducing a trance. In my mind the words come alive.

  The three mother letters: Aleph, Mem, Shin…

  With no will left, I relinquish myself to the words, which seem to vibrate through me as if my whole body were speaking them. My mind is swept away to a vision and I see a woman prostrate over the battered body of a young man—her son. Hammond is there but different. He is draped in robes and wings extend from his back. He is an angel. His face is kinder in the vision, almost compassionate for the woman’s plight. She looks up at him with reddened eyes. I can see her pain and anguish. Hammond kneels before and whispers in her ear.

  Aleph, Mem, Shin…a great mystical secret covered and sealed with six rings.

  The vision then takes me forward in time as the aged Eve lays at her death bed. At Eve’s beckoning the daughter leans forward and Eve whispers to her the words. This is repeated from generation to generation.

  Aleph, Mem, Shin…from the emanated air, water and fire.

  The words grow louder in my head as they are repeated, and with each generation I feel the burden of the charge and the costs. What was lost and who fought to protect it. I see the cruelty of man that nearly brought its end. The brutality of war and the heartlessness of ignorance. Man’s use of God as means for their own callous crusades. I see hate spread from father to son and from mother to daughter. False divisions caused by arrogant pride and vicious greed, leaving a wake of poverty and the destruction of innocent lives. Ultimately, I see nothing worth saving and my heart looses hope for humanity that we will ever rise above our own savagery.

  Aleph, Mem, Shin…from them are born Fathers, and from Fathers, descendents.

  The chain seems endless and with each generation my anger grows more bitter, then I see my mother on the day she left me with Hammond. I see concern in her face and I feel her emotion as I did the others. I feel her love for me. She wants to protect me and keep me safe, but she can’t. I feel her anguish of having to leave me, her utter grief of extending such a burden upon someone so young. I am angry that she had to be put in such a position, just another innocent victim of a world absent of justice.

  Aleph, Mem, Shin…He has set the universe in their heart, to blind man from His work.

  The words repeat like drum beats that move and sway me. The vision continues with my mother kneeling at my side. I am still unaware of what is going to happen. She kisses me on the forehead, and then taking me by the hands, pulls me close and whispers the words in my ear, just as the others before her, only this time she whispers something else. Something just for me. “Hope is the ember that will keep love burning when pain threatens to extinguish it.”

  I don’t know what she means. Then I see my foster sister begging for the life of her father. “Please be alright, Daddy,” she repeats over and over. She looks up at me. I expect to see pain in her face, but I don’t. I see pity. Why should she pity me? I become angry with her. Why should she love such a man? Why should she forgive him? He isn’t worth it. He will only hurt her again. He will never stop hurting her. He’s like all the rest of humanity that must be punished for their wrongs. Why hasn’t God done something? He is the one at fault. He has the power to end this and he does nothing. He lets them hurt us. He let her die.

  Aleph, Mem, Shin…spoken brought creation, unspoken will bring the undoing…Shin, Mem, Aleph…Shin, Mem, Aleph…Shin, Mem, Aleph…

  As the words pound their beat in my head they bring with them darkness, like a void has opened. The girl continues to look at me with pity. I want her to stop. I want it all to stop. I try to scream out, but I can’t. It’s as if my body is possessed by the words. Eventually, the girl looks away, as if is giving up. A deep well of sorrow pools in my gut as I watch her pull her father in close to her. With tenderness, she rocks back and forth while cradling his head. Why does she love him after all he’s done? I don’t understand. Then a voice from behind. “Yes you do,” it says. I turn to see my mother standing draped in a robe, a hood covering her amber hair. We are standing in the chamber room, but we are alone. “You felt what she felt once,” my mother says, gesturing to a part of the room. The scene emerges of the girl still holding her father’s head against her chest.

  “I can’t feel for him what she does,” I say. “I can’t love like that.”

  “You did once,” my mother says. “You felt it that day that I left.” In another part of the room I see another scene of myself as a young girl watching my mother leave. “There was a time when you could not hate.”

  “That time is passed.” A darkness begins to enclose around me. And the words pound through me. Shin, Mem, Aleph… It seems that if they continue they will utterly destroy me. “It’s too late,” I say.”

  “As long as hope exists in your heart it is never too late.”

  “I can’t…”

  “Yes you can,” my mother insists.

  “You don’t understand,” I say. “I’ve lost my hope. Humanity is lost. There’s nothing worth saving.” The darkness deepens as the words increase their tempo. Shin, Mem, Aleph…Shin, Mem, Aleph… Along with words are the whispers of shadows speaking things of misery that fill me with an endless hopelessness. I have forgotten love. I feel only despair and want nothing more than it all to end.

  Shin, Mem, Aleph…with His mouth piece he shall strike the Earth and it will be left desolate.

  My mother looks at me with a mixed expression of pity and compassion. “I know it’s hard to hope for anything more, it means you must open your heart and feel pain again. There was a time as a young mother that I wanted you to only have joy without any of the pain, but now I see it is better to have joy with an understanding of the pain.”

  “Why?”

  “With every wrongful act there is a chance for a stronger sense of love, one that cannot be experienced otherwise. There is a chance for mercy—for forgiveness. That is what God saw in humanity. That is what we must all see.”

  “I can’t,” I say. “It’s all just darkness.”

  The words are overpowering now. Shin, Mem, Aleph…Shin, Mem, Aleph…the great undoing.

  Tears emerge in my mother’s eyes as she pleads with me, “You have to believe,” she says in desperation.

  “I can’t.” The darkness is shrouding my view of her and the words have become overwhelming.

  “Then you must take my hope,” my mother says. She puts her hands over her heart and then pulling them away, reveals a glowing ember of light. She places it in my hands and closes them. “Do what you will with it,” she whispers before fading into the shadows.

  I stand alone now in a blackened abyss of nothingness. The words continue around me. Shin, Mem, Aleph…Shin, Mem, Aleph… The only light is the faint glowing in my hands. I open them; the light is dim but still there. Looking into its luminescence, I am carried into another vision of the world. I see the daughter’s of Eve one after another telling stories of honor, bravery and love. Stories of light overcoming darkness, love vanquishing ignorance, of greater days to come. Stories of hope. The voices tell me that they are lies, that they are just stories, but I don’t care. They mean more than that. Next I see the greatness of man. I see men who willingly laid down their lives who spoke of visions of a better humanity.

  Somehow the words, though still strong, have slowed as if something were inhibiting them. Shin…Mem…Aleph…Shin… Mem…Aleph… The words beat on. I am weak now and each word makes me weaker, I don’t know how much longer I can continue. Shin…Mem…Aleph…

  The little girl, my foster sister, appears before me. She is being cradled in the arms of her father. He is sober now and somehow I can tell that somewhere deep down he did love her. It was his escape from pain that
led him to drink and his anger at the world that drove him to the abuse, a cycle he learned from his father, a cycle that the little girl refused to continue. That was the power of her hope. Then I see another young girl, myself, watching her mother leave. There is hope there too, the hope that we would be together again.

  The voices from the shadows tell me it isn’t real. It is a false hope. Something I had told myself many times. This time, however, I don’t believe it. “We will be together,” I say.

  “But she’s dead,” the shadows answer back. “She is gone forever. You will never see her again.”

  “No,” I exclaim. As I do confidence surges through me. The shadows disperse and the beating of the words stops abruptly. “She’s not dead to me,” I say. There is silence in the abyss. Then the darkness breaks and a new light emerges.

  I think of Ashur. At first, I feel the pain of his betrayal, but then I can’t help but feel my love for him. I know there will be times that loving him will hurt me and some of that hurt will be from him, but true loss is not the pain. The true loss would be to let my fear prevent me from loving. The light grows brighter and brighter until it casts out the darkness and despair that once occupied my heart. Somehow I know it will be alright. Somehow I know Ashur will find me. And my hope returns. I am aware again and awake.

  I open my eyes and look at Hammond who is standing in front of me. He seems surprised that I am no longer in the trance. “How?” he murmurs as he stumbles back, unsure of what is going on. For the first time he is no longer in control.

  From one of the entryways of the chamber there is a movement. It is quick and nearly beyond the eye to see. Hammond anticipates it before I am able to recognize what it is. His reaction is just as fast, but too late. The gun is knocked away, sliding across the floor. Despite this, Hammond is able to strike Ashur knocking against the wall. Ashur slumps to the ground dazed, his adversary over him ready to strike, when a shot rings out.

  Hammond looks on with shock in his eyes. There is a large wound in his chest. He stands dumbfounded before collapsing to the floor. I turn to see Justine holding the gun. She does not move. She is frozen there, hands trembling. Walking over, I take the gun from her. Ashur helps Liv up and she runs to Justine who embraces her. The two are crying, but this time with relief.

  Ashur stares at me without a word. A wave of joy comes over me and I can think of nothing else than being with him. I run to him and wrap my arms around his neck. He is caught off guard and seems to hesitate, but only slightly before taking me in. “I was so afraid of losing you,” he says.

  “I knew you would come,” I say as I settle my head into his chest. He places his hand over my head and hugs me in close. Though my nerves are raw, I feel safe here. “How did you know?”

  He smiles down at me, looking in that way of admiration. “Jeff,” he answers. “He told me of the passage in the cellar.”

  “He’s alright, then,” Justine exclaims.

  “Yes,” says Ashur. “He’ll be just fine.”

  “But how did he know?” I ask, still confused.

  Justine bites her lip. “Jeff and I are part of the same group as the pastor. That is why we were chosen as your foster parents. Hammond told us that you were the vessel to bring God’s perfection to the earth and that it was a great honor. We believed him. The pastor believed him. We thought we were doing the right thing.” She falters a bit, as she looks at the body of the pastor. “We never imagined it would end up like his.” Grabbing my hand, she pleads, “I am so sorry. If I had known…if Jeff had known…we would have taken you away from here. We would never have let them hurt you or Liv. I never wanted this.”

  “I believe you,” I say. “I know that you and Jeff love me.”

  “From the day you entered our home. You have brought so much joy to us. I understand if you want to leave, but we would really like you to stay.”

  This is the first time that I have had foster parents that actually wanted me to stay. I understand that my mother is gone, but I still feel her in Justine’s love. “I can’t think of anywhere else I would want to be,” I say.

  Justine throws her arms around me and for the first time in a long time, I feel as though I have my mother back. That emptiness inside me is gone and I feel whole again. In my mind, I see that little girl hoping for that day that she could feel her mother’s love once more. She is smiling. She always knew.

  Our embrace lasts for only a moment before the reality of the situation sets in again. I look down at Hammond’s body. “Is he dead,” I ask.

  “No,” Ashur says. “He can’t be killed that easily. Our kind can only be killed by swords especially crafted by angels. He will eventually recover. But for now he is incapacitated.”

  I can see the skin around the wound beginning to knit back together. “He’s an angel too?”

  “A fallen angel,” Ashur replies. “The Grigorri. Those who were cast down upon the Earth for their sins against heaven. They have vowed eternal vengeance on heaven.” He scans the sky above; the moon looks more crimson then before. I can tell there is something he does not want to say.

  “Everything is going to be okay now,” I say. “I didn’t speak the words.”

  Liv looks at me with concern. “You were chanting the words the entire time you were in the trance.”

  “No,” I say. “I—didn’t.” Could it be that the whole thing was for naught, every word repeated was actually from my own mouth? But nothing happened. Then a movement catches my eye from above, a star moving among the others. It streaks across the moon, descending to the earth. “What is it?”

  “Wormwood,” Ashur answers. “Sorath has returned.

  Chapter 19

  The star is a brilliant yellow, etching across the reddened sky. It descends from the heavens and out of sight. There is a flash of light that illuminates the sky briefly and then the rumble of impact. From this angle, it is apparent that the comet has landed in the vicinity of the town.

  “There has to be something we can do,” I say. Ashur stares at me. I see that fear in his eyes again. “Tell me there is a way of stopping him.” He says nothing. “What about the angels? They stopped him once, can’t they do it again?”

  “The angelic legions will be assembling themselves as we speak,” Ashur says.

  “So there is nothing to worry about.”

  “By the time they are fully assembled,” Ashur continues, “Sorath will have called forth his legions. It will be all out war with Earth as the battle ground.”

  “We have to stop him then,” I reply. “Keep him busy until the angels arrive.”

  “I will stop him,” Ashur insists. “You will stay with Liv and Justine. Get them to safety.”

  Ashur begins to scan the surroundings, searching for something. Finding what he is looking for, he walks to a corner of the room. I follow behind. Standing on a mound of earth, Ashur begins pulling his shirt off. I am well aware of what he plans to do.

  “No,” I demand. “I won’t let you do this on your own. This is my fault and I have to make it right.”

  “There is nothing you can do,” Ashur says. “He’ll kill you. I can’t…” He hesitates.

  “You can’t keep me safe,” I say, angrily. “You can’t do your job as my guardian. I don’t need you protecting me.”

  “I can’t watch you die,” he says with distress in his voice.

  In the pace of silence standing between us, our eyes speak more than any words have before. They speak a language only distinguished in our souls. And our hearts listen. Placing his hand behind my head he pulls me in. Our lips press warmly together. For a moment all else is suspended. There is only us here together. One soul intertwined in the bonds of love. Every moment before culminates to this moment, giving meaning to each encounter and every nuance of our time together. It is as if our love has always been and always will be. From one end of eternity’s veil to the other. And here lies the nexus of our hearts in this one moment of realization.