Even though I tell myself my motives are pure, I know I’m calling Chase as a last ditch effort before I go away with Ben—not that I want him to stop me.
Or do I?
Unsurprisingly, I get his voice mail. I close my eyes as I listen to his recorded message and then leave a message. “Chase. Will you call me? Please? Not for me. For you. I’m here.”
I hang up and smile when Ben walks in. When he sees it’s just me, I explain that Pooja is spending the night in Rocco’s room. Rocco and Frank are away at a bodybuilding competition, and Pooja wants to give us privacy.
“But we’re going away,” he says. “She can stay here.”
“About that.” I try to tell Ben that I’m not ready to have sex with him. I may never be ready. I love him, but I love someone else, too.
Then I look at his beautiful face, the face that has saved me so many times, the face that has shown me affection, love, gratitude, warmth, security. I walk to Ben and put my hands on his cheeks.
I kiss him. I mean, I really kiss him.
He drops his bag and puts his arms around me. I’m settled. Chase or no Chase, this is my Ben. Finally, my Ben. “We don’t have to go anywhere.”
“Jules, I don’t want you to feel pressured. I’ll wait for you forever,” he whispers as he kisses my earlobe. “We can go into the city, spend the weekend away from here. Just be together.” Ben wraps his arms around me, and I press myself into his big chest.
I don’t want to go into the city. The city means Chase. The city means the little bedroom and the deep, purple eyes. Here, with me now, is the person I’ve planned on doing this with for years. I trust him with my life, my heart, and my body. Ben’s here, and he wants me.
I want to be wanted. He’s all I’ve ever wanted.
I let go of Ben, lock the door, and turn off the light. I take Ben’s hand and lead him to my bed. “Here. Tonight.” It’s hard for me to form words.
The moonlight fills the room as Ben’s soft kisses warm me from head to toe. I pull his shirt off, then mine. “God, Juliet. You’re gorgeous,” he whispers.
Hello to you, too, gorgeous.
I kiss Ben deeper to erase thoughts of Chase. I sit on the bed.
I thought about you all night, gorgeous.
Ben stretches on his back next to me, pulling me down with him. My Ben. Just like I’ve always planned.
I tangle my legs in his as his hands move to the small of my back. “Are you sure?” He’s breathless and beautiful when he asks.
I don’t want to fight with myself anymore. I won’t fight with a wish coming true. I study Ben’s face, and I want what he makes me feel—settled and committed and safe. Since Justine, I can’t feel those things without Ben. I hear myself say, “Yes.”
“I love you, Jules,” he says.
Then we hear her.
“No!” It’s Pooja. Ben stops kissing me and looks at me wide-eyed.
“NO!”
With the second scream, we spring into action. We throw on our shirts and run to room four.
I pound on the door. “Pooja! Are you okay? Open the door!”
Megan opens her door and joins us in the hallway with her pepper spray. “What’s going on? Is that Pooja?”
Ben jiggles the doorknob. “Did you hear anything inside?”
“No, just the screams,” Megan says.
Ben puts his face near the door. “Pooja, open the door.”
Pooja sobs and screams, “No!” again.
I bang as hard as I can. “Pooja! You’re scaring us!”
I bounce on the balls of my feet, not sure what to do, and look at Megan. She calls through the door. “Pooja? Can you open the door for us?”
“Go around to the window,” I tell Ben.
Megan and I continue to knock on the door and beg Pooja to open up. Soon, I hear Ben banging on the window from the other side. Finally, the lock clicks open.
We enter room four and watch Pooja. Her eyes are puffy, her cheeks tear-stained.
I reach for her hands. “Pooja, what’s wrong?”
When Ben joins us, Pooja locks the door behind him and sits on Rocco’s bed. She runs her hands through her hair and pulls her knees to her chest as tears fall down her face.
“Let me get you some water.” I run down to our room and grab a bottle of water and my phone. As I jog back down the hall, I touch Rocco’s number. I hand Ben the phone and Pooja the water. Ben understands and steps into the hallway.
While Ben’s out of the room, Pooja says, “Remember when I told you I was wrong once about someone?” I nod. “I think he’s coming here.”
“What? Who?” Megan’s eyes widen as she looks back and forth between us.
Ben comes back in, holding my phone with Rocco on speaker. “What’s going on, Pooh?” Even over the speaker, I can hear the concern in Rocco’s voice.
Pooja’s voice quivers as she talks. “A few summers ago, in San Diego, there was a boy. We were both camp counselors. I thought he was decent even though I couldn’t really see his colors. We started dating. I wasn’t into it, so I broke it off. He was angry. Still, I couldn’t read him, and I didn’t think anything of it. Camp ended, I moved back home.”
Pooja takes a sip of water. Her hands shake, so I help her.
“Weird things started to happen. I figured he was stalking me. He followed me, monitored me…once he put a camera in my bedroom.”
“Son of a bitch,” Rocco says. I imagine the veins in his neck throbbing.
Pooja continues, “My family pressured him to leave me alone, and I thought it had stopped. Even so, the next summer I stayed away from camp. I thought he was over it, but I didn’t want to take chances. Then, after the summer before my senior year, he contacted me.” Tears fall down Pooja’s face.
“What happened, Pooja?” Rocco asks.
Pooja takes a deep breath. “He sent me a letter. I ignored it. I was able to stay safe, at first.”
I shake my head. “At first? What do you mean, ‘at first’?”
Pooja trembles and Ben puts his arm around her. “At first he just took me,” she says.
“He kidnapped you?” Ben’s voice is calm, but he gets louder as he becomes more and more upset. I reach for his shoulder.
Rocco, on the other hand, does not hold back. “Motherfucker. Where did he take you?”
Pooja exhales. “The first time he took me to the desert and left me. Came back a couple hours later. He was trying to scare me. It worked. I spent the rest of the summer in India with my family.”
“The first time?” Rocco asks. “There was a second time?”
“I can’t talk about it. The only things that matter is he’s here, and he’s found me again.”
I tense but try to stay calm. “Here? Like, in New Jersey?”
“Just now. The dream. I had a dream. He’s here. I know it. He found me.”
“Pooja?” I move closer. “What did he do to you the second time?”
“Just…bad stuff, Juliet.” Pooja stares at the bed in front of her.
“You can tell us.”
Pooja looks at me then Ben, Megan, and the phone. “The second time he was able to get to me, he took me back into the desert. I begged him not to leave me there, but he wasn’t trying to scare me. I’d had my warning. This time he beat me up and tried to rape me.”
Megan gasps. “Oh my God.”
I stare at Pooja, believing her but hoping it’s not true. My head spins. I think I may pass out. I’d lost Justine to a similar story.
“Oh, Pooh,” Rocco whispers through the speaker.
I grab her free hand and hold it to my chest. When Justine was taken, she never came home. She never got the chance to tell her story, unlike Pooja who’s so alive and vibrant. I would have never guessed…
Megan’s white as a sheet, and Ben puts his arm around her. “Oh my God,” she says again.
Pooja shakes her head and sits up, pulling back her shoulders and looking us in the eye. She seems stronger now that she’s said the words al
oud. “I summoned all the energy I could and fought back. I kicked him off, and while he was on the ground I kicked him again, right in the face. Then I got into his car and drove to the police station. I left him there that time.”
“Thank God you got away,” Megan whispers, shaking her head.
“What did the cops do?” Rocco asks.
“At first, they accused me of stealing the car.”
My jaw drops. “Are you kidding me?”
“When I told them what had happened, they called it a prank by a spiteful boyfriend. They asked me if I wanted to file a restraining order. I did, then my family sent me back to India to recover, mentally and physically. I finished senior year at a private school under high security. My family told me the situation was taken care of."
“What does that mean?” Ben asks.
“Honestly, my family is very powerful in my community. I thought it meant that he was dead.”
“Maybe he is dead. Call your parents. Now.” I hand Pooja the phone. She takes it but doesn’t call.
“There’s no point in worrying them, Juliet. I just had a dream. He’s not dead. He’s on his way here.”
Ben says what we’re all thinking. “It was just a dream, Pooja.”
Pooja wipes her eyes and looks at us. “It’s never just a dream with me, Ben. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but I can feel things. And I feel him around me.”
“I still think you should call,” I say.
“Jesus, Pooja,” Rocco says. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. Frank’s getting the car. We’re packing up and coming back. I’m not going to let this bastard hurt you. Call your family and ask them for details, okay? Ben? You’ll stay with her? Pick up the phone.”
Ben takes the phone off speaker. After a series of “uh-huhs,” and “okays,” he says, “Of course.”
As soon as Ben hangs up, the phone vibrates again. Ben looks at the screen and holds it up for me to see. “Sexy Train Man Chase” flashes across the screen, and a picture of Chase stares back at me. I hesitate, not sure this is the time, but there’s only one reason Chase would be calling me now.
Ben purses his lips. “It’s okay. Take it. You were just thinking about him.”
I take the phone and step into the hallway. With a heavy heart, I lift it to my ear. “Chase?” When Chase doesn’t speak and I hear him catch his breath, I know.
I bring my hand to my mouth and bite my knuckle to keep from crying. “You’re the only one I can talk to,” he says shakily. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m on my way.” My heart breaks for the second time that night.
Back in room four, the group stares at me. They all know, but I say it anyway. “Chase’s grandmother died.”
“Go,” Pooja demands. I don’t want to leave her, but I can tell by the way she looks at me that she understands.
I look at Ben. “It’s okay,” he says. “I know you have to.”
“But—”
“Shh,” he says, moving closer to me. He takes my chin and stares into my eyes. “Go to Chase. It’s what you both need.”
My lip quivers, but I hold it together. “Stay with Pooja and Megan. Rocco and Frank will be back soon." I kiss him on the cheek and then whisper into his ear, “I don’t know if her dream means anything, but make her feel safe.”
He hugs me. “Of course, Jules. I’ll take care of her.”
“I know.” I hold him tighter, feeling his strength, taking some of it for myself. Pooja and Chase need us now. Ben is a rock—I have no doubt he can handle this. Me? Leaving Ben on the night we’re supposed to be together together? Leaving Pooja when she’s scared to death of this awful man from her past? I’m not sure I’m strong enough.
But as I stand with Ben’s arms around me, with Pooja wiping tears away, every ounce of my being wants to get to Chase. Of all the things happening, of all the emotion in the room, all I want is to find Chase and lose myself in him.
Before I leave, I pull Pooja into a bear hug, speaking softly into her ear, “Maybe it was just a dream. Your vibes have been off about this guy from day one, right? Maybe it’s just a terrible dream.”
“Maybe.” Pooja nods, but I can tell she’s not convinced. “Don’t worry about me. Follow your heart.”
With one last look around the room, I turn and leave, closing the door behind me. It’s not hard to follow my heart when every beat tells me to get to the city and get to Chase.
Chapter Eighteen
Chase
I leave Rob at the hospice. It’s been days since we took her off life support and moved her to the hospice, and time since then has felt like forever, but not long enough. I can’t be there one more minute after Gram’s heart stops beating. Dazed, I walk onto the city street. I don't know where to go or what to do.
Even though I left my sweatshirt in the waiting room, I don’t feel the cold as I walk downtown toward home. I march into the liquor store on the corner like I own the place and grab a bottle of vodka. At the counter, I drop my fake ID and my credit card. “Gloria Chase,” it reads. I catch my breath at the sight of her name, but the clerk doesn’t react. I leave with the coveted brown bag, my hand wrapped around the neck of the bottle inside.
At home, I put the bottle on the table and sit in the kitchen, looking at it but not opening it. I know if I open it, bad things will happen. This night is terrible enough. I think about my grandmother. I open the bottle but don't drink it. Instead, I pour it down the drain, leaving the empty bottle in the kitchen sink.
Seeing the vodka drip down the drain oddly makes me feel a little better. My first smart decision without Gram to guide me. New Chase. I thought he was dead, too. I wander into the living room. A noise outside causes me to look toward the window, and I see the dark ballet studio across the way. Without thinking about it too much, I call Juliet.
When I hear her voice, when she says she’ll come to me, I crumble into a pile on the floor. I don’t move while I wait for her. I don’t even move when I hear her light footsteps coming up the stairs. I must have left the door unlocked because somehow she ends up in front of me like an angel. She reaches for me, and for the first time since Gram died, I let the tears fall.
We sit on the floor for minutes or hours and finally I tell her, “I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t have to do anything.” Her voice shakes even though she holds me tightly. I don’t want to let her go.
“I need her, Juliet. I can’t do this on my own. Why do I lose everyone? Gram. My parents. You. How is that fair?” I let the words come out, but I’m not sure if I’m making sense.
Juliet holds me while she listens. “You didn’t lose me, Chase. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, okay?” I lift my face to hers, and she’s crying with me, or maybe for me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper “I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick. I couldn’t talk to you. I just wanted to push you away, to keep you from this…from me."
“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” She touches my cheek. “Don’t you know by now that nothing can keep me away from you?”
“Ben…” I can’t ignore his existence, as much as I need Juliet tonight.
“He knows I’m here.” She stands and pulls me to my feet. “Tonight, it’s just us.”
Something in Juliet’s eyes makes me feel safe. That even though I lost my rock, my anchor, I’ll get through somehow. I feel that connection again, the reason I can see Juliet’s colors. It’s just us. She rests her forehead on my chest and speaks to the floor. “I’m so sorry, Chase. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
We stand in my living room, tears drying as we hold hands, and I try to forget. All I want to think about is the woman in front of me. Tonight, it’s just us. I forget about my grandmother. I forget about death and the grim day I’ll have to face when I wake in the morning. I forget about Sara and the baby and Juliet’s Justine. I forget about Ben back at Sheridan Hall. I forget about tomorrow. Tonight, it’s just us.
With
the touch of Juliet’s hands, her colors lift into the room—reds and oranges blend into my painting hanging behind her over the mantle. Thank you, I think as I hold her hands. Can you forget with me?
Juliet answers by standing on her tiptoes and gently kissing my lips. She presses her cheek against mine and winds her arms around my waist. I push her hair over her shoulder and bury my face in her neck. My body fills with life as I shut off my brain to everything except her. I grow warm in every place we connect—her shoulders, arms, breasts, hips, thighs. I feel her everywhere.
She tilts her head back to expose her neck. I squeeze her tighter and inhale her scent. I love you. Her colors engulf me.
Juliet
I’m not sure if he says it out loud or in his mind, but I hear it clearly. “I love you, too,” I answer without hesitation.
When Chase hears my words and pulls back to look at me, I wonder how eyes can be so sad but also so full of life and love. I need you, I hear.
I’m right here, I answer.
I kiss him softly on the cheek at the corner of his mouth, tasting the salt of his tears. My body goes into overdrive at the feel of his skin under my lips and briefly, very briefly, I think about whether or not going further with Chase is the right thing to do. Not only because his grandmother just died, but also because I’m not his. Before I can change my mind, Chase tilts his chin just a little. His mouth finds mine.
The kiss is so gentle and uncertain that I feel it more in my heart than on my lips. Casting all doubt aside, I want to feel more.
I touch his cheek as I kiss him forcefully. His hands tangle in my hair. As our kisses intensify, my breath quickens, and my heart pounds so loudly I’m certain Chase can hear it. Soon, urgency replaces uncertainty. I say his name as I let my hands travel down his body. At his waist, I tug at his shirt, untucking it, and then slide my hands underneath, over his abs, and up his warm chest.
“Juliet.” My name is an exhausted whisper, but his kisses, his body, his voice scream that he needs me. I let go of him to catch my breath as he puts his forehead to mine, his purple eyes searching my face. I know in that moment I belong exactly where I am, with him, alive and breathing, forgetting the sadness. There is no doubt in my mind. I slowly pull him by his belt loop toward his room.
She Laughs in Pink (Sheridan Hall #1) Page 18
