Chase shuts the door and fumbles in the dark. A match strikes, and a flame glows as he lights a small, glass votive candle and sets it on his nightstand. Without words, he lifts his shirt over his head and watches me. He’s sad, but alive. I study him in the flickering light.
I hadn’t planned on my first time being like this, with a boy who needs me for the wrong reasons even if he loves me for the right ones. A boy who isn’t my boyfriend, who I’ve never even really been on a date with. Still, I can’t help but think what’s happening is perfect. Things with Chase are always perfectly imperfect.
We stand facing each other, lost in our own thoughts. Chase appears to be waiting for my next move. I pull my shirt over my head and hold Chase’s stare until he, looks down my body. I watch him swallow hard and feel that magnetism again—I have to touch him. No more games.
I take a step forward and kiss him again as his hands travel down my bare shoulders. The butterflies in my stomach flutter. Every place Chase touches comes alive. I’ve never felt so needed, so wanted, so loved.
All those times I’d touched boys for the power of it, the experimentation, or just to feel something, I’d never felt the love or any kind of connection. All the times I touched myself there was a utility in it—to calm myself, to fall asleep. I didn’t know how to connect love to the act of touching, not even with Ben. But with Chase, it was different.
The times I’d touched Ben, I’d done so because I’d planned on loving him forever. But as I kiss Chase in his tiny room, engulfed by the scent of lavender from the little votive, I know I love him because I just do. I don’t care if I should or shouldn’t or that I didn’t plan it. I love who he is, and who he makes me. I love him because we are the same person. I touch him because I need him to be as close as he possibly can be. With every brush of his lips on mine, every trace of his fingers on my skin, I want more.
Chase’s lips find my shoulder, and he trails a line of kisses down the strap of my bra. He doesn’t ask permission like he had the first time we were in his room together. He takes what he needs, and I freely give.
He kneels in front of me, his face looking up at mine as he runs his hands over my hips, down my legs. I touch his hair, and notice my chest rising and falling as my breath deepens. The sight of him down before me, so close to me, separated only by a few shreds of fabric, drives me insane. He touches the button on the top of my jeans. I don’t object as he unfastens it, pulls open the zipper, and pushes them down.
The air hits my skin as I step out of my jeans and stand in front of him, wearing nothing but my new blue lace bra and thong set, so miniscule and useless that I might as well be naked. I’m wearing the lingerie I’d planned on showing my boyfriend in another world. A world that no longer exists.
Chase meets my eyes again as his hands knead my hips around my flimsy thong. His eyes take me in. He visibly gulps and says, “I…”
I second-guess the situation, thinking he wants to stop. Uncharacteristically shy, I move my hands to cover myself.
He grabs my hands and looks at my face. “Don’t. I…”
I kneel down and join him on the floor, chest-to-chest. “I what, Chase? Do you want to stop?”
He shakes his head. “I…I can’t even find words,” he says.
None needed. I kiss him again, my intent clear as I pull him up and tug at his jeans. I push them to the floor as I bend my head into his chest.
When he steps out of his jeans, he pulls me onto the bed on top of him. I straddle him and pin his hands over his head and kiss him. As I lean forward, his erection presses against my belly, his hard chest against my breasts. I sigh. Our legs tangle as I explore him, wanting more.
Chase flips me onto my back and kisses down my chin and over my neck. When he gets to my bra, he unclips the front closure and pushes the cups to the side. I wait, panting, as Chase stills and drops his face into my belly.
“Are you okay?” I whisper.
Looking up at me, he starts stuttering again. “I…I…”
I can’t help but giggle. “Just nod if you’re okay.”
“You’re perfect,” he mumbles. He smiles for the first time since I arrived, and it makes me melt inside. He gently touches my belly, up to my breasts, running his thumbs over my nipples. He takes one in his mouth and the wetness of his tongue makes me dizzy. I push his head to my chest as he teases me, arching my back into him, moving beneath him because I can’t stop myself.
He ignores my panting and pleading and kisses his way to my lace panties. His thumbs hook around the delicate material as he slides them down. His breath makes my skin grow warm as he settles his shoulders between my thighs, urging my legs wider. And there I am—naked, on my back, with Chase’s face between my legs.
That by itself almost pushes me over the edge. I hold off long enough for him to kiss me, licking me as his hands move up and down my body and settle on my hips. He lifts me to his mouth.
“Oh my god, Chase.” I hear my voice but the words don’t register. I try to control the sensations, the burst of feeling in every cell in my body, but my body begs for him like it’s not attached to my mind. With each touch of his mouth and his hands, watching him in the flickering candlelight, the smell of the lavender, feeling his hair, his shoulders, whatever I can touch, the waves inside me intensify, building and building to heights I can’t believe exist.
Relentless, Chase ignores my nonsense pleas of mercy, not stopping, not asking. The more I respond, the more he moves. He makes me need him the way he needs me. Just as I’m about to let it all go, to feel the release, he gently slides his finger inside and kisses me over it.
It gets fuzzy after that as I have no choice but to succumb. I think I curse. I know I say his name. I have no idea what other crazy nonsense spouts from my mouth but I don’t care. Chase holds me as I come around his finger, kissing me, touching me. He may have said something, too, but I was so lost in my head I couldn’t hear.
When I return to earth, Chase is working on my earlobe with his lips, his long arm wrapped around my waist. High on him, I don’t let myself rest. Instead, I want to return the favor. I want to see him come apart the way he’d seen me.
I turn to face him and kiss him insanely on the mouth, tasting myself as I bury my tongue in him. When I come up for air, his smile grounds me and I manage to say, “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I love you.”
His words make me want him more, again. Chase doesn’t object when I push him onto his back and kiss his neck. I work my way down his chest to that six…eight…hundred pack of abs and sit up as I pull down his boxers.
I peruse my first live, fully-naked, male body. I have no idea what to do with it, but enjoy the view nonetheless.
Chase provides me full access, resting his head on his hands as he watches me straddle him. His elbows wing out to the sides, and. his chest expands. Since the last time we were in this room, Chase had put on some weight. All muscle.
“You look amazing,” I say, as I run my hands up his sides. I let my eyes peruse him, all of him, wondering what will happen if I grab him in my hands. I resist the urge, instead touching everywhere else. “Where’d this body come from?” I say it to myself but he hears.
“Frank. Hospital food. I don’t know.” He’s gazing up at me. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t even look at you.” I think he’s teasing until he shuts his eyes.
I order him to open his eyes, and he does, showing me pools of purple. I sink into them. “Can I touch you?” I ask.
“Jesus, Juliet, even the sound of your voice…yes. Please touch me.”
I touch his lips, and he kisses my fingers. I trace my fingernails from his lips down his neck, over his chest, tracing the line separating his abs, then the crease over his hipbone. As my hand travels lower, I tentatively touch him but pull my hand away. “I don’t know how.”
“Oh my God. You’re so damn adorable.” He holds out his hand. I put mine in it. He moves my hand, teaching me as I try to
stay calm and keep breathing. Fascinated, totally aroused by what I can do to him, amazed by his reaction, curious about what he likes, I let out a half-moan, half-sigh.
He moves his free hand between my legs and touches me as we both rub him, and soon the feeling overcomes me again, and I need to move.
In an instant, Chase sits up on the bed and I’m in his lap, my legs wrap around his waist, and my arms circle his shoulders as he kisses me. “Juliet. Tell me what you want. I need you to tell me.”
He angles his chin upward to kiss my neck and I tangle my hands in his hair. “I want you.” At my words, his head falls into my chest. “Please. Inside.” I’m begging. I don’t care.
“I want you to be sure.”
I don’t hesitate. “I’m sure.”
He puts his hands on my hips and lifts, placing me on my back with my head at the foot of the bed. When he separates from me and fumbles around in his drawer, I can’t wait to touch him again. Am I always going to want to touch him?
I feel his warmth again as he opens the little square packet and places it aside. “Promise me you’ll tell me to stop if you want to stop.”
“I’m not going to want to stop.”
“Promise,” he insists.
“I promise.”
As his hands roam my body, my mind goes blank and I let myself feel. I love the way his body moves between my legs, the way his hands explore me like he wants to touch every inch of me. I think about how he paints my portrait and creates such beauty with those same hands. I gasp when he grabs me, my hair, my waist. He pulls my hips so urgently, making me feel his arousal while at the same time using his tongue to trace my lips gently, teasingly. And finally, when I feel his finger slide inside of me, I almost let go again. “Please,” I beg.
“God, Juliet. You’re so warm.” He breathes in my ear and gently moves his hand. I hear myself moan. He kisses me, and I wrap my legs tighter around his waist. Then he stops, pulling away. “I can’t believe you’re here. Thank you for being here with me.”
His face inches from mine, I run my thumb over his beautiful lips and whisper his line. “You don’t have to thank me. I love you.”
He exhales, and his eyes flicker in the candlelight. “You do?”
I smile and nod.
“Really?”
I giggle and nod again. He hides his face in my neck. “Be with me?” His words are muffled, but I hear them, I feel them.
“Yes.”
He rustles around next to me and pulls himself onto his elbow. When he rolls on top of me and settles between my legs again, I feel him ready. I panic that it won’t work, that there is no way he’s going to be able to be inside of me. He must see my fear on my face. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “Just nervous I guess.” I sound like a little girl. When he tries to roll away from me, I stop him. “Please. Don’t stop.” I smile to reassure him. There’s nothing I want more than what’s about to happen. I’m just a little shaky about the details. Before he asks, I tell him, “I’m sure. I promise.”
“I love you,” he says and kisses me gently. Then he guides himself into me, slowly. He buries his face in my neck. His voice is muffled, but I think he says, “You feel like Heaven.” He nibbles my shoulder and pushes his hips into me just a little.
I tense and shut my eyes at the odd sensation of Chase inside of me and feel him pull back. “Open your eyes, baby,” he huffs.
I do and see he’s staring at me. “Kiss me,” he orders.
I kiss him. He stays still inside of me and my body relaxes. As my thighs loosen their grip on his waist, I start to breathe again. “Chase.” I hear myself humming his name. “I need you to move.” I slide my hands down his long back and push him into my body.
He doesn’t need much prompting. He slowly slides himself in further. I shut my eyes again. It hurts, but not in a bad way. I want him to keep going but he stills again. “Look at me,” he demands.
I open my eyes, and he grins. Soon we’re tangled together, smiling at each other like fools. “Hi,” I say casually, as if this is no big deal.
“Hey, g-gorgeous. What’s up?” he stutters and drops his head into my shoulder. I think he’s trying to maintain control, which makes me feel kind of awesome.
When he looks at me again, he pushes my hair away from my forehead. “Can you stay inside of me forever?” I ask.
He kisses my nose. “Yes.” He asks again if I’m okay, more seriously this time.
It doesn’t hurt when he stays still and I relax. “Yes. You?”
“I’m pretty much as perfect as I’ll ever be.” His eyes actually twinkle at me. “Can I move?”
“Move, Chase,” I demand.
As he gently moves over me, he gets into a rhythm, talking to me, kissing me, touching my face as he buries himself inside me. He tells me I look beautiful, that I feel amazing, that he sees my colors everywhere. Every word, every kiss, every thrust feels better and better. Perfection. I think it over and over, a song in rhythm with Chase’s movements. Everything starts to click. So this is what the big deal is.
Suddenly, Chase freezes and, barely able to speak, breathes, “Juliet, I can’t…I have to…Please.”
I’m not sure what to expect or say, so I just say his name. “Chase.”
His body stiffens as he pushes into me. He calls my name and arches into me again, his face tense as he lets go. I watch, curious mostly, as he opens his eyes and falls onto me. Little by little, his breathing slows, and his body relaxes. He becomes heavy, melting onto me. I wait, enjoying the weight of him, the closeness him but unsure what to do.
He lifts off of me and slides out, but keeps his arms tight as he rolls onto his side. I mirror his behavior and smile. He brings my palm to his lips and kisses it. We stare at each other, happy, sad, content—natural.
Chase smiles weakly. “I-I…” he stutters.
I giggle. “Here we go with the I again.”
His eyes widen. He gasps and quickly rolls over, pinning me on my back. “Are you teasing me, gorgeous?” When he squirms and settles on top of me again, the sticky condom touches my thigh.
“Gross! Get off of me,” I tease.
“Never.” He frames my head with his elbows and kisses up and down my cheeks and neck. He murmurs. I hear words like “love” and “incredible” and “gorgeous” rise from his lips. Good words.
I squirm. “You’re tickling me!”
“I’ll stop if you promise me you won’t leave this bed—ever. Say it, or I won’t let you up.” His thigh muscles flex around mine, his feet wrap around my shins. I’m pinned.
“Ever?” I ask, feigning shock. I use my leg strength to escape his lower body hold and flip him over. “Ah-ha!” I declare as I pin him. “You forgot my legs are strong.”
He pushes my hair over my shoulder. “Believe me, I didn’t forget. Your body’s as amazing as everything else about you.” He kisses my shoulder. I settle next to him, resting my head on his chest. “How do you feel?”
I’m a little sore, but nothing crazy, physically. Mentally, though, I feel different. I tell him.
“Different is good, right?” He kisses my forehead. “I need to know that you’re good.”
“I’m good. Really.” I rest my head on my hand, laying on his chest, looking up at him. “You’re so special to me, Chase. It means so much to me to be here with you.” I reach to play with his hair.
“Thanks for sharing your first time with me.” He rubs my back. “I love you, Juliet Anderson.” For a few minutes, while we stare at each other like lovesick fools, the flickering light of the candle dancing over our naked bodies, I think about all the things I want to try with him. I smile and bite my lip.
He squints and studies me. “You have that crazy look in your eye. What are you thinking?”
“I want to do it again,” I say.
“Yes! That’s my girl. First thing’s first though.” Chase squirms and reaches down, dealing with the condom. “I’m going to get rid of this. Don’t
move.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Chase smiles at me as he leaves the room. I close my eyes. After a couple of deep breaths, I realize I’m not a virgin anymore. Chase will always be my first, no matter what.
I relax on bed, taking a few more deep breaths, and for some reason, I think about Justine. Justine. Justine dances in the garden. When she sees me, she runs away. I follow but can’t catch her. I have to tell you something, I yell to her.
She turns back and shouts, Don’t follow me, Juliet.
Stay, I scream after her. Wait!
I will myself out of the dream, bolting up in Chase’s bed. “Justine?” I’m talking out loud to the empty room. Shivering from the dream and the absence of Chase’s warm body, I flip on the light to find my clothes. I wiggle into my useless underwear and pick Chase’s tee shirt from the floor. I pull it over my head, smelling his aftershave as I let the images of him—of us—engulf me.
I wrap my arms around myself and decide that I can never give up a shirt, or a boy, that makes me feel this good. They’re mine. Chase is mine. He loves me. I smile feeling the truth of that. Still, I wonder. How am I going to let go of Ben?
Chase
I have no idea how I’m going to continue to function after having Juliet, naked and so fucking beautiful, in my bed. How will I ever get that picture out of my head?
In the little bathroom two doors down, I feel miles away as I wash up. Despite the events of the day, I’m hopeful but I worry that Juliet’s freaking out in my room—her colors are all over the place. I get myself together to get back to her, then I hear the door unlock downstairs.
Rob. Fuck.
I creep back to my room and peek in on Juliet. She’s sitting up on the bed flipping through an art supply catalog. Her bare legs stretch the length of the bed, her hair falls loose, her face is all pink and puffy, and she’s wearing my shirt. How is she even real? I fling myself onto the bed next to her and kiss her cheek. “Listen, gorgeous. Rob is home. I’m going to talk to him for a minute. I’ll tell him you’re here, okay?”
She Laughs in Pink (Sheridan Hall #1) Page 19
