Falling by Design

by Lind, Valia

  "Afraid?"

  "You're my little girl, Brooklynn. You've always had your head in the clouds, you've always been the creative one. And I remember how hard that path is. I didn't want you to have to struggle the way I did. I purposely closed my eyes to this part of you because I didn't want you to go through the same disappointments I did. I wanted to protect you, but I now see it was wrong of me. You have a real talent kiddo, and while I still think you need a good college education, I think we can work something out."

  "You do?"

  "Yes I do. After all, you didn't actually think you got your creativity from your mother did you?"

  The next moment I'm in his arms again, tears flowing down my face. I've never would've imagined that showing them my work would make them see who I really was. An artist is nothing more than the work he or she creates. I was so used to speaking with my words that I didn't think to speak with my heart. All because of fear.

  "Who came by dad?" I ask when I finally step back, "Did Chance invite you here?"

  "No, Brooklynn. Grayson did."

  For some reason, I'm not even surprised.

  THIRTY NINE

  I've fallen in love many times...always with you. - Author Unknown

  I wish there was a manual for this.

  The thought runs through my mind as I sit in Dakota's car, parked in front of Grayson's house. After my parents shocking apology, I was a complete mess. I’m not expecting everything to be easy from now on, but today was a beginning. After our talk, I went looking for Grayson. I wanted to thank him for taking care of me even while I was being such a jerk to him. But by the time we cleaned everything up, he was gone.

  After borrowing Dakota's Corolla, I drove straight to his house. I see his car parked in the driveway and I know he's home, but I'm afraid to get out. I've been trying so hard to come up with the right words to tell him exactly how I feel. I know he may be over whatever he may have felt for me, but I won't be able to live with myself if I don't tell him just how important he is to me.

  Taking a deep breath, I get out of the car and walk to the front door. It opens after two knocks, Mr. Banks standing on the other side of it. He smiles down at me, motioning me inside.

  "He's in the backyard."

  I mutter thanks, and walk through the house toward the back. Even though its the middle of December, the yard is green and alive. Christmas lights have been put on every bush in the back, wrapped around the tree trunks, creating a beautiful atmosphere, like something out of a fairy tale.

  I find Grayson standing in the middle of the yard, setting up his camera on a tripod. I watch him for a moment, the lines of his broad shoulders, the messy mop of hair. I think I sigh out loud, because he whips around, his gaze colliding with mine.

  I take a step closer, unsure how to proceed, hoping he'll be the first to speak.

  I know he won't.

  It's my turn.

  "Hi," I start, "Your dad let me in. I mean, obviously your dad let me in. I'm not resourceful enough to break in." My laugh sounds choked somehow, and I’m terrified I'm messing everything up all over again. I'm fidgeting, clasping and unclasping my hands as I work up the courage to finally speak the words that’ve been burning within me.

  "Umm, I just wanted to say thank you," I begin, my eyes wandering over to the lights around us. "I can't believe you actually went to talk to my parents. They came, by the way, and they're proud of me, which is going to take some getting used to." I steal a glance at Grayson who still hasn't moved. His eyes hold me captive and I finally can't hold it in.

  "I was wrong," I blurt out. "I'm sorry I let my own paranoia drive you away. I'm sorry I listened to the lies of an insecure drama queen instead of you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be the girl you wanted me to be, that I let you down." I’m not hiding anymore. I don't look away. I want Grayson to see exactly how I feel.

  "You are the best part of my life, Grayson, and I pushed you away. You're kind and considerate and smart. Not to mention handsome and funny. When you came back into my life, I thought God was bringing you back to punish me, but I know now He was giving me the greatest gift on earth.” I take a step closer, letting him see just how serious I am.

  “I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. I wanted you to know that you've changed me. You made me realize what kind of person I wanted to be. You made me see that I could be loved, even with all of my crazy tendencies and overdramatic imagination. You taught me to look past what is behind and focus on the future. I love you deeply, Grayson Banks and I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me and give me a chance to—"

  I don't finish, because his lips are on mine, his arms are around me.

  Holding.

  Cherishing.

  Exploring.

  My hands are lost in his hair, running over his messy locks the way I've longed. I fit perfectly in his arms and he in mine. It seems like hours. It seems like seconds. It’s not long enough.

  When we finally take a step back, he cradles my face in his hands, giving my nose a small kiss, before moving to my forehead.

  "You have no idea how long I've waited for you, Brooklynn."

  "I think I have a bit of an idea." I say, as I run my hands over his face. I can’t seem to stop touching him.

  "You know, I've learned. I no longer have to torture the girl I love in order for her to notice me."

  "You mean all those years ago—"

  "I was crazy about you and you wouldn't even look my way," he says.

  "Yeah?"

  "Yeah."

  "Wait," I push back a little, "did you just say you like me?"

  "No, I said I love you. "

  When he pulls me in for another kiss, I realize that dreams do come true. You just have to reach out and grab them.

  I'm no longer a damsel in distress. I have learned how to be who I need to be. Life will never be easy, and we'll have our ups and downs. College is terrifying and exciting, but I'm not going to be facing it alone. Grayson will be right beside me, fighting the battle of life right along with me. I’m getting all mushy, but the happiness rising in my chest is more than I could’ve ever imagined.

  "I love you madly," he whispers, pulling me closer and closer still.

  "I love you back." I reply, his lips are like butterfly kisses over my skin, his voice a sweet melody in my ear as he whispers,

  “Finally.”

  ###

  Acknowledgements

  There are so many things I’d like to say here. I don’t even know where to start. Can I just write “awesome acknowledgements go here” and be done with this? You’d think thanking people would be easy. I’m nervous I’ll forget someone but here’s to trying anyway.

  First of all, thank you to my wonderful family. My parents have been the most amazing cheerleaders, pushing me toward my dreams and telling me to keep going regardless of the rejections. They instilled in me the ethics of hard work and for that, I am forever grateful. I love you.

  Thank you, God for giving me the words to write and the story to tell. Many prayers have been said to get me through this whole process, and You always listen.

  Thank you to my church family and especially to Bill and Helen Reid. You are a blessing and my grandparents in every sense of the word. I am forever thankful for your support.

  Thank you to my fabulous critique partners Farrah Penn, for loving Brooklynn and Grayson from the very beginning and pushing me to write their story and Amy Guiffrida for sitting through countless revisions and continuously cheering me on. I couldn’t have done it without you, ladies and I’m beyond thankful for having you on this journey with me.

  Thank you to my awesome editor, Leah Clifford, who made this story better, weaving out all the little things that I’ve overlooked. I cannot thank you enough.

  Thank you to my two best friends, Sarah and Amanda for listening to all my self doubts and telling me to buckle down and get down to business. You’ve talked me right past my tears and into making this book possible. You are the best a
nd I love you.

  Thank you to all my writer and blogger and YouTube friends who have supported me continuously. Even when I was taking forever to write anything. You have been an amazing encouragement through all of this.

  Thank you to the ladies who always make me smile, no matter how down I am: Jennifer Armentrout, Victoria Scott, Mindee Arnett, Cara Lynn Shultz, Rachel Harris, Wendy Higgins, Brenda Pandos, Rachel Carter, and Beth Revis. All the conversations and hugs sent through the internet are what made this journey so much more enjoyable. Thank you.

  Thank you to my non-writer friends, those who have cheered me on, even when they had no idea what I was talking about. For always asking me about my book and making me excited about the whole thing. Taylor, Heather, Ariana, Andrea, Kat, Cassandra and all my dispatcher coworkers. I know I’m not naming everyone, the list is too long, but I am forever thankful.

  Most of all, thank you, dear reader. Thank you for picking up this book. Thank you for loving books, for giving me an opportunity to be read. Thank you for giving me a chance to be part of your reading world. I adore you.

  I cannot thank you enough, but I can tell you that this is only the beginning.

  About the Author

  Author. Photographer. Artist. Born and raised in St. Petersburg, Russia, Valia Lind always had a love for the written word. She wrote her first full book on the bathroom floor of her dormitory, while procrastinating to study for her college classes. Upon graduation, she has moved her writing to more respectable places, and have found her voice in Young Adult fiction. Falling by Design is her debut young adult novel. You can visit her online at http://www.valialind.blogspot.com or follow her on twitter, where she spends way too much time, @ValiaLind.