North Woods University

by Beck, J. L.

  “See, it’s not as bad as you thought it would be, is it?” Ava’s voice splices through me and I’m not sure if she’s talking about the drink or the party, so I go with the second.

  Lifting a shoulder, I half shrug. “It feels like everyone is staring at us,” I whisper, wondering if she’ll even be able to hear me over the loud music blasting through the house.

  “Ignore them. They’re all assholes,” Vance sneers, taking a drink from his cup. He’s speaking to me, but it feels like his words are directed at everyone else.

  Clark seems tense, even though his hold on me is gentle. Taking another drink, I notice over the rim of my cup two guys walking toward us. They’re wearing similar attire to Clark, North Woods Baseball t-shirts and jeans that hang low on their hips. From this distance, I already recognize them as the guys from the grocery store awhile back. Clark’s not friends.

  “Clarky, you came, and I see you brought your girlfriend,” Brad teases, giving me what I assume is his version of bedroom eyes but looks more like he’s got a piece of lint or something in his eye.

  “Sure did,” Clark quips, his jaw turning to stone.

  Vance snorts. “This should be fun.” I look over at him, bewildered by his statement.

  What should be fun?

  Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Remington rolling his eyes, his mouth pulled into a frown. He looks like he doesn’t like these guys either, and I can’t blame him.

  “It’s nice to see you outside of class, Em…” Paul snickers.

  “It’s Emerson, don’t fucking call her Em. Actually, don’t call her anything. Don’t talk to her at all, unless you want my fist in your face.”

  “Jesus, calm your tits, Clark. No reason to piss on her leg like that. She’s a lady, she can decide for herself who she wants to talk to, can’t you, Em?”

  My lips press into a firm line. I know what he’s doing. He’s baiting Clark, and it’s working. How do I know? Well, Clark looks like he’s about to jump this guy and make good on his ‘fist in your face’ threat.

  Knowing this will go on until I put a stop to it, I gather up all the courage I can. Swallowing around the lump forming in my throat, I try to keep my voice loud and even when I say, “You’re right, Paul. I can decide who I want to talk to and it sure as hell isn’t you.”

  I’m not sure who is more shocked by my speech. Me, Clark, or Paul? I feel everyone’s eyes move to me, my cheeks turning fifty shades of red. Ava and Vance are also staring, their mouths hanging open in surprise.

  “Kitty grew some claws, I see,” Paul slurs, his eyes flicking over me with distaste before turning around, motioning for Brad to come with him. “Let’s get out of here, this party is lame.”

  “Yes, please do that,” Vance says, clicking his tongue. Both boys walk away, giving us their backs. When they’re finally out of sight, I feel like I can breathe again.

  Holy crap, I told someone off. Power surges through me. I’ve never done anything like that before, something that made me feel good.

  “Girl, where did you pull that out of?” Ava giggles, her eyes wide, curious.

  “No idea, but I knew if I didn’t say something, it would’ve got worse.”

  “Worse for him, not you. He would’ve shut up eventually.”

  “Yeah, when you had your fist in his throat. Your girl was smart standing in like that,” Vance adds, complimenting me.

  “Did you just compliment her?” Ava looks up at him, blinking slowly. “I’m so proud of you. You’re becoming less of an asshole every day.”

  “Yeah, yeah, shut up and give me that mouth,” he growls, leaning down, his lips descending on hers. For some reason, I can’t look away, even though I know I should. Vance kisses with a longing, a hunger that can only be sedated by Ava. It’s evident he loves her, not only in the way he speaks but the way he looks at her, watches her.

  Clark seeing me watching, leans down, his mouth at the shell of my ear. “You know it’s rude to watch people kiss, right?”

  For a moment I’m so embarrassed, my whole head heats up, not just my cheeks. The saliva in my mouth turns to cement, but somehow, I’m still able to speak. “Someday I hope I can kiss someone like that, with that much need, love, and compassion.”

  “Someday?”

  “Well yeah, I’m not...I don’t think I’m ready to kiss like that, but I hope to be someday.”

  “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Em. I bet you could kiss like that. I bet you could handle it. The kiss we shared last week was not that far off, you know?”

  The reminder of that kiss releases an entire zoo of butterflies into my belly. Our kiss was sweet and gentle, magical even, but not full of need and passion. It was nothing like the kiss I just witnessed.

  Licking my dry lips, I feel the urge to take a drink. Vance pulls away reluctantly, his hold on her tight. They’re both breathing hard, their gazes so hot even I can feel beads of sweat forming against my brow.

  “Uhhh...sorry,” Ava mutters, her cheeks tinting pink when she realizes Clark and I have been staring at them this whole time. “I need to go pee, want to come with me?” Ava asks, looking between Jules and me.

  “I’m good right now,” Jules says, cuddling into Remington’s side.

  A no forms on my tongue, but I stop myself seconds before I speak. I had planned on staying by Clark’s side the whole night, but after standing up to Paul like I did, I feel renewed, confident. I should keep this going, step out of my comfort zone.

  Plus, I’m just going to the bathroom. What could possibly happen in those few minutes of being away?

  “Yeah sure, I’ve got to go anyway,” I answer, giving Clark’s hand a gentle squeeze. His hazel eyes flash with nervousness, but he lets go of my hand despite whatever emotion he’s feeling. Stepping away from him, I notice Ava’s outstretched hand, it’s like she understands me, sees me. With a soft smile, I take it, letting her guide me to the bathroom which is around the corner and down the hall. It’s easy to tell which door is the bathroom because there’s a mile-long line outside it. Girls of every shape and size laughing and drinking while they wait to use the restroom. It’s strange, the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.

  “I totally wish I was a guy right now. I could just whip it out and piss anywhere I want,” Ava jokes.

  I’m standing as close to her as I can without being on top of her when a body crashes into mine. I feel the cold liquid seeping into the fabric of my blouse before I even turn to look and see what happened.

  “Ooops, I thought this was a trash can.” A voice I’ve heard one other time filtered into my ears. I turned around to confirm that it was, in fact, the crazy chick that had shown up at Clark’s on my first day here. The one that said he had to fuck her.

  “Apologize,” Ava sneers, stepping forward, attempting to shove her body between us. Sarah’s cold gaze cut to Ava’s and I can tell with one look that these two have history.

  “Well, well, shitty seeing you here. I’m assuming your manwhore of a boyfriend is here too?” Sarah snickers then turned her attention back to me. With a shit-eating grin, she tips her glass forward once more, dousing the entire front of my shirt with red liquid. I shiver as my shirt absorbs more of the cold beverage.

  “You bitch,” Ava snarls, shoving at Sarah’s shoulders. I’m a mute, just standing there, frozen in time, not that there’s anything I want to say to this horrible person. I have nothing to say. In fact, right then and there I would have much rather turned around and walked away to find Clark, but Ava isn’t having it.

  “Do not touch me.” Sarah’s lips curled, her heeled foot stomping against the floor. She goes from looking like a vixen to the Devil in five seconds flat. The people around us start to whisper, pulling out their cell phones, their eyes on the three of us, burning into my flesh.

  “Apologize to her, or I’m going to rearrange your face. You look like you could use a nose job anyway.” Ava cracks her knuckles and I swear to God right then she’s my superhero. I do
n’t need anyone to stick up for me but the fact that she is, without fully knowing me tells me the kind of person she is.

  “What did you say to me?” Sarah’s eyes bulge out of her head. Obviously no one ever talked to her like that before.

  “You heard me. Apologize to her.” Ava takes a step forward and I realize she is actually considering fighting her. She is not bluffing. Panic rises inside of me.

  Suddenly I’m frazzled and before I can reach out to Ava to stop her, she’s on her, bouncing with the finesse of a puma.

  People circle around us, chanting “catfight, catfight, catfight.” I stagger backward, watching with shock as Ava lands a punch square on Sarah’s nose. Hoots and hollers fill the air as they fall to the ground, Ava on top then Sarah, and then back again. I’m afraid but also amazed that she actually just punched her. No one has ever stuck up for me like that before.

  “Whoa, what the fuck is going on?” A deep voice that ripples through my bones meets my ears and I turned just in time to see Vance stalking down the hall and past me to get to Ava. Clark only a foot behind him, his eyes roam over me, murderous rage forming in those hazel depths of his as he zeros in on the bright red stain on the front of my cream-colored blouse.

  “What the hell happened?” Clark barks, the depth of his voice reaching deep inside me and wrapping around my heart.

  Sheltered by Clark’s body, I don’t get to see what happens next. Instead, with his arms wrapped around me, he moves us away from the crowd, around a corner and through a door. I know we’re outside because of the cool air that caresses my sun-kissed cheeks.

  My chest is heaving, adrenaline pumping through my veins. Any other time I would’ve been scared out of my mind, but I’m not, and it surprised the hell out of me.

  Pressed against the side of the house, Clark releases me, his eyes raking down over the front of my blouse. Through the dim lighting and the high hanging moon in the sky, I can see the clenching of his jaw, the barely restrained anger below the surface.

  “She’s lucky I don’t hit women, because if she was a guy, I’d have already shoved my fucking fist down her throat.”

  “It’s just a shirt, it’s okay,” I assure him, placing a hand against his chest. I can feel the heat rippling beneath my palm, the heavy thud of his heartbeat there too.

  “It’s not okay…” He growls. “I’ve never regretted screwing around with someone as much as I do her. If I had known I’d meet you, I never would’ve touched any of those chicks.” Disappointment hangs between us.

  “Shh, it’s okay, Clark. I’ve dealt with mean girls for a long time now. A little drink spilling and word slinging is something I can handle.” Worse things have happened to me. Literally. This is nothing.

  Shaking his head, he leans down, his eyes peering into mine. I want to drown in their depths, let them wash away all my misery, my fear, and pain. Those golden orbs flick down to my mouth. Is he going to kiss me? I really hope so. A thin sheet of perspiration coats my palms. The pulse in my throat throbs, filling my ears with nothing but the sound of my thundering heartbeat. Licking my lips, I prepare myself for a kiss. I want his lips, need them. Clark is my kryptonite, the one person that sees me for me, sees beyond the crippling anxiety, the inky fear that claims me.

  “I want to kiss you, Em, can I kiss you?” Clark whispers, his voice hoarse, clogged with emotions that I can’t decipher in that moment.

  “Yes, please…” I reply, the muscles in my belly tightening, twisting, and knotting.

  A soft smile ghosts his lips and then he’s descending on me. I let my eyes drift closed, wanting to absorb the kiss for all it’s worth, but his lips never touch mine. Instead, I feel his entire body pressing against mine, nearly crushing me against the side of the house if it weren’t for his strong forearms braced beside my head.

  “What the fuck?” he growls as he twists around, a scowl forming. Moving, I peek around Clark and spot a guy that I’ve never seen or met before. He’s about the same height as Clark but isn’t nearly as muscled.

  “Can I help you?” Clark grits out. The guy smirks, but his eyes don’t match that smirk. They’re glassed, and brimming with sadness, anger.

  “Yeah, I was just wondering if you were going to give me a chance to fuck your girlfriend like you did mine?”

  I can’t hide the gasp, it slips past my mouth before I can stop it. He slept with this guy’s girlfriend? I don’t know why I’m surprised by that admission and I’m in no way judging Clark, but I had assumed he wouldn’t have done something so crappy.

  Clark’s body tenses at the sound, the muscles of his back rippling underneath the cotton t-shirt. With his fists clenched down at his sides I’m sure he looks every bit as menacing as he’s attempting to be, but I don’t want another fight, so I sneak around him, placing a gentle hand against his bicep.

  His eyes whip down to where my hand is resting, the hard contours of his face soften, but only briefly.

  “It hurts, doesn’t it?” The guy laughs, sadly, his hardened gaze swinging to me. I can feel his eyes raking over my face, chest, and down, and I shiver, hating how insecure it makes me feel.

  Even with the way he’s acting, I still feel sorry for him. He sways on his feet unsteadily. “Let me give you a taste of your own medicine, Clark.” The sneer passes his lips and he twists toward me faster than a drunk person should be able to. I don’t even get a chance to react to his movements before he’s grabbing me, his fingers digging into the tender flesh of my forearm as he leans down, his lips descend on mine. Alcohol and sweat fill my nostrils.

  No. No. This can’t be happening.

  Squeezing my eyes shut I prepare myself for what’s to come…a loud, angry roar forces my eyelids to flutter open.

  “What the fuck!” Clark seethes, wedging his body between us, forcing me to take a step back or be stepped on. My mouth goes dry, and my stomach twists painfully. This isn’t going to end well.

  “You stole my girlfriend, fair is fair…” The guy smirks, and before I can even blink, Clark’s got his fist in his face. I gasp in horror at the violence that’s rippling out of him.

  One punch.

  Two punch.

  I squeeze my eyes shut and cover my ears with my hands. There’s some type of commotion taking place. People yelling. Bodies hitting the ground.

  You’re okay, everything is okay.

  I start to count back from one hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-seven...my pulse thundering in my ears drowning out the sounds around me. Tension coils in my gut, twisting and turning, tightening until there is nothing but pain radiating out of my abdomen. I double over, my hands falling from my ears and to my stomach.

  “Emerson…” Someone calls my name, but I ignore them. I never should’ve come here tonight. I don’t know why I thought I could be normal, why I thought there was a chance I would overcome the pain. Stupid. I’m so stupid. The nightmares that plague me at night sneak into my mind and suddenly I’m back in my room, back at home, and he’s there...

  “Do you think they’ll believe you if you tell them I raped you?” He laughs.

  I already know the answer, no one will believe me. A man as powerful as him, with as much money as him. He’ll be able to twist my words.

  “I’ll just tell them that you’re a whore...that you begged me for it.” Like a snake moving through thick grass, he stalks toward me. Bile burns up my throat, and I have to swallow down the vomit. He reaches out his hand landing on my shoulder, his fingers sinking into my flesh…

  “Emerson.” A soft voice caresses my ear and then I feel it, a hand on my shoulder, burning into my flesh. Marking me. He’s here. He’s got me. My eyes pop open and a scream rips from my throat before I can stop it. I pull away, my gaze colliding with Ava’s concerned one as I stagger backward, tripping over my own feet, and landing hard on the grass.

  “Please don’t…” I whisper, my lips trembling my entire body shaking. People are whispering, their words surrounding me. Wrapping my arms
around myself, I try and forget where I am. Physically I cannot escape this situation, but mentally, I can. Mentally I can disappear. Holding myself tighter, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood I wish for Clark’s arms to be around me.

  I want him. I need him. He’ll never hurt me. But he is. He has. My subconscious reminds. Burrowing deep inside my head, I try and find a place I can hide.

  “Em baby… I’m sorry, so sorry…” Clark’s voice penetrates the haze, gripping onto me and pulling me from the shadows of my mind. I cannot escape this man, nor would I want to. A second after his words are spoken, he’s picking me up off the ground, and pulling me into his chest. Unwinding my arms, I grab onto the fabric on his chest and inhale his scent.

  Clean, with a hint of citrus.

  Mine.

  With my eyes still closed, I let him whisk me away, rescuing me from the chaos once again.

  “I’m so fucking sorry, Em. I didn’t think. All I did was see red,” he whispers into my hair, cradling me to his chest. I want to tell him he doesn’t have to tell me he’s sorry, that I already know, but I don’t. Instead, I let him hold me. I let him protect me from the fear that still eats away at me, all while wondering if Clark can save me from this…

  From the nightmares…

  From myself….

  59

  Clark

  Burying my face in Emerson’s hair, I inhale her, letting her sweet scent calm my heated blood. What the fuck is wrong with me? Never in my life have I acted so stupidly. I’m not the type to fight, to throw my fists around, that’s Vance, and yet I just did.

  My gaze drops to my knuckles, smudges of blood from that douchebag’s cracked nose lingering there. They’re a stark reminder that I shouldn’t be touching her with his blood on my hands, but I can’t let her go. As soon as her scream pierced the air, my head cleared, the anger, the red hazing my thoughts disappeared.