by Beck, J. L.
* * *
The next morning, I wake to coconut and vanilla in my nostrils. As I inhale deeply through my nose, the events from the night before come crashing down on me. Popping my eyes open, I find Lily, her big baby blues are open, and she’s staring up at me with wonder in her eyes. Her hands trace over my chest, and even though there is fabric between my skin and her fingertips, it feels like they’re burning through my skin, reaching deep inside me and tugging at the fragile remains of my heart.
“I’m sorry if I woke you, and for…” She pulls her hand back, and I want to tell her it’s fine if she touches me, but it isn’t. She’s a student. I’m the Dean. We shouldn’t be sharing the same house, let alone the same bed.
“It’s okay, don’t apologize. We’re just… friends? Okay? We need boundaries. No sex. No kissing.” My jaw aches as I say the words because deep down even if I don’t want to admit it, I want all those things with her. The kissing, the sex, and every single thing in between.
Lily’s creamy white cheeks, tint pink as I speak, “Of course. No sex. No kissing. Friends. Nothing more, nothing less.”
She smiles at me, her perfectly straight white teeth appearing from behind her pink lips. Lips I wouldn’t mind kissing right now. Fuck. My cock is hardening as we speak. Untangling myself from her, I tug my shirt down as if the fabric would be long enough to cover my growing erection. Idiot. At least I’m wearing clothes. Lily’s eyes brighten as they move over me, inspecting my torso as if something is going to stick out to her.
“So, ahh, yeah.” I get out of the bed and stand. Squeezing at the tight muscles of my neck, I say, “Let’s have some breakfast, shower and then we can go and get the rest of your stuff from the dorms. Do you think your roommate has it all packed up?”
Lily nods, “Yeah Delilah is a bit OCD so she most likely has the room sparkling clean and all my shit stacked up on my bed.”
“Good.” There’s a tense pause between us. It’s not awkward, not really. It’s just strange for me to wake up with a woman in my arms, even stranger for it to be a woman that I know I’ll never have. “I’ll go start breakfast. You can shower first.”
Leaving the room before I end up saying something stupid, I head into the kitchen to make breakfast. Pulling out the eggs, cheese, and ham, I settle on making ham and cheese omelets. I also get the coffee pot going, because what is life without coffee.
A few minutes later, I have two steaming plates of cheesy, eggy, ham goodness. Placing the plates on the breakfast nook table, I walk back down the hall and toward my bedroom. I don’t even think to knock before entering, thinking she must still be in the bathroom. However, I’m wrong, so wrong.
Entering the bedroom, I stop just over the threshold, the saliva in my mouth turning to glue, and my cock coming to stand at attention at the sight of a clean Lily standing in nothing more than a towel in my bedroom.
She glances up at me, her eyes darkening as if she has forgotten our agreement from just a short time ago. Strands of blonde hair stick to her shoulders, and water droplets glisten as they slide down the valley between her breasts, which are hidden beneath that stupid towel. I want to lick those drops off her skin, taste her, feast on her until she’s nothing but a withering mess of arousal and need.
“Sebastian.” Her perfect mouth opens, those lips of hers part slowly, and I can hear her saying my name, but I can’t break my gaze. I can feel the need for her deep down in my gut. It twists and turns, digging its thorns into my stomach. Somehow, the hold she has on me snaps, and I force my gaze to the floor, my hands forming into tight fists.
This hold she has on me is both dangerous and intoxicating. It terrifies me and excites me all at once.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve knocked.”
“No, it’s okay,” she mumbles, and slowly, I lift my gaze starting at her feet and moving upward, stopping to take note of the heat in her beautiful eyes. No, Lily, no. One of us has to be strong, and that person’s not going to be me.
“It’s not. I’ll be sure to knock next time.”
She nods her head as if she understands and I turn and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me, my stiff dick making it hard to walk. How the fuck am I going to do this? How am I going to live in a house with the one person I want, that I cannot fucking have?
When she appears from the room a few minutes later, my dick has finally deflated. Together we eat breakfast, mostly in silence. There’s a heat between us that sizzles and zaps with each movement we make. I do my best to ignore it but haven’t figured out how I’m going to get a grasp on my emotions, on my cock that seems to constantly be hard now.
“I’ll need to swing by the grocery store, then we can go to the dorms, and then back here. I know it’s not ideal right now, but like I said last night. I would rather have you here with me where I know you’re safe than in some seedy motel catching rides from some random college guys.” Lily nods through bites and sips of her coffee.
“Thank you, really, it means a lot to me. I know you’re putting your neck on the line for me and I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate it.”
Taking a sip of my coffee, I swallow it and then shake my head. “Stop, it’s fine. If anyone asks, then I’ll explain the situation. Until then, we won’t tell anyone.”
“Perfect.” Lily tucks a strand of her damp blonde hair behind her ear, and I stare at her way longer than I should. This is going to end badly. I can already feel it. So why the hell aren’t I doing anything to stop the inevitable.
Maybe because for the first time in forever, you’re living.
* * *
The day passes far too quickly, and before either of us realize it, the sun is setting. Lily has classes tomorrow, and I have a full day of meetings. Sleep is something I desperately need right now, but something that I most likely won’t get. Not with Lily under the same roof.
I do my best to ignore the far too short sleep shorts and T-shirt that she’s wearing when she comes into the living room with her toothbrush in her mouth. Her golden hair frames her face making her appear angelic, and I look down at the couch, tucking the sheet into the cushions.
“Please don’t tell me you’re going to try and sleep on the couch,” she mumbles around the toothbrush.
“That’s exactly what I’m doing. You’re the guest so you can have the bed.” Tossing two pillows down, I grab the comforter and move it to the edge of the couch. Lily places both hands on her hips and stares me down. Her toothbrush is still hanging out of her mouth, her eyes are wide, and she looks different, happy.
She takes the toothbrush out before saying, “Technically I’m not a guest. I live here now. But besides that, you’re like a whole foot taller than me. Let me take the couch. You’ll be much more comfortable in the bed.”
“No way, I’m not letting you…”
“I insist,” she cuts me off. “Seriously, you won’t even fit on the couch. How the hell will you sleep here without hurting your back?” She taps her chin. “Let me take the couch, or I’ll revisit the motel idea.”
“Lily,” I warn my voice low.
Her eyelashes fan against her cheek as she looks at me innocently.
“You know I’m right, so just give in.”
Releasing a loud sigh, I roll my eyes. She is right. I would be extremely uncomfortable on the couch.
“Okay, you win, you sleep on the couch,” I say in defeat. Lily gives me a huge smile like she is proud of herself for winning our sparring match and disappears back into the bathroom.
I walk down the hall telling her goodnight through the closed door. She does the same, and I retreat into my bedroom, where I strip down to my boxers and crawl into bed.
It feels weird being in here while Lily is in the other room. Last night, I slept better than I have in a very long time, and I have a feeling that holding Lily all night had something to do with that. Now that she’s out there and I’m here, the insomnia is hitting me hard.
Rolling over, I try and fi
nd a better position. I fluff my pillow and pull the blanket up over my back and close my eyes. Nothing. When that doesn’t work, I roll over again, and again. Eventually, I end up on my back, staring up at the ceiling, my eyes wide open.
Almost an hour passes, and I still can’t seem to fall asleep. Is she sleeping? I bet she’s peacefully asleep already. I feel like my brain is one of those wind-up toys that just won’t shut up. There’s nothing that should be keeping me awake, and yet I can’t seem to sleep. I consider getting up to take a shower, when the door to the bedroom creeks, opening just a hair, there’s a pause, and then it opens more, just enough for a slim body to slip through.
Lily. She’s sneaking in. She must not be able to sleep either.
It’s dark in here, so I don’t think she can see that my eyes are open. She tiptoes closer, moving with the stealth of a cat. My heart starts to beat faster with each step she takes toward me until she is right next to the bed. I don’t move or make a sound as she carefully lifts up one corner of the blanket, and crawls into the bed, the mattress dipping a little with her weight.
I can’t suppress a smile as she scoots closer, and closer until she is pressed right up against my side, her willowy arm snaking across my middle. My abs flex at her touch, and I can feel the heat of her touch in my groin.
She must be thinking she’s so sneaky right now. Did she plan this all along? If she did, I can’t be mad at her. I know I should stop whatever is going on between us before it bites me in the ass, but I’m at the end of my rope when it comes to pushing her away. So, I don’t say anything when she drapes her leg across mine and buries her face into my bare chest.
It’s not long until her breathing slows and becomes heavier, confirming that she is asleep. I, on the other hand, am beyond wide awake. It feels like I took ten shots of espresso.
Lily’s leg moves up my thigh, a soft sigh passing her lips. I know she is sleeping and doesn’t know what she is doing, but my dick doesn’t realize that. He doesn’t care. All he wants is the softness between her legs, and while I’d like to give us both a taste of that, it’s not happening.
With her knee moving closer and closer to my cock, he decides to harden, and pretty soon he’s so hard it fucking hurts. How the fuck am I supposed to sleep like this?
Screw this, I have to do something about the iron rod between my legs. As slowly as I can manage, I peel myself away from Lily, trying my best not to wake her up. Sliding out of the bed like a stealth ninja, I disappear into the bathroom.
Twisting the lock into place on the door, I turn on the shower and strip out of my boxers. My cock springs free, practically screaming with need, and I grip onto it as I step into the shower.
My hair isn’t even wet all the way when I start pumping the angry beast. I’ve never felt the need to jerk off as much as I do right now.
Stroking myself like my life depends on it, I close my eyes, and bare my teeth, imagining the one person who makes me feel this way. The woman lying in my bed, on the other side of this door. The one I can’t get out of my head… the one I can never have.
My thighs quiver, as my strokes grow faster and faster. Up, and down, up and down. I imagine this is what Lily’s pussy feels like, her softness meeting all my hardness. We’re a match made in heaven but forbidden as sin. Every muscle in my body tightens, and I groan so loudly I’m sure Lily can hear me. A lightning bolt of pleasure zings up my spine, the air in my lungs stills and my heart hammers furiously against my ribs as I stare down at my cock watching as the sticky, warm come erupts from my cock, landing against the tiled wall in thick ropes.
Fuck is all I can think as I sag against the tile.
I want her. I want her so badly. But having her, taking her, goes against everything I’ve worked so hard for. If only things were different. If we were different people… then I could call her mine.
76
Lily
The next few days pass by in a blur. All my things are here now, and I’ve officially moved in with Sebastian. Well… really unofficially, since the only other people who know that I am here are; Rem, Jules, and Delilah. I had to tell D because I had to explain where I was living now.
We had to tell Jules and Rem because Sebastian can’t always drive me back and forth to campus. Because A, we’re on different schedules and B, we can’t really be seen together.
So, Remington or Jules drive me to and from campus most of the time, but when Seb’s schedule does happen to line up with mine, he parks his car behind a building or in a hidden corner of the parking lot.
There was an exciting playfulness about sneaking around the first few times, but that feeling died out quickly. I feel wrong doing it, not because I feel like I shouldn’t be with Seb, but because it feels wrong that we are hiding. We are adults, and technically we are not breaking any rules. University policy prohibits student and faculty relationships, but we are not really in a relationship, at least not a sexual one.
After the night I snuck into his room, he let me sleep in his bed with him every night, but only to hold me, nothing more… much to my disappointment.
“What are you daydreaming about?” Delilah asks, falling into step with me.
“Nothing.”
“Liar! You’re probably dreaming about Dean Miller’s abs,” she giggles like a little schoolgirl.
I can’t help but roll my eyes at her. “I shouldn’t have told you about him. I should have made up some extravagant lie as to where I’m staying. I told you we are just friends. He is helping me out. No sex involved.”
“That doesn’t mean a girl can’t think about abs,” D quips. “Well defined, sweaty abs, rippling under that button-up shirt,” she mimics a porn star’s voice.
I shake my head at her and laugh. “You need to get laid. Go find a frat boy with sweaty abs, and no future.”
“You know what, Lily. That’s a great idea. I’ll talk to you later.” Delilah gives me a kiss on the cheek and darts off to who knows where. I keep walking toward the parking lot into one of the corners where Seb parks.
Today is one of the days I can ride back with him, and when I see him walking around the corner, my heart starts beating a little faster like it always does when I see him. He looks up and sees me standing next to his Jeep, his lips pull up into a smile, and suddenly, I feel two degrees hotter. Get a grip, Lily.
“Hey,” Sebastian greets me when he gets closer. “How was your day?”
“Great. Yours?”
“Busy, and boring,” he explains as he unlocks the car and we both get in. “Lots of developing recommendations for promotions, tenure, and compensation of faculty.”
“Yes, that does sound boring.”
“I was hoping we could do something fun tonight. Maybe watch a movie? Or get takeout, perhaps, both?” His question catches me off guard. We’ve been hanging out, but not like that. Usually, we eat together, but then I’ll paint or do homework while he does something else. Watching a movie sounds a lot like something a couple would do, but I don’t say that.
“Ah, sure,” I say trying not to read too much into it. It’s just a movie, Lily.
When we get home, Sebastian orders pizza before taking a shower. I change into my pajamas and cuddle up on the couch, waiting for him. The doorbell rings just as Seb comes out of the bedroom in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Rushing past me, he answers the door, and returns a moment later, with two pizza boxes in hand.
His hair is still wet when he sits down next to me, drops of water clinging to the strands, it looks soft, and I have the urge to run my fingers through it to see if I’m right. He puts the boxes on the table and props one of them open. The savory smell of cheese and Italian spices invade my senses, momentarily distracting me from the man I want to touch so badly.
He hands me a piece, and I lean back into the couch and start nibbling on the pizza while Seb starts the movie I picked.
“You picked Guardians of the Galaxy?” He quirks a brow.
“That’s the one,” I shrug. �
��I heard it’s good.” Also, it’s an action movie, so there should be a minimum of romantic scenes in it. I don’t need anything else to fuel my desire for him.
After we stuff ourselves with pizza, Seb reveals that the second box was holding brownies, which I happily accept when he offers. By the time we’re done with dessert, the movie hasn’t even run twenty minutes, and I’ve become painfully aware that I don’t have anything else to do with my hands.
I feel so ridiculous even thinking about it, but I need to keep my hands busy because if I don’t, all I’ll think about is reaching over to touch Sebastian. I try so hard to concentrate on the movie but having him so close and not being able to touch him has me on edge. All I want to do is scoot over and climb onto his lap. I want to bury my face in the crook of his neck, to kiss his skin and feel his muscles flex beneath my hands. I want to know what he looks like when he comes. I want all of it.
Peeking at him out of the corner of my eye, I catch him shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Is he reading my mind? Or is he having his own indecent thoughts? The fire between us is smoldering, suffocating almost. If he can’t feel the heat, then there’s something wrong with him.
“How do you like the movie?” Seb suddenly asks.
“Huh?” I mumble a little flustered. How stupid am I? He asked how I like the movie, and all I say is, huh.
“Do you not like the movie?” he says, chuckling. “You seem distracted.”
“I’m just tired,” I lie. Sleep is the last thing on my mind right now. “Maybe I’ll just go to bed. It’s been a long week.”
He frowns at me, the skin between his thick brows pinching, “Are you sure? I can find another movie? Or…”
I don’t have the heart to tell him that being this close to him is doing crazy things to my lady bits. I know it’s already hard for him to keep strong, and I don’t want to make matters worse, but I can’t be near him right now without wanting to climb him like a tree.
