Find Me Alastar

by T L Swan

“I want to watch you. I want you untouched as I watch you.”

  “Oh,” I whisper.

  I put my hand in and feel the temperature of the shower, deciding to turn up the hot water a little more. I face away from him and slide one of my arms out of my dress.

  “Turn around and face me,” he breathes.

  I nervously turn around and my eyes search his. I’m terrified. This is too intimate. I don’t like this. Maybe I should go?

  As if sensing my fear, a trace of a smile crosses his face. “Undress angel, let me look at you. You are safe.”

  I swallow my fear and slowly slide my dress down to step out of it. I stand vulnerable and revealed in my white satin underwear. My hands are clasped nervously together in front of me. His hungry eyes drop down my body as if memorizing every inch.

  A sexy smile crosses his face and his gaze come back up to meet mine.

  “All of it,” he whispers darkly.

  I slide down one bra strap, then the other, and I glance down to see the huge erection growing in his pants. It gives me a much needed boost of confidence and I slide my bra around before I take it off.

  His eyes stay fixed on my breasts and he licks his lips.

  The silence between us is deafening, as is the sound of fear that is pumping though my veins.

  His eyes are transfixed on my body and the goosebumps that are scattered over my petrified skin. I slowly slide my panties down my legs and he sits back, rearranging the large penis in his pants.

  I stand before him as he sits still. His eyes linger on my sex and back up to my breasts, around to my thighs, then back up to my eyes.

  My heart is racing as my eyes beg for some kind of recognition. I need him to say something. Please, say anything.

  I go to turn to get into the shower and he holds his hand up in a stop signal.

  “Don’t move,” he whispers. “I’m memorizing the body that I have missed so desperately,” he breathes.

  My heart somersaults in my chest. He’s missed me. He’s missed me desperately.

  I step toward him.

  He holds his hand up in a stop signal again. “Untouched,” he pleads in a whisper.

  I stand riveted. The way he is looking at me might just turn me inside out.

  Arousal mixed with affection. There’s a softness to his hardness. The man in him is hard and ready to take me, and yet the soul inside of him is revering me. I can feel his adoration and it’s an emotion that I am unfamiliar with.

  I can’t breathe.

  After an extended time, I slowly turn and get into the shower to stand under the water, my eyes still on him. So much for straightening my hair for an hour. I’m going to look like hell after this.

  “Wash yourself,” he breathes as his eyes drop to my sex again. He wants a little peep show.

  I smile to myself. This, I can do.

  I pour liquid soap into my hand and start to run my hands all over my body. Arousal flickers like a fire in his eyes and his tongue darts out to lick his lip again.

  This is hot.

  I start to rub my hands on my breasts and he sits forward in his seat unable to control himself.

  I got this. I want you in the shower, big boy, and I want you now.

  I drop my hand to between my legs and start to rub myself. His face screws up in arousal and sits forward even farther. My other hand comes up and squeezes my nipple and I throw my head back.

  He hisses in approval as his dark eyes hold mine.

  “Come and I will take you,” he whispers.

  I frown. Huh?

  “Make yourself come and you can have me,” he whispers as he unzips his pants and takes his cock in his hand.

  My insides start to clench at the sight of his large, hard muscle between his legs.

  I frown. What does that mean? If I don’t come, he’s not getting in. Hell. I’ve never made myself come in front of a guy before. This is perverted.

  “Touch yourself,” he whispers as he slowly starts to stroke himself.

  Frigging hell, I can’t concentrate on me when he’s doing that. I want to watch his peep show.

  Okay, pull out the big guns. You got this.

  I spread myself wide, and his dark eyes watch me as his hand gently strokes his cock. I slowly slide a finger into myself and he groans out in pleasure. I keep going and he sits back as if restraining himself from touching me. He rips his jacket from his shoulders and starts to unbutton his shirt.

  My two fingers are now slowly sinking in and out of my body and my foot is up on the tiled shower seat. This is way beyond anything I have ever experienced before, and as I hold my breath, I know I am only seconds from climaxing.

  He rips his pants down his legs and I am blessed with the sight of a perfect male specimen. He’s tall, athletic, rippled with muscle, and is currently as hard as hell. His cock hangs heavily between his legs. I can see every vein in its engorged length.

  I’ve never seen a man so hot, so aroused, or so bloody perfect. The sight of him mixed with the flick of my fingers over my clitoris makes me come and I lurch forward.

  Then he has me lifted up against the shower wall with my legs around his waist and he impales me in one hard push. I cry out and his eyes roll back in his head at the overwhelming feel of this claiming.

  He lifts me like a feather, back and forth onto his cock, and I feel him get harder and harder until he feels like he might just break me.

  I close my eyes to try and deal with the brutality that he’s taking me with. I’m so wet, and the sound of our bodies slapping together rings loudly over the water.

  His mouth drops to my neck and he bites me hard. My body lurches forward in another earth shattering orgasm and he shudders as he comes deep within me.

  We stay still. He has me pinned to the wall by the body. But it is my heart that has the stake pushed clean through it. He kisses me, gentle and tender. His tongue taking no prisoners as the emotion starts to drag me by the hair into the darkness of addiction.

  “Don’t fight with me again,” he whispers against my lips.

  I smile and try to hide the despair I feel towards my traitor of a heart as it concedes defeat.

  “Okay.” I whisper. “I won’t.”

  * * *

  Alastar O’shea.

  Has there ever been a more perfect human specimen?

  I doubt it, to be honest. I watch him as we lie next to the fire. It’s late on Monday night and we have had the most amazing evening, having just polished off two bottles of red wine together. He is sitting with his back against the lounger on the floor, and I am lying horizontal to him on a mattress he has bought down stairs for me to lay on in front of the fire. He’s deep in thought and his hand runs idly up over my foot, his unruly hair falling over his eyes. This man is artistic and intelligent, he’s neat and wealthy, not to mention absolutely perfect in bed. What do we have in common?

  I’m messy, uncoordinated, squishy around the edges, and totally not hard to get. I know nothing about him, and yet I feel like I know everything about him, too. I can’t even act hard to get. Now I want him. I want him in my life. How… how do I get from where we are now to where I want to be?

  Where do I want to be?

  That’s a good question, because in all honesty, I don’t even know.

  His eyes glance up to me and he smiles softly. “What are you thinking about?”

  “Just how you tried to kill me tonight.” He shakes his head and smiles as he goes back to his book. Tonight he took me to the liquor shop on his handlebars to buy wine. I haven’t had so much fun in years until we went over a bump and I fell off. “I haven’t tried to kill you… yet.” He smirks to himself.

  I smile. “Does that mean your going to?” I tease.

  “When the time comes.” He picks up my foot and kisses it gently with his eyes still focused on his book.

  See, that should disturb me, but it doesn’t. It gives me hope that we will still be seeing each other. What kind of sick, twisted fuck am I, anyway?


  My phone rings in my handbag in the kitchen, and Alastar immediately gets up to retrieve it for me. He misses the call and hands me the phone. “Brielle,” he states as he hands it over. I call her back.

  “Hi.” I smile.

  “Oh my fuck, I’ve ruined it,” she gasps.

  I frown. “What have you ruined?”

  “Julian.”

  I smile and Alastar frowns at me in question. I shrug. I have no idea what she is talking about.

  “I’m coming over immediately,” she blurts out.

  I frown. “Umm… I’m not at home.”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m at Alastar’s.”

  “Oh.” She goes silent.

  Alastar waves his hand as if to say go.

  “We could meet for coffee somewhere,” I reply. Jeez, I really don’t want to leave him, but maybe I could come back here after we have finished.

  “No, it’s okay.”

  “You sure?” I ask.

  “Yes.” She sighs. “I will see you tomorrow.”

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “Yes. Fine. Going crazy, perhaps.”

  “What happened?”

  “I told his date that he went on another date this week with someone else.”

  My eyes widen in horror. “W-why would you do that?” I stammer.

  “I’m an idiot, that’s why. It slipped out and now he’s not talking to me, and he told me we are going to have a serious talk when he gets home.”

  “Oh, shit. Maybe you have ruined it,” I murmur.

  Alastar frowns again and I shake my head. “Just stay in your room and we will catch up tomorrow.”

  “Can we go out tomorrow night?”

  I hesitate, even though I know I need to make the effort. “Yes. I will call you in the morning.”

  “Okay, bye. Love you.” She hangs up.

  “What’s wrong?” Alastar asks.

  I blow out a breath and roll my eyes. “Brielle watched her boss jack off the other night.”

  His eyes widen.

  “And I think she likes him. Tonight she booby trapped his date and he wants to have a serious talk with her when he gets home.”

  “Oh.” He smirks.

  “Do you want to come out with us tomorrow night to distract her?” I smile sweetly.

  “No, I’m having Thomas over for dinner.”

  I nod, dejected.

  “Why don’t you both have dinner here with us and then you two can go out after?”

  I smile. “Really?”

  He smiles warmly and pulls me to lie over him. “Yes, I’m not ready to let you go just yet.” He kisses my forehead gently.

  I blow out a depressed, deep breath into his chest. I’m not ready for you to let me go, either. I put my head down on his chest and stare into the fire. In fact, I’m not sure I ever want you to.

  * * *

  I sit at the kitchen bench drinking my wine as I watch Alastar cook like a well-oiled machine. He obviously does this a lot.

  “Thomas comes over often?”

  He nods as he cuts up the vegetables. “Aye.”

  I sip my wine as I think. “And where does he live?”

  “Across town.”

  “When did he move here?”

  He picks up his glass and narrows his eyes as he thinks. “He will have been here about five years now.”

  “And how long have you been here in London?”

  “I moved here when I was twenty-one.”

  “How old are you now?”

  “That would be telling.” He smirks.

  I smile into my glass.

  “What?” he asks.

  “Your accent.”

  He smiles. “What about my accent?”

  “It’s dreamy.”

  He shakes his head and flicks the tea towel over his shoulder and returns to his chopping duties. “Dreamy,” he repeats to himself. He turns to me and takes me into his arms. “You are the only dreamy one around here.” He breathes into my neck and I laugh out loud as he kisses me.

  Thomas stops on the spot as he walks through the kitchen door, and we both look up, startled. “Hello, Emmaline.” He smiles. “Sorry for interrupting.” His eyes flick between Alastar and me.

  “Hello.” I smile nervously.

  Alastar kisses me gently again before letting me go.

  Thomas walks over to the kitchen counter I am sitting at.

  “Pour yourself a drink. Brielle will be here soon to tell us about her wanker of a boss.” Alastar smirks.

  * * *

  Four hours and four bottles of wine later we are all very loud and giggly as we sit around the grand dining table. Alastar is a wonderful cook, he even made apple pie and cream, my favorite dessert of all time. Brielle is the most relaxed I have seen her since we arrived and she is getting on wonderfully with the boys. Thomas is lovely, different to Alastar, but lovely. Alastar is intense and serious while Thomas seems like a gentle, happy soul.

  “Now, Brielle.” Alastar holds his glass in the air. “Do tell us about this wanker boss of yours.”

  Her mouth drops open in shock and I burst out laughing. I really should stop drinking. I’m getting really drunk.

  “You told him?” she shrieks.

  “Yes, she told me.” Alastar laughs.

  “What’s going on? I don’t get it.” Thomas glances between the two of them.

  Brielle shakes her head. “No, I’m not going there.” She bursts into laughter along with me. This is a funny story.

  “Tell me!” Thomas yells in a I’ve had a bottle of wine too much voice.”

  “Okay.” Brielle waves her glass around too much and wine sloshes over the side of the glass.

  “So, I have this boss.”

  I watch Alastar, and his eyes dance with delight as he drinks his wine and listens to the story. I smile broadly. This is a happy time.

  I look back at Brelly.

  “Yes,” Thomas replies. “And?”

  Brielle shakes her head in denial. “Anyway.”

  “Tell them.” I point at her.

  “No.” She laughs stupidly.

  “Tell us what?” Alastar demands.

  “She likes him.” I grin.

  “Ohh,” the boys collectively chime and we all laugh out loud.

  “Now we are getting somewhere.” Thomas smiles broadly.

  Brielle holds her two fingers up in a pinching symbol and squints. “Little bit,” she whispers.

  “He’s old.” I laugh.

  The boys both look at me. “How old?” Alastar asks.

  “He’s not old,” Brielle snaps.

  “Tell us woman. How fucking old?” Thomas yells and we all burst into laughter again.

  “He has a daughter who is fifteen.” She sips her wine. “He’s thirty-eight” she blurts out.

  “That is not old.” Alastar points his glass at Brielle.

  “Only an old person would say that,” Thomas yells and we all laugh as Thomas and I clink glasses.

  Our attention turns to Alastar. “How old are you, anyway?” I ask.

  “Old enough to know better.” Alastar laughs and he and Thomas clink glasses. The wine sloshes over the sides of their glasses. Oh, man, we are all very drunk. This conversation and wine glass clinking is getting out of hand.

  “Anyway.” She waves her glass around in the air, pauses and hiccups. “So there is a lot of…” She hesitates. “Chemistry going on.”

  The boys smile broadly and Alastar picks up my hand and kisses the back of it without thinking. My eyes linger on his face a little too long and he glances over at me, raising a brow in question. I shake my head. For heaven’s sake, Emerson, stop openly swooning over this guy. You’re getting embarrassing.

  “The other night he was supposed to be away,” Brielle continues.

  “Aha.”

  “And when I went to check on the kids, I saw something in his bedroom.”

  Thomas puts his hands over his eyes. “Don’t t
ell me he was doing the deed with someone else?”

  Brielle shakes her head and takes a huge gulp of her wine. “Nope.”

  Alastar’s eyes dance with mischief as he listens.

  “He was naked.”

  “Naked,” Thomas repeats and Alastar smirks.

  “And…” I shriek.

  Brielle puts her hands over her eyes. “And he was pulling himself.”

  “I told you he was a wanker.” Alastar laughs as he slaps his hand onto the table and we all erupt into laughter.

  “And what did you do?” Thomas asks in shock.

  “I stood there and watched. When he saw me watching, he kept going.”

  “He kept going!” The boys both shriek. Alastar and Thomas high five each other.

  “You dirty, dirty girl,” Thomas yells.

  “Is Em this dirty, Star?” He points to me with his glass.

  “Filthy.” Alastar smirks and we all laugh.

  Brielle puts one hand over her eyes in horror and I grab her hand over the table as I giggle.

  “And then what happened?” I ask.

  “And then we have been weird ever since and he went out on a date. Then I accidently-on-purpose booby trapped his next date and told her about another date,” she says in a rush to get it all out.

  The table falls silent and I put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing.

  Thomas goes into a serious thinking pose. “There is only one thing to do,” he replies seriously in that strong Irish accent as he narrows his eyes.

  We all lean into the table to hear his solution. “What?” she asks. “I need help. This is a disaster.”

  “You should take me home and fuck me like an animal, really, really loudly so he can hear.”

  The table erupts into laughter again.

  “Hell, and just to be nice, you can do me on his bed if you want while he watches.”

  Alastar raises his glass in a toast motion and we all join in. “To Thomas, forever the gentleman and willing to take one for the team.”

  We all in fits of laughter as we repeat. “To Thomas, for taking one for the team.”

  Chapter 13

  I sip my coffee as I smile stupidly at my handsome breakfast partner who is sitting across the kitchen counter. Wearing grey sweatpants, a white t-shirt with bare feet, his hair is in its best messy, curly, fuckable style. We have just showered and I am back in my dress from last night. I must look ridiculous. Alastar is going to take me back to my house so that I can get dressed before he drops me off at work.