Find Me Alastar

by T L Swan

  He smiles broadly and kisses me. “Hello, my Emmaline.” I smile into his big lips as I run my hand through his strong two-day growth. “Hello, my beautiful Irish man.”

  We stay still, excited to finally be together after a long day apart. I am pushing the countdown of the time we have together to the very back of my mind. I am just going to enjoy every inch of him as long as I can. Screw the future. Seize the day is my moto for this week. Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it anyway. Sounds good in theory, right?

  I look into the backseat as he pulls into the traffic. “Where is all your stuff?”

  “It’s in the truck with my assistants.”

  “You have assistants?” I frown. This is news.

  He nods and picks up my hand to kiss the back of it. My brain temporarily fries as I watch him. He’s just so...

  “You have assistants?” I ask.

  “Yes.”

  “How many?”

  “I have five people who work for me.”

  “Five?” I raise my eyebrows in question.

  “Yes.” He smirks.

  I look out the front window in wonder. Jeez. “What do they all do? Where do they all work from?” I reply. I thought he just took pretty photos. Guess not?

  “I have an office in town and I have two fulltime girls, Rosemary and Sasha.”

  My eyes watch his face. “What do they do?” I ask.

  “Rosemary does the accounts and bookings. And Sasha does odd jobs, whatever needs doing.”

  I frown. “Odd jobs?”

  “She’s my assistant on shoots and organizes locations and research for projects, stuff like that.”

  “Oh.” I continue watching him. “So, will she be here tonight?”

  He nods as his eyes stay fixed on the road.

  “Who are the other three?’

  “I have two lighting assistants and one proof editor. She negotiates with the magazines for the styling etc.”

  “This sounds in depth.”

  He smiles as his eyes find me again. “It is.”

  He lifts my hand and kisses it once more, silencing my thoughts. I can’t think when his lips are touching my skin.

  “Oh. I bought the paper and you were right, that missing girl does look like the girl I sat with on Friday night.’

  My eyes widen. “Shit, I told you.”

  “I thought about what you said and ended up calling the police. I told them I talked to her for an hour at the bar.”

  “What did they say?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “It wasn’t even her. We have the wrong girl. The girl who went missing was at a wedding on the Friday night, out of town.”

  Relief fills me. “Oh, thank goodness.”

  “I know.” He smiles and kisses my hand once more, and an hour later we are finally there.

  I sit in the car and frown at my surroundings. We are at a fancy farm by the looks of it. Huge sandstone buildings and rolling hills surround us. There are five trucks, and cars everywhere. People are buzzing around like ants.

  Suddenly, I feel like I may be intruding and I feel a little out of place.

  “Come,” Alastar says gently, sensing my trepidation.

  “You just do your thing and I will hang around. Don’t go to any trouble for me,” I murmur.

  He smiles warmly. “Let me introduce you and then you can do as you wish. I have bought a blanket.” He opens the trunk, retrieves a large woolen blanket, and throws it into the backseat. “In case you want to sleep in the car.”

  I smile. “Do you think I’m a baby?”

  He winks sexily. “This can get boring to watch. Trust me.”

  We walk toward the large hall and he takes my hand in his. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.

  “Oh, finally! He’s here.” A bossy blonde sighs as we walk through the large double doors. “Took your time.”

  The group of people all turn to look at us. “Yes, I’m here,” he replies as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.

  “This is Emmaline.” He presents me to his colleagues and I smile nervously.

  They all smile.

  “This is Rita, Nova, Sasha.” He hesitates and I know he’s forgotten someone’s name. They start to shake my hand. “Mick, Len, and Trudy.” He continues.

  “Hello.” I smile awkwardly.

  Trudy’s eyes linger on me a little longer than everyone else’s. She must be his proof editor. I catch her scanning me up and down.

  “Sasha, can you look after Em for me tonight, please,” Alastar asks.

  The young girl smiles warmly. “Of course, I have ordered dinner and we have seats over here for you,” she replies kindly as she takes my hand and leads me over to the wall.

  I fall into the seat and she passes me a large woolen blanket. “Would you like a tea or coffee?” she asks.

  “Tea, please. White and one sugar.” I smile gratefully as she disappears.

  Alastar is soon deep in discussion as he walks around the large barn with Trudy.

  The barn has stone walls and high timber beams with straw strewn all over the floor, although I think that it is definitely a prop. There is no way this barn is used for animals. It’s too beautiful. Alastar is holding his arms up and showing them something in the roofing, directing things at the two men before they disappear out of the front door.

  The two lighting girls start up all of their spotlights and someone else starts taking photos. They all look at the screen and then adjust the lighting to correct it. Another girl starts to wave around a big screen thing that look like a large tambourine. What in the hell does that do?

  Sasha returns with two cups of tea and sits down next to me on our fold-up directors’ chairs.

  “Thank you.” I smile as I take mine from her.

  I sip my tea. “So, who is he photographing?” I ask in a whisper.

  “This is an annual celebration cover for Harper’s Bazaar.”

  “Oh,” I whisper.

  “Big deal,” she whispers back. “Ten of the highest paid models in the world have flown in from all over.”

  My eyes widen. “They are all in it?” I ask.

  “Yes, like a group shot thing.”

  “Where are they?” I whisper. “I know I sound dumb but I don’t see anyone here.”

  “When they get here, you will hear them.” She rolls her eyes. “Pains in the bloody neck, to be honest.”

  “Oh.” I sip my tea. I really like this Sasha girl, already.

  “They will be arriving shortly with their personal assistants and the magazine staff.”

  My eyes fall to Alastar as he stares into the screen of his fancy camera, directing the others to adjust lighting and things. I smile, seeing how much he loves this job and how he is well respected.

  A truck pulls up outside and Sasha stands. “Wardrobe is here. Be back in a minute.”

  My eyes follow her as she disappears out the door. I sit still again as I watch my man in his element. This is so fun, and my, what a different world he lives in. The only excitement for me at work is fighting with wonder bitch from reception.

  Sasha comes back through the door with three men pushing big racks of super expensive clothing. There are hundreds of designer gowns with sequins and feathers, and another man carrying big boxes filled with designer shoes.

  Holy crap, it’s like sex in the city on crack. Carrie Bradshaw would be loving this shit.

  She directs them to wheel it over to the back corner, close to where I am sitting, and they start to set the area up.

  Another two girls come in with big suitcases and Sasha jumps up again. She looks around as if wondering where to set them up.

  “Star?” she calls.

  He looks up from what he’s doing.

  “Where do you want makeup?” she asks.

  His eyes scan the perimeter of the building and he looks for an area where he won’t be shooting in.

  “Over near the door,” he calls and then goes back to his discussions with T
rudy.

  The flashes of light start to flicker behind my eyes again, and I drop my head. It’s as if I am in a disco and the strobe lights are flashing black and white.

  What?

  Not now.

  I close my eyes to try and block it out.

  What is this? After about forty seconds, it stops suddenly. I really need to get to an Optometrist or doctor. I wrap my cardigan around me for protection and I glance up at the people around me… Did anyone notice me? My heart rate is hammering. I hate this. It scares me. That’s about the tenth time it has happened in the last week.

  The makeup girls set up and then two more super trendy girls with crazy hair arrive with big toolbox looking things. One has a hot pink crew-cut and the other has black hair with purple foils and big exotic looking curls. The hairdressers are here.

  Sasha laughs when she sees them, obviously knowing them well. “Where have you two been? You’re late.” She smiles.

  “Fucking hell, we got so fucking lost. This is the end of the earth out here.” The girl with the black hair smiles as she plonks her toolbox at my feet. Her eyes come to me. “Who is this then?” She smiles as she puts her hand on her hips, her eyes resting on me.

  “This is Star’s girlfriend, Emmaline.”

  I swear, her mouth nearly drops to the floor.

  “No.” She smiles as she takes my hand and shakes it. “Well, fucking how do you do?”

  Sasha and the other pink haired girl laugh.

  “My name is Mel, she looks around. “They are not here yet then?” she asks.

  Sasha shakes her head.

  “Stay with us, Emmaline. Your life could be in danger here, woman.” She smirks.

  “What do you mean?” I frown.

  “These models want your man.”

  My face falls. “They do?”

  “Yeah, but he’s not into them. It’s rather embarrassing watching them as they try to get his attention.”

  “Great,” I mutter as they all break into laugher.

  Alastar spots the hairdressers and makes his way over to kiss them both on the cheek. “Hello crazy cat ladies.” He smiles. It’s obvious these girls work on all of his jobs and they are very familiar with one another.

  “We are just informing your girlfriend of what she can expect.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Stop.”

  I fake a smile even though my insides are jumping around in turmoil. That was a piece of information that I really didn’t need to know. He disappears again and the hairdresser girls set up near the makeup station. The models start arriving. Each of them bring two or three people with them. They are so thin. Tall, skinny, and naturally beautiful. I can’t recognize any of them, but they probably look really different without makeup on. I sit and watch in silence as, one by one, they get their hair and makeup done, transforming from attractive, skinny girls into gorgeous, Covergirl women.

  I watch them move from hair and makeup over to wardrobe, where they just strip off without any concern, and get dressed in front of everyone out in the open. I’m seeing breasts and behinds. Nothing to hide, no body shame, and nobody seems to be paying any attention except me. Obviously, everyone is accustomed to this environment. I feel a twinge of envy. I was mortified that Alastar wanted to watch me shower even though we have sex together. He sees beautiful women naked every day and he doesn’t bat an eyelid. What must have he of thought at my childlike embarrassment?

  Star smiles appreciatively as they go to him, and kisses them all on the cheek. “Gorgeous.” He smiles as he looks them up and down and they pirouette in front of him like puppets.

  My stomach drops. I know he is just doing his job, and I know this is what you want to hear from your photographer. Hell, if the photographer doesn’t think you are beautiful than what chance do you have of getting good pictures from the photo shoot? As the night goes on I watch him in full form. There’s music on, people jumping at his requests, and I become a little more dejected yet even more impressed. Ten of the world’s most beautiful women are all smiling and being witty with their assistants clambering around them. He’s directing them on what position he wants them to change into next, how he wants them to move, to stand, to feel. He’s telling them constantly how beautiful the shot is, what emotion he wants to see on their faces, constantly going back and checking the shots where the girls all stand around him as he shows them the digital screen. They laugh at everything and anything that comes out of his mouth.

  As the final shot is taken, sometime around midnight, the girls all lay on the hay in only their underpants, which have been strategically covered in hay by their numerous assistants. Their beautiful breasts are on show and only covered by each other’s hands. I come to some realizations about my beautiful Twinkle Star:

  He is amazing at his job.

  He is an amazing man, and now I know for certain why he wants to end what is happening between us at the end of the week.

  I don’t belong in his glamorous world.

  Chapter 14

  I wake to Alastar gently kissing my shoulder. I smile to myself a little sleepily. We are naked and warm in his bed, his body nestled close to mine.

  “Good morning, my beautiful Em.”

  I reach back to rest my hand on his cheek before I turn my head to kiss him. “Good morning, Twinkle. He smiles against my lips. “Are you tired?”

  I close my sleepy eyes. “Yes.”

  He kisses my shoulder once more. “Stay home with me today. We can spend the day in bed.” He rests his face tenderly against mine.

  That does sound really good. By the time we got home last night, it was after 3am. “Hmm.”

  My eyes won’t open.

  “We could go shopping or I could take you to the art gallery.” He tries harder to talk me into playing hooky from work, his lips trailing down the back of my neck.

  I stay silent, my brain too tired to function, as I enjoy his lips on my skin.

  He sits up and rolls me onto my back, pulling the blanket back so that he can look at my body.

  Something about watching him working last night has me feeling all empowered. This is a man who mixes with beautiful women every day. They all adore him, and yet last night, when the shoot was over, his eyes came straight to me sitting in the corner on the director chair. It was me who he wanted to talk to. As soon as that last shot was taken he’d come straight over, kissed me, and handed me a glass of champagne. He then proceeded to lead me around by the hand and introduce me to everyone individually, his eyes happily lingering on my face as if he was proud that I was there with him. I know everyone was taken aback when he introduced me as his girlfriend. Hell, even I was. The thing is, I may only have him for a short time, but I really did feel like I mattered to him last night. It was as if this short time with me meant something to him, too. He is right, though. No matter what happens between us in the future, I will look back on this time with fondness. His eyes roam down my naked body and then back up to my face. “Thank you for coming with me last night.”

  I put my hands behind my head. “I loved seeing you work.”

  His eyes hold mine.

  “You are very talented. I’m very impressed by what you do.”

  He gifts me with a bashful smirk.

  “I’m very proud of what you have achieved for yourself, Alastar.”

  “You’re proud of me?” He frowns.

  I smile and nod as I pull him down to my lips. I don’t know what possessed me to say that, but I can feel it meant a lot to him. It’s true, I do feel proud of what he has achieved. That’s no mean feat to do what he does with such ease.

  He drops his head to my breast and we lie still for a moment, my fingers running idly through his messy curls as I start to doze again. His lips occasionally kiss my chest and I can tell he is deep in thought. Although I have no idea what about.

  “I have to get up.” I sigh.

  He looks up suddenly. “I thought you were staying home with me?”

  “No. I have to
have a job to pay my rent. You are about to flit off around the world and I am still going to need an income when you’re gone.”

  He nods, understanding yet dejected.

  “Can we go to the art gallery at the weekend?” I ask.

  “Only if you want to. I forget not everyone loves art as much as I do.”

  I smile broadly. “Why don’t you paint more if you get so much money for your paintings?”

  He shrugs. “I have to be inspired.” His face lights up as an idea comes to light. “Can I paint you?” he asks.

  I laugh. “Why on earth would you want to paint me?”

  He smiles as if I have just given him a new challenge. “I could paint you in our bed.”

  “It’s your bed, not our bed.”

  An unfamiliar emotion crosses his face.

  “What is that look?” I smile softly as I run my fingers through his hair and push it away from his face before it falls onto his forehead.

  He shrugs. “I wish things were different.”

  My eyes hold his as regret fills me.

  So do I.

  He fiddles with the blanket, deep in thought as his eyes drop to his fingers.

  Here is the time where I should lay it all out on the table. Why couldn’t he give us a chance? Where is he going to on this trip and what’s stopping us having a future… any kind of future?

  I’m not going to, though.

  If things ever did develop between us, it will be coming from his side, not mine. He made it perfectly clear that day back in the café when he said he didn’t want anything serious, and even though I now know I could easily fall for him, I’m not letting myself.

  I have more self-respect than to let myself fall in love with an emotionally unavailable man.

  I sit up suddenly. I need to break from thinking and to get ready for work.

  “Can you drive me in half an hour?” I ask casually as I start to retrieve my things for my shower.

  He falls back into bed and watches me, his mind seemingly miles away. “Sure.”

  Alastar

  I wait on the corner for Em to finish work, checking my watch for the tenth time. She’s late… as usual.